Chapter 14

A few hours later, Daryl was sitting on the piano bench in the viewing room where they had spent their first night, absentmindedly pressing a key here or there. He had never played the piano, or any other instrument, in his life, but he missed hearing the sound of the piano. He never knew how comforting it was to see Beth sitting on the piano bench, hearing the sounds and her voice. It didn't matter what she played or whether or not she knew he was listening, he just liked hearing it.

He hadn't spoken to or even seen Beth since the incident after her bath. He wondered if he should check on her, to make sure she was ok, but knew she needed her space. He only hoped things would smooth over when they did see each other again. It wouldn't work if the two of them were at each other's throats. They needed to work together to survive. And he was learning he needed her just as much as she needed him.

"You need some lessons," Beth said from the doorway.

Daryl whirled around on the bench. He hadn't heard her come down the stairs. That alone scared him. He was good at picking up even the quietest of noises. The fact that he was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't hear her was not good. He was losing his touch.

He took a good look at her. She had changed into another of the man's shirts from the bedroom upstairs. The one she was wearing was grey and had the name of some university on it. She was wearing matching grey sweatpants that were clearly too big for her, but were at least comfortable. Her eye was just beginning to open up from being swollen shut. The other bruises he could see had begun to turn a horrible shade of blue and purple.

"I...I didn't hear you," Daryl stammered. "You should sit. Let me help…"

"I can do it," she insisted.

She limped to the piano bench and sat down. Daryl knew the pain she was in. He could see it in the way she walked and the way her lips turned to a grimace. But she didn't scream out, yell, or even cry. She was stronger than that. Daryl looked down at her foot. She had reattached the rulers and strips of T-shirt to her leg. For some reason, seeing it on her, made Daryl proud. He also saw a blood stain on the T-Shirt on her back. The bandage he had put on earlier in the day must have gotten wet in the bath and was clearly doing no good. He guessed she had taken off. He wished he had insisted he sew it up before she had taken her bath. It needed to be treated soon.

They sat silently for a few moments. Neither of them really knew what to say. Beth closed her eyes, placed her fingers on the piano, keys and began to play. It was a slow, sad song. By the time it was finished, her hands were trembling. She opened her eyes and stared at the keys.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"You ain't got nothin' to be sorry for," Daryl replied.

"Of course I do."

"No, Beth. You…"

"I burst into your room and dropped my towel and basically demanded you have sex with me and then I...I yelled at you when you…told me the truth about the whole situation."

Daryl put his hand on her arm, but she pulled it away. She didn't want his pity.

"It's ok. I shouldn't have said what I said, Beth. I just didn't know what to do to get you to…stop. And I had to stop you, Beth. I had to…"

"I know." She closed her eyes. "I was in the bathtub, trying to forget. Trying to make myself feel…pure again. I kept washing and scrubbing and…I could still feel him. No matter how many times I washed…I could still remember him."

"Beth…"

"I'll never get a do-over, Daryl," she interrupted. She needed for him to understand what she was going through and why she did what she did. "My first time will always be with a man who forced me. It will always be painful and horrible and...I'll always wish it had happened differently, but that ain't gonna happen."

"I'm sorry, Beth. I'm so sorry."

"It wasn't your fault. None of it was your fault." She sniffled. "I guess I thought if I could replace the memory of him...if I could replace it with something good, something better. If I could at least...be with someone I cared about and who cared about me even just a little. If I could be with someone who didn't hurt me, who wouldn't hurt me...I thought I could make it better. I thought that would make me forget, but it won't. Nothing can make me forget. I was stupid and I'm sorry."

"You ain't stupid, Beth."

"I know you see me as a little girl. I know you'd never want someone like me."

"That ain't true," he said quietly.

Beth looked him in the eye for the first time since she had seen him sitting at the piano from the doorway.

"What?"

"I said that ain't true." He paused, wondering if he should continue. How much was he really willing to admit out loud?

"Daryl…"

"You think you're the only one who wants to erase what happened? I can't imagine what you went through and...it...it hurts me just to think about it. I see it in my head too, Beth. I see you in that horrible place. I see Joe sittin' there, watchin' me…watchin' me hurt you. I want a do-over too, Beth. I want us to be sittin' back in that kitchen before the walkers came. I should never have opened that door without checkin' first for walkers. I should never have let you run off alone. I shouldn't…"

"Stop." She took his hand and squeezed it. "You can't do that, Daryl. Just like with what happened in the prison. That was not your fault and this was not your fault. You can't blame yourself."

"When he made me prove that I didn't have feelings for you. When he made me...hurt you...I'll never be able to forgive myself for that."

"Daryl, you did what you had to do to save us both. I don't hold that against you," she assured him. "You saved me."

"But not before I…hell, Beth, I'm probably the one who messed up your foot so bad. If I hadn't…"

She shook her head. "My foot will heal."

"What I said about my feelings…what he made me say...it wasn't true."

"Why didn't you tell me before?" She asked quietly. "That you…felt something?"

"Because you were a kid!"

"I'm not a kid!"

"Not anymore. But you were. And I ain't just talkin' about age. At the farm, you were someone who needed lookin' after. And at the prison you were good at taken care of Judith, but..."

"But that's it. That was my job. Everyone had their place and that was mine." She paused. "You never saw me as anything but her nanny. What do you think of me now?"

"Now you ain't a kid anymore. You've proven that more than once."

"So then what's stopping you from acting on those feelings now?"

"Hershel. I think of Hershel and I have to remind myself that you are Hershel's daughter and I would never do anything to disrespect that man."

"He ain't here anymore," Beth said sadly.

"I think that makes it worse. Just thinkin' about what he would think about...us."

"My father would be happy if I was happy."

"Even when...even if I could get past all that, Joe was right. Feelin' something for someone in this world we live in only gets you dead faster."

"So that means we're supposed to live our lives not carin'?"

"No."

"There's something else, isn't there?" Daryl nodded with a slight smirk on his face. "What?"

"Your daddy ever give you the sex talk, Beth?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Pregnancy, Beth. What the hell would we do if..." She laughed. "What's so funny?"

"I never thought a man like you would stop to think about that kind of consequence."

"Yeah, well it's somethin' you gotta think about." Daryl realized for the first time that with what Joe had done to her, it was very possible she was already pregnant. The thought angered and terrified him at the same time. He suddenly wondered if she had thought about it at all.

"I know what you're thinking," she said, interrupting his thoughts. "I could already be pregnant, but I'm not."

"You can't know that for sure," Daryl replied quietly.

"I do know that. I can't have children, Daryl."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I had a hysterectomy."

"A what?"

"When I was thirteen, they found a cyst on my ovaries. It's rare for someone my age, but I had to have surgery…a full hysterectomy. You know, they took out all of the…necessary parts to have a baby. I can't get pregnant."

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok. I was torn up about it back then, but now it's for the better. No sense bringing another life in this world."

"I don't think that's true."

"I do. Look at what happened to Judith."

They were both silent.

"Just know that I have thought about," Daryl finally said. "About…us."

Beth smiled. "Good."

She bumped her shoulder against Daryl's playfully.

"The last thing I wanna do is hurt you, Beth."

"I know."

"And after what you've just been through…"

"I know. I was upstairs thinkin' about how...upset I'd be with myself if you...if I let you…I was bein' stupid. I wasn't thinkin' about the consequences. I don't want this to change us, Daryl."

"Me either."

"Just...promise me one thing."

"What's that?"

"That someday...maybe...when the timings right and we're someplace safe and we're happy that maybe you'll show me what it means to be loved."

"By then you'll find some young guy who worships the ground you walk on and you'll fall madly in love like Glen and Maggie."

She laughed. "Well, if that doesn't happen. Promise me."

He nodded. "Ok. I promise."

"Good. Now I'm gonna show you how to play."

"What?"

"The piano. You want to just hit random keys or actually play a song?"

She took his hands and began carefully placing his fingers on the appropriate keys. He smiled as she leaned her head against his shoulder and began to play.

Author's Note: Thank you so much for all of the positive reviews from the last chapter. I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter just as much!