I woke up silently on the couch to the morning sun shining through the window. A blanket covered my stiff body, and my eyes were crispy and dry. They blinked at the room, remembering the reason why I had fallen asleep on the couch. My tongue ached for it's breakfast, desperately needed it's nutrients after a whole night of being deprived. Sitting up, I reached over to the ash tray and grabbed a fresh snack, lighting it and placing it between my lips. My tongue gasped in pleasure, and my lungs wheezed with satisfaction.

My bare feet stung on the cold floor as I moved across it, blowing out smoke as I walked. I slipped on some shoes and grabbed a coat as I proceeded towards the door. It opened with a creak, and the handle was sticky.

The early morning chill bit at my nose, but my arms held my jacket close to my body. My feet shook as I walked down the sidewalk over to the front lawn, where the newspaper lay. I picked it up, shaking off the dew. I had always loved being outside in the morning, but I never really did it anymore. I never went outside and enjoyed the sunlight or the air or the trees. It was all here, just right outside my front door, but I just couldn't ever break myself from my couch.

My throat cleared loudly, and my feet carried me back inside the house.

The day proceeded incredibly slowly, with horrible recalltions from the night earlier, making me have random crying fits that I couldn't break myself out of. Before I could realize it, it was almost 9 p.m. I stood in front of a mirror, gazing down at myself. My choppy short hair hung dirty on my head, and my arms grew thin and boney at the sides. I lifted up my shirt to expose my sunken stomach, caved in on itself. I touched it gently, feeling my ribs and skin that begged for care. I looked to my right to see the shower, and without another thought, I walked over to the glass and turned the water on. A waterfall erupted out from the nozzle, and I stood dazed just watching the water pour out. My mind rung, not really thinking of anything, but just completely and utterly stoic. Not exactly calm, but more of a quiet headache. Focused on the water, my face was blank and I rocked on my heels from slight loss of balance. The room was so quiet behind the water. As I turned the handle, the heat from my sanctuary fazed onto my skin, making my pours open. I stepped out of my jeans and shirt, placing them on the counter. The mirrors started to steam up.

I watched myself in the faded reflection as I unhooked my bra, pulling it away from my skin and letting my breasts fall free. They themselves were still young looking, not at all fazed by my smoking or age. They were plump and rich, still having a blue vein run up the side. I poked one of them, letting it jiggle lightly at my touch.

My thin underwear fell to the floor, and now that I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I turned away from it, no longer wanting to stare at an image of a lost child.

The water was hot against my body, so much that my pale skin shined red from overheat, and my nipples became erect when I placed my hands over them. I held my head back, letting my neck stretch out below the water and feeling the stream of forgiveness wash over me.

I stood there below the water, just feeling it's touch. I spun a little bit, letting it cover me fully. The lights were off, and so the stillness and darkness made me feel at ease. But through the calmness, I wanted to sing. I used to always sing in the shower, but I hadn't in years. I closed my eyes, trying to think of a song, and when I began to sing, I had to choke it out through the beginning of tears.

"Sensitive...it's true.." I started to sing hoarsely. I squeezed my eyes, remembering. Remembering the lyrics and music. Remembering Tegan. Remembering everything. I choked on my tears, but I started again.

"Sensitive...it's true, alligator t-"

I stopped again to catch my breathe.

"-tears, cried over you."

I leaned forward, pressed my head against the tile wall.

"Run around on me, soon to die without.."

I spat out a noise interrupting my singing. I couldn't tell whether the stiff wetness of my face came from the shower or my eyes.

"Run around on me..."

I wheezed, barely speaking.

"Die without."

I knocked my head on the tile repeatedly, slowly feeling the pain in my brain build up as the tears fell down, and the sound of the shower drowned out my scratchy singing in the dark.

"Over you, over you."

"Over you, over you."