AN: You all know I love you, right?

Chapter 13

She called me her dreamer.

"You're just like me, Tinker Bella. You sparkle like your mama." Renee bounced me on her knee. Up and down, making me squeal.

I would giggle and clutch her face. She would continue in her singsongy voice, "Those dreams can give you wings out of here, baby."

Though at the tender age of four, those dreams consisted of being a unicorn or a stegosaurus ballerina. Those goals made perfect sense for a little girl.

"Go faster, Momma! Faster!"

Renee's patchwork swirled around her. A dizzying array of colors that flew with my mother as the flamenco music she adored loudly played.

All of a sudden, as the record skipped, she stopped with her flushed cheeks and heaving chest. "Baby, let's fly away from dreary, old Forks with my magic technicolor skirt! We shall dance our way to Spain with roses in our teeth!"

I sat on the edge of hassock with a thumb in my mouth. She was unbridled spirit and emotions. It was invigorating and it was frightening. "Daddy?"

"He can't speak Spanish, sweets! He's happier here," she stated and lifted me up. We began to twirl. "We can be butterfly girls! Travel the world, just us two!"

"I wanted to be a unicorn." I clung to her as my head spun.

She pulled me closer. "So you'll be, Tinker Bella. The rarest beauty in all the exotic lands."

The horn, still sparkly with glitter remnants and stuck on a plastic headband, sat hanging out of a glass vase next to the window. My finger stroked it. Renee had painted a paper towel roll white and I thought it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

The sunrise this morning really did have it beat.

Renee disappeared a week later after bestowing my unicorn crown. That was the first time and it wouldn't be the last.

My mother really was the butterfly. She flitted and floated to find her perfect place. Our garden was never good enough for her, I guess. Others in far off lands were too exciting and Renee had to explore. She always swooped back in a couple weeks later when the new adventures lost their luster.

That changed the summer I turned nine. Renee didn't come back. She had followed a minor league team out of town to the warm, sunny skies of Florida. Promises to me of Disney World faded as the realization she had disappeared in the dead of night. She left me behind once more.

"Fuck it, Embry! This time is different!" I heard my dad yell in the phone to one of his deputies. "I need you all to go search for her!"

I sniffled in Charlie's oversized chair. It was worn and comfy. I watched my father's face fall. Tears escaped from his eyes.

"It's different, I swear! Renee hasn't been taking her meds. I found them taped to the back of the toilet." My father wept. "What if she never comes back?"

"No sad, button face!" The my robe was pulled back and a kiss placed on my shoulder. "Melancholy doesn't suit you. Come back to bed."

Another night with Edward. It was becoming a pleasant habit having him in bed with me.

"After the sunrise," I stated quietly. Maybe the sun would banish the shadows wrecking havoc in my brain.

I clutched my horn. The casket was white. Dad insisted.

"Is that a sparkly vibrator? It looks a little big and unhygienic, my Bell." He lifted me up and placed me on his lap. Edward was naked as the day he was born. I think he was a closet nudist.

"You're a pervert, Cullen. It's actually a unicorn horn my mother made me." I was opening up. It took me years to tell this story to Riley.

He nuzzled my neck and kissed it. "I want to meet this woman who gave the world the most magnificent creature named Isabella Swan."

"She's in the cemetery near the railroad tracks in Forks. Be my guest." I stared at the rising sun.

"Oh Bella." He clutched me tightly.

I could see the newspapers my dad hid in his closet. "She was murdered, actually. They found her naked in a ditch in Florida. What a way to go."

My words bordered on robotic.

It was one of the players from the team. A punk named Phil. He claimed rough sex. I was pretty certain that he was a psychopath and that tangling with my mother the schizophrenic was never destined to end well.

"The murderer?" Edward stroked my hair.

"Rotting in prison. Somewhere in Florida." The day was growing bright. "It's whatever. Life throws shit at you and you just deal with it."

Pulling me around to straddle him, Edward held my chin. "How can I make this better? I want to fix this."

"You can't fix this or me." God, I wish he could. "People die. Sometimes they leave. It's a part of the world turning."

"I won't. I promise." His eyes held mine and he whispered, "Kiss me, please."

I could never tell him no to that.

Our mouths met with clashing tongues. He lowered my robe off my body. Hands caressing my chest.

"Let me in. Let me in," he murmured into my mouth.

I pulled away slightly, wiggled my eyebrows and joked, "You're about two minutes away from getting all the way in."

"My funny girl," Edward laughed, as I let him enter me.

I rode him gently, as our body's were tightly intertwined in the chair. The kisses were tender and soft, as the sun harkened the new day.

XXXXXX

The coffee shop on campus was jammed pack with all sorts this bright, autumn morning. The football players needing a caffeine fix after early morning practice. Hungover sorority sisters giggling over last night's drunken frivolities. A grumbly Garrett complaining about weak brew.

"Sweetheart, this is just brown water! I paid for brown water!" He glared at the barista. "This is a travesty."

I stood next to him waiting for my own beverage. "I told you told you to get the dark roast."

"Anyone tell you that your a know-it-all, smart ass?"

"All the time, Mr. Cranky Pants." I grabbed my drink from the barista with a smile and headed off with Garrett into the brisk fall

air. I took a swig of coffee and gave a contented, overly dramatic sigh. "Delicious cup of caffeinated goodness."

Garrett gave me the evil eye. "You are way too happy, woman."

"I think the coffee chick was checking you out, Hemingway!" I pointed out cheekily.

He made some more incoherent grumbles and said, "She makes horrible coffee. No thanks."

Leaves of red, gold and orange were picked up by the wind and swirled around like a whirlwind of color. "It's a beautiful day! We should all go get pumpkins after class!"

Garrett stopped abruptly and stared at me.

"What? Do I have coffee on my face?" I asked.

"You're way too happy." He rubbed his head. "It's Edward, isn't it? He's been grinning like a loon too."

I clutched my coffee. The paper cup warmed my hands, as I observed Garrett. His face was drawn and eyes tired. He wore his old army coat and it's olive green fabric worn.

"What's really wrong? Have you heard from Felix?"

Garrett's friend had been missing for awhile. A week after his meltdown at the bar, Felix disappeared into oblivion. I knew all about disappearances by individuals who were battling demons in their mind. Sometimes it ended tragically.

There was a bench nearby under a tree that's ruby leaves brightened the sky. He motioned towards it. "Sit with me."

We sat and I waited for Garrett to speak. He rested his arms on his legs and stared down at the lid of his cup. Finally, after a few minutes, he began to speak. "I haven't heard from Felix and his phone's been disconnected."

"Garrett, I—" I patted his shoulder.

"That's not my only worry, Sweetheart. It's my concern for you." Garrett looked up at me. "I get you're into Edward. He's a heartbreaker. I just don't want to be yours."

"I've heard your song and dance before." I pulled away and scooted to the end of the bench. "He's your best friend!"

"He is! Edward means well. A good guy, but he loves to fix people. Once he heals whatever hole is in your heart, Edward moves on to the next broken beauty."

What the hell?

I stood up with my face flushed in anger. "What you're telling me is that I'm a fixer-upper? Poor pitiful Bella with her bad relationship and fucked up childhood! Let's play a teeny tiny violin for her and patch her up to make her a good enough!"

Garrett jumped up from his seat. "I didn't mean that, Bella! You're wonderful! I'm a military man and I never want to give up! Truthfully, I never want to give up the dream of you in a white dress and walking down a long aisle to me waiting at the end. But I'm burying it deep for one reason!"

"Why?"

"I love being your friend! It makes me laugh and feel some relief from the horrors I've seen!" He clutched his cup, so tightly that the lid popped off. Coffee spilled onto his hands, but he ignored it. "I refuse to ruin it with a kiss that you don't want. I will love you from afar forever just to know you're near."

"Oh Garrett." I didn't know what to say.

He started wiping his hands on his jeans. He held one out to me. "Hello, my name is Garrett. I'm a Libra and a former member of the United States Army. Will you be my friend?"

We start again. I liked this idea.

I shook his hand. "I'm Bella. It will be a pleasure to be your friend! Did you realize you reek of a Ethiopian blend of java? It is a delightful aroma."

"You're crazy, goofball!" His face was relieved like a weight had been lifted. "So I'm writing a book about my time in Afghanistan."

"Very cool." It really was.

"Would you read the chapters over? Feedback?" Garrett suddenly looked nervous.

I would do this for my friend.

"Yes, I would be happy to help!" I smiled and he smiled back. This felt right again.

All of a sudden, Garrett peered over my shoulder. "Is that Edward?"

I turned around to see him with Riley's fiancée who had the daffodil hair. He hugged her and gave her a bright smile.

My heart plummeted.

A fixer-upper. Broken Bella. Pitiful.

"What the fuck?" Garrett muttered.

Edward turned to us and ran forwards. "My Bell!"

The daffodil girl with her perfect hair, her perfect face, her perfect body gave me a perfect smile. I gave me the chills.

I went to Edward like a magnet and he enveloped me in his arms. He whispered, "I missed you."

I thought of perfect Edward and the perfect daffodil girl. Her body in his arms instead of mine.

Someday I'll be perfect. Maybe not today. Maybe not next week. Someday. Hopefully.

Probably not.