The Gift of Forgiveness

by KNeu21

Sequel to TGoRecoveryReVamped: After years of no contact with anyone from her old life, Leandra's life is turned upside down once more when it all comes back to remind her why she can never have a normal existence. After all is said and done, can she ever survive picking up the pieces of what's left? (Direct sequel- I suggest reading through my previous stories first.)

14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

I couldn't help it. I took most of the night. The only time I moved was to stretch, or get up to go to the bathroom. Otherwise, I laid there and I snoozed.

Until about midnight, when my bed got too uncomfortable to lay in. Then I just moved out into the living room. Josh was still sleeping, so I did what I could to crawl out of bed around him.

"I have emerged." I muttered, heading for the side door. I wanted some fresh air, and despite it being the middle of the night, I knew the early summer temperature would be comfortable for me. I was feeling a little too warm after laying in bed so long.

It was quiet, nearly silent out here, and I just closed my eyes. It was so hard to believe that they had any amount of control over Jack. It was impossible. I refused to believe it.

In the silence, I could hear Andrew's voice off in the distance. He sounded really frustrated, and giving no effort to be quiet about it, so I knew they'd stopped him. Leaning forward enough to rest my arms on the porch railing, I laid my head on my folded arms. It felt good to stretch this way. My lower back was aching a bit, and shifting the increased weight in my belly the way I did stretched it just right.

I could hear that he was approaching just as he stepped from the trees. Emmett by his side across the yard.

"And you can tell Rosalie that nobody liked her 'guard dogs' comment." Andrew went on.

"Aw," Emmett waved it off, "Come on, man. You know she was just having a bit of fun. I think that's a good thing since nobody would let her kill him either."

"And that's another thing." Andrew replied, "Why won't you let me kill him? Just a few times. Don't you guys heal, as long as nobody burns the bits? Hell, we could all have a whack at him."

"What is going on?" I finally asked.

"Shorty," Emmett looked at me, "Reign in your homicidal guard dog, please."

"Sorry." I shrugged. I knew it wouldn't do any good even if I wanted to try.

"Emmett won't let me kill him." Andrew tattled on him like it was the worst crime in the world.

"Sorry." I shrugged again, "I told you."

Andrew looked to Emmett again, "You can't tell me that you don't want to kill him as much as I do."

"More than that." Emmett countered, "You have no idea the things I want to do to that fucker, but you know as well as I do that we can't do that."

"Just once." Andrew pleaded.

"No," He said, "Because if I let you kill him, then I'll have to let everyone kill him."

"Just.." Andrew puffed, "Let me kill him a little bit."

"No."

"Who's gonna know?"

"Esme will." Emmett answered tensely. I took that to mean that she was the one that would enforce the 'no killing' rule.

"Who knows?" He asked, "Maybe she'll want to join in. We could make it a thing. Like.. We could take turns-"

"Stop it." Emmett chuckled, "Man, you're tempting me."

"The person that killed him last would have to clean it up and put him back together," Andrew took it further, "Because that's gross."

"I'm not listening any more." Emmett shook his head, despite his laughter. He looked to me as he ascended the porch steps, "He's as bad as you are, shorty."

"Sorry." I shrugged a third time.

"Hey." Andrew said, "Only when it comes to him. There is no excuse for him to still be living after what he's done, and the more he runs his mouth.." He trailed off, shaking his head.

"I get it." Emmett assured him, "And believe me, I want to give you the go-ahead, but I can't."

"This is stupid." Andrew growled, "How do we know Rosalie's not over there right now, ripping his stupid head off?"

"Because the wolves are there too." Emmett answered, "And I agree. It's stupid, but the answer is no, kid."

"I told her I would make it right."

"So find another way."

"It's okay, Andrew." I told him, "Like I said before. There isn't anything that could make it right. Except maybe going back in time somehow, but that's impossible."

"It's not okay." He insisted firmly, "It's not. I'll figure something out."

I gave him a gentle look, "Don't do that. Don't obsess over him, or what he's done. It doesn't do any good." He shook his head and looked down, "I mean it, Andrew. He's not worth it."

"That's like saying you're not worth it." He pointed out, "That's not-"

"Just leave it." I told him softly, "Please."

He shook his head and turned, making his way back into the trees. I sighed, watching after him.

"I never should have told him."

"Nah." Emmett replied, "He'll be fine. Trust me, I know how he's feeling. The thought for him is still fresh. He hasn't learned yet how all this is supposed to work."

"I know." I sighed again, "I just know he's hurting, and it's my fault."

"He'll be fine." He repeated, "Don't ever feel bad about telling anyone. If you trust someone enough to tell them, then do it. Feeling bad about it only leads back to shame."

"True." I allowed with a nod, "It just sucks."

"It is a sucky situation." He allowed this time, "Just try not to worry about him."

"I can't help it." I replied. I stood straight with a sigh, turning around to lean back against the railing and crossing my arms. It was just more comfortable for me that way. I shook my head, "I don't like hurting anyone by telling them what happened. It's like.. Just spreading it. You know? Like.. I'm already hurting enough. Why would I want to make anyone else suffer too?"

"I get it." He nodded, "But you're thinking about it all wrong, shorty. It's not about wanting to hurt anyone. You reach out as a way of finding more support. Letting anyone in on that part of your life takes a whole hell of a lot of courage. You wanted him to see you. There's nothing in the world wrong with that, because you obviously trusted him for a reason."

"Maybe he just couldn't handle it."

"He can handle it." He said, "Don't you worry about him."

I looked over at him, "Do you have any idea how many times I could have used your advice over the last few years?"

"I know." He sighed, looking back out over the yard. He was quiet, and I could see the regret in his eyes. I hated that look in his eyes, so I decided to try to lighten the mood.

"Remember when I bit you?" I smiled a little, and he smiled as well.

"Which time?" He asked, laughing.

"God," I said, "That was forever ago. Like another lifetime." I turned away and stepped to the side, finding the bench I remembered clearly. Sitting down with a small laugh, "Right here."

"Graduation day." He chuckled, following me, "While Eddy stood there complaining that you were too violent."

"Yup." I laughed, reaching out and resting my hand on the cushion, "That was the night Jasper flipped out about Mikah getting too close." I paused, "That reminds me. How is Cole?"

"They're doing good." Emmett nodded, "We crossed paths with them on our way back here. Dess and her coven has made themselves quite comfortable with Cole's coven. Not that I had any doubt they would."

"And Eli?" I had a soft spot for Eli.

"He and his bunch moved themselves up north." He replied, "I don't think Tanya minds them so much. It makes it easy when they all want the same thing."

I nodded again, sighing. I was glad to know that Eli had found a place.

"What about you, shorty?" He asked, and I looked over, "You've changed a lot."

I took a breath, "I know. I did a lot of changing. When you guys left, I had to take a long look at myself. I didn't like what I saw, but I didn't have what I needed to change. Not at first. After Aro's last visit, he made me see that I couldn't just lay down and quit. He reminded me that life does go on. You and I are both pretty lucky that he showed up when he did, otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here right now."

"Why?" He frowned.

"Do I really have to spell it out?" I asked in return.

"Tell me you're joking."

"I would." I replied a little bitterly, "But that would be a lie."

"I can't even think about that." He shook his head, "What were you thinking?"

"Truthfully?" I asked, "I was thinking about the most painless way to do it. I'm a wimp." He gave me a look, so I sighed, "I told you before. I was in a very bad place back then. As far as I knew, you'd all given up on me. What use was I? What good would it do to stay alive?" I paused, leaning back a little and relaxing on the bench.

"But.." I went on in his silence, "After Aro visited me that night, I pulled my head out of my ass and started looking around. I started seeing things for what they were, and I started thinking. About more than just you guys for once. I stopped wallowing, and started swimming. Andrew and Zack were there a lot in the beginning. I owe a lot of who I am now to them. Josh had his hand in it too, but back when I first started school again, they were both there for me constantly."

"That explains why you trusted him so much." Emmett nodded.

"I would trust Andrew with my life." I admitted, "Even before.. That night. And I still do. I can't really explain it. He talks about a connection to me, and I think I feel it too." It was a little awkward talking about this with Emmett, but I knew he'd understand.

"Then that's what matters." He said, "He'll come around. I know he will."

"I really hope so." I muttered, looking down, "I don't know why I didn't tell him before. I think maybe I was just trying to protect him."

"There's that word again." He'd heard that from me before.

"Emmett, there's a lot of people out there that have no idea what kinds of things can happen to someone." I replied, "They have no idea what some people are capable of. I've seen the darkness in people, and I know what it did to me. I've done things most people couldn't even imagine in their worst nightmares, all before I was ten. Why would I want to invite anyone into a world where monsters really exist?"

He stood there silently, seeming to study me. He didn't really understand, so I thought of another way to put it.

"After all this time," My voice was quieter, "You have no idea what kind of person you've been hunting. All you've seen is just a hint of what he can do."

"I think I have an idea-"

"No." I said, and he looked to me again, "There is darkness in some people, but Jack.. He is the darkness. Even before he was turned, his entire life was based on causing people pain. Mainly me. He lived for it. I don't think you can imagine it. You don't know how bad it got. The only ones who know how bad it got is me, him, and Edward. He never told you."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I can still see that spark in your eye." I replied, "That small hope that some people can still be good. I never had a chance. He completely ruined my life before I even knew what it could be like to live it. He ruined me before I even knew that what he did was wrong. The second his hands touched me, I was done for. Something was started way back then, and it's pushed him this far. I've done things, seen things most people never do or see. It's bad. You know it's bad, but just how bad it was for me.. I don't think you know."

His expression was stuck, frozen as a mask of sadness and a hint of horror. I'd tried over and over again to explain to him why I was the way I was. I finally had the words to express it now that I was older. Before there was always a solid wall of shame I couldn't get passed. Now, it was gone. I'd tunneled under it.

"As much as he says he owns me, and as much as I deny it, I know he's right." I went on, my voice so quiet the night breeze nearly took it. I took a breath, "When he says things like that, it means more to him and I than it means to you. He's left his mark on me in every.. Single.. Way possible. That won't stop no matter what happens to him, and he knows it. He knows it, and I know it.

"The things he's done, and the things he's made me do.." I shook my head, "I live my life for him, as weird as it sounds. I have from the moment he met me, and I will until the day I die. No matter what happens to him, I will always see him when I look in the mirror. Hear his voice with every thought through my head, see his face every time I close my eyes. As much as I've accepted it, I think about those things every single day, and every time it crosses my mind, I know it ruins me a little more."

The silence now dragged on, and I eventually looked down.

"You live in a world where things are still possible." I mumbled in conclusion, "I live in a world where there is almost nothing worth hoping for. If it weren't for Andrew and Zack.. Every day would just be one more closer to my death. So no. You have no idea what it's like for me, and if there is any way I can keep just one person I care about from knowing exactly what people like Jack are capable of doing to someone like me, I want to."

I paused again before I spoke once more.

"And that's another thing." I muttered, "What I did with Andrew.. Some people might think I'm too young to make decisions like that myself, but.. I can say with honesty that I've seen it all and I've done it all. There is one thing I've never done before, and that was to make it my choice. For once, I wasn't forced into it. For once, I didn't have to be afraid. For once, I wasn't just held down, pinned or moved where he wanted me. For once, it was my choice to do that, and you can't imagine what that means to me. I'm not going to let a little bit of disapproval take that away from me."

I looked over, only slightly embarrassed at seeing Carlisle standing there listening.

"No," Emmett finally spoke, taking my attention again, "I totally get that part, but.. For what it's worth.. I think you're wrong. He doesn't own you."

I smiled a little sadly, "See, the way you believe that tells me that you still have no idea. It took me.. Well, it took me this long to finally stop feeling guilty over what I did or what he made me do. To stop living in the 'what if's or 'should have's. It took work to get me this far, but I know that that's as far as it goes. I can't deny everything else. Just that it isn't my fault how damaged I am."

"You're not damaged, shorty." He replied, "Please don't say that."

"You don't know me very well." I mumbled, "Hurting him or killing him won't fix me. Andrew doesn't get that, I guess."

"I can't blame him." Emmett replied, "I know you say it won't fix anything, but it's definitely a start. You didn't make it any easier to leave him alive."

"No." I said, "If there's a rule not to kill him, I'm guessing there's a reason behind it. Don't bother with him, Emmett. I mean it."

He shook his head and looked down, so I assumed that I needed to leave it alone now. I looked over at Carlisle still standing there.

"Hi." I sighed, "Welcome to the 'Let's Make it Worse' club." Emmett laughed humorlessly off to the side.

"How are you feeling?" I knew why Carlisle would ask that.

"I'm better." I replied easily, "I'm still a little nauseous, and I have a small headache, but it's really nothing major."

"Do you mind if I take a look?" He asked, gesturing to my neck.

"Nope." I answered, and he stepped forward. He wanted to look at where I was bitten. I turned my head, reaching up and moving my hair away from my neck. He gently pressed along the area, and I jumped a little as a certain spot was still rather sore.

"I'm sorry." He apologized.

"It's okay." I replied, "Still hurts a little, though. That might take a minute to go away."

"I've never seen this." He admitted quietly, and I could clearly hear his confusion in his tone.

"Me either." I jokingly said, hoping to lighten the mood again, "I'm just really glad he didn't do more than he did."

"I agree." He sighed, stepping back, "You've still got some bruising, but it's fading fast. Other than that, I'd say you're fine."

"So am I gonna live?" I asked, but he didn't find the humor in it.

"Leandra," He said, slightly scolding, "You very easily could have lost your life. It's nothing to joke around about."

"I know." I dropped the joking tone, "But it's nothing new to me. You heard what I just told Emmett. I wouldn't have been surprised if he had killed me."

Emmett sighed, "Shorty, if your blood hadn't stopped him-"

"I know." I looked over at him now, "I know I got lucky. Really lucky. I'm just not really up to putting too much worry into what could have happened. That's not me anymore."

"You really should." I was surprised to hear Edward as he approached. To my further surprise, Bella followed him up onto the porch from the yard.

"Where the hell have you guys been?" I asked, curious.

"They go back and forth." Emmett explained for them, "Between the wolves and us."

"Because of Ness." I gathered, nodding to myself.

"Usually." Bella replied, "But this time, we've been trying to get more answers about what was going on with you."

"So why should I worry about what could have happened?" I asked, skeptical.

"Because it isn't just you it affected." Edward explained almost gently, "The baby may have had a natural defense against it, but we have no idea how something like that could have affected it. It's not really something that was tested that thoroughly. It's still very early in its development." I allowed that, looking down so he went on, "And Andrew. To know that you were within inches of losing your life really got to him."

I wasn't sure how to reply. I knew they weren't blaming me, but trying to make me take it a little bit more seriously. I understood that, so I wasn't out to get mad.

"Apparently your reaction to the venom was nothing new." Edward added, "It's a natural defense against our kind, and anything else that means you harm. It's meant to keep you safe in the event that your mate isn't able to protect you."

"Mate?" I laughed a little at the word, "I wouldn't go that far."

"I would." He replied easily, no hint of a joke in his tone, "The way he cares for you, Leandra, is nothing light or to dismiss. You are on his mind almost every waking moment."

"How's that any different from his normal self?" I asked, still slightly skeptical. If they thought that that was anything new, they were mistaken, "He's had a crush on me since we were kids."

"It's different now." Bella told me, and I focused on her, "It's a little like imprinting, but different in the way it happens and the form it takes. From what we understand, it comes on much slower, and a lot less intense at first, but from the moment you conceived, you two became bonded. This whole time, he's done nothing but build on that bond and it'll continue to build. It's just going to get stronger. He's never going to look for anyone else. It's instinct for him to stay with you."

Okay, that sounded very intense. It made me kind of nervous.

"Well.." I muttered after a moment, "That explains his obsession with Jack at least."

"Anyone would have had that reaction, shorty." Emmett pointed out.

"It's also instinct for him to keep you safe." She went on, and I nodded. I'd heard that from him, so that didn't surprise me.

"He said that that was how he knew to come find me." I said, "Like he just knew."

"That's the bond." She said, "I wouldn't have expected anything different. That's his offspring."

"Baby." I corrected quietly. That word freaked me out too. She smiled a little, allowing that.

"In this case, it definitely came in handy." Edward nodded as well, "Leandra, I can't apologize enough. We really thought you would be okay."

"I don't blame you guys." I looked down.

"No, you don't understand." He said, "I specifically searched Aro's mind for Jack's whereabouts. Aro truly believed he knew right where Jack was."

"So.." I sat up, frowning a little, "Aro doesn't know Jack's playing him?"

"Aro isn't stupid." Emmett muttered, "He has to know something isn't right about Jack-ass."

"Oh, he definitely knows something isn't right." Edward replied easily, "But I don't think he suspects Jack to be stupid enough to play him."

A thought crossed my mind, and Edward looked over at me.

"Maybe Aro doesn't have to be that worried." I muttered, "Jack's never outright given him a reason. Did anyone forget about what Jack can do? For all we know, he has half the guard on his side by now."

"Even Jack-ass wouldn't be that brave." Emmett shook his head.

"You don't know him that well." I countered, "That's definitely something he would do, and with his ability, really fucking easy. It would also explain what exactly Jack's doing around Aro at all. From what I remember of it, it confused me. Like.. It didn't make any sense to feel that way about him, but I did. I couldn't fight against it, and part of me didn't want to. With Aro given no reason to test the loyalty of his guard, that's dangerous."

"I'll suggest it to him." Carlisle offered quietly, and I nodded.

"You're keeping tabs on the ones watching him, right?" I asked, looking over at him.

"Of course." He nodded, "We're not taking any chances."

"We change out those watching him every few hours." Edward explained, and I nodded again, "No one is permitted long-term exposure to him."

"Speaking of." Emmett said, turning for the steps. I gathered that he was going to collect Rosalie.

I sighed, sitting back. My thoughts were on what I'd just learned about Andrew. It was still hard to think of him as anything other than my friend. Words like 'mate' and 'bond' being thrown around just weirded me out. It was something that crossed my mind a lot, but also something I never gave too much thought.

I always knew that he felt intensely for me, but to hear it from someone else just made me want to run, oddly enough.

"I see your doubt." Edward murmured, and I sighed again, looking over at him.

"I wish you wouldn't."

"I can't help it." He admitted with an apologetic smile, "May I offer you my advice?"

"Sure." I muttered hesitantly.

"Don't fight it." He told me, "In the end, it'll only cause a whole lot of tension, because no matter the way you think you feel about him, that connection to you isn't just going to go away. Of course he's not going to force you into anything, but-"

"It'll just hurt him." I mumbled, looking down. I definitely didn't want to do that, but I also couldn't deny the way I felt. I paused before I looked back up, "Could that be the reason why he was so obsessed before? When I avoided him?"

"I think that could have been part of it." Edward nodded, "Mostly, though, I think it was just a guy thing." I nodded again, taking a breath, "Just keep that in mind. I know you're facing so many options right now, and you've got a lot of hard decisions to make, but I just want you to focus on the fact that you're playing a very dangerous game."

That surprised me.

"How?"

"Why do you think Mikah has been avoiding you?" He asked in reply.

"He's been avoiding me?"

"For the most part." He answered.

"I just talked to him earlier." I frowned.

"You've always meant a lot to him." Edward explained, "It killed him to lose you, and just the thought of just seeing you again brought back a hope in him I hadn't seen in a long time. To know that he's not going to be able to fight a bond like you and Andrew have, well.." He didn't have to finish that.

"God." I sighed, rubbing my face, "And then there's Josh."

"Right." He agreed, "It's quite normal to be unsure, and you have your own reasons for being unsure, but don't underestimate what having hope will lead them to do."

"What are you saying?" I asked, suddenly nervous again.

"Leandra," He murmured, "There's already a certain amount of tension between Mikah and Andrew. I can tell you from experience that it isn't a pleasant thing to face, the idea that someone you care about so much could potentially choose someone else. Added in the fact that they're natural enemies.. You need to think hard about what's going on."

"They wouldn't fight." I frowned, "That's not Andrew. Or Mikah."

"You'd be surprised." He replied easily, "For Andrew, it's instinct to protect you. To be with you. If he notices Mikah has a shot, there's no telling how he'll react." I hadn't thought of that.

"Huh." I muttered to myself in thought, leaning back again.

"Just.." He murmured, "Keep them in mind."

"Leandra?" Josh had come to find me before I could reply, "Can we talk?" He stood in the doorway, almost hesitantly looking around at everyone.

With an understanding and polite nod, Carlisle turned for the door, Edward and Bella following him. Josh stepped outside to let them by, glancing over briefly before looking to me again. Edward glanced back at me, and the hesitant expression in his eyes told me to be on guard.

Other than the sound of the door closing behind them, it was silent. He slowly approached, carefully sitting next to me on the bench. I kept my eyes down.

"What's wrong?" I hated that I felt like I needed to ask that.

"I have so many questions." He murmured, "But first I have to say something. A few things, actually. I'm not proud of it."

"Yeah?" I prompted, glancing over at him.

He sighed, "Where do I even start?"

"Anywhere." I suggested, and he looked down as well.

"Okay." He muttered, "First.. I was listening in. Just now." I looked over at him, "I heard all that stuff about Andrew. I just wanted to tell you that you're being stupid."

"Huh?"

"Whatever all this is about," He explained, "Whatever he is, it saved our asses that night. If his connection to you is that strong, how can you even think about having doubts? Andrew is a good guy. You and I both know that he'd treat you good. He would be good to you."

"I thought you hated him?" I poked lightly.

"I don't hate him." He replied, "I was looking for any reason not to like him, but you know all I really care about is your happiness. I've seen you two together, and I have to say that I don't think there's anyone better out there for you." He hesitated, "Even me."

Surprised, I looked over. I wasn't stupid or blind. I'd seen the fact that he had a decent crush on me, and I'd be totally lying if I tried to tell myself that I didn't return it, but it was something we both never mentioned.

"I don't hate him, Leandra." He sighed, "I'm jealous of him." I wasn't sure what to say to that, so I sat there silently. Not even bothering to try to reply. He went on anyway, "When you're with him, you open up in a way I've never seen before. You two just click. It's always been that way, even before all this baby stuff. It's something I've never been able to do for you. You deserve someone who can love you like he does."

"This is depressing." I muttered.

"Tell me about it." He replied quietly.

"You said there was more?" I asked, glancing over. I was hoping to change the subject.

"Yeah." He sighed, "I can see it. You're falling for it again."

"Falling for it?"

"Leandra, I don't want to lose you." He said, "You're falling for them again, and.. Remember when you lived with them before? I never saw you. That's what's going to happen if you keep letting them worm their way back into your life."

I shook my head, "Josh-"

"So let them help." He said, "But don't fall for it. For all I know, they're about to pick up and move to Tahiti or something, and they'll want to take you with them."

"I'm not going to Tahiti." I assured him, "I'm not going anywhere."

He hesitated, "But you're staying.. Here?"

"I have to." I replied, "At least for now."

"Even after mom and dad get back?" He seemed surprised by that.

"Especially after they get back." I said, "Josh, I have no choice. I-"

"You know I can't stay with you." He turned a little more to face me, "Leandra, I get that they want to help you out, but they can do it from home."

"Because you saw how well that worked." I pointed out, "All that proved was that you're right in the line of trouble."

"I can handle it."

"No." I countered, "You can't. I won't ask that of you. You really could have gotten hurt. If he had turned on you.. You don't even want to know what he could have done. He wouldn't have meant to hurt you, but he wasn't exactly thinking, either. I have to stay here until it's safe for everyone."

"Then you'll be the one to break the news to mom." He said, "I'm not doing that for you." I expected that.

"I'll tell her when they get back." I replied with a nod, "It's better to tell her face to face than over the phone." I sighed, "But I'm worried about what Mike will say."

"What do you mean?"

"When I first came to stay with you guys before, he said that if I stay there, then I have to stay." I explained, "That I can't just hop back and forth between places, and if I were to leave again, I couldn't stay there again."

"He said that?" He asked, surprised.

"Yeah." I nodded a little, "I mean, I get why, but it sucks."

"I won't let him do that." He said, "Because it's not your choice to leave this time."

"I don't think it matters that much." I admitted, standing up with another sigh. I stretched a little, wincing as my left hip popped. Josh looked over, partially horrified.

"Yeah," I told him, laughing, "I pop now."

"That really sounded like it hurt."

"Nope." I replied, "It actually felt good." He laughed a little as well, standing up with me.

"We'll talk more about this stuff later." I said, "For now, I must graze."

"Graze?"

"I'm hungry." I spelled it out for him, and he nodded.

"I'm not surprised." He replied, "You've hardly eaten anything the last few days."

"Especially since being hungry and being pregnant hungry are two totally different things." I said, heading for the door. He followed me inside, through the living room and toward the kitchen.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Well.." I sighed, rounding the counter, "It's like having the munchies, but like.. Times a thousand."

"What do you know about having the munchies?" He asked, suspicious now.

"Like you didn't know we got into that stuff." I gave him a look.

"Actually, no." He countered, "I didn't, because if I did, I would have smacked both you and Zack."

"Oh, come on." I rolled my eyes, reaching for the loaf of bread sitting in the pantry, "It's not that big of a deal." I took a breath, "But anyway-"

"Is that stuff the reason you got like this?" He gestured to me. I turned to look at him, "Meaning, were you guys high that night?"

"No." I said with a small laugh, "I made this stupid decision all on my very own." He shook his head, but let it drop, "I haven't smoked for awhile now. Even before I knew about the baby."

"Why would you do that?" He asked, frowning.

"Are you kidding me?" I asked in reply, "Do you have any idea what that shit does for my anxiety? I was having a pretty bad day one day, and I was just a huge wreck, so Zack suggested it."

"How long ago?"

"Uhh.." I paused, thinking about it, "Like.. Three or four days after my fifteenth birthday. That's when it first started. Every now and then up until like a week before that trip to Seattle. That was the last time." He sighed, but nodded.

"As long as it's not like a habit."

"I wasn't doing it enough for it to be a habit." I assured him, "I just really liked what it did for me when I didn't feel like popping a stupid pill that knocks me out. That's all. I'm not proud of it, but I'm not afraid to say that it helped me, either. With that stuff, I could still get stuff done. When I take those pills, I'm a zombie the rest of the day."

He'd seen the zombie me too often, so he knew what I was talking about.

Thankfully, the conversation moved on from there. He left it alone, probably trusting my judgement. I appreciated that, considering my judgement had been in question from the moment it came out that I was pregnant.

"Look.." He sighed, lowering his voice, "I just.. I want to be sure you're being smart about all this. I've accepted that nobody is going to tell me what makes these people so different, but at this point, I don't think I want to know. Just.. Be careful. When I'm not here anymore, please be careful."

His concern made me sad. He cared so much about me, it was hard for him to imagine that I was safe around people he really didn't understand.

"I'll be fine, Josh." I muttered, continuing on with making my sandwich.

"Uh-huh." He muttered, "I've heard that before." I gave him a look, so he went on, "Leandra, you almost died. You didn't see yourself."

"Remind me to light Mikah on fire for letting you see me like that."

"I'm not joking." He said, "I don't know what happened in that room, and I don't know what Jack did to you, but there was blood everywhere. All over you, all over the wall, all over the floor-"

"I get it." I winced a little, "I'd like to stay hungry, thanks."

"And you said that these people are different like he is." He went on, "You won't live the next time it happens."

"Thanks." I repeated firmly. He rolled his eyes, "It's not going to happen again."

"I'll be going back when mom gets home." He told me, "You should too."

"I'm here for a reason, Josh." I reminded him, but he shook his head.

It seemed we wouldn't agree. There would be no convincing him, but there was no convincing me either.

True to his word, he did leave the second it was confirmed that Heather and Mike were back in town. I was grateful for that, because it meant I could stay here and make sure things were taken care of before going back myself.

Of course Heather wasn't happy about it, but as she told me before, she wouldn't stand in the way. I hated to admit it, but I was far more at ease here than I was there. I was sure it had everything to do with nothing being expected of me. It took a lot of pressure off of me.

My only responsibilities here were making sure I ate enough and got enough sleep. It was almost like a vacation, but there was no sight-seeing. My days consisted of laying in bed, resting more than I'd rested in years, and wondering about the creature getting stronger inside me. Feeling it bouncing around in there, a subtle nudge or squirm here or there that grew stronger, it seemed by the day.

I ached in ways I wasn't used to when I laid too long in one spot, but it wasn't painful. I just needed time to just exist. To just be there on my own. I wasn't much up for visitors just yet, but the Cullens understood. I just needed time to adjust again.

I needed to be careful, though. I couldn't allow myself to adjust too much, otherwise I'd never want to leave again, but the amount of pressure taken off of me was amazing. I hated to think about it, but I could breathe again. As soon as I stopped fighting against the idea of being home again, my anxiety eased. I desperately reached for that relief.

Before I even knew it, a week and a half had passed. Days had passed, giving me just enough time to hold onto everything I'd been given here, best of all relief. I held onto it closely, clinging to it like a physical object every time I laid curled in a ball on my bed. Keeping it safe. It was mine, and I wasn't letting go of it again for anything.

When the time came, Carlisle took me for my next check up at the hospital. I wished Andrew could be there, to see what I would see, but he wasn't allowed.

It was this ultrasound that I learned that the baby in me was a boy. I wasn't surprised, as it was guessed at the last check up I had, but to have it confirmed was pretty amazing. Without a doubt in the ultrasound tech's mind, it was a boy. The baby that saved my life was a boy. She clearly identified his bits.

He would grow up to follow in his father's footsteps and inherit the gene that would change his life forever.

But for right then, he was just a baby. Only slightly more sturdy than a human baby. Soft, fragile, but giving me what I needed to keep him safe for him without even meaning to.

The ultrasound tech couldn't stop smiling, and I watched her face closely, so that told me that he was doing just fine. She went on and on about how beautifully he was growing, and how great of a job I was doing. It gave me an odd sense of contentment and pride. Despite everything, I was doing a good job, but along those same lines, I felt dread.

I was doing everything I could this whole time not to grow attached. It was ripping me in two to deny such an instinct, but I had a good reason for doing so. I knew by then, with almost two weeks to think about it, that I wouldn't be able to keep him. I knew I'd have no choice. There was no way I was strong enough to raise him myself. Even with all the help in the world, I knew I couldn't do it. Not with the doubt I had in me.

It was a very depressing decision, but it was better to face it now than at the last minute. The only issue I had was actually forcing myself to choose someone good enough to take him. To keep him safe and love him the way I would.

The whole time I was checking out, setting up an appointment for the following month, I was fighting tears. Holding my little envelope of new pictures, waiting for the lady to hurry up and hand me my papers so I could go fall to pieces in private.

I took my packet of papers and left with a sniffle. I found Esme in the lobby with Carlisle, and I knew they could read the expression in my eyes.

"What is it, honey?" Esme asked me worriedly. She must not have been listening in.

"No," I assured her, "No, the baby's fine. He's fine. He's.. Perfect. My due date is still October 10th. I guess giving them the day it happened made it pretty accurate."

"It's a boy?" She asked, unable to help smiling a little bit.

"Yeah." I nodded, "It's a boy."

It wasn't such a surprise for them either given what the baby was able to do for me. Apparently it was rare for a girl to have the gene other than to pass it on, and Leah was an exception.

"Then what is it?" She asked again, still concerned.

"Later." I said, "I don't want to go over it here." She nodded easily, understanding.

Before we could leave, though, we ran into Heather. I knew my decision to stay with the Cullens for the time being had hurt her, but she didn't let on as she greeted me in the entrance of the hospital.

I told her everything I knew while we talked, and with a promise from me to visit the next day, she let me go.

Andrew was waiting when we got home. I easily recognized his white fur as he and two others came padding up to the garage. I looked over as I closed the back door of the car behind me.

"You." I sniffled, looking at him, "We need to talk. Take me somewhere." I wanted privacy. The one to his right grumbled a bit so I looked to him, "You shut up. This is important." The wolf's ears fell, and he looked down.

"Leandra.." Esme seemed hesitant, but I looked over at her.

"I'll be fine." I told her, "He needs to know first." She sighed, but nodded.

Probably as a joke, Andrew kneeled his front legs down in an obvious invitation for me to climb on. With a shrug I moved forward, coming to his side. He watched me while I carefully climbed onto his back. It was very awkward, but I knew he wouldn't let me fall.

"No sudden movements." I told him, scooting forward to sit myself just behind his shoulders, "I've never ridden a horse before." I clung onto his fur, and couldn't help whimpering a little as he rose up. It was the weirdest feeling.

"Please be careful with her." Esme requested, and he clearly gave her a nod. With that, he turned for the trees. Ever mindful of me on his back, I could feel how careful he was being. Counter balancing my weight with his steps. After awhile, he felt okay enough to start to run. I leaned forward, hugging his neck more closely with both fists clinging tighter to his fur now.

I had to admit, though, that it gradually grew less weird the further he carried me. I wasn't even sure where he was taking me, but it was definitely an area that I'd never been before. We followed the river quite a distance, which was pretty neat to experience on his back. His fur was so soft, it was like hugging an animate gigantic teddy bear. A few times, I caught myself moving my fingers against the fur I held onto, just to feel it more. It was comforting, in an odd, homey sort of way.

Despite moving just as quickly as the Cullens could move, from what I remember, it was a lot less unpleasant somehow. Like it was easier to adjust this way. He carried me further into the trees than I was used to going before jumping over to the other side of the river and leaving it behind us. This was definitely different.

Making his way straight west, from what I could tell, I tried to figure out exactly where we were headed. It confused me because there was nothing out this way but the ocean.

It was confirmed a minute or two later when we ran along a large stretch of beach inside the trees that bordered it. To our right, I noticed we had three more wolves with us suddenly. Out of the blue, they just fell into Andrew's stride like they'd been there the whole time.

To our left, the ocean and beach flew by alongside us beyond the trees we stayed hidden by.

I could just see the clouds clearing on the horizon, breaking through the afternoon haze as the waves roared their way onto the rocks. This had to have been one of the coolest experiences I'd had in a long while.

Eventually Andrew broke free of the trees and I found us in the middle of a small group of houses. Literally right on the beach. Maybe five or six small, one story houses made out of a dark gray stone. The view they must have had right from their front windows must have been well worth the storms that roll through here. There were no real paths to the beach like there would have been in California. No fences separating the little grassy and rocky yards. There was nothing interrupting the progression of the natural wood front door to the stretch of beach to the ocean.

He trotted to a gentle stop outside of the furthest little stone house, and I took the hint he gave as he lowered again. I carefully maneuvered myself off of his back, standing on a particularly smooth boulder in the middle of this front yard.

"Hey." I frowned as he walked away, around the side of the house, "Where are you going?"

The three other wolves had stayed back, and it took me a minute to figure out why when Andrew came trotting back around the house with a pair of torn jean shorts hanging from his mouth.

"Ah." I said as he looked to me, "Uhh.. Yeah. You go do that." He barked what sounded suspiciously like a laugh before he headed for the trees.

I stood there for a short moment, just looking out over the ocean. I admired its beauty from here, especially as the partially-obscurred sun hit the waves just right. It turned them a golden color, hinging on the side of orange.

"Oh?" I turned and looked back at the voice suddenly from the doorway of the house behind me. It was an older woman, with very long salt-and-pepper colored hair. She didn't look that old, maybe mid-fifties, but the few lines on her face told me she had seen a lot in her life.

The second thing I noticed about her was her open expression. Her warm smile seemed just as warm as the sun, and I immediately liked her. I could easily tell that she was a good person.

"You must be Leandra." She approached slowly, probably as not to scare me off. She was warmer, more open than even Heather was. She seemed overjoyed to meet me, greeting me with as much enthusiasm as anyone would greet a long lost loved one.

"Hi." I muttered, a bit unsure. She laughed warmly, the sound as comforting as her features were.

"Andrew has told me so much about you, sweetheart." At her reply, I suddenly understood. This was Andrew's grandmother. She had to be.

"Oh." I smiled a little in that sudden understanding, "I, uh.."

"Call me Denise." She smiled.

"Don't scare her, grandma." I looked over at Andrew's approach, thankfully now human.

"She's not scaring me." I told him, "But I wish you would have told me that this was where you were taking me. A little bit of a heads up would have been nice, instead of me standing here like an idiot."

"Oh," Denise laughed, "Don't be silly, sweetie. Please, come inside. Are you hungry? Thirsty?" I spluttered a bit at her questions, laughing as she steered me toward the house she'd just vacated, "Make yourself at home, dear."

She was pretty friendly. A little overwhelmingly friendly, but I knew she was just trying to be hospitable. More than likely fully aware of my condition. I would have easily thought that she'd be upset with me for "pressuring" her grandson into this situation, but she didn't let on a bit.

"I'm fine." I laughed again, "Thank you, though." I carefully stepped inside, giving a brief but thorough look around. The house might not have looked like much from outside, but inside, it was beautiful. It was cozy, warm but not too warm.

Wooden accents told me that stone wasn't the only thing that this house was made out of. The front room, which we walked into, was rather large. The huge, open fireplace was alive with flames, which I credited with the warmth of the room.

"Are you sure you're not hungry?" She asked, closing the door behind Andrew, "I'd be more than happy to make you something."

"I'm fine." I assured her, looking around again, "I really like your house."

"Oh, thank you." She replied, looking around as well proudly, "Lord knows it's not much, but it's home." She looked to me again, and for a split second, I wasn't sure how to feel.

"I'm going to show her my room." Andrew spoke up for me, "We'll be right back."

"Oh," She nodded, "Of course. Feel free to let me know if you need anything, honey." I nodded as well, giving her a polite smile as Andrew gently took my hand and led me toward the narrow hallway.

He led me into the last door on the left, and I wasn't really surprised to see that it was pretty small. Not horribly small, but there wasn't near as much space as I had in my room.

"How have I never met her before?" I asked as he closed the door.

"She doesn't leave the reservation." He answered, "Ever."

"But you never talked about her." I pointed out, sitting on the bed tucked into the corner.

"I didn't really understand her much before." He admitted, "To me, she was just someone my dad made me visit every now and then. As you can imagine, we get along a little better now." I nodded, taking a breath and sighing it out.

"Are you okay?" He asked, picking up on that sigh.

"I'm fine." I laughed at his worry, "Just a little tired."

I looked down, suddenly reminded of why we were here. He let the silence drag on for a moment, stepping forward to sit beside me. It was so strange being alone with him again. Truly alone. For really the first time since that night in Seattle.

I frowned a little as I realized that.

"Where are your bodyguards?" I asked, and he laughed.

"They're out there." He assured me, "And if anything, they'd be your bodyguards."

"I trust you." I murmured, looking over at him.

"Then I'll do whatever it takes not to let you down." He smiled, "Besides. I don't think anything you do could make me mad enough to phase." I hesitated before I looked down.

"I don't know about that." I muttered, my tone quieting.

"Oh?" He asked, sensing my mood drop, "What's wrong? Is something wrong with the baby?"

"No." I immediately said, "No, it's.. He's fine. Great, actually."

"It's a boy?" He smiled again.

"It's a boy." I confirmed with a sigh, "But that's not the problem. I just really don't want you to be mad at me."

"I'm not going to be mad." He replied, "I promise. What is it?"

Taking another deep breath, I stood up.

"Andrew.." I mumbled, "I can't keep him." He seemed only mildly surprised, "I really think adoption might be better for him than anything I can offer him. Before I made anything final, though, I had to talk to you first."

I waited for a moment for his reaction. I waited for him to yell, or even look like he was angry at me for thinking this way. This was his baby too. It never came. His mild surprise eased into something very comforting.

"I thought this might happen." He told me gently, "Leandra, I don't blame you for feeling this way."

"You don't?" I asked hesitantly, "You don't think I'm a horrible person?"

"Of course not." He stood up as well, "Neither of us were prepared for this, but before you think about anything else, I think you should talk to my grandma."

"What?" I asked, "Why?" What did she have to do with this?

"You're kind of a big deal to us." He admitted, "Trust me." He nodded, gently taking my hand again and leading me out into the hall.

We easily found her sitting back in the living room, reading a magazine. She looked up as we walked into the room.

"She needs to know." Andrew told her, and she looked down for a moment before she smiled at me. Patting the couch beside her.

"Come sit for a minute, sweetie." She offered, and I hesitated.

"It's okay." Andrew murmured, releasing my hand. I made my way over to the couch and carefully sat down. I really wasn't sure what she could tell me that had to do with giving the baby up for adoption, but I'd hear her out.

"I'm going to assume that you're expressing second thoughts." She murmured, and I looked down at my hands resting in my lap, "That's okay. Honey, that's perfectly fine. It's a very difficult choice, and a very brave decision."

"It doesn't feel like it."

"I know it doesn't." She said, "But.. I'm just here to let you know that if you stick with this decision, I'd be more than happy to take the baby in." I looked over, surprised, "Let me explain."

I glanced over as Andrew sat in a chair to the right of the couch.

"Honey," She turned a bit to face me a little more, "I don't think you understand. I apologize if I might come off as a little edgy, but you don't know how important you are."

"What do you mean?" I asked quietly.

"Before this little miracle," She gently gestured to my stomach, "Andrew was our only hope in continuing our family line. He was the last, and we really weren't sure if he even had the gene. He's one of the last of our species."

"No he's not." I admitted after a moment of silence, "He is." I gestured to my stomach as well, and she smiled.

"I know." She replied, "I can sense it. This little one is the newest hope we have."

"Why is it such a big deal?" I really didn't understand. She pursed her lips a moment, before glancing to Andrew.

"Andrew, sweetie, pay attention." She said, "It's about time I explained something to you."

He stayed quiet, watching her so she continued.

"A long time ago," She began, "Long before your time, I was born into a family of shifters up north. Far north. What makes you so different, Andrew, is where your family line began. My parent's parents were born there, and down the line to your mother, we've always needed to be arctic."

"So.." He frowned, "How did you end up here?"

"When your grandpa and I were just married," She explained, "There was a.. Conflict. A rather large one. I'd rather not say who it was against, but I'm sure it's not hard to figure it out." I looked down, "The women and children were forced to relocate for our own safety until it was safe to return. We're still waiting for that day."

"I didn't know there was a problem up there." I admitted.

"Not many do." She replied, "I suppose our territory was a very coveted one. We lived in such obscurity. We didn't work as closely with the humans as they do here, but it was still our job to protect them." She paused for a hesitant, sad smile, "Of course, I say 'we' as a whole. They provided us with kindness and hospitality when we did visit, and we returned the favor with protection. As much as we could."

"And you came here?" Andrew asked, obviously as interested as I was.

"Your mother was born here." She confirmed, "But a lot of people lost loved ones that day, and for years following. We were very lucky that we were all welcome here. Over the years, our.. Species I suppose you could call it.. Has come closer to extinction due to interbreeding with the pack here. More little ones were born with Quileute features. I'm not surprised, as their genes are much stronger." I nodded a little, "It's been awhile since we've been blessed with a boy to carry on our gene."

"Probably because I'm not from here." I suggested, "As far as I know, I'm full human."

"Is that why I've never met grandpa?" He asked hesitantly, and she nodded.

"Your grandfather was the last one of our family that could shift." She murmured. She paused before looking to me, "Sweetie, you're carrying one of the last of our species. That little one is part of a heritage near extinct."

"Oh.." I mumbled, not sure what else to say. I couldn't help looking down at my stomach, now a bit more rounded. As if there would be some sign of its importance.

"Andrew has made it very clear that you wouldn't want to stay here with us," She went on, "But I must ask you to reconsider."

"Grandma." Andrew rolled his eyes.

"She's too important." She argued lightly, "She's too precious for me not to ask." She turned to me again, "You would be more than protected here. Far safer here than with a bunch of vampires."

"They keep me plenty safe." I assured her, "But.. What were you saying before? You would want to take him in?"

"You could be sure he was well cared for." She replied, "He would be home, with family, and you would be able to see him grow up. Honey, you're fifteen. Far too young an age to be raising babies. All I'm asking is to consider it." I nodded, looking back down at my stomach. Who knew something that I'd never intended to happen could be so important to a lot of other people?

I had no doubts that the reason she was pressing so hard was because she didn't want her great-grandson to be born and raised around vampires. I couldn't really blame her, when vampires were the reason she was here in the first place. Forced from her home to take shelter here for so many years.

It was definitely something worth thinking about. It did sound like the better idea. I knew my baby would be loved here. He would be cared for and protected, just like she offered me. That's all I wanted for him. Oddly, I trusted this woman easily, and as much as I wanted to be selfish, I couldn't doom my baby to a life of worry and running. That was no way to grow up.

I tensed a bit as I felt the baby move, smiling a little down at my stomach. It was like he knew. I knew better, but it was still funny.

"What?" Andrew asked.

"Come here." I told him, and he immediately stood and moved to sit next to me. Before he was even fully seated, I grabbed his hand and pressed it over my stomach. I wondered briefly if he would even be able to feel it, but sure enough, the very next squirm, he smiled broadly at me.

The feeling of the baby moving had gotten stronger over the last week, and it was more than just a small muscle twitch. It was still hard to figure out exactly whether it was a punch or a kick, but I could feel individual movements. Being just over five months now, it wasn't surprising.

I studied Andrew's face closely, committing his expression to memory.

"That is so cool." He smiled over at me, "Hi, baby." Though the baby never made any acknowledging movements, I knew he could hear him.

"If you keep talking to him," I said, "He'll recognize your voice once he's born. He can hear you."

"I know." He replied, unable to stop smiling, "He'll know your voice the most, though."

"Well, yeah." I laughed, "The poor thing can't get away from my voice."

"You have a beautiful voice." He countered, "Just gotta stop yelling." I laughed again.

"I'll do my best." The baby squirmed one more time, and then was still. Andrew kept his hand there, though, still smiling.

We returned to his room, and for a short time, we just laid there on his bed. Weirdly, I was okay with cuddling with him. My head rested on his chest, my arm draped across his stomach with his arm around my shoulders. It was such a different embrace than it was with Josh. We hadn't laid like this before, but in it was an understanding. A familiarity that brought with it a comfort. I knew him and he knew me.

He was so warm, it was hard not to melt. I listened to his heart beat strong, and it was almost enough to put me to sleep. He held me tight, but not too tight.

I knew eventually I would have to go back, but for right then, I'd just enjoy being here. I didn't understand it much, but focusing on it now, I could definitely feel that connection I was told so much about. It felt almost like a physical bond, and while we laid here like this, it was relaxed. There was no strain, and it had room to be still. To lay there with us like another person.

I realized the difference now. While we were apart, it was taut. Stretched tight, that the slightest tug would send him running. It comforted me even more to know that it was supposed to be like that. That what I was feeling was normal.

So I appreciated this for what it was, and I had to face the fact that maybe Josh knew what he was talking about.

A/N: There we have it lol a little more progress. Finally.
I hope you guys enjoyed this extended chapter. :D I worked hard on it. Not much different on Little KNeu. He's still the same, bubbly little baby he always is.
THANK YOU! To my AMAZING reviewers of last chapter! YAY! YAY! THANK YOU!
Next chapter should be interesting. I'm hoping for more progress. I just hope I can do it right.
Since I probably won't get another chapter out beforehand, I just want to wish all my readers a VERY Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and amazing New Year! (I'm just gonna say it now) I'll see you all next year!
Until fifteen, my friends!