Warning: Some of this in here is some dark humor. So if you're easily offended, tread carefully.
ALSO CONTAINS SPOILERS! From Ace Attorney 1-5, including AJ.
Ace Attorney cases in a nutshell:
Jobs that use your head: "Apollo, Mia, Cindy Stone, and Russel Berry would know" - Tonate, White, Sawhit & Acro
-The First Turnabout
-Turnabout Sisters
-Turnabout Countdown
"I used to be the Steel Samurai like you… but then I took a spear to the chest…" - Jack Hammer
-Turnabout Samurai
"Chuck Norris can catch bullets with his teeth… I catch them with my shoulder" - Manfred von Karma
-Turnabout Goodbyes
"You lost your dad? DL-6 with it, Edgeworth!" - Manfred von Karma
-Turnabout Goodbyes
"Are you trying to say something?" -Phoenix Wright
-Rise from the Ashes
"Dun! Dun! Dun! DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN! Swimming!" - Damon Gant
-Rise from the Ashes
"I'm a completely different and original character! Who else has this ridiculous hair style?!" - Ema Skye
-Rise from the Ashes
"Bruce… was a Goodman… WAS…!" - Lana Skye
-Rises from the Ashes
"I heard what happened to your brother, Marshall." - Lana Skye
"Yeah… my brother… he will be missed."
"Well that's one less snake in your boot." - Lana Skye
-Rises from the Ashes
"Are you sure that Redd White was a fruitcake? I loves those long yellow things…" - Richard Wellington
-The Lost Turnabout
"Because obviously I don't know how to spell my girlfriend's name…" - Dustin Prince
-The Lost Turnabout
"Less competition for me!" - Dick Gumshoe
-The Lost Turnabout
"Keep your pimp hand strong." - Phoenix Wright
-Reunion, and Turnabout
"Ini Mini Miney Moe, who has the biggest 'fro? Lotta or Morgan?"
-Reunion, and Turnabout
"A bullet a day, keeps the doctor away" - Mimi Miney
-Reunion, and Turnabout
"Bat! Achoo-se you!" - Acro
Leon used bite… it's super effective...
-Big Top Turnabout
De Killer: "I have your special item…"
Phoenix: "MY BADGE!? YOU MONSTER!"
De Killer: "N-nooo…"
Phoenix: "HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT?!"
De Killer: "That's not the special item I am talking -abou-!
Phoenix: "YOU EVIL BEING! GIVE MY BADGE BACK!"
De Killer: "And you have to deal with this, Miss Fey?"
Maya: "Yep…"
De Killer: "My deepest apologies…"
-Farewell My Turnabout
"I have an itch on my face… here… here… here… and here…" - Matt Engarde
-Farewell, My Turnabout
"Where on earth did I put that fourth piece of evidence…? Screw it! Those fools don't have the guts to admit how they feel." - Franziska von Karma.
-Farewell, My Turnabout
"Help, you Whippersnappers! I've fallen and I can't get up!" - Oldbag
"Yes ma'am… please hold." *Phone plays Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran*
"Kids these days!" - Oldbag
-Farewell, My Turnabout
"Doug… I want you to Swallow this."
"No, Dahlia."
"Fine…. *sigh* FEENIE!"
-Turnabout Memories
"My milkshakes are the real reasons why boys come to the yard." - Mia
-Turnabout Memories
"Grossberg… if you talk about your rhoids one more time… I swear… everything on you will be inflamed. - Mia
-Turnabout Memories
"Mia! Help! My heart's broken!" - Feenie
"We need a doctor…" - Mia
"Why…?" - Feenie
"TO EXAMINE YOUR VAGINA!" - Mia
-Turnabout Memories
"What's your name?"
"Luke Atmey."
"I am. So what is your name?"
"Luke Atmey!"
"Sir, you are in my line of sight… so what is your name?
"Luke Atmey!"
"I can obviously see your dumbass magnifying glass and blonde hair, pinocchio…. Now for the last time… what is your name?!
"*sigh* Mask De Masque."
-The Stolen Turnabout
"I honestly think all the spirit mediums are dyslexic…" - Adrian Andrew
-The Stolen Turnabout
"Maggey, you want my weenie?" - Gumshoe
"No!" - Maggey
"It must've been good if you're coming back for seconds!" - Gumshoe
"Yes… Pal, I love your weenie." - Maggey
-Recipe for Turnabout
Jean, worst character in T&T: doesn't die.
-Recipe for Turnabout
Maya channels Return of the Milkshakes for the elderly
-Recipe for Turnabout
"Welcome to Bee Avenue!" - Maya
"What a cute voice…" - Phoenix
"Oh… it's just you, Nick." - Maya
"M-Maya?!" - Phoenix
"You fools! Just kiss already!" - Franziska von Karma
-Recipe for Turnabout
"I need… I need…" - Fawles
"What?! What is it that you need?" - Mia
"A doctor...BECAUSE I POISONED MYSELF! HAHAHAH!" - Fawles
-Turnabout Beginnings
"Okay… You pretend to kidnap me and then I fall with the diamond." - Dahlia
"Wait… you want me to go with the diamond?" - Fawles
"No! I Fall with the diamond." - Dhalia
"Exactly! I go with the diamond…"
"What she means Terry! Is that she will fall into the river with the diamond and you pretend to kidnap her." - Valerie
"So Dahlia is going with me and the diamond?" - Fawles.
"OH MY GOD!" - Valerie & Dahlia
"You know what?! *takes gun and shoots Fawles instead* - Dahlia
-Turnabout Beginnings
"Shine bright like a diamond." - Dahlia & Luke Atmey
-Turnabout Beginnings
"Coffee?"
"Yes, thank you." - Mia
"Cream?"
"No… I take it black… Like my man." - Mia
-Turnabout Memories
"Mia… you can't give up yet… The only time a lawyer can cry is when it's all over…" - Diego Armando
"That's kinda hot…" - Mia
-Turnabout Memories
"I take my coffee bitter… because her milkshakes are gone…" - Godot
-Bridge to the Turnabout
"Hmmm… something's not right…" *fixes crime scene with Misty Fey's body.* "Now I just need to get Bikini's attention." *Plays I Knew You Were Trouble by Taylor Swift* - Iris
-Bridge to the Turnabout
"Godot… You've been lying to us this whole time!" - Phoenix
"Ha…! How have I lied?" - Godot
"You claim to have come from Hell to do battle with me, yet! You failed to see Dahlia down there!"
"Explain this, Mr. Gobo!" - Judge
*visor explodes* - Godot
-Bridge to the Turnabout
Phoenix somehow managed to bluff his way through every case. There's only one way he managed… FAIRLY FEY PARENTS!
"Maya?" - Nick
"What is it, Nick?" - Maya
"I noticed that, you've never had psyche-locks… That means a lot to me, y'know. It means you're always honest with me..." - Nick
"Nick… If you saw chains around me, you'd probably get a stiffy." - Maya
"One second, Trite" *zip* - Godot
"Uhm… what are you doing?" - Phoenix
"I made this brew… just for you… Coffee is a diuretic!" - Godot
"NO!" - Phoenix
-Trials & Tribulations
"I wonder how Godot manages to have 17 cups of coffee during one trial…" - Maya
"In a way… I don't want to know. Normally two or three he doesn't drink… my face does…" - Phoenix
"Let's check it out!" * Goes to Prosecutor's bench. Sees Urinal.* "Oh… that's how…" - Maya
-Trials & Tribulations
"I think Godot drinks decaf." - Phoenix
"What makes you think that, Nick?" - Maya
"Well. The amount of caffeine he drinks… If he really had that much, he should be able to see sounds and hear colors." - Phoenix
"Wright…" - Edgeworth.
"Yes, Edgeworth?" - Phoenix
"Mr. Godot will not be attending court today…" - Edgeworth
"Wait. Why? Not that I care, but just why?" - Phoenix
"Someone was smart enough to put expresso into the prosecutor's coffee machine. Apparently, he didn't make it to the 7th cup, he entered a different dimension."
-Trials & Tribulations
"Miss von Karma… Mr. Nick and Mystic Maya are taking the Ultra Course." - Pearl
"Miss Pearl Fey, it would take the whipping of a lifetime to realize those fools are in love with each other, which I had personally delivered to the fool last year. As you can see, he has not even flinched once." - Franziska
"I ship it..." - Pearl
-Trials & Tribulations
"Some wine, mothafucka!" - Kristoph Gavin
-Turnabout Trump
"Listen… I came back 7 years later to tell you that I'm an ass for making you lose your badge and not telling you what was going to happen because I knew Kristoph was a man not to be trusted and decided to destroy your reputation again by planting a trap by that wannabe Russian lady and calling you a cheat and further plummeting your life into debt as not only as a mediocre piano player, but a cheater and a forger whom I merely used to give my daughter the inheritance from her grandfather instead of doing it in the first place. Sorry not Sorry." - Zak Gramarye/Shadi Enigmar
-Turnabout Trump
"It's your story here on out, Apollo." - Phoenix Wright
And at that moment, one of the biggest lies in Ace Attorney History was told.
-Turnabout Trump
"You actually forged evidence!? *punch*" - Apollo
"Next time yell, 'Take That' it packs more of a punch." - Hobo Phoenix
"Apollo got butterfly punches." - Trucy
"Nah, have you seen my fan art?" - Hobo Phoenix
"It's definitely a totally genius idea for me to go to the Wright Talent Agency and ask for a job I know I won't be paid for at least half a year!" - Apollo
-Turnabout Corner
"I guess you're going to miss the Panty Raid…" -Wesley Stickler
-Turnabout Corner
"I've been burned by coffee, whipped by an angry German woman, hit by a fire extinguisher, almost poisoned myself, chewed on a glass and metal necklace, went across a burning bridge, fell into frigid water, almost beaten by the mafia, took 600,000 volts straight to the nipples, slapped by an eight year old, mauled by teenage girls, jumped on by a lion, and suffered financial strain from a burger loving spirit medium… your puny car got nothing on me…" - Hobo Phoenix
"So, Mr. Wright, how is your ankle ok?"
"Shut up, Apollo…"
-Turnabout Corner
"THIS GAVIN'S ON FIRE!" - Lamiroir
"Wait… what? MY GUITAR!" - Gavin
-Turnabout Serenade
"Alright pinhead… your time is up!" - Apollo
"Who you callin pinhead?" - Daryan
-Turnabout Serenade
"Herr Forehead! What's the scouter say about Kristoph's power level?!" - Klavier
"IT'S OVER 9,000!" - Apollo
"What 9,000!?"
-Turnabout Succession
"Juror #6… I understand it is your decision, but it is quite obvious that Vera Misham is not guilty." - Hobo Wright
"I know. I just wanted to see what would happen." - Thalassa
-Turnabout Succession
"Apollo, can you get me a cup?" - Hobo Wright
"Cup of what?" - Apollo
"Just Ice." - Wright
"..." - Apollo
"Mr. Wright?"
"Yes, Apollo?"
"It took me a while to realize, but, I can only say that you used me as a pawn just to prove that my mentor was the killer and to prove you were innocent of forgery. Yes, it is the truth, but, I think I deserve more praise."
"Apollo, you fail to see that… *Puts on shades* You just got trumped."
"I left my son alone and married Trucy's father, but I left Apollo one of my bracelets, so it's cool!" - Thalassa
"Poison buddies!" - Vera, Godot, & Fawles
"We went back to courtroom #4 to go get my weed… I MEAN medicine! *cough cough* This kush mad dank" - Juniper Woods
-Turnabout Countdown
Personal note: When I first saw Tonate without his goggles, I almost pissed myself to see how scary looking his expression was.
"Imma Tenma Tear that ass up!" - Damian Tenma
"Oh… hahahah! Okay!" - L'Belle
-Monstrous Turnabout
"I am the box ghost! Beware!" - Myriam Scuttlebutt
-Turnabout Academy
"Ugh… what's that smell?" - Hugh
"The end justifies the beans!" - Aristotle Means
-Turnabout Academy
"Apollo! Get some of Mr. Wright's hair so I can mimic the statue." - Athena
"Uhm… Okay…"
"OBJECTION!" OWWW! NO ONE…. MESSES… WITH THE 'DO!" - Wright
-Turnabout Academy
"Hugh… are you okay? You're turning blue…" - Juniper
"Hugh! Can you breath?!" - Robin
Hugh: *faints*
"Good thinking smart one… you could've put the friendship bracelet anywhere else, but you just had to put it around your neck…" - Robin
-Turnabout Academy
"Clay… you need to be more… down to earth." - The Phantom
-Cosmic Turnabout
"Why does Mr. Wright's miracle work and not mine!?" - Yuri Cosmos
-Cosmic Turnabout
"I had Hope this wouldn't happen…" - Clay
-Cosmic Turnabout
"One day, I wanna go to the moon!" - Moon Rock
"Why wait?!" - The Phantom
-Turnabout for Tomorrow
"Yay! Simon! You finally got that acquittal! Does that mean Aura and I will get along now?" - Athena
"No…" - Aura
-Turnabout for Tomorrow
"UR-1 annoying girl…" - 'Bobby Fulbright'
"You don't stand a ghost of a chance!" - Athena
-Turnabout for Tomorrow
"When I was in the third grade… people treated me like a criminal… BECAUSE I KILLED
SOMEBODY!" - Athena Cykes
-Turnabout for Tomorrow
"Hey, Prosecutor Blackquill, a little off the top… I don't want to cut my hair too short!" - 'Bobby Fulbright'
"Aw… Look what you did to my mask…"
-Turnabout for Tomorrow
Metis Cykes! Some assembly required. Batteries not included.
-Turnabout for Tomorrow
"Idiots… I swear…"
"No! NO! NOOOO! It can't be!" - Nick
"What's the matter, Nick? Didn't think I would be the Phantom?"
"I-I-I-I- NO! How could you?!" - Nick
"I thought it was pretty obvious, Nick." - Maya
"B-B-B-But HOW?!" - Nick
"I mean really? Who else doesn't wear socks with their shoes besides Bobby Fulbright?" - Maya
"But, Maya… I never would have thought Larry was the Phantom…!" - Nick
-Dual Destinies
"Good lord! Ms. DePlume! Do something about your attire." - Judge
"Ugh… that's one robe malfunction I did not want to see…" - Phoenix
"I'd ship it…" - Marlon Rimes
-Turnabout Reclaimed