A/N: "One Jump Ahead" lyrics by Tim Rice. Recorded by Brad Kane on the Aladdin soundtrack (Walt Disney, 1992).
"Thank you, thank you!" Kermit enthused, waving his arms wildly. "We've got just a little bit more left to go, until we're done."
"Don't hold up on our-" Waldorf's voice cut out abruptly as an arrow flew through the part in the curtain, and pierced the top of the private box. A transparent shield lowered, completely cutting off the elderly curmudgeon's words.
Arsenal burst through the part and grinned. "Cone of Silence arrow. Works every time." He held out his hand.
Kermit shook it. "Well, thank you." He turned back to the audience. "Well, we've got a couple more acts to go, so, moving right along... Nightwing!"
One Jump Ahead
Applause. The curtain opens on a high stone wall. There are ledges at various heights as well as stone steps. Onstage, below the wall, several Muppets in medieval village garb mill about. There is another wall against the scenery backdrop. This one has protrusions jutting out some eight or ten feet higher than the top of the first wall. A grappling hook fires from upstage right, snagging one of the projections as the music starts and Nightwing swings onstage, holding fast to the other end of the grappling line. He flips to the top of the wall and sings:
Gotta keep
One jump ahead of the breadline
One swing ahead of the sword
I steal only what I can't afford
( That's Everything! )
Link and Rolf dressed in Keystone Kops uniforms, come out on the wall. Nightwing sees them, retracts the grapnel, and cartwheels along the wall to the opposite side of the stage while continuing to sing:
One jump ahead of the lawmen
That's all, and that's no joke
These guys don't appreciate I'm broke
He fires the grapnel again, catches another projection and sails over the heads of the police as the Muppets sing:
Riffraff! Street rat! Scoundrel! Take that!
Someone throws an apple at him. Nightwing catches it and takes a bite.
Just a little snack, guys
The Muppets respond:
Rip him open, take it back, guys
Nightwing leaps to one of the ledges below the wall and vaults to the far edge.
I can take a hint, gotta face the facts
He points to one of the Muppets.
You're my only friend, Abu!
The Muppet flinches and tries to run as the others gather around him. He lets out a yelp:
Who?
As the music blares, Nightwing executes a series of leaps, flips, and twists, ending up with a half-twist landing on the top of the wall. Still holding the apple, he sings:
Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat
Tell you all about it when I got the time!
The police, now on the ground, point to him and start climbing up. Nightwing grins and jumps down, executing a quadruple somersault on the way. Once on the ground he dances through the crowd as they try uselessly to stop him.
One jump ahead of the slowpokes
One skip ahead of my doom
Next time gonna use a nom de plume
One jump ahead of the hitmen
One hit ahead of the flock
I think I'll take a stroll around the block
Muppets:
Stop, thief! Vandal! Outrage! Scandal!
Nightwing:
Let's not be too hasty
Jan:
Still I think he's rather tasty
Nightwing:
Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat
Otherwise we'd get along
Muppets:
Wrong!
Nightwing fires his grapnel again, and snags the center projection. He swings up, landing on top of the projection this time, instead of on the wall.
He sings:
One jump ahead of the hoofbeats
The police are on top of the main wall, looking up at him. They shake their fists and call out:
Vandal!
Nightwing flips to a handstand:
One hop ahead of the hump
Crowd:
Street rat!
Nightwing drops to hang from the projection. Then, as if on a high bar, he performs several hip circles:
One trick ahead of disaster
Crowd:
Scoundrel!
The he extends his body and swings out into a giant, as he circles the projection
They're quick, but I'm much faster
Crowd (throwing more fruits, which fall short of their target):
Take that!
Nightwing takes out his grapnel one more time and aims:
Here goes, better throw my hand in
Wish me happy landin'
(Fires and catches one of the light fixtures over the audience)
All I gotta do is jump!
Nightwing sails off the stage to land in the center aisle and exits through the house. The curtain comes down. It rises a moment later with Nightwing in the center flanked by Rolf and Link with the other Muppets lined up behind them.
The curtain comes down again to sustained applause.