Her brow furrows in confusion at the name. "Who?"

"Dammit, Maura! That was him!"

She shakes her head, still trying to comprehend what you're trying to tell her.

You get close enough so that your bodies are almost touching, and then you take a look around to make sure no one is close enough to hear you. "That's the bastard who killed Emma."

Her eyes widen in understanding and a gasp slips past her lips. "Oh my god, Jane– "

"Yeah, I know."

"Shouldn't he be in prison or– "

"Yeah, Maura. I know."

She looks deeply in your eyes, and you realize she is not scared at the prospect of a having a killer on the loose. She is scared of you backing away, shutting her out. She is scared you won't let her be there for you.

And she is right. You want to keep her as far away from that monster as possible, but somehow he became your very own bogeyman, lurking in the darkest corners of your mind. And now he is here to physically torment you as well.

It is only a matter of time until he gets to her too.

She must see the pain in your eyes, because she leans forward and kisses you, telling you everything words will never be able to convey. When her soft, gentle lips press against yours they say you don't have to try and be brave around her. That she can stand it if you break down. But that she will also understand it when you will nonetheless try to act fearless, because that's who you are and she knows it. When she catches your bottom lip between hers it's a reassurance, it's saying you can't scare me away. And that soft, little sigh that escapes her is a promise. A promise that even if you get scared and run away from her, she will still be here when you come back.

And you believe her. So when she pulls away, you don't fight with her, or push her away. But you do squeeze her hand and smile. For her.

Because really you just feel like crawling under a rock and staying there forever. But that's not an option.

Because you need to find out why that son of a bitch is out and running, and you need to go to that damn detention and you need to talk things out with your Ma, and you need to have a serious conversation with Frost and Frankie and Maura and…

Mostly you just need to stop being so freaking afraid. You shouldn't give in to fear.

There's no time for that.

Frankie joins you after another minute or two, and Maura relays the whole interaction with Tommy and Hoyt for him.

He looks at you hard, trying to gauge your state of mind. You hold his gaze, and smile slightly when he nods.

When they are done talking you give Maura a peck on the lips, before she leaves with Frankie, and you take off to the library, your mind completely somewhere else.

…

…

…

"Could you put Det. Crowe on the line, please?"

"Who is this?"

"It's about the Hoyt case."

"…yes ma'am, right away."

"This is Crowe."

"Det. Crowe, this is Jane Rizzoli, from the Hoyt case?"

"Oh, yes, Jane. How's it going?"

You think he sounds irritated, but shake it off. "Not so well, sir. We got a problem."

"What kind of problem?" Definitely irritated.

"Hoyt has escaped from prison. He is here, in Boston. Sir, what is going on?"

"There is no way Hoyt could escape from ADX Florence. It must be a coincidence."

"It's Hoyt sir, I swear. He is limping, it's the same foot he was shot in when you caught him!"

"Rizzoli, I'm telling you, Hoyt is well guarded in Colorado. It's the most secure prison in the United States. Now stop wasting my time."

The line is disconnected before you get another word out.

Fucking jerk.

You'd finished detention over an hour ago, but you couldn't bring yourself to go home just yet. Not if it meant returning to your passive-aggressive mother you're doing your best trying to ignore.

And you had to know. You had to know if this is all a fucking nightmare or if God really hates you enough to turn your nightmares into reality.

Apparently he does.

And now there's nothing left to do than go home. It's too late to check on Maura, and you're pretty sure it's not such a good impression to periodically turn up in front of her house unannounced.

Instead, you start heading home at a leisurely pace, searching for Frankie in the same time.

Frankie. Frankie, can you hear me?

What's up? Are you out of detention?

Listen, Frankie, I gotta talk to you about something.

Shoot.

I want to tell Maura. And Frost.

Tell them what?

Everything. About Tommy. About The Order.

There is a pause, during which you stop walking. Frankie?

They don't have to know anything about The Order.

Yes, they do, for them to understand-

Jane, no! Do you have any idea what could happen if They find out humans know about our purpose? They're not even supposed to be aware of our existence! We could end up real bad, Janie.

Frankie I can't do this alone.

Then don't do it at all.

He closes his mind to you, leaving you emptier than ever. You kick at a rock lying at your feet, sending it over a fence.

…

You open the front door and quietly step inside your house. The lights are off, which means your mother is either asleep, or isn't home. Neither version is particularly appealing. Even though you usually like to be left alone, it is still unnerving to have your mother actually respect your wishes.

Somehow you wish she hadn't.

You plop down on the couch and close your eyes. You can feel the tension from your muscles start to evaporate, and slowly you start to relax.

You're about to drift into an easy slumber, when the wooden floor of the back porch creaks, and just when you think your mother must have arrived home you remember the main street doesn't have access to your backyard, which means…

Ohmygod please don't be hoyt please don't oh god don't, please, not hoyt no DON'T!

Your body bolts off the couch and turns towards the silhouette before your have time to adjust to your surroundings, which makes you lose your balance and almost fall over the coffee table.

The person across from you turns on the lights, and…

"Jesus Christ, Frankie, you scared the crap outta me!"

"Oh. Sorry, Jane." His face is glum and his eyes can't meet your face.

"Look, Frankie, if this is about earlier today…" His head snaps up and he looks at you hard, which makes you trail off.

"The Order, Jane? The freaking Order? Why the hell is it important that they know? It won't help them at all. It would only get us in trouble. As for Tommy…" He shakes his head. His eyes close and he pinches the bridge of his nose. You realize with a jolt he picked it up from you.

"Fine, we let The Order out but we have to tell them about Tommy. And us. To Frost, I mean." You add, when he raises one eyebrow at you quizzically.

"And here I am thinking you liked to keep things to yourself."

"Yeah well, now there's a serial killer going after me and our little brother is back and on his side, so this kinda affects more than the two of us."

He throws back at you your trademark Rizzoli stare. No shit Sherlock.

"What affects more than the two of you?"

Your mother's voice floats from the hallway, and you both turn in the same time to look at her. She simply stands there, holding a big grocery bag, one eyebrow raised and waiting for an answer.

You and Frankie look at each other again, not knowing if you should let her know about Tommy's reappearance.

But she takes a step forward into the living room. "Janie? What happened?"

You can feel her prod your mind, trying to find a weak spot and discover what it is that you're hiding from her.

You know she'll have to know eventually, before she risks seeing him on the street and having a heart attack. You're just not sure if you can be the one to tell her.

And once again, Frankie saves you. "Tommy came back."

Her mouth opens wide but no sounds come out. Her eyes dart between the two of you, trying to see if you're joking around with her. You can feel her excitement growing and growing as the seconds tick by even though she hasn't moved since Frankie spoke.

But then, after a small pause, Frankie finishes his thought. "With Hoyt."

She looks at you, and you know she has never wished she could see inside your head as she does now. She approaches you gently, and when you make no move to stop her she puts her hand on your shoulder. "Janie."

It's her mother voice. It's her voice telling you she is a mother and she loves you but Tommy is back and who even cares he came back with a murderer because Tommy is back and you're her little girl again which means she will protect you but it also means you can't keep her from him because he is back and she is ready and hopeful and it doesn't mean she is not here for you and…

You don't know if you want her here. You don't know if you love her or hate her when her arms wrap around your shoulders and she pulls you into a hug. You don't reciprocate.

But you don't pull away either.

She takes a step back after a few moments, and looks at you. Really looks at you. "Tell me what you're thinking about, sweetie."

You feel Frankie tensing, feel him wondering if you're going to bring The Order up again. But you don't pay attention to him. You look at your mother, as you say, "I want you to stay as far away from Tommy as possible."

She gapes at you, her eyes wide, like it is an outrageous and selfish request, and the thought of you asking her something like this has never even crossed her mind. "Janie you can't ask me not to see my own son-"

"But I am, Ma. He left. He left because the thought of having a person and doing what he was born to do was simply too much for him! He doesn't have wings, Ma. He went to that sicko and he cut them off! Just...why can't you be on my side?"

"But I am on your side! My whole life I've been on your side! When your father left I've been on your side! Why can you be on my side for once?"

"EMMA IS DEAD BECAUSE OF HIM!" Your scream is ripped from your chest, leaving you cold and bare. You look around for Frankie, trying to get him to help you out, only to realise he fled the room. Not that you blame him.

It's only you and your mother.

And her sharp words capable of cutting right through you. "Blood is thicker than water, Jane."

And you don't know how to answer that. You are too shocked to even try and look furious. All you do is stare at her, mouth slightly open and eyes transfixed into hers.

You take a step closer and repeat yourself, desperately hoping that if she really hears what you're saying, she'll react differently. "She is dead. Because of him."

But all she does is sigh and roll her shoulders in an irritable gesture. "It's not like he killed her, and he is still your brother and my-"

"A person died, Ma. And God knows how many angels were mutilated because of that bastard's obsession. And we both know he couldn't have done it without Tommy's help. There's no way a human could know so many angels and succeed in trapping them all."

"He was twelve when he left us, Jane! How can you believe a twelve-year-old boy was able to capture fallen angels and destroy their wings?" She sounds exasperated, like you're simply too stupid to understand why Tommy's actions can be forgiven. Why he can be excused.

"All he had to do was find them, Ma! Find them and win their trust, Hoyt would do the rest. You know that. You know as well as I do what he's done."

She won't meet your eyes, and you know your words have fallen on deaf ears. She will do anything she can to see him. "He is still my child, Jane. I can't abandon him, no matter what he's done!"

"I'm your child, too." Your voice is small and raw, and it's the only thing that makes her look at you.

But she doesn't say anything, and you can no longer bear to look at her, so you turn away.

"Janie, come on!" She calls after you, but you know it's because of the guilt. You know if she had to choose, she'd be able to make her choice. And you'd have to be able to take it. You're the oldest one.

You'll always have to be able to take it.

"Let it go, Ma. Just…"

You wave her away, your back still turned to her.

And she does. She stands still for a moment, but just when you're about to repeat yourself you can hear her turning around and leaving the room.

And you're engulfed in silence.

A pressing, oppressing, deafening silence. It is unbearable.

…

…

…

You're sitting on the back porch, wrapped in a blanket, with a mug of hot chocolate to keep you warm. After the fight in the living room you've avoided your family for the rest of the evening by locking yourself up in your room. You thought being left alone would make you feel better, but as you were staring up at the ceiling you felt suffocated and drained, but most of all you felt lonely.

So now you're outside, with the wind to keep you company.

And not before long your mother joins you. She silently walks up to you and sits down close enough that your kneecaps are touching if you don't keep your legs close together.

But before she can make herself comfortable you speak up, a warning in your voice. "If you're here to make me feel guilty about wanting you to stay away from Tommy and Hoyt then don't bother, it worked out well enough the first time."

"Jane, I'm not-" You're on the verge of interrupting her when she holds her palm up to you, an attempt to silence you. "Please Jane, let me finish."

You nod once and look away.

"I'm not the bad guy here, Janie. And you know it. Yes, Tommy has done a terrible thing, but he is still family. And we always stand by each other."

You snort. "Yeah, tell Pop that."

Your mother sighs, but goes on without acknowledging your comment. "You can't blame me for wanting to see my son."

You clench your jaw but don't say anything. Her voice softens, and a hand finds its place on your back. "I get that you're scared, we all are. You don't have to protect all of us, Jane. Just...please stop putting so much pressure on yourself, okay? We can protect you, too."

You don't say anything and keep looking straight ahead at your backyard.

"Okay?" she asks again. The hand on your back gives you a little nudge.

You turn to look at her, and after a moment, you nod.

She nods back, and scoots a little closer to you.

You don't shy away.

"And...if it really means to much to you...I won't go to...extreme lengths in looking for him. But I can't promise more than that."

There it is. The olive branch. You grasp it tightly with both hands and keep it close.

"It's okay, Ma. I get it. I just want you to be safe, y'know? All of you. You and Frankie, Frost…"

Maura's name dies on your lips.

Somehow, your mother hears it anyway.

"Maura?"

You turn and watch as a small smile plays at her lips. "It's fine, Janie. You can say her name, it's not like I'll run away in the opposite direction."

"Well, it feels like you will." You weren't supposed to say that out loud, but now that it's out there you don't have it within you to take it back.

Your mother looks at you for a long moment, and when she speaks she sounds resigned. "You really like her, don't you?"

You smile. You can't help it. "Yeah. I like her..a lot."

"I'm sorry, Jane."

"What for?"

"For reacting the way I did when the principle called. I mean, about your relationship with Maura."

"We're not in a relationship, Ma."

"Uh-huh." She raises an eyebrow at you, clearly not buying it.

"We're not! I mean, I don't think we are, we never talked about it."

"You should."

"Huh?"

"Be in a relationship with her."

You're too stunned for words, but that's okay because she has enough for the both of you.

"I'm not saying I understand it, Janie. I don't. But it's pretty clear she means something to you, and...she...changed you."

You look at her quizzically, urging her to continue.

Her hand reaches out and grabs yours. She looks down at your hands like that would explain everything.

"See?" You shake your head, making her explain a little bit. "You stopped hiding your hands, Janie. A few months ago, you would've pulled away without even thinking about it. The only one you'd permit to touch you was Frankie, and only between your shoulder blades. Not your hands. Never your hands. But now? You don't shove them in your pockets as often as you used to. When you're having a nightmare it takes much less time to wake you up. She changed you. And I don't mean it as a bad thing."

You stare at her, completely wiped off your feet.

But everything she just said is true. You never realized it. But it is. Probably because you're used to always touching Maura some way or another, so when she's not there your hands unconsciously reach out of your pockets.

Longing after her. Dreaming of the way her fingers thread through yours, making that constant ache take a seat in the back of your mind, shifting your attention to something else. Something better and brighter and safer and just...better.

"So I'm sorry for how I reacted that day."

"It's...It's okay, Ma. Really."

"I guess I just never imagined you'd be so...fierce. I always thought you'd grow out of it, wake up someday and suddenly like dresses and going shopping, talking about boys...but it's not you, is it? It's never been you. Well, I guess it's time I made my peace with that. I only wish I could have understood you better."

You squeeze her hand, let her know she is forgiven.

"We should get back inside, it's really cold."

"Yeah."

You both stand up and head to the door, but before you can step inside your mother spins on the spot and looks at you with a serious expression on her face.

"I meant what I said earlier. About Maura. I just want you to know you don't have to keep her away from me. I mean, it'd be nice to invite her over someday. Get to know her better. "

"Yeah, Ma. Sure." You smile at her.

She turns away, her hand on the door handle. "And Janie?"

"Yeah?"

"You're my child, too."

She doesn't wait for you to answer, leaving you to stare after her, dumbfounded.

…

…

…