I am going to apologize to all Canadians in advance. You will see why pretty soon. This chapter was shorter than I expected… though I will have a chapter with Sora and Kairi tomorrow night!!! Though it will be fillerish…
Bad news. I have two research papers due in the next month, and I will be away almost every weekend for the next month. And then I have finals. I might only be able to update every seven to ten days or so until school ends. Once that is done, I will make it up to you guys with a flurry of chapters unlike anything you have ever seen!!! Like Stephen King, except without the horrible clown.
And now on with this chapter in the Chronicles of Captain Shade, whom I do own, unlike Star Wars, Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, and
The Epic Journey to the Bridge and What Shade Found There
The average turbolift n the Dreadnought was about 4 meters by 4 meters in area. Unfortunately, the fat ass of my new Defender friend was about three quarters that size, not including his shield. Also unfortunately, we all had to squeeze into there, as Domivoi was the last one to enter the turbolift, before we knew exactly how bug he was. Vestara and I were squeezed into the left corner of the lift and Vergere somehow ended up on Domivoi's head. It was a pretty long ride too, about five minutes.
And it wasn't a smooth one, either. Halfway through it, the ride became very, very turbulent. Like Disney's Tower of Terror on steroids. Lots of them. My head got rammed against every hard solid object in the turbolift, including the Defender's shield, which was on the opposite side of his massive body from me. I just love it when the rules of physics decide to bend a bit just to screw me over. Bastards.
At the end of that journey from hell, the lift screeched to a halt and the futuristic door squeaked open. Domivoi, who had been leaning against the door when it opened, fell outwards, taking us with him so that we formed quite the undignified heap of Heartless on the floor of the corridor. A Neoshadow who was passing by snickered at us, till Vestara sent a Firaga after him. Having your ass set on fire really can increase your running speed. Hermes would have had a hard time catching up with that guy.
After that mishap, we picked ourselves up from the floor and dusted ourselves off and set off for the Bridge. Vestara took point, I was right behind her, then Vergere, and Domivoi held up the rear. For about a minute we walked in silence, none of us really sure what to say. Finally, I decided to speak.
"So, Vestara, how exactly did you kill Donald?" I asked her, curious. A number of stories had floated around after Donalds death involving a huge magical duel and soy sauce.
"Well, it was during the attempted retaking of Hollow Bastion by the Nodobies and the keyblade wielders. I was defending part of the Gardens on the grounds of Ansem's Castle when all of a sudden he was there, casting magic left and right, slaying every Heartless he saw. Then I came along and we got into a magical duel of sorts. After about ten seconds, I realized that he had me beat by a long shot and that I was going to die when I realized he was standing right in the middle of the patch of garlic-marijuana hybrids that Ansem loved to put on everything, including his Sea Salt Ice Cream. I cast Firaga on the patch. That shit goes up like rocket fuel." She recounted, her voice full of pride and… sorrow??
"You sounded sad when you said that. Do you regret deep frying that duck?" I asked,my curiosity intrigued.
"Yah… a little bit. He would have made an awesome teacher if I had been able to turn him into a Heartless, like what happened to most of the human heroes." She responded, her voice a bit remorseful at the loss of an easy source of high power spells.
"So you turned one of the universes most accomplished mages into marijuana seasoned pe king duck in under a minute?! Damn… that must have smelled great. I wish I could have been there." Said Domivoi in a hungry voice. We all turned to look at him.
"What? I'm a Defender! Look at the size of me!! I need lots of food to keep this girth up, thus I know a lot about the most fattening types of foods. The Chinese food that they sell in America on Earth is perhaps the third most toxic stuff in the universe, beating out everything but nuclear waste and that Britney Spears album that made that group of people on the Destiny Islands cut their ears off. It tied with the Jonas Brothers and … Celine Dion, unfortunately." The Defender explained.
"WHAT!!! CELINE DION IS NOT TOXIC!!!!! TITANIC ALL THE WAY!!! MY HEART WILL GO ON, BITCHES!!!!" Vestara ranted, fuming. Apparently, she had a passion for Celine Dion, as well as Titanic. Hmm… I wonder…
"Do you like hockey?" I randomly asked, trying to confirm my theory.
"Yah… and?" she answered, shooting me a confused look.
"What about maple syrup?" I inquired.
"Who the hell doesn't like maple syrup? Besides the Flying Pancake Fish, their natural predator is the Maple Syrup Pelican, you really can't blame them for abhorring the stuff." She responded, grimacing. Get a Flying Pancake fish within a mile of maple syrup and you will see why.
"How about snow, you like snow?" I asked.
"Like it? I LOVE IT!!!" she exclaimed with joy.
"Vestara, are you Canadian?" asked Vergere.
"No… maybe… shut the fuck up!! Who the hell asked you?!" she somehow blushed, a feat that is normally impossible for a Heartless, especially one without any skin on the face. Vergere and I exchanged a glance.
"Well, she loves everything that Canadian's are supposed to love." I said, scratching my head.
"Yes, but in my experience Canadian's are a lot nicer and a lot less foul mouthed. And a bit less prone to burn everything they see to ashes." Vergere said in a contemplative tone.
"Hmm… maybe she is some sort of Anti Canadian, liking the same things but having a totally different personality." I pondered this, secretly smirking on the inside.
"Maybe… it is possible. Kingdom Hearts does encompass all opposites, Light and Dark ,Air and Sea , Heartless and Nobody, Heads and Tails, Flying Pancake Fish and Maple Syrup Pelican, Canadian and Anti Canadian . We Heartless should know that better than anybody." Vergere mused.
"Wait… isn't Sarah Palin the ultimate anti-Canadian?" asked Domivoi, confused.
"No… she's an anti-Canadian. We are talking about Anti Canadians. The difference is in the spelling." I said. I had a sudden urge to say blame the author, but quickly squashed it.
Vestara, who had been fuming this entire time, finally burst.
"FIRST OF ALL, I AM CANADIAN! OK!!! WE DON'T ALL HAVE TO BE THE NICEST PERSON ON EARTH OR SAY EH AFTER EVERY SENTENCE, EH!!! LOOK AT THE WAY WE PLAY HOCKEY!!! SECOND, ANTI CANADIANS ARE A MYTH!! LIKE THE EASTER BUNNY AND GOD AND THOSE HORRIBLE TWILIGHT VAMPIRES, THEY DO NOT EXIST!!! AND THIRD OF ALL, WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS!!!!" she screamed, panting.
"Well… why are we talking about this?" I said in a very cautious voice. Pissed off wizards rend to sling spells around like no tomorrow, and for those in their path there often isn't.
'Why wouldn't we talk about this? Eventually, somebody in the universe had to have a conversation like this one. May as well be us." Vergere said.
"AHHHH!!!!" screamed Vestara in frustration. She shot everybody a glare that spoke of lots and lots of pain in the immediate future of the next person to talk.
After that, we again walked in silence till we reached the Bridge. Well, except when that idiot MP tried to arrest us for Vestata setting that Neoshadow on fire. What little ashes remained of him after stoking Vestara's fury we dumped down a ventilation shaft. We probably should have had her not cast Thundaja (stronger than Thundaga) on the corpse. Everybody, even the bureaucrats, hated the MP's. It's like they actually expect us to have anything remotely related to discipline and self control. Sheesh.
Finally, after a long, blister inducing for everybody except Vestara journey, we arrived at the Bridge. It was freakin huge!!
The Bridge was a huge half circle, with viewports covering the wall that touched the harsh lack of heat of space. Workstations were arrayed in neat semicircular rows around the center, which was inset about five feet into the floor and extended to the viewport.
All around us, crew members were scrambling to accomplish their tasks. The Admiral was sitting in the captain's chair in the middle of the insert area. He was a Pirate Heartless, of the type found in Port Royal. He had on a giant Napoleon style hat with a green feather sticking out from it.
He heard us approaching behind him and stood up. Turning , he began to speak.
"Ahoy, me mateys!! Ya landlubbers sure took yar sweet arse time makin' yar way up here, did ye not? " he said in the most horrible pirate accent imaginable.
"…" we said? I mean, can you say silence? Hmm…
"Ah, what the hell. Tis be yar first day. Next time, mateys, don't be late. Now, on to yar orders. Yar ar goin ta be leadin me ground forces in the battles to come. With that comes yar very own class o' Heartless!! Yar be getting promotions!!!" he said in a cheerful tone.
"PROMOTIONS!!!!" we shouted, stunned. Promotions among Heartless only happen when something big was going on. Promotions drastically increased your power in every category. They also changed your appearance, ranging from a simple color swap to a total change in your physical features. They were also mad expensive, costing upwards of one million munny per I have to pay for my own ferry ticket to my assigned base, I don't think the Military has the munny to turn all four of us into Promoted Heartless.
What they did was they knocked you out for 24 hours and injected you with lucid crystals plus whatever type of crystals matched your Heartless type. And then you would… change. In ten minutes, your body would be totally different. Each Heartless is transformed into an totally new type of Heartless that only they will ever become. This should be interesting…
Any Canadians that I may have offended have the right to spam me and/or kick my scrawny white ass if they can find me. Please review. Till tomorrow night, fare well.