Delia was now six months pregnant. She was pretty big given her normal weight. Her clothes didn't fit right and she was always aggravated at something. Adam didn't make anything better. He wasn't supportive through anything. None of her tests, none of her cramps or sickness, none of it. He sat on the couch and ate potato chips while she cleaned his mess in her mother's kitchen. They were looking to move out into their own apartment before long. As a family. A family that Delia highly doubted would last, but it was worth a shot.
She was currently in Wal-mart, looking for maternity clothes, but to no avail. So she had made her way over to the baby section. She searched through endless piles of shades of blue. She was tired of seeing blue. Little boys could be dressed in other colors, right? She had blue everything. Sometimes the shades were too light for her and reminded her of those familiar eyes. She hoped Dylan had Jon's eyes, they were always one of her favorite things about him. They showed so much more emotion than he let slip out of his mouth. He could tell stories with those eyes sometimes.
She laughed humorlessly to herself and sat the article of clothing back down before moving further into the aisles, immersing herself in the land of baby clothes. This would be her life for a while. She could get used to it. Dylan was kicking up a storm, more than usual tonight. She found he kicked more when she wasn't around Adam, like he was happier or something. Deep down, she knew they were both happier when he wasn't around. She longed for time away from him sometimes. But he was a warm body to keep her bed occupied at night. He wasn't what she wanted, though. Everyone seemed to see it. Except Adam, of course.
Things with Adam had gotten worse, actually. She hated seeing him unless he was asleep but she didn't have the heart to make him leave. He didn't have anywhere to go. He had no family, all of them had abandoned him. She wasn't going to be like his family, she wasn't going to leave him. She loved Adam and had decided that he was her future. She walked around the corner, not expecting to see what she saw. Her heart fluttered and she gasped a little too loud, causing the one love of her life to turn around before she could get out of sight.
Jon was looking for prenatal vitamins, and had about four bottles in his hand when he turned around to see Delia standing there, pregnant belly and all. She looked like she was on the brim of tears, and it hurt him to see such a pretty girl so brokenhearted. He should talk to her but he didn't know what to say, or do, so they just stood there in awkward silence, looking at each other. Taking in the new appearance the both of them adorned.
Jon looked skinny. He had lost a lot of weight; he was far from the big meaty man he was when they were together. She wondered if Janice took care of him or if he was on something. His clothes were too baggy, his arms weren't as plump, and his face looked sunken. He had cut his hair; it was now up to his ear where as it was at his shoulders when they were together. He was wearing a pale yellow shirt and holey jeans. He still looked good, he'd always look good to her. But this wasn't her Jon. Her Jon took care of himself and was healthy. This was Janice's Jon, and it looked like she was killing him.
"Hey," he said softly as he scratched the back of his neck. This felt awkward and they both hated it.
"Hey," she nodded and looked down at her palms. "How are you?"
"Good," he said even softer. "How are you?"
"I'm plump," she laughed softly, earning a grin from him.
"I see that," he laughed. "How far along are you?"
"Six months." She felt her cheeks burn. "Three more to go. If I go that far."
Jon knew he should tell her before she found out from someone else. She hadn't noticed he had the bottle of vitamins in the buggy. "Yeah, Janice still has seven months."
His words hit like a ten ton brick. She felt the wind leave her lungs. She was pregnant. He was going to have another kid, by another woman, and he didn't even know about his son. She swallowed her tears and put on her best fake smile. Jon saw straight through it. He knew her like the back of his hand, nothing of her had changed.
"Congratulations," she smiled at him. "That's…that's great news, Jon. I'm happy for you."
Seeing the fake smile plastered on her face hurt him even more. She looked miserable in her own body. Like she hurt all over. Jon didn't know what was wrong with her. She was pregnant with Adam's baby, so why did she fake that smile?
"Yeah," he shrugged and gritted his teeth. "Thanks. I'm…happy for you, too."
He wanted to touch her. He didn't know what he was doing, but he was walking closer to her. She tensed up when he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tighter against him. It felt right to have her so close to him, feel her pregnant belly pressed against him.
"It's your baby," she said but no sound came from her lips. It's like her voice was taken from her. She couldn't talk. Only her lips moved. She let out a choked sob and breathed in the scent of him. Everything they ever felt about the other slowly came creeping back. She couldn't take touching him and not being able to have him. Why did he have to hug her? Why didn't he understand that she couldn't be with him? She had no sense of self control around him and it scared her. He made her forget the bad things, made it all feel right. Even worse, as soon as he touched her, Dylan stopped kicking.
She broke the hug and stepped back from him, not looking up at his face. She knew what she would see. Disappointment, disgust, and she deserved all of it. She knew she did. Delia knew what she did was wrong, she knew she should have just told him. 'It's your baby' were just three words. But they were hard words to say; hard words to form. She couldn't do it.
"I'm sorry, Jon," she said softly. "I'm sorry for being so mean to you. I'm sorry for cheating. I'm sorry for leaving. I'm so sorry, Jon. For everything."
"Hey," he said as he tilted her head back. "It's alright. We all make mistakes. Maybe we just aren't meant to be together, ya know?"
That hurt even worse. He didn't want to be with her, she could see it in his eyes. The way he said it. Maybe he really did love Janice. She'd known she'd be the one in the cold when all of it was over. She deserved it. She didn't deserve to have Jon's baby, didn't feel worthy of having this Adonis's child.
"Yeah," she said sadly.
He hung his head and stuck his hands in his front pockets before shuffling on his feet to get comfortable. "You know…I still love you, Delia."
She shook her head sadly. "Yeah. I know. I love you too, Jon. I always will. But maybe, we shouldn't love each other anymore. You have a family now, okay? Love Janice. You've got to love Janice."
"Do you not think I've tried that? I love her. But I'm not in love with her. I'm in love with you. I always will be. I've tried telling myself that I'm not, but who the hell am I trying to kid? It's supposed to be me and you. I didn't mean to get her pregnant and now I'm chained to her for forever. I don't want a kid, Delia. Look at me. Fatherhood doesn't suit me very well. Do you know how much I hate kids? And so, I lie awake and I think of you. It's only ever been you, D. Why can't you see that?"
Delia placed a hand on the side of his face and looked up into his eyes, "You're going to be a great dad. I'm sure of it. Janice is a lucky girl to have you, and your baby will be even luckier. You said it yourself, Jon. We aren't meant to be together, and it hurts, but it's the truth. I've lied awake at night and thought of you, too. Countless times. Adam will never live up to my memories of you, but Jon, we can't be together. We've proven that."
"Why is this so complicated?" He laughed humorlessly. "Good things never happen for us. Do you realize this?"
"Yeah." She smiled sadly. "I realize it. But, good things are happening for us. We have babies on the way."
"Yeah." He shrugged, "But it'd be better if it was yours."
His phone started ringing and she pulled her hand away from his face, already missing the touch of his stubble. He talked swiftly with whoever was on the phone and sighed before hanging up. "I gotta go. But listen, maybe we can get together or something. We'll all go out to eat. Or something. I don't know. I miss you, Delia."
"I miss you too," she said softly. She missed him more than he'd ever know. "We'll hang out sometime, alright?"
"Yeah." He gave her a weak grin. "I'll see you around, ok?"
"Yeah." She smiled softly, watching as he turned to walk off. She gathered what she needed from the shelf, consisting of diapers and bottles, before walking off. She was almost to the registers when she heard someone calling her name. She turned around to see Jon sprinting back to her.
"Jon, what are y-"
She was cut off by him yanking her towards him and covered her lips with his mouth, his lips crashing down on hers, his hands holding the back of her head. She wanted so bad to push him away, to stop this, but she couldn't. She'd wanted this far too much for far too long. His tongue tasted tentatively and her lips responded, allowing him the entrance that he sought. They didn't care they were in the middle of Wal-mart, where people were surrounding them and staring at them weirdly. That's what their entire relationship had been anyway, people wondering why the preacher's daughter was with the town's screw-up. But in reality, it was the other way around. Everyone saw Jon as the bad guy normally, but now it was Delia. And it stung to know that she had all these expectations built up about her that she'd never be able to live up to.
Jon broke the kiss shortly, the both of them panting slightly. "I'm sorry," Jon stammered as he broke away from her. "That wasn't right. Fuck. I'm sorry."
Delia's heart was beating so fast it felt like it was going to burst out of her chest. Without any further words, he turned around and walked off. She looked down at her stomach and sighed heavily. She didn't know what to do. She knew what she needed to do, but Jon had Janice now. Someone who wouldn't fuck him up mentally. Someone who didn't hide her pregnancy from him. Someone who could love him like he needed, if he'd just let her. Jon deserved that. He deserved that family. Not a family with a spiteful mother and a bastard child.
Jon paid for the vitamins and quickly made his way out to his car. His head was spinning. His heart was racing. He knew he shouldn't have kissed her, but he couldn't help himself. Everything he felt about her was back, and it was on strong this time. He drove mindlessly back to the apartment as he thought about her. Why was his life always so complicated? For once, he wanted to have a normal week without any stressful things happening. But, it seemed like that wasn't going to happen any time soon.
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