Author's Note: Thanks to all my reviewers/followers for their continued support! Also, I'm looking to put in some new cover art for this story, since my current picture is a bit…outdated. If any of you are artists out there, I would love you forever if you did some fanart for this story! Seriously. Would love. You. Forever. Any pictures with Rukia and Hisana being adorable sisters, or Byakuya and Hisana being adorable, oblivious idiots, or even better, all three of them as one happy family. :D
Also, I'm going on vacation for like, the next month and a half and so I decided to get this chapter out early. Next update probably won't be til the end of July at the earliest, so fair warning. I'm not really happy with this chapter—I feel like I rushed some things—but I also feel like this is the best it's gonna get. Honestly, I just want to be done with it already; some parts of it have been sitting around for like forever. So here you go, for better or for worse.
"You're being awfully quiet today, Hisana-chan. What's on your mind?" Akiyama asked, sipping a glass of wine.
"Nothing. Just tired," I answered. It was partially the truth, at least.
"Yes, it doesn't look like you've been sleeping well lately. You know, if you dislike your bed so much, you're always welcome in mine," he said smirking. I rolled my eyes at him. About the only good thing that came out of this was that I'd built up some immunity to his flirting.
"I'd rather sleep on the floor."
"Oh? I don't know, that seems so uncomfortable. Would you be opposed to a table instead? My desk is rather sturdy as well."
"If your company is involved, I think I'll pass," I grumbled.
"I'm hurt, Hisana-chan. I really thought that we had something special." He said dramatically, clutching his chest in mock pain.
"Please stop doing that. It's creepy. I've told you, you're way too old for me."
"That's okay, I'm willing to wait for you to catch up. It's possible that my aging will slow down once I figure out how to increase my spirit energy," Akiyama said casually. My breath caught. It had become an unspoken rule between us not to bring up anything relating to the experiments at dinner. To be honest, I didn't want to know. If he did get caught, the less I was involved and the less I knew, the better.
Akiyama glanced at my stiffened posture and sighed. "We really need to do something about those pesky morals of yours, darling. It's been almost three weeks and you're still not over it?"
"It's inhumane," I said coldly. "You're making me go against every single one of my values, and I'm supposed to be 'over it'?!"
"Why do you care so much anyway? You've known them for less than a month," he asked. "As a doctor, you should know how to distance yourself from your patients by now. You must have had patients who've died on you before."
"But in those cases, I knew that I had done my absolute best to save them. I'm a healer, Akiyama-san. And what you're having me do here isn't healing them, it's preparing them for more torture the next day."
"Torture is such a harsh word. I prefer 'necessary research in the name of scientific innovation and advancement.'"
"You and I both know that it amounts to the same thing, Akiyama-san," I spat out. Akiyama's eyes darkened.
"Careful, Hisana-chan. You are coming very, very close to irritating me. I may find your company entertaining, and you are admittedly the best doctor within fifteen districts of here, but in no way does that mean you aren't expendable if you anger me," he murmured. "Besides, I find it terribly hypocritical of you to judge me so harshly. How helpless would you feel, I wonder, if someone slit your sister's throat in front of you?" My throat constricted, a blind panic rising up within me at the thought. But before I could say anything, Akiyama continued.
"I've felt that helplessness before. When I found my brother half naked in a dirty alleyway, blood between his thighs and a knife in his gut. He bled out in front of me, you know. The bastard who did it stabbed me too, but I survived. I made a promise that night to myself that I'd grow strong enough to track down my brother's murderer and kill him in the most painful way possible." Akiyama's tone was almost conversational. "It's funny. Everyone sees Shinigami as ultimate protectors, saving us ordinary souls from hollows. But what do you do when it's a Shinigami you need saving from? Who protects us from them?" He laughed bitterly and glanced at me knowingly.
"Don't even pretend that if a Shinigami raped and killed your sister, you wouldn't throw all of your so-called morals out of the window. You'd do whatever it took to gain the power to obliterate him. Or at the very least, prevent something like that from happening to someone you cared about again."
I wasn't even sure if Akiyama was telling the truth. He could've made the entire thing up just to manipulate me, which was probably the more realistic option. Something in his eyes however—perhaps how terribly empty they were—made me think he was being honest. Or maybe there was just a part of me that hoped he was. And if he was…well, we were more alike than I liked to think.
"It still doesn't excuse your actions," I whispered.
"No," he agreed. "But you'd do the same thing, wouldn't you?"
I couldn't outright deny it, and my silence said more than any words ever could.
Eiji's condition was worsening. He had reacted…badly to the newest batch of experimental drugs he'd been injected with. After he'd started convulsing, the scientists had moved him to a separate room upstairs and had chained him down to a table.
"Hey," I said softly, brushing some of his hair back from where it covered his sweaty forehead. He shivered, leaning slightly into my touch. I'd managed to remove most of the drug from his system. Speed up his liver's metabolizing rate, aid his kidneys in filtering out the drug…who knew that all my practice with sobering Kazuki up would come in so handy?
"Hi—sana? I…I can't think," he said blearily, forehead furrowing in frustration. "Where…am I? Hiro? Chiyo? Why…can't I move?"
"They're all fine. Relax," I said soothingly, sending a mild wave of healing reiatsu into his body to disintegrate what drug molecules remained. "See the sunset?" I pointed towards the window. Eiji squinted towards the light. This had probably been the first time he was allowed to see the sky in his time here.
"I'm so…tired, Hisana," he mumbled, words beginning to slur together. "My head hurts. Everythin' hurts. Can you just…just talk to me? Like you do with Chiyo? I…I wanna forget, just…just fo' a moment." I closed my eyes, swallowing heavily.
"It's okay. You're safe now. You can feel the sunlight, can't you? Warm against your face. See the way the entire sky just blends into orange and yellow and red? The way the sunlight glows off the all the buildings in the Seireitei, how it causes the white tower to shimmer?" Perhaps it was a good thing Eiji was so out of it, since he didn't seem to notice that there was no way I should have been able to go into this level of detail. I'd heard Byakuya talk about the Seireitei enough that I could almost picture it myself.
"The sakura blossoms are blooming too, shades of pink and white and red. Can you see the way they drift in the wind? Like it's snowing flower petals, causing the entire city to smell sweet. The ponds have all melted and you can see fish again for the first time in months. Bright flashes of gold and white and black and red in an otherwise dark pond. It's quiet in the gardens, unlike in the rest of Seireitei. Peaceful. Safe." My voice trailed off. Eiji stirred slightly.
"Hisana?" He said, voice almost inaudible. "I want to go home."
I squeezed his hand tightly, fighting back tears.
"I know," I whispered. "Believe me, I know."
When I finally deemed Eiji's condition acceptable, I headed straight for my bedroom, ignoring Morita's concerned glance. Slamming the door shut, I punched the wall as hard as I could.
"Goddamn it!" I screamed, leaning my forehead against the wall and ignoring the blood dripping from my knuckles. That night, a blizzard blazed through my imaginary forest. The trees stood lifeless around the lake's shore, and the mysterious voice—warm, soothing, always slightly muffled—was nowhere to be heard.
"Do you need anything else, Yukimura-san?" Morita asked from behind me. Technically I was allowed to go outside the house, as long as I had someone accompanying me.
"Just some crackers, and I'm good," I said, checking off the latest item on my shopping list. "Oh, and some candy. I can't believe Akiyama doesn't like sweets, it's practically sacrilege."
Morita chuckled. "Not everyone is as obsessed with sugar as you are, Yukimura-san. It's astounding that you're as thin as you are."
"Fast metabolism, Morita-san," I said, scanning the streets for a vendor selling candy. It was then that I felt it. Stiffening, I turned around and found a dark haired man with light green eyes dressed in plain clothes staring straight at me.
That spirit energy…it wasn't familiar but there was no mistaking it. Despite his clothes, I was absolutely certain that the man behind me was a Shinigami. He was suppressing it, I could tell—the way his aura felt muted the way Byakuya's often was—but the faint thrum of power edging it…I glanced towards his waist. Sure enough, he had a sword attached to his belt.
"Is something the matter, Yukimura-san?" I snapped out of it at the sound of Morita's voice.
"It's nothing. Just noticed that the ramen stand over there is having a special today," I smiled, and very carefully did not react. Inside, my thoughts were racing. Morita chuckled.
"You and your ramen, I swear. Sometimes I find it is hard to believe that you are a doctor, Yukimura-san. Your favorite foods seem to all be high-sodium, high-sugar or deep-fried things."
"As a doctor, I understand the value of comfort food," I sniffed, forcing my tone to remain lighthearted and unconcerned, subtly sneaking a glance back towards the Shinigami. He was still watching me, observing me curiously. It was probably my spirit energy that had caught his attention. During his last visit, Byakuya had mentioned that in addition to having higher than average reserves, my reiatsu also felt…controlled. Trained. Something that was uncommon to say the least, especially considering it was clear that I wasn't a Shinigami. Now how to make him follow me?
I sighed, blaming Akiyama's influence for what I was going to do next. When Morita's head turned away, I quickly looked back towards the Shinigami and winked, mouthing follow me and jerking my head towards the ramen shop. With any luck, he wouldn't think that I was hitting on him…although considering the amused grin forming at his mouth, it was too late. However, it accomplished what I'd hoped it would as I caught him entering the shop a few minutes after Morita and I did.
"Please do not order over five bowls of ramen, Yukimura-san." Morita said tiredly. I simply grinned in reply. "Would I do something like that, Morita-san?"
"Yes," he said flatly. "And then you complain about having a stomachache later." I pouted.
"Fine. I'll settle with two and eat a snack later. Happy now?" I watched out of the corner of my eye as the Shinigami sat down two tables away, near the entrance.
"I suppose so," he sighed, reluctantly amused. When my order came, I hurriedly reached for the nearest bowl.
"Careful, the bowl is hot-" The waiter said urgently, reaching out a hand to stop me. Too late. I hissed in pain at the hot temperature and dropped the bowl of ramen into my lap, splattering soup and noodles everywhere.
"Yukimura-san! Are you alright?" Morita asked alarmed. I grimaced as the hot broth burned my lap, but nodded.
"Yeah, it's just-" I looked towards the shop owner pleadingly. He hurriedly made his way over.
"I have a daughter who's about your size, I can grab some of her clothes for you to wear. There's a bathroom upstairs where you can change," he said.
"Thank you," I said gratefully. "I'll be sure to recompense you, of course." Small shops like this normally didn't let customers use their bathrooms, which were often private, so I had to get a bit…creative. As soon as I was alone, I quickly cleaned off, changed, and then dug out my earlier shopping list. I'd never been so thankful that it was a habit of mine to carry around a pen and paper whenever I went shopping, in case I suddenly remembered something I needed to buy. On the back of the list, I wrote scribbled a short summary of Akiyama's actions and the location where Eiji and the others were being kept. I hesitated, before writing one last line.
They won't last for much longer. Please hurry.
Tucking the note into a pocket, I made my way back downstairs. As I'd hoped, the Shinigami was still there, halfway through eating his meal.
"I've already paid the owner for the clothes," Morita said, looking at me disapprovingly. "You should be more careful, Yukimura-san."
"Ahaha, thanks Morita-san," I said sheepishly, ignoring the rising guilt I felt at what I was about to do. "Maybe I'll just eat back at headquarters. I'm not really in the mood for ramen anymore."
"I suppose you wouldn't be, after having spilled it all over yourself," he muttered. "Very well. Let's go."
As we walked by the entrance, I made sure to bump lightly into the Shinigami. When he reached out to steady me, I slipped the note into his sleeve, carefully not looking back. I'd made my choice—had made it from the instant I'd first seen the Shinigami. If my hands shook slightly…well, no one was around to see.
The first sign that something was wrong was the yelling.
I shot up in my bed, staring at the door with wide eyes. Scrambling out of my room, I barely registered the sight of a guard fighting—and losing—against a black clad figure before I was sprinting to the basement. The sight of the two guards slumped over drunk made me pause for an instant, before I grabbed one of their clubs and knocked them both out for good measure. I was in the midst of trying to detach the ring of keys from Guard #1's belt when quiet footsteps made me look up.
"So it was you. Somehow I'm not surprised," Akiyama said, an eerie lack of expression on his face. His voice was calm, pleasant even, as though we were talking about something as simple as the weather. I took a step back, uneasy. "How long have you been planning to betray me, Hisana-chan?"
"Not long actually. I saw the opportunity this afternoon and took it." From the moment I'd registered the Shinigami's reiatsu, I'd seen two possible courses of action play out in front of me. Only one ended with Eiji, Chiyo and Hiro getting home.
"I am curious though as to how you managed to tip them off? I had someone watching you at all times. And no matter how pleasant Morita may seem, his loyalties are to me first and foremost."
"I slipped one of them a note when Morita wasn't looking," I admitted. "I wasn't always a successful healer, you know. At one point, I had thievery down to an art. It wasn't too hard to figure out how to reverse-pickpocket someone." My voice didn't come out as steady as I'd hoped.
"I see." Akiyama's hand drifted towards his sword. "In that case, I have no more to say to you. I can forgive many things, but betrayal is not one of them. I cannot allow you to live." I stiffened, whipping out my tanto just in time to deflect his blow, my arms buckling from the strain.
"They'll be down here any moment!" I said, shoving him off.
"That's true," he allowed, slashing his sword in a series of movements that I barely managed to keep up with. "And I have no doubt that they'll kill me when they do. It won't be before I've killed you and disposed of the prisoners, though."
Fighting a relatively-skilled swordsman with a comparatively tiny dagger was not easy. Nor fun. It was only thanks to my sparring sessions with Mitsuo and Kazuki that I wasn't dead yet. Even so, I was panting heavily and bleeding from a deep cut on my left shoulder.
"Do you honestly believe that you can defeat me?" He seemed genuinely curious.
"Not with swordsmanship," I admitted before ducking under his arm punching him in the stomach, enhancing my fist with reiatsu. He stumbled back, and barely blocked my follow up blow. A flash of rage appeared on his face for the first time.
"You think that just because you have spirit energy, you can win?" He growled. His sword came down faster than I could block it and slashed across my hip. I couldn't help it—I cried out in pain.
"You're such a hypocrite, Hisana. Always going on about the moral high ground, when in truth you're no better than me. You say that I'm a murderer—what do you think is going to happen to every single person of this household? Men who have wives, children, families…they're all going to die tonight." I flinched, lowering my dagger for a split second, and he seized the opening to shove me against the wall by my throat.
"Fifty one people in this household," he whispered, fingers tightening. I gasped for breath, hands clenching uselessly around the one he was using to hold me off the ground. "Morita Takeshi among them, the man who has been of nothing but help to you these past few weeks. Who argued on your behalf. 'I'm worried about Yukimura-san, Akiyama-dono, she hasn't been eating properly. Let her take a break, Akiyama-dono, let her visit her family. She's been so tired and sad lately,'" Akiyama mocked. "And this is how you repay him? Did you even think of what would happen to him the moment you slipped the Shinigami that note?"
My eyes narrowed. "Sometimes sacrifices have to be made. Didn't you teach me that?" I spat. The truth was, I had considered it. But Eiji, Hiro and Chiyo were my patients—they were my first priority. And the only way to save them while simultaneously ensure my family's safety was to make sure none of Akiyama's men remained.
Triage—one of the first things I'd learned as a doctor in my past life. Sometimes, there was no way to save everybody. It's for the best, I thought firmly. It sounded hollow, even to myself.
With a final burst of effort I kicked out while simultaneously pressing down on a pressure point on his arm. He cursed, letting me go abruptly. I dropped to the ground and before he could recover, rested the tip of my tanto against his heart. He froze, a wry smile curling his lips.
"Well, it looks like I underestimated you. Going to kill me, darling?" Akiyama asked calmly. For a moment I hesitated, staring at his accepting face. His eyes were…soft. Understanding. Familiar, from almost a month of shared dinners, long conversations, board games, lighthearted banter. My hand loosened the slightest bit.
The next thing I knew, my arm was being yanked up and twisted. An audible crack echoed throughout the room and then the pain hit.
I gasped, barely suppressing a scream of agony as Akiyama leaned in closely, still holding my wrist. He plucked the dagger from my hand and tossed it to the side. "I warned you, didn't I, that you kindness would be your downfall one day?" He murmured into my ear before throwing me to the ground. I barely had time to register my back hitting the floor when his foot came down, hard, on my ribs. Another two sickening snaps reached my ears and I couldn't help the strangled sob that forced its way out of my throat. Akiyama looked down at me with an unreadable expression.
"Such a waste," he sighed. "I just have one last question for you. If you hadn't tipped off that Shinigami, none of this would have happened. You would have been permitted to go home in another week—the prisoners weren't going to last longer than that anyway. You could have seen your family; you could have lived. Was all of this-" he made an all-encompassing motion with his arm. "—worth it?"
I thought about what my family would say if they knew about Akiyama's actions. Then I thought about Chiyo, Hiro and Eiji—kids, really—and the many others who came before them. The way Chiyo's posture relaxed slightly whenever I came to visit. Hiro's desperate attempts to be brave. The tentative trust in Eiji's eyes when he looked at me.
"Every last bit," I said steadily. Something like regret passed over Akiyama's face for a fraction of a second. "I truly did enjoy your company these last few weeks. For what it's worth, I'm sorry it had to come down to this, Hisana-chan."
Are you going to let it end like this? A voice echoed in my head. A voice that up until now, I'd only heard in dreams, that I'd begun to hear less and less of recently. Akiyama told you he made a promise. But so did you. Miwa's face flashed in my mind. You promised her that you'd be back, didn't you?
Akiyama's sword slashed down. At the same time, I rolled to the side, ignoring the sharpflaringagonyohgodithurts, and lashed out with one leg. He stumbled, not expecting my sudden movement. With one hand, I grabbed Tatsuya's dagger and then lunged forward in a mad, desperate scramble. Akiyama fell backwards from the weight of my tackle, and the knife slid into his chest in one, smooth movement. Skin, muscle, organs…they all offered no more resistance than a slab of warm butter.
For a moment, we both stared down at the blade protruding from Akiyama's body in shock. My hand, still clutching the hilt, was buried halfway in his torso. Blood—slick, warm and wet—trickled over my fingers.
Akiyama coughed slightly before staggering, dropping his sword and I automatically reached out to steady him in a parody of a lover's embrace.
"Heh…looks like you win, Hisana-chan," Akiyama smiled up at me, blood already staining his lips. We both knew the wound was fatal. He had minutes, at most.
"I…I can take away your pain," I said numbly, still staring at my hands in incomprehension. Red…they were so red. Akiyama shook his head, something like fond exasperation entering his features for a moment.
"Far too easily and far too much, indeed," he muttered, slumping to the floor. "I never could quite cure you of that, but…I suppose I never really wanted to.
"It's your fault!" I said angrily, voice rough. My vision was beginning to blur. "Forcing me to spend time with you…and…and all the stupid…stupid comments! K-k-killing y-you was supposed to be easy! Y-you just t-tried to kill me! You weren't supposed to make me c-care!"
"So you do like me, darling." He smiled weakly, reaching up with one hand to brush my hair out of my face. "I'm a lucky man, to have such a beautiful girl crying over me." Blood was beginning to trickle down from the corners of his mouth now, and I caught his hand before it could fall down.
"Charming until t-the end, aren't y-you?" I laughed brokenly. A drop of liquid escaped my eye and I hastily rubbed it away. "I never wanted to kill you, you know. I hate you so, so much, but I never wanted to be the one to kill you."
"That's what makes us different. I was…wrong. You're nothing like me." Akiyama's breathing grew more labored and he squeezed my hand almost desperately. His eyes—still a striking gold even when clouded with pain and exhaustion—stared intently at my face, taking in my features hungrily. "The Angel of Inuzuri…it's a fitting title," he breathed out, before his eyelids drifted shut. For a moment, I just knelt there at Akiyama's side, clutching his hand to my chest. Even now, I wasn't sure what to label him. A monster? A man? A friend? A hollow, humorless laugh escaped my throat.
"No one mourns the wicked." I said to myself, just a touch hysterically. "Except for me, it seems." I looked down at Tatsuya's dagger. How strange, that it played such a large role in the lives of two men who reminded me so much of each other. To be wielded by one and used to kill the other. I stared at it for another moment, before deciding to leave it there.
"Sorry, Tatsuya," I murmured. "I think it's about time I let go of you now."
When I staggered into the room, I found Eiji, Chiyo and Hiro all awake. Hiro's relieved expression when he saw me quickly morphed into one of concern.
"Hisana-san! What's going on?" He glanced at my arm and something a lot like fury entered his eyes. "Who hurt you?"
"Don't worry about that right now," I said wearily. I was lucky that Akiyama hadn't broken my ribs completely—I really didn't think I could deal with a punctured lung right now. Even so, every breath felt like someone was shoving a red hot poker through my lungs. "Let's get you out of here."
I'd just finished letting all three of them out of their restraints when I felt an unfamiliar presence behind me and stiffened. Seconds later, I felt the unforgiving bite of steel against my neck.
"Don't move, or I slit your throat," a cold voice demanded. In front of me, I could see comprehension entering Eiji's eyes.
"Wait!" He shouted, struggling to move forward. "Don't hurt her! She hasn't done anything wrong!" I closed my eyes. It would be the height of irony if, after everything, I died at the hands of a Shinigami because I helped them.
"Maa, maa," another voice said bemusedly. "You can remove your sword from her neck, Sasaki-chan. I recognize this one."
"Shiba-fukutaicho!" Hiro said in surprise. "How…how did you find us?"
"That would be thanks to your friend, here." I looked up to see the Shinigami I'd handed my note to, along with an unfamiliar girl staring at me distrustfully. "She tipped me off about your location. I probably wouldn't have found you three otherwise, your reiatsu levels are so low." Eiji and Hiro stared at me with wide eyes.
"My thanks for that, by the way." The dark haired Shinigami turned to me, green eyes warm. "So you're the healer they mentioned, huh? The one who can use healing kido? I'm Shiba Kaien, vice-captain of the 13th Division. Nice to meet you properly this time. You ran off before I could talk to you the first time I saw you."
"I'm Yukimura Hisana," I said. "Nice to see you finally showed up. I was beginning to think you'd gotten lost in the building."
"Wait, wait, we're really going to just let her go?" Sasaki interrupted, glaring at me harshly. "Kaien-dono, you know what these monsters were getting up to! You saw the notes, their plans for what they were preparing to do! They killed children!"
"She's the only reason we're still alive right now!" Eiji snapped, staggering to his feet. "The only thing she's done is keep us alive! She never participated in the experiments!"
"That you know of," Sasaki sneered. "My, I never thought I'd see the day when someone of the esteemed Kuchiki clan would defend a commoner so readily. Especially an enemy of the Gotei 13, who's already proven her relative skill. I guess it just goes to show that anyone can become susceptible to Stockholm syndrome."
"Oh? So we're going to reward someone who's helped us by killing them? It's a wonder we have any allies then." Hiro growled. "It's not like she wanted to help them. They threatened her family."
"Even if that were true, what's to stop her from aiding another enemy? All they'd have to do is threaten her family again," Sasaki argued. "She helped a mad scientist this time. What's to stop her from helping another criminal again?"
Meanwhile, Kaien was watching me steadily. One eyebrow quirked up, as if to ask what are you going to do about it?
"No, she's got a point," I spoke up quietly. Both Hiro and Eiji turned to face me, aghast.
"Hisana-"
"You didn't do anything wrong-"
"I'm an outsider with high reiatsu and in-depth knowledge of how to control it. Furthermore, I'm an outsider who's already shown that I'm willing to aid a hostile party if threatened. That makes me an attractive target to enemies of the Gotei 13, as well as a possible liability to the Shinigami. Of course the Gotei 13 isn't going to leave me alone after this. But if I become a Shinigami, none of that is an issue, is it, Shiba-fukutaicho?" I asked, looking straight into sea-green eyes.
I was, as far as I knew, the only person who could heal using reiatsu outside of the Seireitei. It had been…naïve to believe that people would leave me alone forever, and sooner or later my family would get caught up in it. Becoming a Shinigami wasn't something I'd ever wanted to do but if it meant keeping my family from becoming a target, well…
"Kaien-dono," Sasaki spoke up again, although she seemed more hesitant this time.
"Kuchiki-kun and Murakami-kun are correct. Yukimura did not work directly against any Shinigami—we can hardly punish her for keeping our people alive, can we? It wouldn't be fair, especially since she is also the reason we succeeded in our mission in the first place," Kaien said mildly. He turned to me with a smile. "Welcome to the Gotei 13, Yukimura Hisana. I look forward to working with you in the future."
As it turned out, there were two more Shinigami waiting upstairs. This was a good thing, since Eiji collapsed about halfway up the stairs and Kaien was already carrying Chiyo. Hiro was reluctantly leaning on Sasaki and I was in no condition to help anyone.
"Hisana-san? Are you alright?" Eiji whispered to me. I tore my gaze away from where I could see Morita's body, lying on the ground and squeezed my eyes shut. I would not cry. I couldn't afford have a breakdown right now.
"Let's make our way out of here, shall we?" Kaien said, voice gentle. His eyes were understanding when they looked at me.
"It's hard to hate people when they are kind to you," I whispered. He ruffled my hair.
"And it's okay to mourn him." Kaien paused for a second. "I sent a message to the Seireitei. Another crew will be sent here to clean the area up." Code for disposing of the bodies, I guess. "Was there anything else you needed, Yukimura?"
"Just one thing," I said, gazing southward. "My family is in the 78th district of South Rukongai. Please allow me to say goodbye." It was not a request. Behind me, Sasaki bristled.
"We don't have time to go all the way out there!" She snarled. Kaien laid a restraining hand on her shoulder.
"Maa, we would have had to stay a few more days anyway. The others aren't fit for long-distance travel yet. We can find an inn and stay for the night, and I can take her to Inuzuri tomorrow. It's only about two hours away with shunpo anyway."
"Thank you," I said gratefully. He winked at me. "It's not like I could have talked you out of it. I didn't want to wake up in the middle of the night to find you sneaking out the window."
Hiro, Eiji and Chiyo didn't take the news of my departure well. Or rather, they didn't take the news that they weren't allowed to follow well.
"Idiot!" Sasaki hissed, whacking a scowling Hiro on the head. "You can't even take walk across the room without collapsing, how do you expect to travel through ten districts? Kaien-dono can't take both of you!"
"I'm fine! Hisana has a broken arm. And two cracked ribs," he protested. Chiyo didn't say anything, merely clutched my sleeve tightly with one hand and refused to let go.
"I just want to meet your family, Hisana-san. You've told us so much about them that I'm curious," Eiji sulked. I sighed at his pouting expression. Kuchiki dignity, my ass.
"It's only for a few days, Eiji-kun. Then I'll be back. I want to go home," I finished quietly. He flinched at my last words.
"What if I get sick and die while you're gone?" Hiro asked. I shot him an unimpressed look and he winced. Next to him, one of the other two Shinigami Kaien had brought—I was pretty sure his name was Kawaguchi- huffed up indignantly.
"I spent two decades in the Fourth Division! I assure you, I can treat you far better than she can," he said sounding offended. Eiji sent him a look of such deep disdain that he actually stepped back. I was strongly reminded of Byakuya and the other reason I really didn't want Eiji coming back with me. Just thinking about how Rukia and Renji would react to meeting Eiji gave me a headache.
"You keep saying we're not well enough to travel yet. But right now, your reiatsu levels are so low that you can't even heal yourself completely," he pointed out.
"There are some benefits to letting things heal naturally, you know," I sniffed before my expression softened a fraction. "I'll be fine, Eiji-kun. I kept the three of you alive for almost a month—I think I can keep myself alive for a couple days," I pointed out dryly. "Just take care of each other, alright? Especially Chiyo-chan." I looked down fondly at the girl currently sleeping in my lap.
"Of course," Hiro scoffed. "As if you even needed to ask." Eiji sighed and sat down next to me.
"Get some rest while you're home, will you? And I want to see you gain some weight back." His eyes lingered on my almost-skeletal wrists and I hastily pulled my sleeves down.
"This is nothing. I'll recover in a couple weeks," I said, refusing to look at him and ignoring Eiji's frustrated sigh. As if he was any better, the hypocrite. "I'll see you later, Eiji-kun. Shiba-fukutaicho, I'm ready to go when you are."
He nodded, pale green eyes studying me intently. "You know, admitting you need help doesn't mean you're weak. No one can stand strong all the time."
"I'll keep that in mind when I do need help," I agreed. "Are you ready to go?" He eyed me for another moment, before visibly relenting.
"You know, I don't think I've actually ever gone that far in South Inuzuri," Kaien mused, expression brightening. A mischievous grin lit his face and I took a wary step back. "Let me introduce you to this wonderful thing called hohou."
"Wait…" I said, only now realizing that I had no idea how exactly Kaien was going to take me there. The next thing I knew, I was staring at the sky, one of his arms wrapped securely around my shoulders and the other supporting my knees. "Shiba, don't you dare-"
He laughed, eyes bright with humor. "Too late. Hold on tight, this is going to be fun."
Two hours later, I was about ready to throw up.
"Never again," I vowed, staggering forward. "I don't care if I have to crawl, I am never doing that again. Once was too many."
"What's wrong? Can't take a little speed?" Kaien taunted. I kicked his shin and he hopped away with a curse. "Shut up, you bastard." I'd seen shunpo before, of course, but experiencing it for myself… "I'm never learning that. I don't want my gravestone to say 'Here lies Yukimura Hisana. Died from learning shunpo after crashing headfirst into a tree.'"
"Hohou is one of the four basic Shinigami combat techniques," he commented, sounding incredibly amused. I glared darkly at him. "You're going to have to learn it at some point."
"I'll make it work. Just you watch, I'll show you—I'll show everyone—that that skill should be banned and erased from human memory. Even if I have to invent my own style of transportation, it'll be worth it."
"You're overreacting," he chuckled, before looking around. "Well, we're here. So where do we go now?" We were on the outskirts of Inuzuri and I smiled softly. It really had been too long. I'd missed the sounds of people haggling for goods, the familiar smell of Ichiraku's ramen, the sight of familiar buildings—
I stiffened, feeling two very familiar reiatsu signatures heading towards me at top speed.
"Oh dear," I muttered, bracing myself. Even now, still nauseous from two hours of insanely dizzying travel, I could sense them without even trying.
"What is it-?" Was all Kaien had time to get out before two blurs burst into sight. Another second and I was slammed into the ground.
"Nee-chan!" I gasped as my torso was squeezed painfully, taking a moment to thank Kami that I'd had the foresight to wrap my ribs securely last night.
"Ow—ribs—arm," I struggled to get out. In an instant, the weight on me was lifted. Rukia gaped at my body, how my right arm was in a sling, the bandages peeking through my shirt collar, the way my breathing was slightly labored. I'd really taught her too well. Renji's face was slowly turning red.
"Nee-chan," she whispered, looking horrified. "Oh my god…you…and then I just…" Meanwhile, Renji had whirled around to face Kaien.
"Did you do this to her?" He asked, voice uncharacteristically deadly. "Were you the one who hurt my sister?" Kaien looked slightly taken aback at the sheer fury suddenly saturating Renji's reiatsu. One hand was already drifting towards his sword.
"Stop it, you guys. He did nothing," I said, struggling to sit up. "Show some respect to Shiba-fukutaicho." From the twin venomous looks Rukia and Renji simultaneously sent Kaien, my attempt at diffusing the situation backfired. Apparently after meeting Byakuya, the title 'lieutenant' meant nothing to either of them.
"What the hell happened?" Rukia shrieked at him, stomping forward. Kaien looked faintly bemused at being threatened by a short girl not even fully in her teens yet.
"Didn't Miwa tell you?" I asked, walking over to Rukia and subtly grabbing her sword arm. Rukia glared at me, eyes watering at the corners. My stomach suddenly felt very heavy, as if I'd swallowed a stone.
"All I know is that Aoki-bastard sold you out to an outsider and then you went with him after he threatened Miwa and then by the time we found out, you were already gone and I couldn't sense you anywhere no matter how hard I tried-"
"…and no one knew who took you, even though Kazuki-nii hasn't slept like at all these past few weeks trying to find out where you'd gone, and all of Inuzuri was freaking out and…and Miwa told us you promised you'd be back, but you were still missing-"
"I'm so sorry," I said, voice a bit thick. Bending down, I wrapped my good arm around both of them in a tight hug, burying my face into Rukia's hair. She was here, she was safe…for the first time since Aoki's betrayal I felt like I could breathe properly, cracked ribs notwithstanding. "But I kept my promise, yeah?"
"What happened?" Rukia demanded. "You—you go missing for three weeks and you come back with a broken arm and don't think I haven't noticed how your breathing is shallow." My smile became strained.
"Ah. A client came to me, who required my medical expertise. Not too different from a normal job actually, but…things went a bit wrong." More like they'd been screwed up beyond repair before I'd even started. Behind me, Kaien snorted.
"Bullshit. Don't try to downplay this, Hisana-nee-san," Renji growled.
"Your sister was kidnapped and blackmailed by a mad-scientist psychopath, who had captured and was experimenting on a group of Shinigami. Her job was to keep them alive," Kaien said bluntly. "She tipped me off when she happened to bump into me two days ago. They weren't happy—thus, the injuries."
"You—you-" I sputtered, speechless with rage. My left hand clenched into a fist. "They—they're children! I can't believe you-"
"Told them the truth? To be honest, it was beginning to get a bit painful watching you try to brush the entire thing off."
"Didja kill them?" Renji asked quietly. I whirled around. Renji was staring unflinchingly at Kaien with hard eyes. Kaien offered a single nod and a flash of satisfaction crossed his face. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rukia relax.
"Come on, you need to come home. The others don't know you're back yet," Rukia said tugging at my hand. Glancing at my face, she added, "Oi, Renji. Give her your sunglasses, or we'll be swarmed in seconds."
Renji nodded in understanding, and fished around in his pocket. "There. People'll just think she's a blind, injured girl. Combined with the cast, it's perfect."
"You guys are silly," I sighed, but left the glasses on. Rukia took off her jacket and wrapped it around my head to hide my hair. "Lead the way," I said, smiling slightly. Rukia giggled and tugged my hand forward.
"Hey guys! Guess who I found?" Rukia sang out, dragging me into the kitchen.
"Who is-" Was all Mitsuo got out before he caught sight of me. Beside him, Kaori dropped the pot she was holding. Miwa's eyes widened and she swayed slightly, before steadying herself on the counter.
"Well," a voice remarked from the living room. "I gotta say, you look like shit, Hisana."
"Nice to see you again too, Kazuki." My voice shook slightly, and I cleared my throat. Next to him, Kaori seemed to have recovered from her shock and stormed up to me with a murderous expression, drawing back one arm. I braced myself.
A light tap against my forehead made me peek open one eye and then I was having the life squeezed out of me for the second time that day. "Idiot," she said, face buried in my shoulder and her voice thick. I swallowed, fighting against the stinging in my eyes. A second pair of arms enveloped me from the back as Mitsuo joined in the hug.
"Careful, she injured her ribs," Rukia said in alarm.
"She can deal with it," Kaori retorted, voice muffled. "After all the worry she put us through? She deserves it." Despite her words, she adjusted her hold so that less pressure was put on my chest.
"Shishou," Miwa spoke up quietly. I looked up to see her studying my face almost hungrily, wide brown eyes not looking away for a moment.
"Hey," I said, stepping away and opening my arms. "I swore I'd be back, didn't I?" She let out a sob and rushed forward.
"Ah…" Kaien said awkwardly from the doorway. I'd almost forgotten about him. "I'll just come back later then, shall I? Yukimura, you have three days." With that, he shunpoed away. I looked back to find Rukia staring at me intently.
"Three days? What did he mean by that?" She demanded. I closed my eyes in resignation—I'd been hoping to put this conversation off a bit longer, but…
"The person who…hired me—Akiyama Daiki, the head of a minor yakuza family- was someone who had taken an interest in how spirit energy worked. He'd captured multiple Shinigami to…conduct some studies on them, but after the first few died, he wanted to find a way to keep them around for a longer period of time." My voice was clinical. Detached. "That's where I came in."
Horrified comprehension was settling in Miwa's eyes. She, more than anyone, understood just how my healing worked.
"About two days ago, I ran into a Shinigami—Shiba-fukutaicho—at the marketplace. It was sheer luck, really. I managed to slip him a note detailing what was going on. That night, a team of Shinigami invaded the base where we were staying. I got into an altercation with my employee once he found out what I'd done. That's where I got my injuries from," I continued, staring at a stain on the wall. It felt like I was hearing my own words from a long distance away. I felt almost numb. Like what I was describing had happened to someone else.
"However, even though I had not…technically worked against the Gotei 13, I found myself in a difficult situation. My skills were attracting too much attention." I smiled wanly. "My knowledge could become a possible threat to the Gotei 13 in the future, if something wasn't done."
Never let it be said that any member of my family was slow on the uptake.
"Hisana, you-" For once, Kazuki was speechless.
"Shiba-fukutaicho has kindly agreed to arrange my entrance into the Shin'ou Academy. I will be taking the entrance exam in three weeks," I said, voice even. From what I had gleaned from Kaien, the curriculum was taught over six years. Each year was divided into a spring/summer (the end of March through August) and a fall/winter semester (the end of September through February), with an entrance exam offered at the start of each term.
"So soon?" Miwa spoke up, visibly dismayed.
"They don't want to chance something like what happened with Akiyama occurring again. Staying here another six months would be risky." I didn't tell them the other reason I was leaving so soon. The thing was, part of my value as a healer was due to my skill, yes. But the other reason I was so valuable was because I was willing to treat anyone, so long as they didn't harm my family. And to do that, a certain level of trust between my patients and myself was required. After Aoki's betrayal…I didn't think I'd be able to attain that same level of trust ever again.
"It's not fair!" Renji burst out, just as I made a mental note to myself to speak to Kazuki and Mitsuo about taking steps to provide Miwa with adequate protection after I left. "That you have to become a Shinigami. You've never wanted this!"
"I may have never wanted this for myself, but that doesn't mean I hadn't prepared for the possibility. I've always known that I might have to join the Gotei 13 someday," I said tiredly. Renji opened his mouth to protest but Mitsuo laid a hand on his shoulder, quieting him.
"You're not going to change your mind, are you?" He asked seriously. My smile turned a bit bitter.
"I started learning healing kido as a way to help this family. When I decided to offer my skills to the public, that goal hadn't changed," I said, shaking my head. "Now though, all it's doing is attracting attention here that I don't want. My skill set is too…unique. My reputation has spread too far for me to do anything about it, but…Miwa, it's not too late for you. As far as the outside world knows, you've never learned healing kido from me. I've never had you treat a patient with it, and it will stay that way, understood?"
"Yes, Shishou," she agreed, eyes sharp. "My reiatsu levels were too low for you to teach me anything effective. Instead, you focused on teaching me general remedies and the properties of different herbs. In fact, my skills never progressed beyond being your assistant." I relaxed slightly.
"Good girl," I murmured.
"Well then," Kazuki stated, standing up. "If we only have three days before you have to leave, we're going to make the most of it. First things first—let's get some food into you. Kami damn it, you look like you've lost fifteen pounds since I last saw you, and you were thin enough then! Then, I'm going to let the rest of Inuzuri know that you're back so people can stop knocking on our door twenty times a day. After that, I'm going to track down that Shinigami who brought you back and I'm going to let him know that if he lets anything happen to you on your way to the Seireitei, I'm going to dump a bottle of sake on him and set him on fire," he finished cheerfully.
"I'll help you with that," Rukia said, standing up and exiting the room. "I gotta do something first, though."
"Is she going to be okay?" I asked worried. "She's being unusually quiet."
"Nah, she's fine," Renji said dismissively. "I'm pretty sure I know what she's up to." With that, he got up too and followed her.
"You know, I expected a lot more protest from both of them." I hadn't expected either of them to take the news so well, especially after seeing how worried they'd been about my recent absence. Maybe they were calmer because this time, they knew where I'd be going? Kaori snorted.
"And that should be a warning sign. But if you're too dumb to figure it out for yourself, I'm not going to tell you. Someone needs to keep an eye on you anyway."
"What do you guys think you're doing?" I gaped. Clothes were strewn everywhere—across the bed, on the floor…pretty much everywhere but the closet and drawers, which was where they should've been. Rukia was standing over a half-filled knapsack scowling at Renji with her arms crossed.
"You moron! Stop taking up so much space! Who the hell needs this many jackets, anyway?"
"Shut up! At least jackets are practical! You'd just stuff that giant Chappy stuffed animal of yours in here."
"Kids," I interrupted. "Care to explain what you're doing?" Rukia raised an eyebrow at me.
"Isn't it obvious? We're going with you," she said, tone implying that I should have known this already.
"Yeah. It's not like we weren't planning on heading off in a couple of years anyway. Going a bit early won't hurt," Renji added. "All we have to do is pass the entrance test thingy and we can start school with you!" I pinched the bridge of my nose.
"Don't even try telling us that we're too young, nee-chan. You're only like, ten years older than me and there's no age requirement anyway." Rukia said stubbornly. "And if we can't even pass the entrance test, then Oni-sensei is more useless than I'd thought." Of course. When in doubt, blame Byakuya.
"You…you're not even properly in your teens yet!" I huffed out frustrated. The details of how-things-originally-should-have-gone were becoming fuzzy, but I was fairly sure Rukia and Renji weren't supposed to enter the academy for another couple of decades. "Your reiatsu levels, while high for your age, aren't anywhere close to being developed. Some of the students there will be hundreds of years old. I don't have much of a choice, but you should at least wait until you're a century old before applying!" I ran a hand through my hair distractedly. "What about Miwa? Kaori, Kazuki and Mitsuo? Once you become a Shinigami, that's it. There's no going back. Just…I want you to enjoy being on your own for a while longer," I finished pleadingly. "Adulthood lasts for eternity and I don't want you to have to grow up quicker because of me."
"I don't care about being a kid and all that crap. I just don't want to be away from you again!" Rukia blurted out. "You just got back and now you're telling me you have to go away again?! Three weeks was bad enough! How am I supposed to deal with months, or even years? I get that you can't help leaving this time, but that doesn't mean I can't follow!"
"I'm not asking you to stay away forever," I said softly, pulling her into a hug. "Kami knows I'd miss you too much for that. Just…appreciate what you have for a bit longer? Once you become a Shinigami, you'll have all the time in the world to spend with me. But you won't be able come back here as often."
I already knew that the others wouldn't move to a closer district. Inuzuri, for all its faults, was home. It was where Mitsuo had his dojo and his students. Where Kaori had grown up with nothing, lacking memories, possessions, even a last name, but had succeeded in carving a place out for herself anyway. Where Kazuki had grown from a conman, a thug, to running his own bar. Where Miwa had first learned that she had a future worth living for. They all had their own lives here. I'd never ask any of them to give that up.
"Fine. But I won't wait for long," she said, eyes red. "As soon as fall comes around, I'm heading to the Seireitei, taking that test, and you can't stop me. I love Mitsuo-nii, Kazuki-nii and Kaori-nee and Miwa is awesome, but this place isn't home if you aren't here."
"I know," I whispered. Despite how attached I'd become to Inuzuri and its residents, I wasn't like the others. Home, to me, would always be where Rukia was.
Glancing over Rukia's head, I made eye contact with Renji. His gaze was steady, confident. An understanding—that no matter what, Renji would go wherever Rukia went—passed between us in that moment and I relaxed.
"It's so cool, though. Like you're going to get to school and learn so much! I wonder what the lessons are like?" Rukia asked dreamily. I grimaced. Wonderful. After over seventy years and dying twice, I now had to take classes all over again. Honestly, I'd had enough of school my first lifetime. Twelve years of public school, four years of university, four years of medical school, another five years of residency…and now I was about to start another six years of education.
"Believe me, you don't want to know," I muttered darkly.
"Can't sleep?" I looked up from my cup of sake to see Mitsuo taking a seat across from me.
"No. I've got a lot on my mind," I admitted. "A lot has happened these past few weeks."
"Well, it looks like you've finally convinced the kids to stay here for a bit longer," he commented.
"They shouldn't have to leave early because of me," I muttered.
"You're more than just a sister to Rukia, you know. She may love the rest of us, but you're also the closest thing she has to a mother. When she heard you were going to leave…well, what did you expect? Of course she wanted to go with you." Mitsuo was silent for a moment. "She hasn't been sleeping well, ever since you went missing. Tonight's the first night she's managed to go to bed for more than a few hours. You should be sleeping too; you already look like death warmed over."
"Thanks," I muttered dryly before running a hand through my hair in frustration. "It's just…I can't stop thinking about something Akiyama said. He told me that I was responsible for the deaths of fifty one people that night. And he was right…out of everyone who'd been a part of that project, I was the only one who survived," I said softly, downing the cup of sake in front of me.
"You can't blame yourself for that, Hisana," Mitsuo said intently.
"I know. And I don't. I knew what I was doing when I handed Shiba that note, and I don't regret it. It came down to a choice, and I did what I had to do." I poured myself another glass. "But that night was the only time I ever killed someone that I knew. Someone with a name and a face. Akiyama actually reminded me a bit of Tatsuya, you know. Not his actions, of course, but his personality. He was…charming, when he wanted to be. Incredibly charismatic. The type of person you couldn't help but like a bit."
"I'd noticed that you didn't have Tatsuya's dagger anymore," Mitsuo said quietly.
"I figured that I'm carrying around enough guilt without purposefully adding another reminder," I laughed hollowly. "I hated Akiyama for what he made me do. For what he himself did to the prisoners, and to uncountable others. I'll never be able to forgive him for that. But at the same time, a part of me saw him as a friend of sorts. Someone I genuinely got along well with, whenever I managed to forget just what he was doing. And…awful as it sounds, I never really wanted him to die." My voice cracked towards the end and I refused to look up.
"Oh, Hisana," Mitsuo sighed, pulling me forward into a hug. My breath came out a bit shakily and I clutched desperately at his shirt.
"The things he did…oh Kami, you can't even imagine. Every day it'd be a new form of torture, a new experimental drug, and I'd have to paste a smile to my face and heal them knowing that they'd just be cut open again the next day. And I'd always have to keep calm, because those kids were relying on me and I was their only source of kindness those few weeks, the only thing keeping them sane and if I broke down, what would happen to them? And every night I'd have to eat dinner with him and I'd have to pretend that nothing was wrong, because if I didn't entertain him enough he'd take it out on the prisoners. I couldn't do anything to help them because then he might send people after you guys and bringing the subject up always made him angry. And I can't…I just can't do that again. Using my healing kido, something meant to help that way…it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. An abomination." Mitsuo's arms tightened around me and I took a shuddering breath.
"The worst part though," I ranted hysterically, "The absolute worst part is that even after all that, I still couldn't just hate him like any normal person would! Like any sane person would! Even after he tried to kill me, because the way he talked sometimes, it was like speaking to Tatsuya all over again, and I could see some of myself in him too. And there was this other guy, Morita, who was always kind to me…how do you hate people who are kind to you?"
"Listen to me, Hisana," Mitsuo grabbed me by the shoulders and forced me to look up into his face. "You're only human. You were caught up in an awful situation and you made the best of it. No one can ask you for more."
"I felt so out of control," I whispered. "There wasn't anything I could do. I…I never want to feel that helpless again."
"And you're not," Mitsuo stated firmly. "You're one of the strongest people I've ever known. But Hisana…even you can't be strong all the time. What you faced…it's over. You can let go now." He wrapped his arms around my shaking shoulders.
Just this once, I thought, burying my face in Mitsuo's chest. Mitsuo didn't say anything as my tears began to soak through his shirt, merely adjusted his hold so that I was in a more comfortable position. Just for tonight, I'll allow myself to cry.
Later that night, I felt a warm body burrow under the covers by my side. I didn't say anything, merely shifted so that I clutched Rukia tightly to me. For the first time in weeks, I slept without nightmares.
Author's Note: If you thought Akiyama's death was too mushy…well, their relationship definitely wasn't healthy. And there wasn't any point in getting angry at her—he knew that no matter what, he was going to die that night (there were still the other Shinigami to consider) and I think he actually preferred that it was Hisana who did it.
Hisana's decision to betray Akiyama and become a Shinigami…it came down to three things, really. First of all, she definitely disagreed with Akiyama's actions and wouldn't be able to live with herself if she just let Byakuya's cousin die. Then she had to consider the future, and what would happen if another enemy of the Gotei 13 decided to come along and 'recruit' her. See, what really terrified her about Akiyama wasn't that he was a pretty awful guy. Horrible as he was, he wouldn't have harmed her or her family for no reason (unlike Aoki he respected her, in his own way—much like Tatsuya did, actually). Dealing with a pissed off Hisana wouldn't be worth it. No, it was more the fact that he was an enemy of the Gotei 13, which would make HER an enemy of the Gotei 13, which would result in a big fat target being painted on her family's backs. And the last reason Hisana chose to join the Gotei 13 is…well, the reason why Hisana is so successful in Inuzuri is her reputation for being willing to help anyone. And for that to be possible, there has to be a certain level of trust between her and her patients. And after being betrayed so blatantly by someone who she was POSITIVE was harmless…well, let's just say even if she wasn't discovered by Kaien and the others, she still wouldn't be able to go back to the way things were before.