A/N: First of all, i want to thank all my loyal readers. I still can't believe that people actually read this. I have so much fun writing it, I hope you have just as much reading it. Second, 3,100 views - woohoo *thumbs up*
Third - Warning: Explicit content in this chapter.
Enjoy!
14
"Your mother?" I ask astonished. "But she's dead. I went to her funeral" I say disbelievingly. "How?"
"She didn't die. She left. She couldn't take Marcus's abuse anymore and she left" he says a little angry.
We stay quiet for a long while. I don't know what to say or if I should say anything. Tobias's mother is alive. She never died. She left her abusive husband and let everyone believe that she died. She left Tobias. She left Tobias with that monster. She abandoned him. I hate her for that.
My mind races a million miles per hour. I feel so many things that I can't even begin to categorize them. If this is how I feel I don't think I want to know how Tobias felt when he found out. Or how he is still feeling. I need to say something. He told me this because he trusts me and because we both agreed no more secrets. But what could I possibly say? I'm glad your mom's alive. What a bitch for leaving you. I honestly don't know.
"Tobias, I have no idea what to say" I finally say.
"I know. I don't know what to say and it has been two years since I've found out."
"Do you talk to her? I mean, I don't know, do you get together and spend some mother-son time?" I ask not really believing it.
"We met a few times" he says ambiguously.
"May I be blunt" I ask.
"Sure."
"What kind of mother abandons her only son with an abusive man?" I ask, anger clear in my voice.
"That's what I've asked myself ever since I've found out she is alive."
"Did you ask her?"
"She said she didn't think he would be violent with me, but I don't know. I was always afraid of him. And he started beating me even before she left" he tells me.
I wrap my arms around him and rub a hand up and down his back. At first he remains motionless, but then he holds on to me and starts silently crying. I don't say anything. I let him cry. Who knows if he ever did this. Sometimes it's better to let it all out even if it shows weakness. When his tears dry off and he starts sobbing I cup his face in my hands and kiss him tenderly.
"I love you, baby" I say.
"I love you too" he replies.
"Thank you for sharing this with me. Whenever you feel the need to talk about this, please know that you can always count on me."
"I know. Thank you."
"I think we should eat" I say trying to lighten the mood. He smiles and agrees. I take out the sandwiches and the water bottles and we both eat in silence. After we are done we eat our Dauntless cake and resume our lying position watching the clouds pass above us.
When the silence becomes unbearable I decide to say something.
"I hate her." It's not the best thing I've ever said.
"What?" he asks surprised.
"Your mom. She left you with that monster. I know you told me she was abused, but so were you and no matter what, a mother never abandons her child. Or she shouldn't. I know I'm selfish for thinking like this, but I don't care. I could never abandon you and if God almighty grants me to be a mother someday I would rather die than leave my child" I sternly say still looking up into the sky.
I feel Tobias shift beside me and suddenly kissing me hungrily. We kiss for what seems like forever and when we finally part we are both breathless. It takes us a few minutes to breathe normal again.
"I love you so much, Beatrice. Thank you for saying that" he says, emotion thick in his voice.
"I meant every word, Tobias. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your mother, but I for one will never ever forgive her for what she has done to you. I hope you don't resent me for that, this is how I feel."
"I could never resent you. I'm happy we are in a place where we can be completely honest with each other. I rather be pissed at you five minutes and then realize that you are right or not, than have you lie to me. This is life, sometimes we will agree with each other, other times we won't. But I want us to always be honest."
"Me too."
"As for my mother we have a very tensed relationship. I don't even think we could call it a relationship. I cannot even call her mom anymore. It's just Evelyn."
"Where is she anyways?" I ask, aware that I have no clue.
"She lives factionless. After leaving, pretending to be dead, she couldn't go back to Abnegation or anywhere else for that matter. She's been living factionless for the past nine years."
"Do you want to have a relationship with her?"
"I don't know, honey. I wish I could go back to the one we had before she left, but I know it's impossible. Things have changed. We have changed. But I would lie not only to you but also to myself if I would say I don't wish I could call her mom again" he says sad.
"You know what I think of her" he nods "but if you want to restore your relationship and you think that you can find it in you to forgive her you should at least try. Not for her, but for you. But if you don't want that, it's okay too. Whatever you decide I'm completely on board with it. I promise."
"Thank you, I knew I could count on you. This was really difficult for me. I told you I haven't told anyone about my mom. I've been keeping this secret for two years now."
I hug him and then kiss his cheek. He pulls me close to him and I sit in his lap hugging him tightly. After a while he whispers in my ear.
"She wanted me to leave Dauntless and come live with her." This surprises me and I break the embrace.
"What? Why?"
"Several reasons. For one she said that I didn't belong there, which isn't entirely untrue. And on the other hand she said she wanted to spend more time with me."
"Aha" I say a little sarcastically. "Forgive me, but that's a little bit on the stink side, don't you think. You might have chosen Dauntless to get away from your dad, but you belong there. I could ask random people in Dauntless and they would all tell me that you belong there. For God sake's, Tobias, they made you their leader. You belong there."
"Calm down, Tris" he says kissing my cheek. "She asked me two years ago to do that and to be honest I actually considered it. I told you that before I met you I wanted to leave Dauntless and live factionless, but after you fell into that net and into my life I couldn't. I just couldn't. I think I fell in love with you the moment I saw you" he says smiling brightly and it melts my heart.
"But you don't want to leave? Not anymore?" I ask insecure.
"No. Never. I could never leave Dauntless now. I will never leave you."
"And I will never leave you."
He leans in and kisses me passionately and I feel the now familiar butterflies in my tummy. If we keep this up we might make love for the first time right here, right now. No, we should stop. This is not the place. I don't want to make love to the man I love for the first time on a picnic blanket under a Ferris Wheel. Especially like this out in the open. I break our kiss and Tobias looks confused.
"We are getting carried away" I say and he nods. We decide to go back home since it's already past four in the afternoon. We pack our things and head back hand in hand to the car. We drive back to Dauntless chit-chatting about the littlest things. Before we reach the compound Tobias turns to look at me and smiles.
"What?" I ask.
"Nothing" he says still smiling.
"What?"
"Have I told you that you look beautiful today?"
"No."
"Well, you do."
"Thank you" I say with a slight blush spreading across my face.
"Let's go dancing" he says.
"What?"
"Dancing. I bet you never danced before" he says grinning.
"Abnegation, remember" I ask raising an eyebrow and he laughs. We weren't allowed such selfish things like music or God forbid dancing. Or worse have some actual fun.
"Well, then it's about time you learn how to dance and have some Dauntless fun" he says.
"Can you dance?" I ask skeptical.
"Nope. But I can learn. And what better way than with my girlfriend."
"Alright, mister. It's on. I need to go shopping though."
"Why?" he asks confused.
"Cause I've got nothing to wear" I say.
"You can wear your PJ's and you would still be the most beautiful girl here in Dauntless" he says and I blush at the compliment.
"I'd rather wear a dress, thank you very much."
"Alright. Let's go buy you a dress" he says smiling.
"Nah-ah. You are not coming. I'm going alone. Actually, I'm going to ask Christina to come with me shopping. I haven't spent much time with her lately. You will see the dress tonight when we go out."
"Okay."
We walk together for a while until Tobias takes a right turn going toward our apartment, while I go over to Christina's. I hope she's home. I don't have to walk far and I see her in the hallway with Will.
"Hey guys" I say as I approach them.
"Hey Tris" Christina says.
"Hello Tris" Will says.
"Chris, I need your help. Could you come with me" I say without revealing that I have a date later with my boyfriend.
"Sure" she says before kissing Will goodbye. After we are out of earshot she asks curious "What's up?"
"I'm going on a date with Four later and I need a dress. And you are the only one I can trust to pick something out." At the mention of going shopping her eyes light up.
"Wow, to hear you say that is just… wow. Come on, I'll make you the sexiest thing that ever walked this halls."
"Chris, I just need a nice dress" I say exasperatedly.
"Listen to me. You are a leader now, not just some random Dauntless girl. Also you wanna look sexy for Four, don't you?" she asks and I nod shyly. "Yeah, you do. You are beautiful on your own, but sometimes you need to point out certain things" she says with a smirk. Oh, I'm going to regret this.
Christina drags from one store to the other. Apparently when you go dress shopping you also need shoes, accessories, make-up and lingerie. She first drags me into the lingerie shop where she looks over several items before she decides on something that will absolutely set Four on fire, her words. It's a black tulle and lace bustier, with see-through parts here and there, a lace-up back and a thin black band in the middle with rhinestones in the front. Christina makes me try it on, including the thong that goes with it. I take the items and go into a cabin. I'm too embarrassed to come out, so I call her inside to see if everything fits. Her wide grin tells me she likes it and I have to say even though it's the most daring thing I've ever seen I can't help but get excited thinking of how Tobias might react. I change quickly and pay for my purchase. We leave the store and go looking for a dress. We enter several clothing stores before we find the perfect dress for me – a chiffon strapless A-line knee length black cocktail dress with a band just underneath the chest with a bow above the left hip. Our next stop is the shoe store. Christina makes me try on several pairs before she gives her okay. The winner in the category footwear, drum roll please, a beautiful pair of black embellished strap three inches heeled sandals. We decide to not buy any jewelry. Sometimes less is more, as Christina put it, although I think she had something else in mind.
I thank Christina for her help and rush back home. I unlock the door and look to see if Tobias is around. I walk towards the stairs and see him on the balcony talking on the phone. It seems he hasn't noticed me. I walk upstairs to put my purchases away and rush back down stairs and out on the balcony.
"Hey, your home" he says surprised.
"Yeah, I just got back and you were on the phone. I didn't want to disturb you" I say and hug him.
"You never disturb me" he says placing a soft kiss on my lips. When we part he smiles at me at first but then his expression changes to a serious one.
"What is it?" I ask concerned.
"Jack called" he says. "They are going to read the sentences of the conspirators tomorrow. They are going to be executed" he says in a grave voice.
"Oh God" I say. I've expected it, but to actually know it for a fact is quite different. They did terrible things and would have done even more if we wouldn't have stopped them. Nevertheless, I don't wish this fate on anyone, no matter how evil they are.
"The executions will take place probably on Wednesday. They want to give the families of the conspirators enough time to say goodbye" he explains further. He hugs me tight and rubs my back soothingly.
"Do we need to go to Candor tomorrow, for the sentencing?" I ask.
"It's not mandatory. We can if you want to."
"I don't. I don't wish anyone to die, but they deserve it. There's one thing that Jeanine is a psycho, but every Dauntless involved, Erudite spy or not, betrayed our faction in the most cruel and selfish way. They deserve punishment."
"I agree. But let's stop talking about sad things. We have a date" he says trying to lighten the mood.
"Yeah. Let's focus on that." We kiss and then I pull away from him slightly. "Let's eat at home and just go dancing. Is that okay?"
"Whatever you want."
"Okay, how about I make us some fries and chicken wings. It's not much but it won't take too long either."
"It's perfect. Let me help you" he says, but I shake my head no.
"You go take a shower and get ready and afterwards I'll go." He reluctantly agrees and I get started on our supper.
After about twenty minutes Tobias comes back into the kitchen dressed in some black jeans, a black button down shirt and of course black shoes. We eat and casually talk about the nightclub, where I never went before and some other places I didn't even know existed. Tobias tells me there's a fully equipped spa and a indoor pool. I can't wait to try them out. I make Tobias promise me to go sometime and he happily does so. I think I'm going to the spa with Christina. Actually we can invite Marlene, Lynn and Shauna to join us. I never had girlfriends before and even if I had we wouldn't have been allowed to do such selfish things like enjoying a spa day or just hanging at the pool. I can't wait to tell Chris.
I go upstairs to take a shower and get ready, while Tobias cleans up in the kitchen. It takes me almost half an hour to get ready. I put on my sexy lingerie, my new dress and sandals, I apply some light make up just like Christina showed me and I decide to pull my hair into a high ponytail. I look myself up and down in the tall mirror in our bathroom and see that shy Beatrice transformed into confident and sexy Tris. When I'm satisfied with my appearance I walk downstairs. Tobias is on the balcony again. He loves it just as much as I do. I try not to make any noise and manage to hug him from behind. He lifts my left hand to his lips and kisses the back of it before he turns around. When he sees me he looks surprised. He looks me up and down with his mouth open and I can tell I made an impression.
"Tris, you look…hot" he says still looking me up and down. "Wow. I always think you're beautiful but damn. I can't take you out looking like this" he says.
"Why not?" I ask a little offended.
"I'm strong, but not enough to fight of all the Dauntless that will try to hit on you. Geez, you look hot."
"Oh, stop it Tobias" I say slightly amused.
"I mean it. How did I ever get so lucky?" he asks before he pulls me into his arms and kissing me thoroughly.
"I'm the lucky one" I say breathless.
"Let's agree we are both lucky to have each other" he says smiling brightly.
"Agreed. Let's go."
We walk down to the nightclub hand in hand and there are more than one pair of eyes looking me over. I blush every time someone's eyes linger longer than necessary and Tobias puts his arm around my shoulder glaring at every male that passes us. I don't know how to feel about any of this. Luckily, we soon get to the nightclub and to my surprise our friends are all here. Damn. I wanted some alone time with Tobias.
"Hey Four, man. I don't think Tris would appreciate it that you brought this hot chick to the club" Zeke says smirking. Tobias glares at him.
"Hey Zeke" I say.
"Hey Tris. You look smoking hot, girl" he says.
"Thank you" I say blushing crimson.
"Hey Tris, you look gorgeous" Shauna says to me.
"Thank you. You look great too. I love your dress" I say.
"Thank you."
We greet all our friends and all seem to enjoy making me blush, because every single one of them tells me I'm hot or sexy or any other synonym they can come up with. Tobias drags me away from our group to the dance floor and we start dancing. Or at least we try. We have absolutely no clue what to do. When a ballad plays Tobias pulls me close into his arms and whispers how much he loves me, kissing my neck every now and then sending bolts of electricity through my body.
"I told you I can't take you out looking like this. You look way to hot. There should be a law against it."
"Stop it, Tobias" I say smacking his shoulder lightly.
"Since we got here I counted seven different guys that practically undressed you with their eyes" he says and I blush, although I doubt he can see that. It's so dark in here I wonder how people don't trip over each other.
"You are the only one who can do that with his hands" I boldly say. He looks down into my eyes and I can see lust and desire sparkle in his.
"Wanna get out of here?" he asks in a husky voice. I nod once and he practically drags me out of there. We don't even say goodbye to our friends and rush back home.
We are back inside our apartment in no time. Before I know it Tobias sweeps me off my feet and carries me upstairs into our bedroom. He puts me back down on my feet in front of our bed. We look into each other's eyes for a long while. Tobias cups my face with his right hand while his left rests on the small of my back. He closes the distance between us and kisses me softly at first, but the kiss becomes more passionate and hungry with each passing second. When air becomes an issue he travels down my neck to my collarbone, he kisses each of my ravens, sucks on the soft flesh, bites and licks his way down to my breast. His hands cup both my breasts and knead them. I moan loudly and he seems to consider this enough encouragement to unzip my dress and get rid of it. When the dress hits the floor Tobias's eyes almost pop out when he sees the sexy lingerie I'm wearing. He was upset with those guys who undressed me with their eyes earlier, but right now he is doing the exact same thing. He seems to have lost all ability to talk, let alone move, so I boldly take over.
I grab his hand and turn him toward the bed and give him a little push. He sits down and I straddle his lap feeling his excitement pushing upwards. That must be really painful. I should get rid of his clothes. All of them. I start kissing his lips, then his cheeks, his nose, his jaw. I return to his lips, licking the full bottom lip and he opens his mouth for me. I shove my tongue inside and mate with his. The more we kiss the higher my body temperature rises. I leave his mouth and suck and bite along his neck, then along his collarbone while my hands get rid of his shirt. When I finally undress him of it I let my hands roam over his defined chest and arms. I trail open-mouthed kisses on my way south paying extra attention to his nipples that I suck gently. When I hear him moan my name I bite one hardened bud and pinch the other one. I push him backwards on the bed and continue my exploratory travel of his body. I reach his navel and lick around it before pushing my tongue inside eliciting a louder moan from him. When I finally reach the hem of his pants I get suddenly nervous. I breathe in a few times before helping him get rid of them. I pull them down but realize I can't pull them off before he doesn't take his shoes of first. I do it for him, tossing them aside, followed momentarily by his pants. I can see the engorged bulge still hidden by his boxer briefs and decide to go all the way. I want this. I wanted this for a while. I love him and he loves me. And he will make sure to make this as special as he can for me. Might as well enjoy myself. I grab his briefs by the hem and slowly slide them down his muscular legs. When they are finally off I take a look at his majestic member. I almost forgot how big he is. What if he doesn't fit? Doubts start to bubble up again and I take deep breaths again. Tobias seems to notice my hesitation because he props himself up on his elbows and looks at me.
"We don't have to" he says, although I can tell he wants to. He really, really wants to. And I want it to. It's just I'm a little scared.
"I want to. I'm just a little nervous" I say.
He gets off the bed and pulls me up into his arms rubbing my back and kissing my head. I can feel his member pulsating between us and I know it's now or never. I can chicken out. Especially since I really want this. I'm doing it for him. Well not just for him. Damn it, Tris. Be brave, for God's sake. This gorgeous man was willing to take a bullet for you.
"Tris, we can wait, sweetheart. There's no rush" he says softly. I only nod. "Do you want to lie down?" I nod again. I take of my shoes and we both get into bed. I lay my head on his chest listening to his heart beat. It's erratic, which is understandable. He traces his fingers up and down my spine and this simple touch seems to set me on fire. I look up at him and he stares at the ceiling.
"What is it?" I ask.
"Huh? What?"
"What are you thinking about?"
"Us. Everything we've been through and how it made us stronger." He looks down to me, his eyes sparkling. "I love you, Tris, more than anything in this world." He closes the distance between us and kisses me softly. When we break after a while a single tear runs down my cheek and I say "I love you too" before kissing him again. This time the kiss is more hungry and passionate and Tobias turns on his side covering me with his body, making sure not to rest his weight on me. He holds himself above me leaning on his left elbow, while with his right hand he explores my body. He starts kissing my neck, traveling to my collarbone, sucking and licking the soft flesh, kissing each of my ravens, cupping my left breast and kneading it while kissing the other one. He gently moves his hand from my breast to the zipper of my bustier, never once lifting it off my body. He unzips it and removes it, tossing it on the floor and leaving my upper body exposed to him. He returns to his previous task, kneading and sucking again. He switches breasts a couple of times before traveling further south to my navel. He kisses and licks the area around it, before pushing his tongue lightly inside eliciting a guttural moan from me, all the while letting his hand travel even further to my womanhood, rubbing it gently through the fabric of my thong. Tobias's talented mouth and tongue travel further and he grabs the hem of my thong with his teeth, pulling it off of me. He positions himself between my now outstretched legs and starts licking my entrance. He alternates sucking, licking and gently biting my clit, effectively driving me crazy and I scream out his name when I feel a wave of pleasure washing over me. I'm not done riding out my orgasm when Tobias pushes his tongue inside my womanhood several times before entering a finger. He establishes a steady in and out pace before I loudly moan "faster". He picks up the pace and I can feel another orgasm approaching. But it's not enough. I need more. "More" I manage to say between moans and heavy panting. He obliges and adds another finger keeping the rapid pace he established. I soon come again and I feel like dying. This is so wonderful. I can't imagine anything being better than this. I can't imagine how actual sex can top this. I don't get the chance to think about it, because when I open my eyes I find myself looking into his dark blue ones, silently asking me if I'm ready. God, I'm so ready. I nod my head and he bends down to feverishly kiss me. I can feel him between my legs and I'm nervous again. This is it.
Tobias breaks our kiss and positions himself at my entrance. He gently pushes inside me one inch at a time. I feel how he is stretching me, but I can handle it. He pushes again and I can feel him hit my barrier. The next push will hurt. I know that much. Tobias looks my lovingly in the eyes and I know I can trust him forever. He pushes again and I feel a sharp pain. I close my eyes trying to get accustomed to the pain and the sensation of being filled. I feel Tobias retracting and I grab his arm. I open my eyes and he looks at me apologetically.
"It's okay, baby, I knew it was coming" I say "just give me a moment." When I feel I can handle the pain I wrap my legs around Tobias's waist and push his buttocks slightly, indicating that I'm ready. He starts a slow in and out pace, allowing me to get fully accustomed to him, but when I no longer feel any pain I tell him to go faster. The louder I moan the more confident he gets. He increases the pace more and more and I can feel another orgasm approaching me quickly. "Faster" I command and he obliges. "Harder, deeper" I manage to say between moans.
"You feel so good, Tris" he says breathlessly pounding harder and deeper than before.
"Oh God, Tobias, I'm coming" I scream out loud.
"I'm coming too" he growls.
And like never before I feel the wave hit me so hard I think I'll pass out. I throw my head backwards and I'm fairly certain I stopped breathing for a few seconds, because of the intensity of my release. I feel Tobias speed up even more, if that's even possible and then him getting bigger before releasing himself deep inside of me. He cries out my name and collapses on top of me, but for some reason I don't even feel the weight. On the contrary, I welcome his weight on me. I wrap myself around him even more, not wanting to ever let go of this man. God, I love him so much.
After we are able to speak again Tobias props himself up, lifting some of the weight off of me, looking deep into my eyes and smiles.
"I love you so much, sweetheart" he says lovingly.
"I love you too, honey. That was amazing" I say honestly.
"I'm so sorry for hurting you" he says, hurt clear in his voice.
"Don't be" I say cupping his face in my hands. "It was necessary and it lasted only a moment. You didn't hurt me. You made me a woman, your woman and I'm happy. So don't be sorry" I say.
"And you made me your man" he says smiling down on me. We start kissing again, only this time it's sweet and loving, not at all passionate. He slips out of me and we both sigh in disappointment at the loss of this intimate connection. Tobias gathers me in his arms and kisses my head while rubbing my back.
"Thank you" I say "for making this so special."
"No, thank you for allowing me to love you the way you deserve. I promise you I will do everything in my power to make you the happiest woman in the world" he vows.
"I already am. I have you and that's all I ever need" I say and kiss his lips.
We stay silent for a while, I don't want to sleep, I want to repeat what we just did, but soon fatigue gains the upper hand and I fall asleep.
A/N: I originally planned on making them wait a while, but then I was like ... meh... let's write some smut :p
Now I really want some feedback...
1. Lingerie set for Tris's first date
sleepwear/lingerie/tulle-lace-bustier-the-victorias-secret-designer-collection?ProductID=213023&CatalogueType=OLS
2. Chiffon strapless black cocktail dress
.
3. Black embellished strap three inches heeled sandals
. ?iid=4728996&cid=4172&Rf989=5029&Rf-200=4&Rf929=2312&sh=0&pge=0&pgesize=36&sort=-1&clr=Black&totalstyles=25&gridsize=3