Disclaimer: I don't own Capcom or Resident Evil.

A little rambling about my present life: It's still busy as hell, in fact worse than before. But I think about this story everyday, and the occasional reviews I get from you readers have really supported me a long way. I try to fork out a couple of hours to write each night and do extensive work on it on the weekends whenever I'm free. I'm actually really thankful that you guys are still sticking around waiting for updates because it motivates me even more to do so. So, thank you all!

Other than this Nivanfield, my other two-shot is currently put on hold because I realize there is so much development I can put into that story to make it more than just a two-shot. I'm still contemplating if I'm going to redevelop my original plot or keep the way as it is. For those who've read it, feel free to drop me any suggestions you might have, like if you want to see it expanding or whatever. It'd be cool to hear from you guys.

I have to store all my emotions for the next big break in this series. So ready or not, here we go.

"A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face"
— 3 Doors Down, Here Without You

Upon the end of the dying winter, the breath of a fresh start awakens the European branch with the breaks of choppers and SUVs into the compound. This marks the day of completion. Today, the European branch is fully functional with their fresh batch of recruits ready to serve the B.S.A.A. alongside the veterans. All branches have sent their warm wishes to welcome the newest branch into their operation and that included the representatives of these offices visiting the new compound to familiarize themselves with the new people.

The first to arrive is the team from Oceania. Delta leader has personally led them to begin the tour around the premises. Everyone is excited about the new branch, especially since one of their famous founders is personally leading their troops.

"Nervous?" Marco smirks, at prompt attention behind their leader.

Carl grins lightly at the whisper whereas Andy continues to bite his lip, "You know I hate this."

Pacing up and down, Chris takes another glance at his watch. But as he looks up from it, he realizes Piers is right next to him and he instantly looks away, quickly pacing back to the end of the line. Piers tries to ignore it and succeeds this time, albeit still bothered by the indifference from his captain.

Chris on the other hand knows he's being the worst asshole of the century.

This is obviously not going to pan out the way he hopes it is going to because he is not doing it right. Shunning Piers out of their usual routine and clearly avoiding him is apparently not the best plan he should've come up with. He thought by putting distance between them what has happened can be forgotten with time. Unfortunately, it only created a bigger awareness whenever they see each other, that being every day of their lives. It becomes harder to ignore, yet the only way out is to keep ignoring.

And just the other day when he was filing up a report on their latest mission, he instinctively called for Piers in his office to draw up the casualty reports when the ace was no longer there. It was that very day when Chris finally admitted to himself that this isn't going to work anymore. He gave it a little over a month and results weren't showing. It was time to find an alternative.

So when he actually sat down and thought about it just a few days ago before today, he actually convinced himself to try and mend the distance he put away from Piers. But as he could see it for himself, his reflex certainly made the first step towards the change he harbored in his mind. The first step further away that is.

Of course he isn't going to let Piers find out that he is internally struggling to get them both back together on good terms. Think about it: the man who tries to be nice to you subsequently pushes you away over a mistake unconsciously made and then tries to close the gap he makes after he realizes he shouldn't have brood over the mistake in the first place. Even reading that in his mind is a pain in the ass Chris believes, moreover it being the actual truth slapping him across the face. Hypocritical? Oh yes, definitely in his circumstances.

Especially when there are times Chris believes he knew what he was doing back in that cubicle.

Which led to only one thing, or only meant that one thing—he wanted it.

"Chris!"

A vibrant voice yells in the distance as a pair of representatives exited the SUV, one of them waving at the captain. The boys behind their leader reposition themselves smartly as the duo step forth, beaming broadly at their prim appearances.

"You certainly trained them well." Another member grins before his partner throws a pair of hands around the captain with the latter returning the gesture warmly.

"Gotta stand up to Alpha," Chris laughs, loosening his hands from the embrace as he introduces his team to them.

Each of these boys salutes to the famous celebrities, shaking their hands hard and firmly as they exchange names proudly. It is a moment of pride and glory to stand before the other heroes of the B.S.A.A. who have aided their captain against the tyrant Albert Wesker. Humbly however, these two heroes compliment with high regards for the Alpha Team in view of their recent successful campaigns and rescue missions conducted in Eastern Europe. They say they have heard good things about the team's performance and coordination, and how these have prevented casualties involving in any situation.

And that puts Piers in shame; it wasn't that perfect should truth be spoken of the early days.

"Captain Redfield trains the best soldiers in the B.S.A.A. indeed."

Chris rolls his eyes before lightly punching the back of the man commenting, "Shut up Josh. You saved me back in Africa."

Amused, Josh stands straight before saluting the good captain, "And you saved the world, Chris."

"Yes you did." His companion joins the conversation, "Which is why Command put you here."

The boys watch the three veterans chattering amongst themselves, mostly just Chris arguing he didn't do as much as what the others think. They almost feel insignificant in comparison to what these three have accomplished, even though the entire European branch does recognize the achievements Alpha has acclaimed. That especially goes to their captain, who has habitually dismissed any commendations coming to him for he rather shares the success with his team. It is this selflessness the captain possesses that draws Piers' high respect for him apart from the other conflicting feelings he has, in spite of the iceberg standing in between them now.

Yet he's just contended peeking from the tip of the ice. Seeing his captain enjoying the presence of his African friends, it is already more than he could ask for. A smile he hasn't seen for the longest time.

"You can say all you want but I just wanna say it's good to see the both of you again. Sheva, Josh."

As soon as he concludes, he gives order to the team to stand at ease before they begin their tour around the compound. Marco and Andy takes turn to lead the introduction whereas Ben, Carl and Piers march behind the captain with his guests. Taking cue, the combat specialist distracts Piers' trail of thoughts ever so frequently whenever he sees the ace falls into distant space.

Puzzled at Carl's attempts no less, though Piers is irritated, he is thankful for Carl's attention regardless. God knows he might show himself if he continues to stare at his captain this blatantly.

And that is definitely something he doesn't want his captain to notice given their current situation.

It feels like home. Sheva smiles at the familiarity of the soldiers queuing up for food at the counter as Josh returns to the table with a tray. The other Alpha boys have taken a table for themselves, leaving their captain to catch up with his old partners in the years they have been apart.

"Some things never change, don't they?" Sheva begins.

Chris sips his coffee, "There's nothing much to change about the cafeteria, isn't it?"

They laugh at his interpretation, Josh a little louder, "She's talking about the line of our work."

"As long as there's another lunatic out there, we can never rest."

If there is one thing similar to the day Sheva first met Chris, it is that tone he used. A voice that dreaded the reality of things, things he didn't want to accept she supposed. His indifference to the many things around him, so much so that he has lost the past rigor he had in him. News kept itself low and no one outside the North American branch knew what happened then, or perhaps, even only a handful of people were given the update.

The loss of Jill Valentine was kept silent.

And it appears that same silence seems to hang on Chris as heavy as it did back then.

They both can tell he's putting on a strong front. However the weight of the words he has chosen occasionally gives him away, exposing the loom he desperately hides. They would give anything to help the veteran captain, if only he let them.

"Sounds heavy from you. How are you going to motivate your men with such weight on your shoulders?" Josh speaks strongly, "You should share the load."

But as soon as he lends the support, it is immediately turned down by Chris shaking his head, taking another bite of the sandwich in his hand. Yet surprisingly though, the smile he follows up with is genuine after he takes a glance at Josh. Sheva smiles to herself soon after Chris' gesture, noticing the slight dab of mayonnaise near her partner's mouth whereas he remains oblivious to his embarrassment. She presses a thumb beside the sauce as she swipes it away, earning a shy smile from the older guy who carelessly brushes his face with the back of his hand upon her kindness.

The moment they shared with one another is not unseen though, not exceptionally to Chris who senses something fishy. Likely, his own lack of update on the contrary.

But he isn't the one picking up the signal.

"What am I missing!"

Sliding onto the empty chair beside Chris is the smart representative of the North American branch. Sheva sparkles at the welcoming visitor before she leaps into a conversation, clearly ignoring the men present at their table.

"So nice to see you, Jill!"

Grinning, she elbows into Chris' back, knocking the captain out of his thoughts as he gets dragged back into present time, a little unsure as to how he got tossed into his space unknowingly yet again.

"You too! How's it going, Josh?"

Josh acknowledges firmly, "Never been better. How about you, Jill?"

"The usual. Just organizing missions back at base most of the time. I hardly get into the field these days."

"Doing Command's dirty work," said Chris, and they all nod in unison.

A small laughter sets in after that which suddenly erupts into a wordless phase of the African duo giggling among themselves. Jill and Chris both continue to stare at them from their side of the table. They seem to be sharing a little private joke that's obviously unknown to the Americans, but that isn't the thing that's catching their attention. There's something about the way they are looking at each other that makes it impossible to ignore. Not even the blind can stay blind to that.

Mirth. And mirth makes Jill curious for all sorts of reasons.

"Are… we… missing something here?" Devious and mischievous, the blonde takes her chance.

"Unless we must have tripped and fell on our heads and lost a memory somewhere behind, then yeah, we're definitely missing something here, Jilly." Reinforcing her cue is the captain, grinning like the old and wise amidst them.

Despite the curiosity invasion, they don't seem to be thrown in a loop however. Not shying from the obvious teasing, Josh reaches for his partner's hand resting on the table before he slides his fingers between hers. She returns the gesture by interlocking their hands together, returning a broad smile with her confident captain at their friends.

Folding her arms, Jill leans back into her seat while her lips curl in, "Oh. I see where this is going."

Chris decides to mimic her action, taking rest in his backrest, "You two sneaky little…"

"Oh we wanted to tell you in person!" Sheva couldn't resist. "Telling you on the phone would be meaningless!"

"How long has it been!" Letting her girly hormones take over, Jill leans over the table as she eagerly digs the insider's info. "I'm guessing two years."

Sheva shakes her head, "A little under… but we're ready."

Ready doesn't really sound like a word to use on a relationship in Jill's opinion. It is an open-ended comment, even Chris is aware of it. Coming off his casualness and shedding the light, Chris stares in amazement at the flushing glow on Sheva's cheeks. That's a sign he tells himself, turning to look at Jill who looks back at him. It is shocking as they speculate, but in a line like theirs, they could sure use a piece of good news every now and then.

"Are you two… getting married?" Chris asks.

Humbly, or shyly, Sheva admits, "Coming this fall."

In comparison to Josh who seems perfectly fine at the announcement, Chris thought he would've have dug himself a hole to hide his embarrassment if his partner is proudly announcing their wedding indiscreetly to their friends, just like what Sheva is doing right now in his horror. He didn't think he would be the type to be able to commit himself to something as lifelong as marriage. He's on the brink of divorcing his job he last checked, wanting out but he knows he just can't leave it.

Wait, that almost sounded like someone else instead of his own job.

"Oh my god you two! Congratulations!" Jill exclaims in delight, "Remember to send the invites!"

"You bet we will," Josh finally shows his excitement this time, something that Chris is still amazed at, "You'll come, right?"

The blonde smirks at that, "We won't miss it for the world!"

"But… aren't you guys worried about… you know? Like… the nature of our work… the risk and…"

What made Chris blurt that out is completely unknown, but it is too late to take those words back. In spite Sheva and Josh have taken the question completely harmlessly, Jill didn't. She knows why Chris is asking a stupid question like this.

A stupid man stuck in his own stupid dilemma searching for answers that are already right in front of him.

"Yeah we know the risk we take every time we step out on that field, Chris."

Josh shifts the cup in his hand, swirling the drink counter-clockwise. He thinks about the good men died in battles and the countless dangers they have encountered. Even when Tricell lost its credit, it took some time to restore balance. Amidst that, they still lost men, like it was part and parcel of daily life. Something they should have been accustomed to by now. But the pain never subsided, and each day administration sent out countless notifications and preparations for the ones who have passed on.

Josh led the teams out himself. Being the captain like Chris is spared him from nothing. Top brass sent people out to pass the message individually. So apart from being on scene, he has his fair share dealing with families. He knows more than anyone the sort of sorrow he has tasted. Crippling fear grabbing hold of the ones living, and only the living knows how much suffering they have to endure to move on.

Yet to counter fear, one must only continue to hope for the best. Learn how to treasure every moment out there waiting in disguise.

He learnt that through Sheva.

Seeing her everyday waiting for him back at base, he cannot explain the amount of happiness he felt every time just seeing her there. It becomes recognition on its own. Moulding and changing each day, he discovered how much he needed her in his life. Soon what occurs only at work is taken outside of it, after hours and weekends. Overnights spent in each other's company become a routine like breathing air. And soon, the pain is forgiven.

Even though fear persisted, it becomes bearable.

"It's because we know how much is at stake, we should know it better than anyone else how much we should treasure each day of our lives. And what better way to do that other than to spend it with the one you love?"

Blushing at Josh's words, Sheva leans closer to him before she pulls his face to her for a quick kiss. Jill smiles at their affection, before taking a quick peek at Chris who looks down at the table. Yet before she could interrupt anything, he snaps out of his trance and smiles at the couple, weakly. The man has his point.

Chris is happy for them. But it is hard to ignore the uneasiness.

"We just don't want to live in regret," Sheva continues, "Love doesn't come by twice."

"I'm sure you guys know what you are doing. Better than some people who doesn't even have the guts to take the first step."

What Jill said came completely unexpected to Chris, who is naturally forced to look at the blonde at her audacity. A dig straight at him, at least that's what his sixth sense is telling him.

But still, an apology felt like it is needed, "I don't mean anything when I said that. It's just reflex but… I'm really happy for the both of you."

The couple accepts it graciously, though it is never needed in the first place. Sheva rests a hand over Josh's arm, who then rests his hand over hers. They don't see the apprehension between Chris' eyes and simply sinks in their own bliss. However such ignorance doesn't live for Jill. She pays good amount of attention at the captain, the man looking out the window of the cafeteria not noticing her. He takes those spoken words seriously to heart, digesting them thoroughly.

How to not live his life in regret is the only thing he wants to remedy immediately right now.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

There is a special allocation for the guests out of the camp. They are given the luxury of a hotel not thirty minutes drive away and the night has sent them on their way. Assistance is attached as usual, namely Piers and Carl are sent for the job to escort the African division out. They won't be back till late in the night after the evening event is over, and tomorrow they are first out to pick them up as well. However, in spite the plan, she remains behind with Chris, when her company has already left for the hotel.

And Chris notices that, "I'm fine. Aren't you leaving with the others? There's a reception for you guys prepared at the hotel."

"I'm not here to party." Jill replies sternly, the captain catches on her seriousness instantly, "We need to talk."

"What's there to talk about?" A rare sense of defiance could be heard trailing in his words.

"Paperwork. You've been late."

A sigh of relief in place, "I'll get them done." Maybe she's not trying to question about—

"Not once in the past four months have you been late on them but just weeks ago, you're back to Chris being the old Chris. What's going on?"

Or maybe she does. "Nothing's going on. I'll get them done. Give me a week."

Jill folds her arms, following Chris into his room as she shuts the door. "Has your alarm clock gone AWOL?"

"What alarm clock?"

"Don't play coy with me, Chris Redfield. What are you trying to do?" She means business all right.

"I'm just trying to do my job," Slumping onto his bed, Chris reaches for the cold cup of coffee sitting by his bedside, fingers pressing his temples exhaustingly. He empties the bitterness from the cup, shaking his head once, twice then sets it away.

"Your job is to help me make Piers Nivans a better man."

"Isn't he a better man now?" That is sound judgement from his observation at least.

"Well the man in front of me now isn't. So what the hell is going on?" Jill drags the chair from his desk and plants it before Chris, the man boring holes into the ground.

"Why does it matter? I got the job done."

"Because you're my best friend, Chris. You're someone I can depend on no matter what happens and I want to do the same for you." The captain notices the softness in her voice and it almost weakens his will to spill, but he couldn't. Even if he wanted to, he doesn't know where to start.

"Thanks, but there's really nothing going on."

Except this time when he looks up at the blonde, her eyes are furious. There is untamed fire showing.

"Goddammit Chris, I don't have time for your bullshit. You better tell me what's going on or I'll do the honors and tell you what the fuck is wrong with you."

Now that's a surprise, a good one in fact. Perhaps hearing someone else telling him what his problem is is a good idea after all especially since… he's not looking at the problem at all.

Chris scoffs, "Oh really? Maybe you wanna tell me what the fuck is wrong then."

The simplicity of an electronic mail can do wonders for a time like this. Recalling the contents of that mail she received days ago from Marco, she recites the details in her mind. Telling Chris details isn't the trick to it at all. It should cut him where it hurts most. So all she needs is a summary—one line that could bleed his thoughts out, one phrase to shut his exits tight. The only way to stop anyone running away from their problems, because she never thought Chris would be the coward he is right now.

Hit the right spot. Snap him out.

"You can't accept the fact that Piers has fallen for you. You think it's a fucking joke, and still do."

His heart couldn't breathe. That was really blunt coming from Jill.

"You think?"

"I don't. You do. You're the one putting yourself in this shit position right now."

He takes his time shifting himself on the bed a little. Clearly someone must have seen what happened that night and decided to send Jill a little message to let her lecture him on this. It suddenly becomes an obsession to find out who saw them, and Chris let his mind run through those four names over and over. He remembers Ben drunk flat on the table with Andy blacked out as well, that leaves only Marco and Carl. Recalling the scenario that night, he couldn't pinpoint if he could see their table from the dance floor when it all happened. Perhaps they could… perhaps they did.

"Chris," her voice finally penetrated his thoughts, "Why can't you take it?"

"Wh-what?"

"I mean what can't you just take it like a man and give him an answer?"

Sounds easier said than done, "And what answer do you suppose I should give him? We're both men."

"Either a yes… or a fucking no. How hard can that be? But judging from your actions, you could've have just given him a yes."

"You think it's so easy to rejec—wait a minute, did you just ask me to say a fucking yes?"

"Yes," Jill looks dead straight at him, "You kissed him, didn't you?"

"I did not," His defence firm, "He did it first."

Now she rolls her eyes, "Please, that's a pathetic excuse. Who kissed who first doesn't matter, the fact remains that you didn't push him away."

A pause, then followed by a speechless objection.

She takes the upper hand, "And that's as good as saying yes, Chris."

Then she takes his silence as consent before she continues, "But you just couldn't say it. Instead you fooled around with him and then freaked out when something happened, right?"

I like you, Chris.

"Shut up." He mumbles.

"There's nothing wrong with him falling for you, or you for him."

"Shut up Jill…" His voice slightly louder than before.

"You need to acknowledge your own feelings, Chris. You feel something for him, don't you?"

"SHUT UP!" He screams in her face. "What the hell do you know? He's my subordinate and I'm his captain. This isn't right to begin with."

It is her turn to stay silent now.

"We have rules to follow. We have the code of conduct. We're soldiers with discipline."

He's right to some extend Jill feels, but not until he says those last three words.

"And… we're men."

And she's at her limit. Stomping her feet onto the floor, she raises a hand across his face. Hard and loud.

"GODDAMMIT CHRIS!" She roars, "For a minute I thought you're really concerned about those goddamn rules we pledged ourselves to but guess what? NO. You aren't. You're just fucking concerned about the fact that the both of you are guys. Men. And the fact that you're this superficial pisses the hell outta me."

"It's the fucking TRUTH, Jill. Can't you fucking see it?"

"Yeah I see it. But you know what else I see? I see a man in his own denial."

He looks away, cussing indiscriminately while Jill doesn't let it stop, "You didn't kiss him back because he had a cunt down there, did you?"

So all verbal decency is dropped at this moment Chris notices, but she has a strong defence, unfortunately against him. And most disgracefully, she's right when she said he wasn't thinking about him being a woman when he kissed him back. He really wasn't. It was his reflex reacting.

"I don't know what happened that night but whatever you did then wasn't because you thought he's a woman. You know exactly who you were holding that night, Chris." Her trigger finger points straight at him.

He did.

"Stop it, Jill. Just… stop saying it… we— we can't do this."

"You like him. If you didn't, you would've just told him." She's very certain about this.

"We're… we're not the same…" Chris finds his stand shaking, the denial growing wider.

"Not the same as? Sheva and Josh? Is that what you're thinking all afternoon?"

Jill apparently knows Chris too well and he sometimes really hated it. This is one of those times.

"Haven't they taught you a valuable lesson this afternoon?"

Perhaps it's because they did that's why he's in such a tough dilemma right now.

Comparing the months he has spent with Piers and without him, Chris has to admit that things are going downhill. He wants to talk to the ace and he knows the ace wants to likewise. Even if things aren't going to work out the way Piers hoped for, he should've have cleared the mess up at least. He just needed that one opportunity to tell him he's sorry about what happened that night and that this isn't going to work out due to their job nature.

Chris knows the pain of losing someone important in his life, Jill taught him that.

And not knowing what might happened on each mission they partake, strands of any lingering emotions will only continue to hurt the one living most. He doesn't want Piers to feel that pain if they started anything. That sort of pain is unbearable, and almost lethal.

He has had more than a dozen chances, but not one he dared take to tell Piers his truthful thoughts.

Then this afternoon, seeing how blissful Sheva and Josh are treasuring one another in their lives, Chris started to have his doubts. They've been in the same line of work for years now, and they've experienced each treacherous moments together on and off field, much like what Chris has been through thus far. But all Sheva could hear is the radio whenever Josh is out with the military, her agent status forbids and stations her behind at base. Every moment could be their last each time Josh sets foot out on that field and each breath could be their last apart.

But despite the odds, they are willing to take this risk together. They would rather to have tried than never to have at all. It is a gamble they are willing to take, in the name of love. And this is the same risk for everyone on this planet regardless of their backgrounds, love is equal to all.

And safe to say at least if anything were to happen to him, he knows he could see Piers one last time if it was his dying breath. He has better luxury looking at it this way.

We just don't want to live in regret.

"Not everyone in this world is lucky to find someone who loves them back." Jill's soft voice coaxes him back to reality.

Love doesn't come by twice.

"If you truly feel something for him, don't wait any longer."

"I don't know… I'm confused," and so he finally admits the truth, "And quite frankly, I don't know if I was scared or happy when I first heard it."

It never was about him being a man at all. It is and always has been Chris' own fear of acknowledging his own feelings.

Jill smiles, thankful her efforts are recognized alas, "Let me help you reaffirm your true feelings then, silly old bear."

Baffled, he stares at her blankly, words unable to form on their own. But if it's going to help him, then it's worth a try.

It's worth a risk.

"Clive is going to talk to Piers tonight at the hotel. He's going to come to you after that. If you need him, you'll have the right answers when you see him."

The reception has been long. When it finally ends, the soldiers immediately escort the guests back to their respective rooms before they take the vehicle back to base. Piers and Marco send both Sheva and Josh back to their suite and bid the seniors good night. The other boys would soon be rendezvousing at the collection point and they intend to do so likewise.

"Gimme a moment, I gotta take a leak."

Piers cocks an eyebrow, "Really?"

Marco grins sheepishly, "Yeah, just gimme a sec. I'll be quick!"

Yet as soon as Piers sees Marco dashing for the lobby lavatory, he sees another famous celebrity of the B.S.A.A. walking towards him. He remembers this one, he's seen him in person back when he was first in Arizona.

One Clive O'Brian.

"Good evening, Sir." He salutes promptly.

"At ease, Nivans," Clive dismisses the regime, "Do you have a minute before you head back to base?"

"Yes Sir. I am waiting for my teammate's return."

The celebrity smiles, "Good chap."

Then tucking his hands into his pocket, he clears his throat, "I'll make this short. I understand you've been transferred to the European branch under undisclosed purposes. And as of the past few months, we have monitored your results and performances. You have clearly shown great improvement in building rapport with your teammates and they have equally gained your trust. Even Captain Redfield is nothing but praises with your assistance in his daily work. Well done, soldier."

That is certainly a boost to his confidence, but he keeps it to himself. Keeping his calmness in check, Piers receives the compliment with gratitude, "Thank you, Sir. Captain Redfield has guided me thoroughly. I owe it to him."

But that being said, they aren't in the best of situations right now, unbeknownst to the ex-director of the B.S.A.A..

Yet that may be about to change, unbeknownst to Chris and Piers individually.

"We currently have a position opened up in the Washington branch as Captain of the Bravo Team. We would like you to lead this team, Nivans."

Ba-thum-thump!