Authors Note:
Hey guys, you have been amazing. I am so stoked that you guys have taken that chapter in stride. I was pleasantly surprised by the understanding I received. I really didn't think that chapter was going to go over well, so thank you for that!
Disclaimer: You know by now that I don't own anything related to the Twilight saga. I do own...not much...
Thank you to my betas: xxfam0us and Destiny Kalince
Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. The alarm on my phone screamed at me. Is it just me or does it seem louder and angrier than usual? I grabbed the darn thing, turning off the alarm. Ugh. 6:30 AM. An ungodly hour. A feeling of dread weighed down my shoulders as I flung back the covers. What the hell did I do last night?
I dressed in light blue jeans, a black t-shirt with a red dragon on it and my favorite gray zip up sweatshirt. Rolling up my pajamas, I shoved them in my suitcase. I put my make-up on, throwing my hair up in a ponytail. I packed up the rest of my belongings like a drone, feeling quite numb. I sighed, throwing my make-up bag into my red briefcase. I can't go back now. Like a shark, I can only go forward. Why did I tell him that? Why did I lie? To protect myself? That's stupid. So what happens now? I slipped on my white Pumas, sitting on my bed. I dropped my head into my hands. The only thing I can do now is take the time to figure out my true feelings about this whole mess. But what happens if I decide I want that life with Edward? Would I be too late? I did tell him I don't love him.
I got up off the bed, rummaging through the entire room. I opened and closed every drawer, making sure I didn't forget anything. I did the same thing in the bathroom, coming up empty. Zipping up my suitcase, I set it next to the door. I grabbed my purse, slinging it over my shoulder. I took my suitcase and briefcase, leaving the room. I lightly knocked our special code on Cassie's door. I hope I didn't fuck things up with her too. Setting all my crap on the floor, I waited. A minute or so later, the door opened.
"Sorry, I'm still trying to pack!" Cassie had a panicked look on her face.
"Need help?" I smiled.
"Please!"
Shoving my stuff just inside the door, I went to her suitcase, taking everything out. I refolded every piece of clothing so it would fit better. In order to fit more in a suitcase, you have to roll your clothes up. It's weird, but totally works. She picked up a couple shirts off the floor, tossing them at me.
"Cass," I started. "I'm sorry I was a bitch last night."
"Babe, don't worry about it. You were stressed, I understand." She handed me her bathroom bag.
"You are amazing. I love you." I hugged her. "Thank you. I fucked everything over with him, didn't I?"
She shrugged. "I don't know hun. You were pretty brutal. What happened?"
I continued to pack her suitcase. "Ya know, I don't know. For a second, I felt trapped and I panicked. I've spent so long trying to forget him. It just didn't feel right that I would go back on everything I worked so hard on. That I would just drop everything for him."
Cassie searched the drawers just like I did in my room. "But don't you love him?"
"See, that's just the thing. I do, but at the same time, that scares the hell outta me. And I think that's why I freaked." I finished packing her suitfcase, zipping it closed.
"Well no fair making any more rash decisions. Let's just get home and figure this all out. Then we'll take it from there. Come on, we gotta get to the airport." We grabbed all of our belongings, dropping off our keys at the front desk.
"Thank you for staying with us," The lady behind the counter smiled.
"Thanks," Cassie and I smiled, getting into the elevator and going down to the car. We managed to get everything in, despite having a few more clothes and a couple new bags. I turned on the radio as Cassie drove. The song playing caught my attention:
In my darkest state of mind
I am riddled with despair
When I try and close my eyes
Your voice is all I hear
I will think of you tonight
I will hold back all my tears
I've waited all these years
Please don't go away
You're making a mistake
You and I were meant to be
You opened up my eyes
And made me realize
Now it's changing everything
It's crazy how I feel this way
I can't explain
Don't go away
Great, now the radio's talking to me. I quickly changed the station. 'Supermassive black hole' by Muse was playing on the next station. Much better. I turned up the volume, letting the song take over the car. With me in la-la land, it felt like we were at the airport in seconds. We parked the car on the top level of the parking structure. That's where the rental company told us to leave the car. I got out, hauling all of our stuff out of the trunk. We crossed the bridge over the busy 'pick up/drop off' area and headed into the airport.
Checking into the automated check in thingy, we were well on our way home. Tucking my ticket into my purse, I looked around, waiting for Cassie to finish up. I stood next to the glass box that shows you everything you can't bring with you on the plane. Scanning the sea of people coming in and out of the airport, I saw him. Edward. His bronze hair and blazing topaz eyes. Why is he here? Did he follow me? I frowned. Why would he? I probably broke his heart. In fact, I know I did. His face as we were leaving last night said it all. I shook my head, jolting myself out of my thoughts, and he was gone. Where is he? I swear I just saw him. I looked around, turning in circles. I am NOT going crazy!
"Hey, you okay?" Cassie caught up with me.
"Yeah," I said, distractedly. I stared at the spot where he had been standing.
"Well, you wanna get something to eat before we go? We have time." She suggested.
"Sure. That sounds good." We passed through security without a problem. As we passed through, a thought occurred to me. Would a vampires' venom show up in a security scan since it can kill you? Oh please, don't be ridiculous. Most people don't even think vampires exist, of course it wouldn't show up. Moron. We stopped at a little coffee stand, grabbing a couple bagels with cream cheese and some mochas.
"I can't wait to get home. My own room! My own bed!" I smiled, sipping the coffee as we sat at a small table.
"I know. I miss the sun! And I miss my Rob," Cassie said, dreamily.
"Oh, gag me now."
"Bite me." She tossed a piece of bagel at me. I batted it away. She scooted her chair next to mine, digging her camera out of her purse. "Last day in New York. It's picture time!" She held the camera out in front of us as we huddled together smiling at the little piece of technology. Living with Cassie, I learned to surrender and smile for the camera although I'm much more comfortable on the other side of it. She clicked the button, quickly turning the camera around to check out the photo when she was done.
"Aw, that's a good one," Cassie cooed.
I nodded, looking at it. "Yeah it is. We should add that to our wall." We have a wall in our apartment that is completely filled with pictures. You see it as you come through the front door. We finished up our bagels, taking our coffee with us to the chairs in front of our designated gate. "So what's the first thing you're gonna do when you get home?"
She thought for a moment, sitting down on one of the connected chairs. "Mmm, have you make me lunch?"
I gave her a 'fat chance' kind of look.
"I'm kidding!" She laughed. "I don't know. We'll get in about two in the afternoon. You want to go to the beach?"
"We could do that." I took a drink of my coffee, fishing my cell phone out of my purse. No missed calls. Not that I was really expecting anyone to call. Except maybe someone with gold eyes and bronze hair...Yeah, good luck with that. I sighed, putting my phone back in the pocket it belongs in.
"Flight 233 is now boarding. Flight 233, business class in now boarding." A voice on the intercom called.
"That's us." Cassie stood up, grabbing her purse and laptop case. Leave it to the Cullens to get us on business class. I should have known. I stood up, taking my stuff with me. Walking onto the plane, Cassie pased by me since I had the window seat on the way here. Now it was her turn.
"This is your captain, Lenny Jordans. I wanted to welcome you to flight 233 to Los Angeles, California. Clear skies all the way, so it should be a pleasant time. Enjoy your flight" A male voice told us through the speakers. Well that was nice. As the flight attendants went over what to do in case of an emergency, we settled in our seats. I put both of my carry-ons under the seat in front of me. I'd rather have access to them than put my stuff overhead.
I barely slept on the six hour flight. My head was spinning. I am so tired of this. When am I gonna figure this out once and for all?
"We will be landing shortly. Make sure your seats are in the upright position and the trays in front of you are locked. The weather outside Los Angeles is currently 82 degrees. I hope you enjoyed your flight." Captain Jordans said over the intercom. Cassie and I leaned over to the window, watching the tall buildings come into view. And the smog, can't forget the smog. The plane landed, softly bouncing along the runway before driving to the correct gate. I gathered my stuff into my lap as it landed.
"Anxious much?" Cassie eyed my actions.
"Just a bit." I smiled. The plane came to a complete stop and slowly passengers stood up, exiting the plane. Business class first, of course. I had to admit, that was nice. Cassie scooped up her stuff, leading the way into the airport.
"Rob!" She spotted her boyfriend, running into his arms.
"Hey babe," He kissed her softly. "Hey Elle."
I looked out the windows to my home state. "Hey."
"Glad to be home?" Rob laughed. Rob's cute, but he's no Edward. Is anyone, really? He had dark brown hair, a little lighter than my natural color, hazel eyes and cute dimples when he smiles.
I sighed. "You have no idea."
"Elle ran into an ex boyfriend." Cassie explained, then turned away from him to face me. "That she never told me about!" She playfully glared at me.
I shook my head, smiling.
His head perked up. "Oh really. Did Ryan know about him?"
"Yeah, like I would tell Ryan something I wouldn't tell Cassie." I rolled my eyes.
He shrugged. "You never know." We got the rest of our stuff from the luggage carousel, heading out to Rob's car. Like a gentleman, he took our suitcases, easily fitting them in the back of his red Ford Escape. They got in the front of the car, while I sat in the backseat, alone with my thoughts once again. Then we were off for an hour long car ride to Imperial Beach, where we call home.
"So other than running into the ex, how was New York?" Rob asked, pulling out of the parking structure.
"It was good. It was really weird because the house that we decorated, was Edward's, my ex's family's," I replied, rolling down the window. I shrugged out of my sweatshirt, stuffing it into my purse.
"Whoa. Was that awkward?" He looked at me through the rear view window.
"Heck yeah it was!" I laughed, "At least in the beginning."
"But then it got better cause Elle realized she still loves him." Cassie grinned. "Until she broke his heart last night."
"Ugh, can we not get into that?" I groaned, then smiled. "Uhh, Cassie bought a new purse! Two, actually!"
He raised his eyebrows. "Cass, You have enough purses." He sighed. "How much did you spend?"
"I only bought one!" She exclaimed.
I snickered, glad the conversation was off of me.
"Rosalie and Alice bought me the other one." She told him.
"Who are they?"
"They're Edward's sisters. I think. How does that family work? Who's related to who?" She turned in her seat, towards me.
"Okay. None of them are actually related except for Rosalie and Jasper. They're twins. Esme couldn't have children but she and Carlisle really wanted a big family so they adopted. They got Edward first, then Rosalie and Jasper. And then came Alice and Emmett. Rosalie and Emmett are married. Jasper and Alice are engaged," I explained.
"And they all still live together?" Rob frowned.
"Yeah,but they give everyone their own space. They're a close knit family, but they know when to back off and respect your privacy. Anyway, it was a Coach purse that Cassie bought."
"Elle!" she whined. "Are you trying to crucify me?"
"Babe. How much did you spend?" The muscle in his jaw twitched.
"Don't worry about it," She smiled.
"Cass," he warned.
"Just $600," She shrugged. "It's my money, what are you worrying about?"
"You."
"What?! I'm allowed." She folded her arms over her chest, slouching in the leather seat like a little kid. They babbled on the whole way there. About what, I'm not really sure. I tuned them out after the first 15 minutes. Before I knew it, he pulled into the parking lot of our apartment complex. We gathered everything out of the car, heading for our top level apartment, which was three stories up.
Home sweet home. I breathed in the sweet smell of our apartment, heading straight for my room. I opened the door, melting into my little slice of heaven. The walls are a really pretty shade of turquoise. Not teal, there's a difference. My queen size bed sitting in the corner, beckoning me to it with it's purple and blue comforter. It sits on one side of the room with just enough room on the far side for my night stand. Dropping my stuff onto the floor in the corner, I flopped onto my bed backwards. Home. Although, it's not really home without him. Ugh. I disgust myself sometimes. Forget him. You did it once, you can do it again. You have to. There's no way he's gonna take you back after what you did. That's true, isn't it? There will be no more Elle and Edward. Was there even an Elle and Edward to begin with? Or did he still think it was Bella and Edward? I sighed, sinking into the comfy bed.
"Elle!" Cassie popped into my room
"What?" I sat up onto my elbows.
"Unpack later, let's go to the beach!" I could see the strings of her bikini top peeking out over her tank. "I'm dying to get out into the sun."
I smiled. "Sure. Give me a minute." Maybe the sun will do me some good. She nodded, leaving the room. I got up, shutting the door. Turning to my dresser, I rummaged through the top drawer, finding my favorite bikini. It's white with different colored square spirals all over. Changing into it, I put on a pair of denim shorts, and a back terry cloth fabric sleeveless hoodie. Slipping into my black flip-flops, I grabbed my beach bag. Throwing my phone, towel and sun screen into it, I headed out the door. I slipped my sunglasses from my purse, putting them on. Rob and Cassie were sitting on the couch waiting for me.
"Ready?" I asked.
"Yeah!" Cassie jumped up off the couch, grabbing her own beach bag. Ten minutes later, we were at the beach. I love that. Being so close, you don't even have to drive. It's Thursday so the beach isn't too crowded, but it is the summer, so there are quite a few people out here. I took off my shoes, letting the sand kiss my feet.
"This good?" Rob asked, standing in an empty spot next to a fallen log.
"Yeah," I replied, setting my bag down. Taking out my beach towel, I flung it out, lowering it to the ground. Taking off everything but my bikini, I laid down on the oversized beach towel. I laid back on my hands, dropping my head back. I breathed in the salty air, letting the sun soak into my body. This is home. This is where I belong.
Authors Note:
Once again, this is not the end. And why isn't it the end? Because Edward isn't in it. So don't you worry your pretty little heads about it. I have decided to take this opportunity of Elle going crazy, to show you a bit of Elle's life in California, and because of that (before any of you ask) Edward will not make his appearance until chapter 17. But please bare with me, I promise it will be worth it!
The song on the radio is 'Don't Go Away' by BuckCherry. If you haven't heard it, go listen to it on . It's awesome. In my opinion, it's the perfect I-fucked-up song.
Oh, and by the way, I imagine Rob looking kinda like James Franco. Hehe.