This story isn't like your normal Hollywood plotline or muggle TV crime drama – no one was caught.

The rookie detective (moi, in this case) didn't gather everyone together and then reveal, on a stormy dark night, how the murder was done. No such luck here.

But of course, someone did it.

Here's a little epilogue for you.

Hey, stay with me now... just wait for it. All will be revealed.

Malfoy (some-bloody-how) became an auror and is now head detective of some auror department somewhere. I think he's actually just a spy for some death eaters, who avoid capture, or maybe I'm just being cynical. We've got a Hogwarts reunion next month so I'm sure I'll hear all about it then... I just can't wait.

Hermione never fulfilled her potential. She finished with great N.E.W.T.S. and is now a professor of transfiguration and head of Gryffindor at Hogwarts – she could have done so much more. Not that being a professor of transfiguration isn't great or anything but, well, yeah...

Ginny never looked back after the Harry episode; she's a healer at St. Mungo's and married a great, trustworthy, all-round good guy, whose name I can never remember. Brian... is it Brian? It's something really normal and, let's be honest, boring. She probably could have done better but he's a safe guy who won't cheat on her and will look after her. Brian... yeah, I'm sure it's Brian... she must have sent me a Christmas card with his name in... must remember to look.

Stone finished the end of his career on a high – solving a serial killing of thirty men and women. But sadly that was the end. He died in the line of duty but I think he would have wanted it that way.

Fox did very well for himself and I still meet up with him once a month, ha. He's a great guy with a lovely wife, Cassandra, – who teaches at Hogwarts! – and a couple of kids, Tabitha and Francis – how can I remember their names and not my brother-in-law's?

Now let me tell you a story. It'll clear everything up, promise.

Once upon a time – oi, don't roll your eyes and sigh at me, mate, bloody well carry on reading!

I'll start again.

Once upon a time, there was a boy who everyone loved and he had a lovely girlfriend. Yet he decided that wasn't enough for him, he wanted more than just this wonderful girl. He had two best friends, one of which was a girl, intelligent and beautiful inside and out. The boy romanced his best friend and cheated on his perfect girlfriend. But don't blame the best friend in this, she did nothing wrong but fall in love – you can't help who your heart wants. Rumours started about this affair and many others but the girlfriend was strong (and maybe naive) and didn't believe the stories. Maybe if she did, everything would have been different.

Now, in all of this you should remember that the boy had two friends.

Now do you see?

Let me explain anyway for all you Crabbes and Goyles out there.

I loved (or love?) Hermione and I couldn't stand to watch her fall apart – she loved Harry but Ginny was her best friend. It hurt so much to watch her love Harry and not me; I wouldn't have broken her heart like he did. You could see her crumbling every time she saw Ginny and Harry together and the guilty consumed her when her and Harry were together.

And how dare he break my little sister's heart.

Mum always told me to protect and look after Ginny so that's what I did. She needed to be rid of Harry and she wasn't going to break up with him, even if she did find out about the cheating. Harry needed to be gone.

So I got rid of Harry.

But that bloody wimp Creepy saw me leaving; he just had to die.

You see I had everything done perfectly. I had the perfect alibi – the poor pathologist's precise times were wrong, he said between 8 and 9 (off the record) when I was in the hall for 7.
Cheeky, I know.

Then I managed to become that rookie amateur detective who everyone roots for and loves... that's me. I had no suspicion placed on me because I was "helping" to find the killer.

Lavender knew.

She told me after it was all finished and done, on her wedding day actually.
She was marrying Seamus (what a surprise there!) and her father had passed away, so she asked if I would walk her down the aisle and as we reached the end, she gave me a hug, a kiss on the cheek and whispered in my ear.

"Your secret is safe with me."

Merlin, no, I'm not stupid. I didn't just assume she meant murder but I talked to her later and she explained and got my reasoning completely accurate. It was the photos from Colin's camera that sealed it for her but even then she didn't say anything – she still keeps in touch with Pansy Parkinson, she's actually godmother to Rose (whose name I chose!), one of Pansy's children, and, for your information, I'm godfather.

I didn't kill Lavender; I didn't need to.

The elves did know what I'd done; the elves know everything. But they didn't tell Malfoy, Pansy Parkinson or anyone else who asked because I was their favourite and they weren't going to see their favourite Master arrested and kissed by dementors.

Well, that's the end of this story but I'll leave you with one final thought for you to think over:

Murder is easy.

MWAH, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!

It's never the one who helps the detectives so I decided that it would be. And yes, before your little minds begin to wonder, it's been him since the very beginning!

Thank you so much reading, reviewing, favouring and alerting this story – I've adored writing it and I've loved reading every one of your beautiful reviews.

Best wishes,
loony.

P.S. Please don't hate me :D