A/N: Hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas. Sorry for making you wait for this one.
"You're going to turn blue if you keep doing that," she said.
Booth let out the breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding as a short laugh escaped his lips. Here he was waiting for her to answer what was probably the most important question he would ever ask her and she was worried about whether or not he was getting enough oxygen.
"I'm fine," he said over exaggerating his breathing for her benefit.
"Holding your breath for too long can cause chronic tensions and vocal restriction," she said seriously. If Booth didn't know her so well he would've been annoyed, angry even that she wasn't responding to what he had proposed. The fact was that he did know her well and he knew she retreated and hid behind facts whenever she was afraid and he had asked her to do something he knew was absolutely terrifying to her. He was asking her to commit herself to him, to trust him to never leave her in the way that everyone she had ever trusted herself to. She was so used to being betrayed, hurt, and left alone that the prospect of fully giving herself to another person was scarier than the criminals they confronted on a weekly basis. She had convinced herself that the only thing she could trust were the facts and so long hidden behind them that she had come to believe, and had often told him as much that love didn't exist.
Here he was asking her to trust and believe in something she couldn't see, only feel and that, he knew, was what scared her the most. Though she would never admit it out loud, she was afraid that by giving herself to him he would at some point abandon her, leaving her alone like she had been for more than half her life.
When you got past all the science and the walls she had built up around herself to keep herself protected she was really just a lost and lonely little girl who was desperate for someone to love her, not matter how much she tried to convince herself that true love didn't exist.
Booth knew all this, which is why he didn't push her. He would, could never push her. When she was ready she would answer him.
"My vocals are fine Bones," he said scrubbing a hand over his eyes resigning himself to the fact that she wouldn't give him a straight answer right then.
"I don't know if I can," she said softly bringing his eyes to her face in shock. He honestly hadn't expected that she would address it.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"I don't know if I can give you what you want from me," she said pausing as a violent cough spasmed through her body.
"I'm only asking you to try," he said so quietly he wasn't even sure he had said it out loud.
"What if I can't," she said her eyes downcast and glittering with tears that she wouldn't let fall.
"You won't know until you try," he said with as much passion as he could muster, "We'll take our time, a week at a time and at any stage you decide this isn't what you want then that'll be it, but don't let this pass by because you're unsure if I'm in this all the way because I've told you before that I'd never leave you, not like they did," he finished softly.
She stared at him then and Booth was certain that he could see into the very depths of her soul. Her bright blue eyes were always crystal clear but guarded but right then and there she was letting him, fully and completely and he was blown away by the depth of feeling she was revealing to him. Every one of her insecurities was being projected to him but he could also see love there, plain and simple. Without having to say it she was letting him know that she loved him and it was one of the most beautiful things Booth had ever seen. Before she had even spoken his face had split into a grin and his heart felt light.
"A week at a time," she said uncertainly, "Like an experiment."
"Exactly," he said smiling, "You can even take notes and everything."
"I'm sure Angela would love that," she said making him laugh.
"Angela doesn't need any more encouraging," he said, "Just once I'd like her to call me Booth and not Special Agent studly or something equally as embarrassing."
"It is quite amusing to watch your face go that awful shade of purple every time she does," she replied her eyes twinkling, all earlier signs of tears gone.
"Don't tease me Bones," he pouted, "I haven't had any coffee this morning."
She surprised him then by reaching for his hand and he marvelled at how perfectly her fingers intertwined with his. Her palm felt like it was made to sit pressed against his and he knew there was no other hand he would want to hold for the rest of his life. He would have to be careful with voicing those sort of thoughts out loud though, he didn't want to scare her off before they'd even had a chance to go out on a real date.
"If this doesn't work," she said, "If I-I can't give you what you need, will that be the end?"
Booth wanted to say yes, knowing that if had a taste of what it was like to be with her only then to have it ripped away because she couldn't give him her all that he couldn't face seeing her every day. That their working partnership would be finished and they would never see each other again. One look into her eyes and he knew he could never do that. Not to her and not to himself. He would rather see her every day knowing that he could never have her then not see her at all.
"Of course not," he assured her, "We're partners, and we'll always be partners no matter what happens. More than that, we'll always be friends Bones, and that will never change."
"Okay," she nodded, "Let's do this experiment."