Chapter 14- "Once Again"
"I'm sorry." Fierceheart says, for what seems the hundredth time. Crookedstar's piercing eyes bore into her, like he could see straight through her. It felt violating and she felt as naked as a shaved fox. "Please, I tried."
Leopardfur, standing at the leaders side, shook her head softly. "I just don't understand. You say Brokenstar invaded our territory, took out an unsuspecting apprentice and then.. just left. You didn't even follow him? Yo-"
"I tried to stop him, he- he-"
"You obviously didn't try hard enough!" Cried a grief stricken sibling of Hallowpaw's. It was a small apprentice with similar whitish gray colorings, named Heavypaw.
Fierceheart couldn't meet any of their eyes. She knew this wouldn't go down well. The fur on her back was prickling and deep in her belly it churned with guilt that she fought to keep from her eyes. When she spoke, she spoke through a clenched jaw. "I did. I swear, he is so much bigger than-"
"Then why don't you have any scratches or injures to show?" Mudfur growls, pacing around on her left.
Fleetingly her eyes look to him but dart away quickly. Despite everything she could not find an answer to that. Why hadn't she chased the damn tomcat as soon as she had seen him? Why did she even allow such a chance to appear and have him so close to Hallowpaw?
Starclan, save me.
"I don't know what to say to you." Crookedstar suddenly sighs, looking up from the gathered cat that surrounded Hallowpaw's mangled corpse. It was late evening, the sun played against the snow and glinted over the frozen river. Fierceheart only wished she could pause to admire it.
Instead her eyes were staring desperately to Crookedstar, begging him to believe her innocent and uncorrupted. "Say only the truth. Starclan knows, Crookedstar, they know I didn't! I would never hurt a.. a clan mate, I could never be in league with Brokenstar."
He cast a long glance towards the camp exit, like he is far off in thought. There are many seasons of hardness in his face. His body gives way to many years of hard work. Never had he seemed so powerful to Fierceheart. Not even the first day she came here, plopped at his feet, a mere kit caught in cross fire overpowered the new sense this tom gave her.
"Mudfur," Crookedstar began, turning his face to the medicine cat. "Tell her what you have told me."
His words jolted many cats, but none so much as Fierceheart. She had been looking towards the exit like their leader, but instead of what he may have been contemplating, she was wondering where Silverstream was. Fierceheart felt completely alone in this camp full of mourning cats and all of them giving her this crude look that she knew Silverstream wouldn't stand for.
Here and now, Fierceheart was as ally-less as she had been in Shadowclan.
The wind around them seemed colder somehow, the gray clouds roiled overhead, blocking out the sun and Fierceheart shivered. All the while Mudfur stepped forward, staring directly at her.
"Our clan has been going downhill ever since this cat's arrival, starting with Whiteclaw's death." Fierceheart nearly spoke out. Thunderclan killed that warrior! But she held it back, staring at this tom who has hated her all along. "Now our clan grows sick, our numbers are falling dramaticly, no kits have been born and here, right before us, one of our most promising apprentices lies dead at our feet." He speaks with nothing back a detached, amending tone. "Our borders are infiltrated by a cat that has threatened our leader, that still escaped here unfollowed and unthreatened. Many nights ago, Starclan granted me a dream. I dreamed of a sickness encroaching the land, our river, flooding our camp like poisonous smoke," he put an extra piece of spite in the word of poison, as if he was attributing that solely as Fierceheart herself. "They spoke to me simple words, 'Secret betrayals will be uncovered among Riverclan'. What more can they mean, then the stranger that we let into our midst?"
Silence pursued Mudfur's long speech. Fierceheart just looked to Crookedstar in appeal. She could not go out again. She could not allow her father to win!
"Starclan means to warm us, Crookedstar. Surely you will listen." Mudfur murmurs after a long pause.
Leopardfur looks like she had nothing to add, she sits with her head hanging low, her eyes trained on Hallowpaw's face. It was her apprentice. He was her little fur-ball of energy and enthusiasm. Now he lay still, for once in his short life, and it felt wrong.. dirty.. reeking of foul play.
What was worse was that his blood was on her. It was soaked into her fur just behind her right ear, where Brokenstar had licked her. Unbeknownst to her, until upon entering Mistyfoot had pointed it out, Fierceheart suddenly felt it with every nerve. It was warm and if she opened her mouth, breathing deeply she could taste the smell of blood and even a tinge of her father.
Now she fought to keep her lunch down as well as her guilt.
"Please.. I'm no rogue." Fierceheart meows, but Crookedstar lifted his gaze to her.
"I trust in Starclan. They have never led me astray and they have brought me to the tom I am today. I have fought as they told me and I must continue to listen to them or else I would mean my clan harm. Understand what it is to be a leader, I must make choices that will ensure their safety." He didn't move, just sat in front of her with a grave, law a bidding air surrounding him. "We have lost Oakheart, and now a fine apprentice, we lost an elder this morning, Ravinetail, and Leaf-bare has just begun. I have never had trouble with Brokenstar before, until your coming, clearly for my clan's sake you must leave."
Meows of soft agreement were heard around the camp and the sight of Mudfur's pleasure made Fierceheart's emotions sting, like this was drawing all her strength, leaving her crippled. It was an insult, a degrading act... for the second time in her life. "Please.." She whispers, futilely, as Crookedstar continues on.
"You understand don't you? I must protect Silverstream and my warriors and-"
"I get it." Fierceheart breathes, looking quickly to Leopardfur, who refused to look back. "I'll leave." She knew a fight was not worth it. She turned to go and as she pawed her way to the exit Crookedstar's voice followed after her.
"From this day forth, I call Starclan to witness, that this she-cat, Fierceheart, is no long bound to Riverclan. She had shown herself unbelonging and hazily guilty for deaths of the clan and ties to betraying secrets. I ban this warrior to the forest, as a rogue and-"
Whatever else was said, it went unheard by her, because the second she passed the underbrush she was bounding. Her breathing was hitching and cutting off in strange places. She fought back a yowl of sorrow, diving towards the only place she considered worthy of care. Highstones. The only place that has yet to disown her.
A/N: Okay! NEXT CHAPTER IS WHERE FIREHEART AND FIERCEHEART'S RELATIONSHIP BEGINS. (Just thought you should know.) Please review for a faster update. -Taryn(;