Summary:
Naruto runs an underground newspaper called 'The Daily Ramen', focused on poking fun of the fragile egos of the rich and famous. How does Sasuke respond when he moves to town and gets in Naruto's crosshairs? Not particularly well. But who says arguing can't be foreplay? Sasuke x Naruto (Yaoi boy x boy)
Author's note: Thanks to Raz and Mykko_chan for giving this a pre-read. I think there will be 4 chapters left. Yay!
The Daily Ramen, March 20
OUR DUMB WORLD - Things that are going on in other places that you couldn't care less about. Weekly international and political news column by Nara Shikamaru
Evidently the world ran out of interesting things to talk about this week when it became a global news headline that a Japanese zoo had to apologize after naming a baby monkey Charlotte in honor of the new British royal baby, according to local media. Each year, the Takasakiyama Zoo lets the public vote on what to name the first baby monkey of that year. And with all the news about the British Royal couple having their second baby, they picked Charlotte. And my question to you, my readers is: Who gives a shit? I mean really. Did nothing else happen in the world that week? Surely there was at least a car bombing somewhere. Or politician fucking around or taking photos of his penis. Nothing? Really? One of you go out and make some real news for me so I don't have to read this shit again.
IN OTHER NEWS - If you think you didn't care about Nara's stuff, you REALLY won't care about this. Weekly local news column by Uzumaki Naruto
A local man was overheard in a bar stating emphatically that his girlfriend had 'faked it' the previous night when she'd orgasmed. "She was clearly faking it. It looked nothing like the other times. I know she was just trying to get me to hurry up and finish." When asked about the night's events privately, the woman in question rolled her eyes and stated that it wasn't THAT orgasm that he should be worrying about. They had been dating for two months, and evidently this was the first one she HADN'T faked. Not surprisingly, the man had no further comment on the situation. Or the fact that she offered me her number for 'further verification.'
I SAW WHAT YOU DID THERE - Seriously, people. If you don't know what you're doing sexually, can you please just keep it in your own bedrooms? Weekly column by Hyuuga Hinata
So when I asked my readers to send in the worst pick-up lines they'd ever heard used, I wasn't quite prepared for just how truly lame horny people could be. My only hope is that most of these lines were used 'tongue in cheek'. Because clearly whoever was using the lines to actually get play wasn't going to get tongue anywhere else. The lines appeared to come in 3 flavors: Flavor 1 - try to show that you're clever. There are a lot of these, plays on words, clever puns. For example: Did you buy your shirt at 20% off? Come to my place and you can have it 100% off. Flavor 2 - show you're sexually willing to do ANYTHING: You have a nice smile… can I sit on it? Flavor 3 - the 'brutally honest' lines: Here's $30. Keep drinking until I am good looking then come talk to me.
A survey of my readers shows that - unless these are said in an obviously joking, self-effacing fashion - none of them work. The highest success rate for scoring is still owned by the guy I met in a bar the other night, who was blessed with a hurricane tongue and just continued to lick the underside of his chin and his cheekbones periodically. He might not be the prettiest, but that boy never leaves a club by himself.
DUMBASS OF THE DAY - Because some people are just so dumb, they really do deserve an award for it. Weekly award by Inuzuka Kiba
Just because you're an activist doesn't mean you're not also a dumbass. If you're going to protest something and throw a molotov cocktail to 'express your stance' on an issue. Make sure you have a decent get-away plan before you get busted by the cops. More specifically, make sure you don't run into a busy street while trying to dodge the cameras. One unfortunate teenager didn't heed this advice, and now not only was arrested for 'public endangerment', but also has a busted leg. And Wall Street didn't even notice. Dumbass.
BAD SHIT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU - But at least now you know. Weekly horoscope by Aburame Shino
To the sheep: Stop worrying so much about whether there is life after death. Based on your recent social calendar, you should be much more focused on trying to find life BEFORE death. To my snakes: If you get asked on a date by a double-jointed Cirque du Soleil performer, SAY YES. If that falls through, just go out and find the nearest rabbit. They've been having a slow month and might actually agree. To the monkeys reading this: Assless chaps are coming back in style. No really. And you should totally wear them to work this week. Forget what the other librarians are telling you.
SPORTS NEWS! - Sports are a celebration of endless youth! Join me in reveling in them! Weekly column by Rock Lee!
If there's one thing we've learned about the whole 'Deflate-Gate' scandal surrounding the New England Patriots football scandal, it's that quarterbacks know just how firm they like their balls! This is a wonderful revelation for the rest of us 'hobbyist' football players! If we wish to truly be successful at this sport, we must spend a lot of time fondling our balls to determine the exact firmness to deliver the ultimate performance! And! We must not leave recorded phone messages describing the outcome of these experiments! I must go now and perform my own study! More next week!
-xXx-
Naruto woke up, his whole body feeling fatigued, slightly sore, and well-used. He could feel a warm weight on his arm, and the length of a smooth, hard body laying next to him.
"Fuck," Naruto breathed out as he realized where he was. He opened his eyes, not surprised to find himself in Sasuke's enormous bed with the man still dead asleep next to him. This was not supposed to have happened.
His gaze automatically went to Sasuke's face, relaxed and open in sleep. He felt the same dangerous pull that he had felt the first time he'd seen the closed-off man let his mask slip. He knew that Sasuke was guarded, and that few people had likely been allowed to see him like this. But he had to forcibly remind himself that that didn't mean anything had changed between them. This was all just temporary. Sasuke had made that clear from the beginning.
Naruto tried not to think about burying his nose in Sasuke's neck and kissing him awake. He tried not to think about getting up and making them breakfast in bed and spending the day together.
Those were all indulgences for people who were in a relationship.
Naruto knew his own limitations and vulnerabilities. He liked sex, and it had always been more than clear that he and Sasuke had great chemistry together. But sex, even great sex, could be found with many different people. Real intimacy could not. Sleeping with someone and waking together with them was a much higher level of intimacy, and was much harder to disentangle oneself from.
Of all the things he missed most about his relationship with Sasori, the conversations they'd had in the mornings as they'd lay tangled in the sheets and each other were top of the list. The complete openness, with all barriers down.
Nothing was more dangerous.
Naruto blocked off his mind from thinking about that further. His relationship with Sasori was over, and there was no going back, regardless of how close they'd been at the time. Some lines could never be uncrossed.
He made himself focus on his present situation. He knew should have left the night before, but after the first round on Sasuke's kitchen floor, they'd barely made it to the foot of Sasuke's bed before going again. When they'd showered off, Naruto had had every intention of leaving. But then Sasuke had offered Naruto a change of clothes to wear home. He hadn't had them on for more than three minutes before he found himself thrown back on the man's bed.
Instead of getting it out of their system, it seemed like every time they were together things just escalated more.
His gaze flickered up to the wall, and he couldn't help but smirk at the deep dents that now marred the surface, perfect imprints of the frame of the headboard of Sasuke's bed. He wondered if Sasuke was going to get complaints from the neighbors. The thought made him snicker softly. He was pretty sure Sasuke was not the kind of guy who usually had trouble with his neighbors.
He pulled back slowly, disengaging himself from where his limbs were entwined with Sasuke's. He stretched, feeling some of the stiffness leave his muscles. The skin across his stomach felt tight, and he didn't need to run his hand over it to know what the cause of it was. Proof enough that they hadn't even made it to the shower after their last bout before passing out from their exertions.
He let his gaze slide over his lover. Sasuke was laying on his side, the sheet and quilt pulled down to reveal the pale, toned chest, one perfect foot sticking out over the edge of the bed. The sheet was twisted beneath the blanket, wrapped around one of Sasuke's legs. The black hair was splayed haphazardly across the pillow, pale lips parted slightly in deep sleep. He managed to look thoroughly debauched and angelically beautiful all at the same time. It left Naruto feeling unsettled. He could seriously fall for this man.
And that would be a huge mistake.
He'd spent the night and that was that. He slipped from the bed, walking naked to the bathroom and turning on the shower. If Sasuke woke up and things were awkward, Naruto would leave. If things seemed normal, he'd stay and help make breakfast before heading out. Staying any longer than that would be a bad idea, and probably not welcome by the Uchiha in any case.
He rinsed out his mouth with Sasuke's mouthwash in lieu of having a toothbrush. He'd ask Sasuke if he had a spare when the man woke up. Once the water had heated, Naruto stepped into the shower, letting the heat further ease his stiffness. A small smile tugged on his lips as he remembered the previous night. The businessman had such a cold, impassive persona outside of the bedroom, but there had been no sign of that restraint last night, and Naruto couldn't help but feel a bit smug.
It made him feel for a moment as though there were more to their connection then just verbal sparring and sex. But he knew that those were dangerous thoughts to be having. Even though Sasuke had seemed slightly surprised at his own loss of control, it didn't mean this would turn into anything other than what it was right now.
Whatever that was.
The door to the shower opened, and Naruto felt a hard body slip into the shower behind him. Pale arms wrapped around Naruto's waist.
"I thought you'd left until I heard the shower," Sasuke's voice was still slightly rough from sleep.
"Hm, no. I guess we fell asleep last night. Or this morning. Whenever," Naruto let Sasuke turn him around and pull him into a slow kiss.
Sasuke didn't say anything more about Naruto's continued presence in his apartment, so Naruto decided not to, either. Having finished washing himself, he decided to be neighborly and help Sasuke get clean as well.
And he tried not to think about how this was definitely something he could get used to.
Sasuke walked into his office the next morning, still feeling slightly high from his activities the day before. Naruto had stayed for a quick breakfast/lunch, but had said he had to leave shortly after to meet up with his business partner to discuss some things at work.
They had made plans to meet up again the next day, and Sasuke had offered to cook. He knew he was spending a lot more time with Naruto than he ever had with his past lovers, but they were discreet about it. The apartment complex was large, and they'd been lucky to not run into his neighbors when Naruto was coming or going.
He remembered the disappointment he'd felt when he'd woken up to an empty bed, then the surge of relief when he'd heard the shower and realized that Naruto had not left.
It was strange.
Usually it worked the other way. The few times he had someone over to his place, he was usually grateful that they knew when to leave.
"You look surprisingly relaxed, Otouto."
Sasuke managed not to jump at the unexpected voice that came from behind him as he snapped himself out of his thoughts.
"I had a good night's sleep yesterday," Sasuke hoped he managed to keep the smugness out of his voice when he said it, but the way Itachi's eyes narrowed told him he'd probably made some slip.
"I see. Uncle Madara is here today. He's been asking about you."
Sasuke paused. That was almost never a good thing.
"Anything specific?"
Itachi gave an elegant shrug. "He mentioned that you seemed remarkably calm after the last board meeting. And even more disinterested in the advances of the guests at the New Year's celebration."
Sasuke didn't react. "We've never shown any interest in the 'approved' candidates they throw our way." Sasuke's tone conveyed boredom and general disinterest in the topic. To anyone else, it would have been completely convincing.
A gleam of pride shone in Itachi's eyes. He expected nothing less of his little brother. "He seemed to be under the impression that you might be seeing someone."
Sasuke arched an eyebrow.
"I assured him that I hadn't seen you with any possible lover, and that your work schedule has been quite hectic." Itachi straightened an imaginary imperfection of the knot of Sasuke's tie. "Of course, my little brother would tell me if he were getting serious about anyone. Even if that someone was a person he knew I tacitly approved of."
Sasuke froze. Itachi knew. Or at least thought he knew. Which was pretty much the same thing.
"I don't do relationships, Itachi. You know that," Sasuke stated flatly.
He thought he saw a flash of disappointment in his brother's eyes.
"Just be careful, Otouto," Itachi said cryptically before heading off down the hall to his office.
Sasuke turned and unlocked the heavy mahogany door to his own office, wondering if Itachi was warning him about Madara, or about his relationship with Naruto. Or something else entirely.
Fucking Itachi.
It had been over a month since Naruto first spent the night at Sasuke's.
Despite Naruto's initial nerves about actually spending the entire night, they'd fallen into a habit of him staying over whenever Sasuke was in town, though he was careful to always leave right after breakfast and not overstay his welcome. They hadn't discussed this arrangement explicitly.
The first few times had been unintentional like the first time, with them both falling asleep in Sasuke's bed after over-exerting themselves.
Naruto had once tried to force himself to stay awake, getting up and searching for his clothes to go back to his own place to sleep. Sasuke had scowled at him, then walked over and tugged him back to bed, saying he was cold and needed to sleep. After that, it had become understood that Naruto would stay the night whenever he came over, despite the fact that it increased the risk of them getting caught.
Another thing they didn't explicitly discuss.
Naruto tried not to over-think it, and just enjoy it for what it was for the time being. But he'd been growing more tense every time he received a text from Sasuke asking him to come over… wondering what it would be like when the texts finally stopped.
He was just finishing his lunch when he felt his phone buzz. He thought for a minute it might be Sasuke, but remembered he was out of town for the rest of the week. He picked up his phone and saw the text was from Gaara.
Did Sasori give you any problems last weekend?
Naruto paused. He considered calling his friend back, but it was the middle of the workday and it was likely Gaara was in a meeting somewhere, scaring the shit out of someone. He didn't want to ruin his friend's mojo by having his cell go off. So he simply texted back.
No… I didn't see him at all. Why? Was he in town?
Naruto tapped his pen on his desk. Suddenly it made his friends' insane behavior make a bit more sense. Not that they needed an excuse to be crazy, but if they had somehow known Sasori was in town, then it would explain why they always seemed to be inviting him places and asking him where he'd been. He'd had a few close calls trying to sneak off to see Sasuke, but so far they'd managed not to get caught. It had made meeting up at Naruto's place practically impossible, though, since it seemed like one of his friends was always 'dropping by' to check on him.
After a minute or so, Gaara texted back.
Yeah. He applied for a job at a theatre in Konoha as a set designer.
He used a friend of mine for a reference. Just found out this morning.
Naruto stared at the words. Sasori was… trying to get back into his old career... what he used to love before he'd gotten into selling drugs. And he was looking for work… in Konoha? He scrubbed his fingers through his hair, feeling his emotional world tilt suddenly, before he steadied himself.
It was fine. He was fine. It had been a year. And so what if Sasori was back in town? It didn't mean Naruto had to spend any time with him. Konoha was a big city.
Thanks for the heads up.
His phone buzzed almost immediately.
I'll be in town tomorrow. I'll have my secretary reserve me a spot on your fucking awful couch.
Naruto grinned.
Yeah, and I'll kick your ass in Assassin's.
He waited impatiently for Gaara's reply.
I would be laughing my ass off right now, but it would spoil my image as soulless dictator in front of my underlings.
Naruto snickered, his fingers flying over the buttons of his phone.
Nothing could spoil that image, since it's basically a fact
Gaara dropped his bags at Naruto's place, and they decided to go out to the bar across the street and grab some dinner since neither man had eaten.
They took their drinks and their food to a table in the back of the bar where the pool tables were. Since it was mid-week, the place wasn't very crowded and they were able to find an open table to play.
Gaara racked up the pool balls while Naruto started on his food.
"Loser has to sleep on the couch," Gaara said as he chalked up his cue before leaning over the table and breaking, sinking two stripes right off the break.
"Fuck," Naruto said as he took a drink of his beer. Gaara was lethal at pool. "Best three out of five."
Gaara's lips twitched into a smile that only Naruto knew was there. He lined up his shot. They played in companionable silence for a few minutes. Gaara had nearly cleared the table before he missed his first shot. Naruto took the cue quickly put three balls in before Gaara spoke.
"So I gather you decided to take the younger Uchiha up on his offer."
"What?!" Naruto's shot went wild and he glanced around the bar to make sure no one was close enough to overhear the conversation. One of the side benefits of hanging out with Gaara was that people tended to give them space. There was no one within earshot.
"Shit, Gaara! What are you even talking about? You're just trying to distract me so I'd miss."
Gaara lifted a brow. "I can't help it if you lose focus easily. Are you going to answer the question?"
Naruto shrugged, chewing his lip as he looked off to the side.
"Ok, so that's a yes," Gaara walked around to the other side of the table to line up his shot. "Was it just a one-time thing? I had the sense Itachi was calling me for a reason. He doesn't usually enquire into the sex life of his board members."
Naruto's skewer of chicken froze midway to his mouth. "Itachi… called you about… me and Sasuke?"
Gaara made his shot, winning the first game. "He made it seem like it was about some part of the annual report. But at the end of the call, he asked me if I'd enjoyed the party they'd hosted before the New Year.""
Naruto paused. Surely most hosts asked that of their guests? "Well… that seems harmless."
Gaara narrowed his eyes at Naruto. "Nothing Itachi says is ever harmless. I thought you knew the man."
Naruto shifted, not disagreeing, but still not seeing how what Itachi said stacked up to anything other than just being polite.
"Well… what did you say to him?"
Gaara walked over to his food, taking a bite and chewing slowly before answering. "I thanked him for his hospitality. He asked if I had found this party more enjoyable than the one's his family had hosted before moving to Konoha."
Naruto tried to understand how this was interesting as he set up the next game. "So?"
Gaara looked up from the table and glared at Naruto. "So why the fuck would Itachi ask me an inane question like that? What do you think he was trying to find out?"
Naruto sighed. "I don't know… maybe he wants to get in your pants."
Gaara smirked, leaning back against the pool table in a way that drew attention to his lean body. "Maybe he does. But what he asked was if I had any 'old friends' in the area."
The lightbulb finally went on. Naruto knew that people had seen him together with Gaara, so he supposed it wasn't surprising that Itachi had noticed it a well. "So he was trying… to see… if you knew me before the party?"
"I think it was clear to everyone there that we knew each other before the party, given you shouted my name across the room before you'd even had a chance to talk to me."
Naruto laughed as he walked back over to get his cue and grab another bite of food. "Hey, you were the only friendly face in that whole fucking up-tight mansion. Of course I was excited to see you!"
Gaara ignored the unlikelihood of anyone thinking his face was 'friendly'.
"I told Itachi that I'd run into a friend," Gaara's lips twitched into an almost invisible smirk. "And he asked if I'd enjoyed his library."
Naruto choked on his bite of chicken. Had Sasuke told Itachi about what happened in the library? Had someone overheard them? But nothing had really happened. Either with Gaara or Sasuke.
"So… what was he really asking?"
"He wanted to find out if we were involved."
"Oh," Naruto thought about that for a moment. He was used to people wondering about their relationship, since Naruto was in general pretty physically demonstrative, and Gaara had yet to actually kill him for it. But the question was why someone like Itachi would care. And, unfortunately, Naruto was pretty sure he knew the answer. Gaara was right. So much for keeping it hidden from Sasuke's brother. Though he wondered how Itachi had found out. The one time Itachi had swung by unexpectedly when Naruto was there, he'd hidden in Sasuke's closet until the man left. He was pretty sure they hadn't been caught. And they never met outside Sasuke's place.
How had Itachi figured it out?
Naruto wasn't focusing, and his break didn't put anything in, leaving the table open for Gaara.
"So… you told Itachi we'd been boning for years, then?" Naruto joked, hoping that this was not going to be an issue for Sasuke. Or that Itachi wouldn't sic their crazy uncles on him.
Gaara missed his shot and handed Naruto the cue with a small growl. Served him right for playing these games about his conversation with Itachi.
"No, seriously. What did you tell him?" Naruto asked, not looking up from the table. "Seven ball, corner pocket," Naruto said, leaning over and lining up his shot. A sharp, fluid move had the ball dropping in its designated hole. He could feel Gaara's stare on him as he shifted around to line up his next shot.
Gaara shrugged, a slightly annoyed look passing over his face as Naruto made the shot. He was not sleeping on that fucking couch again.
"I told him it was none of his business unless he was planning on asking me out himself."
"Holy fucking shit, Gaara! What did he say?!" All of his potential drama with crazy Uchiha uncles flew out the window at the actual possibility of Itachi asking Gaara out.
But Gaara just smirked, and didn't answer directly. "In the end, he seemed to come away with the impression that you and I had not… 'been boning for years' as you put it. And he seemed pleased with that."
He supposed not having Itachi pissed at him was always a good thing. Did that mean… he approved? Naruto wasn't going to assume anything. For all Naruto knew, Itachi was trying to get into Gaara's pants, and this had nothing to do with him. But he would text Sasuke and give him the heads up in any case that Itachi was at minimum suspicious.
He focused on making the next two shots, feeling Gaara's eyes boring into his back.
"So? Are you actually seeing Sasuke or was it just a onetime thing?"
"Sasuke and I have hooked up a few times over the past month. When he's in town. He travels a lot, though."
Gaara paused and looked over at Naruto, clearly trying to read where Naruto was on this.
"So… it's still just casual?" Gaara asked skeptically. Itachi didn't usually waste his time on things that didn't matter.
Naruto shifted and he rubbed his hand along the back of his neck. "Yeah. Nothing's changed about the 'rules of engagement'. We're just messing around."
"Hm," Gaara said with a slight frown, noticing the slight bitter edge to Naruto's voice at the statement. He lined up his final shot and won the first game, leaning back against the side table as he finally started eating his food. He watched as Naruto placed the balls back in the rack to set up the next game.
"He told you he doesn't date. You're not expecting things from him, are you?"
"I'm not an idiot, Sabaku," Naruto growled. He walked over to break, trying to shut out Gaara's question along with the reality it implied.
Gaara raised a hairless brow. Naruto only called him by his last name when he was upset about something. "So you are expecting things."
"No. I'm not. I'm sticking to his fucking rules. We only see each other at his place, and it's always for sex. Sometimes we talk but… yeah. It's just sex." Naruto put considerable force into his break shot, sending two solids in and spreading the remaining balls across the table.
Gaara decided not to remark on the unnecessary show of force.
"So… how long is this going to run? If it's only sex." They both knew Naruto wasn't built that way. He wouldn't settle for a long time 'just fucking' relationship.
Naruto took a long drink of his beer before he lined up his next shot. Images of his nights with Sasuke flashed through his mind. The thought of walking away made him feel almost queasy. But Gaara was right. He knew he probably should be thinking about it. Get himself ready for the inevitable. "I don't know. It's fine for now."
Gaara didn't need to say anything to get his skepticism across. His clear green eyes said it all. Which was why Naruto was avoiding looking at him, keeping his gaze fixed on the pool table.
"Has Sasori contacted you at all?"
The writer's head snapped up at the shift in topic. "I'm not going to get back with Sasori just because things aren't going anywhere with Sasuke."
"I know. That's not what I asked you."
Naruto blew out a breath. "No. But I'm gone a lot of nights. So if he stopped by, I wouldn't know. He doesn't have my new number. And he knows better than to show up at my work."
Their attention was drawn to a man who was walking toward them, an extra drink in his hand. He stopped as Gaara fixed him with a steady, expressionless stare… what Naruto called Gaara's 'back the fuck off' look. The man's eyes widened slightly before he abruptly turned around, walking back the way he came. Naruto held back a snicker. He'd never know if the drink had been meant for him or for Gaara, but he never had to worry about being harassed when they went out together.
He shifted his focus back to the game. The stakes were high, and he didn't want to lose. He also didn't want to think about the situation with Sasuke or Sasori right now. He didn't want to be reminded of the reality of what it really was. He focused instead on clearing the table, making them even with one game apiece.
"I don't know why you're so worried about this, anyway. I'm a big boy. I learned from my last mistake," Naruto said finally to his friend.
Gaara set up the next game, then proceeded to sink three shots in a row.
"I just don't want you to get in too deep with someone who won't meet you halfway," Gaara chalked up his stick before taking his next shot. "And even if it's just sex, he seems like a pretty vanilla guy. Just make sure it's worth it. Especially if Itachi is going into 'protective older brother' mode."
Naruto was not going to get into a discussion about whether Sasuke was 'too vanilla' or not. "I'm playing by Sasuke's own rules, so I doubt Itachi will have a problem with it. The boundaries he set are good for me, too. It doesn't cross over into my work or my friends… it's separate. No entanglements. So it's good for now. It's intense and different from how it was with Sasori."
Gaara looked at Naruto for a moment, then snorted softly. "God, you let him top, didn't you?"
Naruto choked on his beer.
"I am not talking about this with you. You're just trying to win so you don't have to sleep on the couch this time," Naruto said before getting down to the business of winning the bet.
"Why don't you just buy a decent goddamn couch?" Gaara growled.
"Because then it wouldn't be as fun to make my millionaire asshole friend sleep on it," Naruto grinned.
Two days later, Naruto was alone in his office. It was already after midnight. He hadn't seen Sasuke in a few days, but given Naruto's workload, that fact wouldn't have changed even if his lover had been in town.
He laid his head down on his desk, trying to decide if panic or exhaustion was winning. They had to submit their financial filings to the government by end of day tomorrow or their publishing and licensing permits would not be renewed.
Shikamaru had always handled this side of the business, but he'd come down with the flu yesterday and was still running a fever of about 104. And of course, Shikamaru being Shikamaru hadn't even started on the paperwork. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, because the guy was a freaking genius and he would have been able to finish it in a couple of hours.
But that wasn't going to happen with him sick as a dog.
Naruto had told him not to worry, that he would handle this and it would be fine.
But ten minutes into trying to figure out what language the fucking form was written in and Naruto knew he was screwed. Six hours later, he wasn't any better off. He took a deep breath. Gaara was in China for some meeting and wouldn't be back in the country until the next evening, so he couldn't use the 'call a friend' option on this one. No one else in the office had much of a business background outside of Shikamaru.
Naruto looked at the forms, his eyes blearily trying to figure out what the fuck the first page was even asking him for. He didn't know the difference between EBIT and EBITDA, and had no idea what the difference between an asset a credit and a liability were. At least, not beyond the vaguest sense of the words. Certainly not enough to actually pull a monetary value out of his ass for them.
"Fuck."
He thumped his head back down at the desk. Maybe if he took a break, things would start to make sense. He looked at his watch and realized that he had ten minutes before the coffee shop across the street closed for the night.
He stood, grabbing his wallet, not bothering with his phone. He'd get a good cup of coffee, and things would make more sense. He hoped. He'd told Shikamaru he'd handle it, and he would fucking handle it.
He walked across the street, realizing he'd forgotten his jacket. But the cold was waking him up, and he'd have hot coffee soon. He walked into the coffee shop, glad he hadn't gotten there too late.
"Can I help you?" the barista didn't recognize Naruto, since she wasn't the one who worked mornings when he was usually in.
"Yeah. I'd like a latte with extra milk and sugar," he said, pulling out his wallet.
"Still drinking coffee like a child, I see."
Naruto spun around at the familiar voice, and a sense of deja vu. He couldn't help the laugh that spilled out. "Bastard. I thought you were out of town?"
"Just got back. I was heading up to my apartment when I saw you walk into the coffee shop. I thought you usually didn't drink coffee at night."
Naruto scrubbed his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Yeah. I don't, but I won't be falling asleep any time soon, so I figured what the hell."
Sasuke took in the tired, stressed lines on Naruto's usually humor-filled face. "Something wrong?"
Naruto glanced at the small suitcase that Sasuke was pulling. Obviously, he had just gotten back from the airport. It was almost one o'clock in the morning. The guy must be exhausted. And Naruto knew he wouldn't have time to fool around tonight.
"Yeah, just business stuff. Shikamaru's sick and we have some filings due and… you know how it is." Naruto waved his hand vaguely, then turned to get his cup from the barista.
"Sir, are you going to place an order? We're closing now," the woman said politely to Sasuke.
"No, I'm fine," Sasuke looked back at Naruto. "What kind of filings?"
Naruto rubbed the back of his head, not wanting to make a big deal about it. Given the kind of financial shit Sasuke had to do every day, he was pretty sure this was child's play. "Just some tax filing stuff but we also have to renew our permit as a media company and it asks for all kinds of stuff about our circulation numbers and…" Naruto trailed off. "Anyway, the deadline for filing is midnight tomorrow and I told Shika I'd handle it. So I'm going to be pulling a late night. But it was good seeing you. Maybe we can catch up later in the week."
Naruto turned and started walking towards the exit. Sasuke grabbed his suitcase, falling into step with the blond. "I have a lot of experience on the finance side of things. Need any help?"
Naruto bit his lip, more tempted than he wanted to be. Sasuke's offer seemed sincere but it went beyond the expectations of 'sex friends' or whatever they were. "I appreciate the offer, but I'm sure you have better things to do after a long trip than help me out. I mean… I'm pretty tired so I probably won't be very good company."
Naruto thought he was being subtle, but Sasuke shot him an irritated look. "I'm not expecting sex, Dobe. And I wouldn't offer if I didn't want to do it. You should know by now I don't do things just to be nice."
Naruto snorted a laugh at the truthfulness of that last statement. "Well, if you have even like… ten minutes to just tell me what some of the fucking questions mean on these things, it would be awesome. Shika's the one with who handles the finance side of The Daily Ramen, so I'm a little bit over my head on this shit."
Sasuke smirked. "Hn. Somehow that doesn't surprise me, dumbass."
"Asshole."
"So are we going to your office then?"
"... yes."
Naruto took a few steps before turning back to look at Sasuke. "And... thanks."
"Hn."
They walked across the street and Naruto brought Sasuke up to his office. It was not new, shiny or high end like Uchiha Financial, but it was filled with papers and desks, the white boards covered with half-formed ideas. Sasuke looked around, honestly curious about Naruto's workplace. It had a more creative feel than his own, but he supposed that made sense.
"We don't have to worry about anyone coming in at this hour," Naruto said.
Sasuke realized that the thought of being 'caught' hadn't even crossed his mind. Which was… not like him.
"So, which office is yours?" Sasuke asked, deciding to deal with that mental slip later.
Naruto slanted a glance at him, trying to tell if Sasuke were being sarcastic, but the businessman seemed simply curious.
"This one," Naruto walked through the doorway, turning the lights on as he walked over to his desk. Which was an avalanche-waiting-to-happen of papers piled up in random stacks.
Sasuke arched a brow at the sight.
"What, didn't you ever hear that a messy desk is a sign of genius?"
Sasuke snorted. "More like proof of disorganization. No wonder you can't do the filings. How do you ever even find anything in this mess?"
Naruto rolled his eyes. "I know where it all is."
As if to prove his point, he reached into the middle of a seemingly random pile of papers and pulled out a thick form. "This is the main one that I am having trouble with. It is the financial statement for the business, and we need that to renew our license and permits. But I don't even know what half these terms mean."
Sasuke took the papers from Naruto's hands, flipping through them quickly. "This is all pretty basic stuff. Where do you keep your financial data?"
Naruto would have been more offended by Sasuke's arrogance on the topic if he weren't so grateful to have someone who knew what they were doing help him.
"We have most of it in Excel. Some in Office Books."
Sasuke looked at him incredulously. "You run your business off… Excel?"
"Yeah, and amazingly I've never lost half a billion dollars, even without a fancy system to handle it all for me."
"I didn't lose -" Sasuke snapped his lips shut, deciding not to rise any further to the bait. Naruto pulled up a file on his laptop and handed it to Sasuke.
"This is most of it. Shika set this up to track all of the money stuff."
Sasuke snickered at Naruto's 'technical term'.
"But he didn't use any of the standard terms that they use here, so I have no idea how to connect what's here to what they're asking for."
Sasuke took the laptop and flipped through, his eyebrows raising slightly as he saw the way Naruto's business partner had laid it all out. It was remarkably clear and concise. Much more sophisticated than he would have expected. His estimation of Naruto's business partner rose further.
"Do you need me to sign some sort of non-disclosure agreement before I look through this?" Sasuke asked.
Naruto looked at him blankly.
"A paper that says I won't tell anyone else about your financial situation or details about your business strategy. Standard accounting procedure when you have someone from the outside look at your books."
"I don't think that's necessary. I mean… only a crazy person invests in newspapers these days. Plus, I trust you. Given the size of your business, I'm pretty sure that you wouldn't bother to engage in corporate espionage with a niche newspaper."
Sasuke smirked. "So you admit that mine is bigger than yours?"
"Only in dollar signs, asshole."
Sasuke continued to look through the spreadsheet that Naruto had given him. He couldn't imagine ever just letting someone walk in and look through the financial details of his company. But as he looked over the numbers, he couldn't help but be a little impressed. Naruto wasn't lying when he said no one went into the newspaper business anymore. It was pretty much a dying industry, but Naruto's company was thriving. Sasuke flicked a glance at the man sitting beside him, then back at the form.
"Most of this is already calculated. Here. Let me show you." He leaned over and explained to Naruto what the form was asking for, and how Shikamaru had calculated it in his sheets.
Within half an hour, they had finished the entire thing. Naruto nearly sagged in relief.
"Holy, shit, Sasuke. You rock at this stuff. You'd think you like… owned a huge finance company or something they way you know this shit cold."
Sasuke chuckled, then stretched. "So, you're all set then?"
"Yeah. The other stuff that is more about the actual business I know how to answer," Naruto stood, suddenly feeling a bit awkward. Sasuke was reaching for the handle of his suitcase. It was the first time they would have gotten together and… not had sex.
"So… I'll see you later this week?" Naruto asked.
"Yeah. I have meetings all day tomorrow, but the next day looks good."
"Cool, just," Naruto walked over and pulled Sasuke in for a quick, hard kiss, the tension in his body relaxing as he took in the familiar smell of his lover before releasing him and stepping back. "Thanks. Really."
"Hn," Sasuke left the office, the door closing softly behind him.
He sat down, his gaze resting on where Sasuke had stood a moment ago. A grin slowly forming on his lips. He picked up the pen, humming to himself as he finished the rest of the forms.
to be continued….
Credits: Dumbass of the day nominated by Saku-Ann. Rock Lee's story suggested by Freya_fate. Pick-up lines (so many to choose from… all equally bad LOL) from AmberWarrior, Skipperdudette, and Matsurika. And Shikamaru's story was again, TRUE.
Next chapter - will be some drama.