Next Chapter! I know I said Monday, but I ended up finding time to write it last night. So my streak continues! Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games. I don't even own the funny disclaimer I was going to put here, so fill in the blank with a witty line yourself _
Katniss POV
Looking back, I really don't know why I was so afraid of marriage once the war ended. I've been married for seven months and honestly, the only thing that's changed is my last name. We still hunt, and have our routine every day. We still fall asleep in each other's arms. But I can't say that I regret the decision, despite the lack of changes. Now everyone knows who I love without any doubts, and Gale is mine in every humanly way possible.
Actually, one thing has changed recently. We haven't gone hunting at dawn for the last few weeks because I've been sick. It's a weird kind of illness, because I only feel nauseous in the morning when I wake up, and then I'm perfectly fine after about half an hour. I tell Gale this because we really could leave on time to the woods, but he's too concerned to cooperate. He insists that I take it easy and makes sure that I can hold down breakfast for at least an hour before we leave, which gets us going about 8:30 am. This unfortunately means that there's less time to hunt, because Gale has to go back to the house to work between lunch and dinner. To make up for the lost time, I have been hunting after lunch on my own. I really don't like having to be away from him, but there are still people who rely on the meat we bring in. People that wouldn't get that food if I didn't do the extra time, so I stay for them. Gale objected to even this, didn't want me to relapse when I was by myself, but in the end I won. The compromise was that I would do our snare line, because that was less strenuous than hunting with my bow. Not that it's really necessary to be careful since I feel fine during the day. But we haven't have time to check the snare line in the past few weeks because of my sickness, so it needed to be done anyway.
Today I finish our snare line, and reset them all to the best of my ability-Gale is still far better at it than I'll ever be, but I'm improving-like normal. I walk by myself out of the woods and go to the people's houses that we give the meat to. There are about ten houses on my list, some people from the Hob and some families that were my old neighbors that survived the bombing and came back. I'm currently at my sixth house, a family with three kids, a girl who's about 12 and two boys, one about 14 and one about 9. They are one of the Seam families that came back, and we give them meat because the parents are still having a hard time making ends meet. It's a better Panem now, but it's not perfect; there's still hardship. I walk to the door and knock, and while I'm waiting for someone to answer I take a squirrel and a rabbit out of my game bag. The mother, Marigold, answers after a few seconds and smiles at me.
"Oh, Katniss, good, so glad to see you!" she exclaims, "Would you like to come in for tea?" she asks. I have a few houses left to drop off food to, but it's so chilly this autumn that my fingers are a little numb without gloves. So I accept the offer, and gratefully wrap my cold hands around the cup, soaking in the warmth rather than drinking it just yet. Marigold sits down next to me with her own cup, and has polite small talk with me. I'm about finished with my tea when her daughter comes in, crying and looking panicked.
"Mother, mother! Something's wrong." she informs, clearly scared about something.
"What is it dear?" Marigold asks in alarm.
"I'm bleeding! I went to the bathroom and started bleeding!" the girl replies, trying to hold back tears.
"Oh sweetie, nothing's wrong; you've just started your period. It's normal." Marigold reassures her, and holds the girl tight to her chest. Then she remembers that I'm here and gets embarrassed. She apologizes to me for her daughter, but I wave her off.
"Don't worry, it's alright." I assure her. I remember when I started. I knew it was coming at some point, but the initial shock scared me as well. But ever since, I've been pretty regular; it without fail falls on the same day every month, so it doesn't surprise me anymore. But then I start thinking, did I have my period this month? I can't remember if I did.
"What's the date?" I ask Marigold.
"Hmm, let's see. Ah yes, it's the 23rd. Did you forget something important coming up?" she says. No I don't have something coming up. I've most undoubtedly missed something important though, something that was supposed to come almost two weeks ago. I start to panic, and realize I need to get out of here before it completely consumes me.
"Yes. I better get going, thank you for the tea." I tell her in a barely steady, and try my best not to bolt for the door. But once outside, I start sprinting for the meadow, completely disregarding all the other houses on my list. I don't even care that people are staring at me, probably wondering what on earth I'm running from. When I get to the meadow, I collapse to the ground and hug my knees to my chest, not even trying to fight the tears running down my face in a steady stream.
How could I be so stupid? How did I not see this coming, put two and two together? I've missed my period, completely forgotten about it. I've been sick for several weeks, but only in the mornings. I'm the daughter of a healer; I should have seen the signs. There were plenty of girls who came to my mother, telling her the same things I'm experiencing. And the diagnosis was always the same, and almost never wrong. Pregnant.
I'm pregnant. The fear, the anger, the shock all comes at once and it hits me like a boulder. I don't even want kids. I never have, because I feared the reapings my children would have to go through. Especially once I became a Victor, because I pretty much guaranteed any child of mine would be going into the Games. But the Hunger Games ended, the war's over. We won. But that fear is still present; I still don't want kids. I may have changed my mind on marriage, but I still didn't want children. But I guess it's usual that kids will most likely follow it. Or in my case, it's completely true. Marriage has now officially been much more of a change than just my last name. It has completely turned my world upside down with one thing.
Once I've calmed down a bit and accepted the fact that I'm going to have a baby, another round of fear hits me. I'm going to be a mother. I'm going to have another life completely and totally relying on me. And I have no idea how to do it. Sure, Gale and I always referred to our siblings as our kids, but not in the sense that they were truly ours. Our siblings had a parent and neither of us was it. Yeah, we were the providers, but we weren't the ones in charge. We weren't one hundred percent responsible for them. But now we will be-and that fact terrifies me. I don't know the first thing about being a parent, and it looks like I only have less than a year to learn. And I have no confidence that even that amount of time will be enough to prepare me for anything.
I'm still in the meadow when the sun is going down, still trying to get a grip on my newly realized situation. I know I should go home because it's only getting colder, but I can't make myself move. What am I going to tell Gale? Obviously I can't hide it for long. For one, he'll be able to tell almost immediately that I'm hiding something from him, and two, eventually it will become too physically apparent to keep secret from anyone. So I remain here, using every last second of the sun as an excuse before facing the inevitable, while attempting to find the courage to tell him.
Well apparently I don't get to wait for the sun, because there he is. He runs towards me with a look of relief on his face, which turns troubled when he sees my tear streaked face. He takes me in his arms and kisses my temple before he speaks.
"Catnip what's wrong? You didn't come back and I couldn't find you in any of the houses on the list or in any of the stores." He says, his worry only growing with every passing second. I need to just spit it out; I'm not going to find the courage to build up to it.
"I'm…I'm" I stutter, willing myself to just say it. But I can't seem to, because saying it out loud will only make it reality. And really, I would rather this be a bad dream, even though I know it isn't.
"You're what?" he asks, alarm in his tone, panic forming in his eyes. I need to say it. Just say it Katniss. So I look him straight in the eye and do.
"Pregnant." comes out as a whisper. There, I've said it out loud. I've told Gale. Now it's real, and I have to face the facts head on.
"What?" he utters in complete shock. I wait for him to say more, but it looks like he's still processing the news. Fair enough, I've been processing for hours and I still can't get a grip on it. So I start blubbering all my fears to him to fill the silence.
"I…I can't do this…I'm no good at this. I don't know how…to be a…mother. I don't… know…" I try to say, but it ends up coming out as incomplete sentences because I choke up every time I try to finish. And I still don't know what he's thinking about this, so that only makes me more anxious.
"Yes you can do this. And you'll be a great mother." he declares, still recovering but evidently alright if he can at least speak in full sentences.
"How?" I reply. I still have no confidence in my parental abilities, but I do have some in his. Of the two of us, he always was the one who I saw getting married and having kids if he wanted to. At the time I just didn't know that I would be the one in that picture with him.
"Because we're in this together. And I love you." he answers me with complete confidence. I can tell he's happy, although he's trying to suppress it because he's still worried about me. But he's right- we are in this together. I'm kind of mad that he's the reason I'm in this situation in the first place, but I know I'm just as guilty. The father is usually the most convenient target when a girl finds out she's pregnant when she never wanted to be anyway, so I don't think I'm too original in that focus. But I don't want to show him my blame, because I do love him. And I will certainly need him by my side every step of the way for this. Maybe some of his confidence will rub off on me eventually, but I'm going to try to find my own. For Gale. For me. For the tiny little thing growing inside of me that is half each of us.
"We are." I concede, "And I love you too."
With that, he helps me stand up, and we walk back to our house in Victor's Village. Gale puts his arm around my waist as we walk home in silence because I'm sure both of us are still thinking about our newfound baby. At some point during the walk home, I look down and realize where I have subconsciously placed my hands. They're folded on my stomach, protecting it from the cold. I will always protect you. I think to my baby, though I still don't know how. Promise.
Okay, so not as long as I thought, because I felt this was a good place to stop. But no worries, there's plenty of drama to come! Oh and btw, sorry to any boys reading this who felt awkward. There's just no subtle way to get around writing about a period, but I made it as subtle as I can.