I don't own Kuroshitsuji.
Chapter 14: My Hell
I stared at the mirror and felt accomplished. My eyes fell up my hair. It now looked like a dirty blonde. I was just happy that my hair didn't look like the ugly wallpaper. I looked at my clothes and thought I should change. I scanned the room and saw a door. I thought it would be a closet so I opened it anyways. I peeked in to see variety of colors. There were dresses, pajamas, lounge clothes, shoes, and undergarments. I smiled and walked in. I reached out for a violet color that had black accents on it. I pulled it outwards and saw it was a dress. It looked like a cute lolita dress that a doll would wear. It had ruffles and had little black bows. I got dressed and looked for some stockings. I found some a paler purple that somewhat matched the dress. I grabbed some shoes that were black that didn't go above my ankles and they had a strap that went across and buckled. I slipped them on and fixed the bow on the buckle. I went to my mirror quickly to see. I stared at myself, something was missing. I went back to the closet and stood. I spotted it, I grabbed a black ribbon and eye patch. I went back to the mirror and tied the ribbon in my hair to look like a head band then I put on the eye patch. My outfit was complete and I felt happier. I went to turn around and walk out ,but had hit something hard. I looked up and my eyes meet with Sebastian's. He seemed to gape at me.
"Why Miss, your hair?" He seemed to take in the situation slowly.
"Yes?" I stared at his expression.
"You are needed in the library." He took my hand and pulled me. I didn't like the feeling of going against my will.
"Why?" I asked trying not to fall over.
"My Master wishes to speak with you." He opened the door and pushed me in. He stood behind me and it seemed like he was blocking me from leaving.
"Please sit." Ciel turned around in his chair. He stared then stood up. "What did you do to your hair?" He asked and walked closer as I walked to a red chair. He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me. He touched my hair that was really short.
"I didn't like it the way it was before." I smiled and wiggled out of his grip. I sat in the chair silently. "I hope its fine."
"I hope you know you will be with us for a while." He sat in his chair and Sebastian left.
"How long?" I asked.
"As long as we need you too." He smiled. "I hope you enjoy your stay. Oh and please don't try to leave." He smiled and turned back around. I felt the need to get up, so I did. I walked away and I felt uneasy and doomed. I walked around and tried to find my way. I walked down hallways and tried to open doors. I looked under and over items. I touched pictures and hit walls lightly.
"There must be a secret room." I whispered.
"A what?" I turned around to see Sebastian.
"Uh.. nothing." I tried to cover it up.
"Well Miss what would you like to do today?" He asked.
"Is there a river?" I asked looking out at the light.
"Yes not far from the house. Why do you ask?" He looked at me awkwardly.
"I would like to sit at the bank and play." I swayed slightly.
"I will take you there." He turned and walked away and I followed as usual. We walked for a bit. He carried a towel as we walked. I heard the stream and started to run to it. I kicked off my shoes and took off my stockings. I stepped in to the water. It was knee deep and felt cold. I watched the crystal cleat water travel around my legs. I saw little fish travel with the current. Sebastian walked next to the bank and collected my shoes and stockings. "I have never seen someone become so energetic over a river." He chuckled.
"Well I have had lots of good memories at rivers." I thought of Chris. I remembered when I would make little boats out of leafs and sticks. My boat would always fall apart or sink. Chris's on the other hand would always float. I would get so angry and he would try to teach me. It never worked. I felt so sad and cried. I laughed even though there were tears.
"Are you okay?" Sebastian grabbed my shoulder from the bank. I snapped back into reality and realized what I was doing.
"I'm sorry." I wiped them away and went to go back to the bank. I started drying off after I got out.
"I would expect you to be heartless and not have any compassion . I know I shouldn't say anything but its true." Sebastian smiled after his comment.
"What?" I asked as I put on my stockings.
"I know this isn't something I should say to you ,but you watched your house burn. You watched people you loved and cared for die. Your heart was ripped out with them. My Master has had his share of tragedies ,but he is not as kind as you. You are truly a pure person." He took my towel.
"No I'm not." I looked down.
"What?" He looked at me.
"I could have saved them. Where is Chris now? He is dead because of me. And Carrie. My Mother and Father." I grabbed my arm. "If I would have died they would have lived. I'm the reason they are dead. If I was not a failure I could have changed it. I was given a second chance and blew it. This is my third and no one else needs to die."
"It is not your fault." He stepped closer.
"I need to die. The truth is I hate no one, I hate my self for the fact I should have died in their places. They had lives and had a reason to live. I'm a sorry excuse of a human." I turned to run and did. I kept going. I ripped my stockings and dress. My arm caught a branch and I started to bleed. My speed slowed and I stopped. I fell to my knees and cried. "Is this my punishment for being a failure?" I whispered.
"Helena." I looked up and saw him again. I just sobbed. "Should you end this now? Why are all of your clothes here?" HE walked closer. The boy that said he was Chris came closer. He circled me slowly. "You did notice all of your clothes are here?"
"Yes." I sobbed. "Why?" I covered my face with my hands.
"They dumped you off here. They left you and you are alone yet again. You may have a demon and a brat demon around you ,but they show you no love. You are alone for what the third time." He smiled and giggled.
"I guess I have hit sudden realization." I looked up.
"It took you long enough." He laughed.
"Cecilia you are worth so much." Sebastian stated from behind.
"No shes not. She even knows it now. She is of no worth. She is a poor excuse of a human, and was a sorry excuse of a daughter." He smiled.
I heard a rustling and saw Ciel come out of no where.
"Leave her alone." He stated.
"Why should I leave her alone?" He asked playfully.
"I know things you don't." Ciel smiled slightly.
"Like what, Brat?" The boy asked.
"Why should you have to know. You aren't even Chris." Ciel smiled. "I even know who you really are." He pointed at the boy. "I also know what you are responsible for." The boy looked at me and smiled. He crouched down to me.
"Honey you look confused." He giggled. He looked deformed then I saw a black robe. I stared blankly at it. "Is it coming clear?" He chuckled.
I didn't say anything I just felt empty. This boy, this thing, was responsible for my hell that I called life.