Chapter 14 - To Stay or Not to Stay

"Uhem ... uhem"

Someone clears the throat. I am having too peaceful a sleep to care much, so I ignore the sound.

"Uhem ... uhem" this time more forcefully.

Something shifts around me and I am suddenly left cold. I murmur in irritation.

"Morning Greasy!" I hear Katniss' voice.

What are Greasy and Katniss doing in my bedroom?

I open my eyes slightly and see a television screen in front. I don't have television in my bedroom. And then it all comes crashing in my mind. My seizure, my stabbing, Katniss bandaging me and ... a faint memory of pulling Katniss by my side. My eyes fly open and I jump up from the couch. Greasy is standing near by frowning. Katniss is awkwardly looking down with crimson cheeks.

"Oh wow! ... it's morning." I say smiling.

"What happened to your hand?" Greasy asks.

"Oh yeah ... " I look at the table and the floor. No sign of any blood. Katniss must have cleaned the mess after I had fallen asleep. "I accidentally cut it last night ... in my kitchen." I continue. "I came here to get it cleaned up and bandaged."

"I gave him some strong pain killers to numb the pain and he got knocked out on the couch." Katniss says helpfully. We look at each other and then quickly turn to Greasy. I, with my poker face and Katniss still blushing red. I don't know why we are lying to Greasy ... it's not like we are answerable to her. But she seems like a mother figure and the look she is giving us ... it's like we are some naughty kids who are caught red-handed stealing candies.

"Hmm ..." She says and goes in the kitchen. I know she doesn't believe us. We stand there awkwardly for few seconds not even looking at each other.

"I should go ..." I mumble and walk out of the door.

All through the day I think about last night. I try to occupy my mind with other things ... I visit my bakery and I visit Haymitch. He immediately knows something is wrong. My bandaged hand piques his curiosity. He asks me about the wound and I give him the same story as we gave to Greasy. He tries to extract more information but I brush him off.

It's kind of overwhelming when I recap the events of last night in my mind. But one thing I have to accept against all the reasoning. I slept like a log with Katniss in my arms. And that is something I am craving for again. Still, I am apprehensive about today's book session. I am two minds. To go or not to go. To have the awkward talk or to avoid it as if nothing has happened. I guess, when I think about it, it's really not a big deal. Me and Katniss have spent nights together before, in the train. Haymitch knows about them. But never in 12 ... never in her house.

What has changed? Why is it suddenly so awkward? Is it just the change of place or is it more about change of situation? I know I will have all the answers if I dwell deep inside but I don't want to.

When the time comes, I automatically find myself in front of Katniss' house. I open the door and walk inside. She is sitting on the couch going through Effie's papers. I come and sit beside her.

"Wayne ... District 3 boy who reconfigured the land mines around the Careers' stock." She says showing me couple of papers. I guess she doesn't want to talk about yesterday which is fine by me.

"We already have his good picture ... so you can skip his sketch." She says handing me a postcard size colored photo of the boy. "I am going to write about him now."

"Who's left from the games?" I ask her.

"Just District 3 and 8. I got the District 8 tributes' information in the morning. We have only the boy's picture. So you will have to work on the girl's sketch. You remember her."

"Vividly ..." I say. She nods.

"I didn't kill her." I say after few seconds.

She looks at me frowning. "I know Peeta ... we saw the recap of the games with Ceaser. Although, I came very close to killing her myself." She says shaking her head.

I start sketching the girl. Her deathly pale face is not easy to forget. I still get nightmares remembering the last minutes I had spent with her ... hoping that she dies soon. I decide to draw her the way the Careers had found her. Sleeping at the base of the tree, with a dying fire near her foot.

Me and Katniss work quietly all evening and through the night. We eat dinner without uttering a single word and then continue working afterwards. It's midnight when I feel I have done enough.

"I should go." I say.

"Stay." Katniss says without looking at me. I frown. I don't know if she means stay for the night or stay for few more hours.

"I am tired."

"Then sleep here."

"I can't." I say instinctively.

She finally looks at me with a piercing stare.

"Why not?"

"You know why not ... it's not safe."

"What?"

"I may hurt you ... I could have killed you last night."

She takes my injured hand in hers, "You will hurt yourself before you can hurt me." She says showing me the bandages.

"I am still not in control ... you can't trust me."

"You told me yesterday not to give up on you. And I won't ... and the first step is trust. I trust you with my life."

I shake my head. It's strange that I wanted to do this for so long but now that she is actually asking for it, I find myself refusing her. My heart and my head are undergoing severe conflict. Eventually my head wins over.

"I can't." I say again and get up. But she doesn't leave my hand.

"Please ..." She whispers looking at the floor. "I didn't get any nightmares last night."

I sit down again and take her face in my hands. I make her look at me. The pleading in her eyes almost makes me change my mind. "I am sorry." I say trying to be the sensible one. "It's just too risky ... if anything happened to you ... I could never ..." A lump forms in my throat. "Please, try to understand."

She nods at last and let go of my hand.

I twist and turn in my bed. Sleep evades me ... or may be I am just scared to go to sleep. At 2 a.m., I get up and go to my window. I can see Katniss' bedroom window from here. The lights are on in her bedroom. I guess sleep has evaded her as well.

I go to my kitchen and start working on cheese buns. Katniss finished my last batch two days ago. In an hour or so, I have my new batch ready. I go out and look at Katniss' window again. The lights are still on. I decide to visit her. I am feeling hungry with the smell of freshly baked goods ... may be she would like to have some as well.

I take the buns and slowly open her door. The hall is dark, only light is in Katniss' bedroom upstairs.

"Katniss?" I call. No response.

I put the buns on the kitchen table and go upstairs quietly. I peek inside her bedroom. She is sleeping with lights on. I walk down back in the hall. My eyes slowly adjust to darkness and I see the book is open. I hadn't read the District 8 tributes' bios. I turn on the hall light and sit on the couch. Rue's page is open. I look at my sketch of Rue ... she is standing on her toes, arms spread outwards, like she is ready for flying. Katniss was very particular about how she wanted this sketch to look. She cried when she saw this, almost ruining it with her tears.

I am engrossed in the book when I hear it. The terrified scream from her bedroom. I run upstairs and see her thrashing in her bed.

I quickly reach her and envelop her in my arms.

"Shh shh ... Katniss wake up ... it's only a dream." I say holding her tightly to stop her flying arms.

"The mutts ... Prim was a mutt. Finnick and Rue ... they all wanted to kill me." She says grabbing my arm. Her eyes are full of fear.

"It's OK ... just a dream ... I am here." I say rubbing her back. She is breathing hard. Tears start falling from her eyes.

"And you left me ... " She chokes. "Just like all of them. Prim, Dad, Gale, Mom ... and you ... all left me."

"Katniss ... please calm down." I say rocking her.

"And you said you will stay with me always ... and you left me ... you left me alone with my nightmares." She is hysterical now. "You promised to protect me ... you promised." She says hitting me on my chest.

"I am sorry. I am here ... I will stay." I say tightening my arms around her. "Stop crying ... please." Tears well up in my eyes as well. I have never seen her like this. She seems so broken ... so weak and helpless ... its heart-breaking and it fills me up with guilt.

"You will stay?" She asks after a few seconds, still sobbing.

"I will stay."

"Always?"

"Always."

It takes me another 15 minutes to calm her down. Rocking, rubbing, talking, cajoling ... slowly she goes back to sleep clutching my t-shirt tightly.

I keep awake ... holding her in my arms. I don't want to sleep here. I don't want Greasy to find me here in Katniss' bed ... not today. At 6 in the morning, I slightly kiss Katniss on the forehead. She opens her eyes. Thankfully, she is not shocked to see me.

"I am going now ..."

"You didn't sleep?"

"No ... " I get out of the bed. "I will drop by later."

She nods. "Thanks, Peeta." She mumbles.

"Anytime."

A/N: Firstly, About the District 8 girl's death. I already have an explanation of that in my other fic 'The Hunger Games Trilogy : One-Shot Stories'.

And secondly, I would like to give a big round of applause to all my reviewers. Your kind words and encouragement keeps me going. Thank you all again. A special shout-out to 'Katarzyna88gb', 'PKAlways', 'Emilee Amethyst', 'DANIELA123', 'TobiasEverdeenJackson22456' (Nice Pen-name : a Divergent, Hunger Games and Percy Jackson fan ... all in one), 'lhaine07', 'lizzieb71', 'CatnipNapper', 'ninaluvsathena', 'cayt326', 'autumn3marie', 'TLWtlw', 'Suze18', 'yellowbeanie', 'bmile101', 'joseangelMellark', Amy, Trude, Nicole, Lolly and ZevieFan. Thanks to all, who have Favorited or are Following this Fic. I hope it's keeping you all entertained.