Chapter Fourteen

As I walk into Company, I'm immediately struck by the emptiness of the place. A few half-full boxes are waiting to be taped shut, and there are bits of tape and packing paper strewn on the floor. I'm used to seeing Company bustling with people and lively chatter, but now it just feels lonely and abandoned.

I cross the diner to look inside some boxes sitting on a nearby table. A couple are empty, presumably waiting to be filled with Coop's things, and some have a few random items already packed inside them.

In one of the boxes, lying on top of a pile of books, is a picture of Nicky and Rafe. I pick it up and chuckle quietly at the memory it triggers. Rafe has always hated having his photo taken, but the day I took this one, Nicky had held onto his son tightly, playfully nudging him and making jokes while they waited for me to figure out how to turn the camera flash on. It's one of the last pictures I ever took of Nicky; two weeks later he was dead.

"I can't believe it's been a year since I lost you," I say quietly. "But, life goes on… So many things have changed."

I shake my head and smile faintly as I imagine what Nicky would think about the biggest change in my life. I'm not sure he would ever have been able to wrap his mind around my feelings for Olivia – or hers for me.

"Some are good, some are just… confusing," I continue, my smile fading. "And some are so sad. Coop was so young. Your family's in a lot of pain, and I'm going to do everything I can to help them, Nicky. They've been so good to me."

I place the picture carefully back inside the box and grab the empty ones beside it before making my way upstairs to find Frank.

"I need to know why you're here," I repeat, glaring at Phillip through the bars of his cell.

"Are you armed?" he asks, and I can tell he's only half-joking.

"No," I admit, silently cursing my inability to think ahead. "But that's really more your thing these days, isn't it? It's very Alan of you."

"Sorry about that," he replies. "Sorry about many things. What I did to Emma."

"You made my life a living hell."

"I'd say we both caused each other a lot of pain."

I concede the point with a deeper frown.

"So, what? Now everything's good?"

"You were at Coop's memorial. You heard everything I said. I have no interest in picking up where I left off. I want to make amends, and move on."

"Just like that," I mutter.

"No," he answers, getting up from his bunk. "I mean, I know it will take time. But, thankfully, I have time. I got that second chance that everybody hopes for." He shrugs. "So, that's me. What about you?"

He crosses the small cell to stand on the other side of the bars in front of me, and my heart suddenly drops at the knowing look in his eyes.

How much has he already heard about Natalia and me? What has Alan told him?

"You may as well spit it out," he says. "I know why you're here. You want to know what I'm going to do about Emma. And you want to know what I think about this living arrangement that you have with our daughter and another woman."

At first I'm surprised by his ability to read my mind, but then I remember that Phillip always had an uncanny knack for knowing what I'm thinking. For a split second, I'm tempted to just tell him the truth and get it over with. After all, what's the point in keeping it a secret anymore? Hiding from the world has only worked to drive a rift between Natalia and me, weakening us just when we need each other the most.

But then my thoughts are quickly replaced with the memory of Phillip brandishing a gun at the memorial, and my terror that he would use it to threaten Natalia or take my daughter away from me again. There is no way I can risk giving Phillip the upper hand, at least not until I can be certain that he really doesn't have any intention of destroying my family.

Thinking quickly, I realise my best option is to be upfront about the things I assume Phillip has already heard through the Springfield rumour mill.

"Okay," I say. "So, Emma writes an innocent essay called 'My Two Mommies' for her fourth grade class, and the next thing I know I've got politicians and parents and half the town making innuendos about my 'alternative lifestyle.' And then you show up afterward. It's not a coincidence. You want to know if I'm corrupting our daughter."

He shakes his head. "Emma is one of the reasons I came back, that's true. But I didn't know anything about your 'alternative lifestyle.'" He continues to study me, and I shift uncomfortably under his close scrutiny. "Is it true?"

"No!" I yell, a little too quickly and a lot too loudly. His eyes narrow in suspicion. "It's a bunch of ridiculous gossip spread by a bunch of narrow-minded idiots. It's nothing."

My mind is instantly full of Natalia's voice: I will make him see that there is nothing between us… nothing.

I glance away from Phillip's pointed gaze, remembering just how upset I was at hearing Natalia describe the lie she wanted to tell him about our relationship.

And now here I am, doing the exact same thing.

"Olivia," Phillip says knowingly. "You don't care about gossip. So what's got you so worked up?"

I feel the blood rising to my cheeks again, but I try to scoff off his suggestion. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I don't live in the Stone Age," he tells me. "So if there's any truth about this with you and Natalia, then… you know, I make no judgments."

This must be a trick.

There is no way that the Phillip Spaulding I know would give up an opportunity like this – one that would give him a chance to hold something over me.

"Okay, so you think that we're together?" I hedge.

"I think that you're a passionate person who marches to her own beat," he reasons. "You always have. So… no, it wouldn't surprise me. And you can trust me when I tell you: it wouldn't bother me."

Who the hell does he think he is, coming back here to give me his blessing?

"I want to trust you," I reply, more honestly than I had intended. "But that's like saying I could trust your father, and that'll happen when pigs fly."

"Right," Phillip nods. "Which is why I'm here: a whole lot of people in this town who don't trust me anymore. You are among those with good reason."

"Yeah, well I'm the only one of them who's being accused of having a lesbian love affair."

Phillip's tone is slow and deliberate. "And I'm saying: it's okay."

"I don't need your 'okay'," I snap.

We stare at each other tensely until I hear the sound of a police officer's footsteps behind me.

"Time's up," he says.

I spin away, but before I take more than two steps Phillip calls out to me.

"There's just one more thing, Olivia."

When I turn back around to face him, his face has transformed into a look of grim determination.

And, all at once, I know exactly what he's going to tell me: he knows everything.

I find Frank carrying a bag out of Coop's room. He smiles sadly when he sees me setting down the empty boxes in the hallway.

"How can I help?"

"You know what?" Frank replies distractedly. "I'm almost done. These boxes just need to be taped up, so…"

He trails off and walks back inside Coop's room. He looks tired and broken, and my heart aches in sympathy. I can't help but remember a year ago, when I was the one who had to clear out a loved one's things after he died: having to decide what to keep for myself, what to give to others, and what to throw away. No one should have to go through all of that alone.

I follow close behind him. "Frank, I'm not just talking about packing."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Hey, you know, the Coopers have been there for me and Rafe more times than I can count, and I just want to return the favour. So, just tell me: is there anything that I can do?"

"Look, Natalia, I really appreciate the offer. It's just that… it's been a really brutal week." He tosses more books into a box to punctuate his point. "With Coop gone now, and Dad giving up Company…"

"I know," I reply. "Marina told me. I don't understand; why would he do that?"

"My take is that he just doesn't want to walk into Company and not see Coop at his laptop like he always was." He shakes his head sadly. "Look, I'm sorry. How are you doing? I saw you and Olivia fighting at the funeral home. Are you alright?"

My heart jumps at his mention of Olivia, and I put my hand to my cheek to hide my rising colour.

"Oh, it's just, um… what else is new? Olivia and I, we don't really agree on much anyway. It's just how we are, I guess." I laugh uncomfortably.

"I guess that can make for a long day sometimes," Frank replies, watching me closely. "Olivia's lucky to have you, you know. I don't think she realises just how lucky she is."

"I'm the lucky one," I reply instantly, and it takes me a few seconds to realise that I've actually spoken the words out loud. I'm so used to hiding my feelings about Olivia from everyone that it's startling to hear myself declaring them so openly.

Frank appears equally surprised by my response, and I can feel myself turning a deeper shade of red when I realise all my emotions must be written on my face. Wanting to change the subject, I turn away from him to pack some DVDs inside a nearby box.

After a long silence, Frank speaks again, and his voice suddenly sounds much closer to me.

"You're a good friend, Natalia."

When I turn back around, I discover that he's now standing right behind me, and his expression has altered into that same eager look I saw yesterday morning at the Beacon.

"Frank…" I begin warningly. I take a step back, but my heel hits the box on the floor behind me, stopping my progress.

"What?" he replies quietly. "It's the truth. I feel so lucky to have you in my life."

Then, without warning, he wraps his arms around my waist and swoops down to kiss me. Instinctively, I push my hands against his chest, leaning back before our lips meet.

"Woah, Frank!"

Fortunately, he loosens his grip and I manage to escape to the other side of the small room.

"That's not why I'm here," I continue. "I just wanted to help you with Coop's stuff – to be a friend to you."

He looks confused. "But I thought—"

"We're friends, remember?" I interrupt emphatically.

"Look, I know what you said before, but when you came to the hospital after Coop died… Natalia, I suddenly realised just how right for each other we are."

"We're not right for each other, Frank," I sigh. "We never were."

"See, that's the thing," he persists. "I think we are right for each other, and you're just not able to see it because… because you're still hung up on Gus. And I get it, Natalia. I really do. Gus was the love of your life, and you don't just get over that in a year. It takes time." He moves a little closer. "And I'll wait for you. I'll give you as long as you need."

I find myself inching backward again. "Stop, okay? This isn't going to happen."

"I know that's what you think right now," he smiles confidently. "But you'll change your mind. I just have to be patient."

"Oh, Frank." With some effort, I resist the urge to scream my frustration aloud.

But my annoyance quickly disappears when I think about how my behaviour over the last few days must have appeared to him. For Frank, everything I've done to try to support the Coopers has been a sign of my hidden desire to be with him. And, somehow he's convinced himself that we belong together, in spite of my objections. Maybe even because of them.

"I'm sorry if you misunderstood things, Frank, but I'm not just playing hard-to-get, okay? And I'm not still hung up on Gus. The truth is… I just don't have those feelings for you. I'm sorry."

He looks crestfallen, and for a moment I think my words have finally sunk in. But then, as if some magic switch has been flicked in his mind, he resumes his earlier argument.

"Maybe not right now," he says. "But, with a bit of time, I hope you'll change your mind about us." His eyes light up with a new idea. "Hey, how about you let me take you on another date, and I'll prove to you that we're right for each other. Dinner, dancing, flowers: the whole deal! Besides, what have you got to lose? I mean, it's not like either of us is seeing anyone else, right?"

I gape at him, unable to speak for a moment as my mind struggles to wrap itself around what he's saying. His stubbornness might be endearing if it weren't for the fact that he's completely ignoring everything I'm saying to him.

And then, all at once, I'm no longer at a loss for words. In fact, they're tumbling out of my mouth too quickly for me to stop them.

"Frank, I am seeing someone. Olivia and I are together."

"Olivia, why are you insisting on hiding this from me?"

I try desperately to keep my face blank, even though my heart feels like it's taken up residence in my throat.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Phillip rocks back on his heels and sighs heavily. "Alan told me what he saw."

"And what, pray tell, did Alan say?" I grip one of the bars between us tightly.

"He said he saw you kissing Natalia at Towers the other night," Phillip explains. "So… tell me again about how you two are nothing more than friends, Olivia."

My eyes narrow and I lean forward, suddenly overcome with the urge to reach through the bars and strangle him.

"What do you want from me?" I ask through gritted teeth.

"Nothing," Phillip shrugs. "I don't want anything from you. I already told you: you and Natalia being together doesn't bother me in the least. I'm just glad to know that you're happy."

"Right," I mutter sarcastically. "You came back to town just to tell me you're happy for me."

"I am happy for you," he insists. "Of course, I'm still hoping you'll let me be a part of Emma's life at some point down the road, but…"

"That's what this is all about, isn't it?" I hiss. "You and Alan want to use my relationship with Natalia against me."

He shakes his head firmly. "That's not it, Olivia. I have no desire to use anything against you. I just hope that one day you can trust me enough to let me see my daughter."

I release a contemptuous laugh. "Yeah well, that'll happen right around the time that hell freezes over."

He stares at me for a long moment without speaking. Finally he says, "I know I have a lot to prove, Olivia, but I will see my daughter one day."

"Over my dead body. Or, better yet, over yours."

At that, Phillip grimaces and moves away from the bars.

"What can I do to make you realise that I'm not coming after you or your family?" he asks quietly. "What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to stay out of my life," I reply bitterly.

Then, without waiting for a response, I turn and storm away.

I can't decide which of us is more shocked by my declaration: Frank or me. We stare at each other wordlessly for what feels like ages.

"What?" Frank finally sputters, taking a few steps back. "Is that some kind of joke? Because if it is, it isn't funny."

"It's not a joke," I reply, my voice sounding far calmer than I feel inside. "I'm with Olivia. We're a… a couple."

"A couple?" he repeats dumbly. "You and Olivia?"

"We've had feelings for each other for a long time, but we were both too afraid to do anything about it… until just recently."

"Wait, is that why you broke up with me last week?" Frank asks, his voice rising indignantly. "Because you and Olivia…?"

I nod, my heart pounding wildly in my chest. I can hardly believe I'm saying all these things out loud, but in a strange way it's an enormous relief. Telling people about us makes our relationship real in a way it wasn't before – and, more than anything, I want to know that what Olivia and I have is real.

"I know how this must sound to you," I continue. "But I've had these feelings for Olivia for a long time, Frank. I just wasn't ready to deal with them. But then that night you and I had our date at Company, I suddenly realised that I was leading you on, and I knew I had to end it."

"But, how did this even happen?" he presses. "I mean, I know you've become good friends, and you told me about Emma's presentation and Doris's press conference, but I never thought…"

"I know," I smile faintly. "Olivia and I, we're completely different people in a lot of ways. All I know is that when I'm with her, everything in my life makes sense. She's the most generous, compassionate, beautiful person I know. We just… fit."

My smile slowly evaporates when I see the jealousy that flashes in Frank's eyes. He takes a deep breath before speaking, as though dreading what he's about to say.

"Look Natalia, Olivia is… she can be a really great person. A good friend, even, when she wants to be. But as far as her love life goes, she is seriously messed up. I've seen it first hand."

"Please don't talk about her like that," I tell him. "I know she's done some bad things in the past, but Olivia's changed a lot over the last year. And so have I."

Frank releases a harsh, mocking laugh. "Oh, right," he mutters. "I hate to break this to you, but Olivia is incapable of change, Natalia. She just puts on a different act depending on what she wants. So, okay, maybe right now she wants you. But tomorrow she'll be off to the next conquest, and you won't even recognise her anymore."

Indignation flows through me, and I know I need to leave before I say something I'll regret.

"I'm sorry, Frank," I say as I begin moving toward the door. "I came here today because I'd hoped you and I could go back to being friends. I'm truly sorry for giving you the wrong impression about my feelings. But I am not going to apologise to you for being with Olivia."

"Wait, Natalia," he presses, moving quickly to block my exit. "She's just using you – can't you see that?"

"No one is using anyone," I insist. "Whether you want to believe it or not, Olivia and I are together because we want to be. Nothing you can say is going to change that."

He stares at me for a moment, and I watch as anger, sadness, and regret sweep across his face.

"Look, I know you don't want to hear this," he sighs. "But you're making a big mistake here. Olivia is only going to hurt you."

"Frank, I have to go."

A long, tense silence settles between us before he finally moves aside. But as I push past him, one last thought occurs to me, and I turn back around to face him.

"I'd appreciate it if you would keep this between us for now," I tell him. "Olivia and I haven't told anyone about us yet."

"Not a problem," he replies sarcastically. "In fact, I'd kind of like to forget about it myself."

I frown darkly at him before I spin around and walk out the door.

Blindly, I follow the police officer toward the exit and sign myself out. My heart is still racing as I push open the front doors of the building and step into the crisp early evening air.

Olivia, I will see my daughter one day…

Phillip's words continue to echo through my head, and I suddenly feel sick with anger. Folding my arms over my stomach, I bend over to catch my breath and pull myself together before I try to drive home.

When I glance up again, I'm surprised to see Natalia walking quickly toward me with a worried look on her face.

"Olivia, are you okay?" she asks once she's reached my side.

She puts an arm around my shoulders and I am instantly calmed by the pressure of her hand against my back. I close my eyes and nod, releasing a slow exhalation.

When I feel her fingers seeking the pulse point on my throat, I smile.

"I'm okay, Natalia. Really."

"I'll be the judge of that," she replies, using her best no-nonsense tone. I know there's no point in arguing with her, so I stand patiently while she measures my heartbeat. Once she's satisfied that I'm not going to have a heart attack on the steps of the Springfield PD, she meets my gaze again and smiles hesitantly. "I guess you'll live."

"Thank you, Doctor Rivera," I tease her. "So, what are you doing here?"

"I was looking for you," she explains. "It didn't take much detective work to figure out where you'd be."

"Wow, have I really become that predictable?"

"No, I just know you really, really well," she smiles. "So, you spoke to Phillip?"

"Yeah." Leaning back against the wall behind me, I drop my head and release a shaky breath. "It was a little… intense."

"What happened?"

"Well, he insisted that he only came back to Springfield to prove that he's a changed man. He said he has no intention of coming after me or my family."

"That sounds good. Doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it sounds great," I grimace. "That's the problem: it's all just words. Phillip is a master manipulator, and I can't trust a thing that comes out of his mouth. The only thing I know for sure is that he wants to see Emma. And, um…" I clear my throat nervously, "… he knows about us."

The whole time I'm speaking Natalia is nodding her head understandingly, but she freezes when my final words register in her mind.

"He knows about us?" she echoes. "How?"

"Alan told him about seeing us at Towers."

"Oh," she breathes. "How did he react?"

"Suspiciously well," I smirk. "He claimed to be happy for me, and to only want what's best for all of us. It's the new, chipper, happy-go-lucky Phillip. Quite a change from the last time I saw him."

"Maybe he's being serious," Natalia suggests. "Maybe he really doesn't want to cause trouble."

"I don't know what he wants. That's what worries me."

Natalia takes my hand, interlacing our fingers. "Well, whatever happens, we'll face it together."

"Yes, we will." I squeeze her fingers gratefully. "Hey, I'm sorry about what I said at the memorial."

"Don't," she says, shaking her head. She wraps her arms around my waist and pulls me into a tight embrace. "Don't apologise. I'm the one who should be sorry."

Just then, I see some people approaching the entrance to the police department and I automatically stiffen and begin to pull away from Natalia. But, to my surprise, she holds me close to her, refusing to let go.

"We shouldn't do this," I say quietly. "Everyone will figure out…"

"What, the truth?" Natalia asks, lifting her head to meet my gaze. "I hate to tell you this, Olivia, but I think most of this town knows about us now. Or, at least they have suspicions, and that amounts to basically the same thing."

"And that doesn't bother you?"

"No," she answers firmly.

Then, as if to prove the point, she kisses me. She continues holding me tightly against her until the group of people passes by us to go inside the building. Not one of them gives us a second glance.

Once they've disappeared inside, I smile down at Natalia and breathe a quiet sigh of relief.

"The world didn't come to an end."

She returns my smile and shakes her head. "No, it didn't."

"So, what does this mean, exactly?" I ask shyly. "Are we going to tell everyone about us now?"

"Well, I don't think we need to take out a full-page advertisement in the Springfield Journal or anything," she laughs. "And we need to make sure we're the first people to explain things to Emma and Rafe."

"Yeah," I reply, trying to tamp down the sudden wave of anxiety that crashes over me at her mention of Rafe. I have a feeling his reaction to this news isn't going to be as accepting as I'm hoping my daughter's will be.

"Once we've done that… then, yes, I think we should tell people." Suddenly, a sheepish look crosses her face and she glances down. "Actually, um, that reminds me… I kind of told someone else about us today."

"You did? Who?"

She lifts her head to meet my curious gaze. "Frank."

"Frank?" I feel like I'm about ten steps behind in this conversation. "Why would you tell him about us?"

She bites her lip nervously, and I can already tell I'm not going to like what she has to say. I try to steel myself for whatever it is.

"After the funeral, Marina asked me to go to Coop's place to help Frank pack up some things." I start to object, but she holds up a hand to stop me. "I know, I know – I shouldn't have done it. I should have gone with my first instinct and tried to find you. That way, maybe you wouldn't have had to confront Phillip all by yourself."

I shake my head. "I wouldn't have let you come with me anyway, Natalia. I don't want you going anywhere near Phillip."

"Well, I could have supported you at least," she insists. "And besides, I should have realised how my showing up at Coop's would look to Frank. But I was upset about our fight at the memorial, and I wasn't thinking clearly. And, I really did just want to help the Coopers." I nod my understanding, and she continues. "But Frank got the wrong idea about why I was there, and… he tried to kiss me."

"He did what?" Natalia shushes me, so I repeat in a stage whisper, "He did what?"

"He tried to kiss me," Natalia confirms. "Tried, Olivia. I didn't let him. But, I was so surprised by it that I… I kind of blurted out everything about our relationship."

"Wow," I reply, laughing nervously. "How did he take it?"

She looks away. "Um… not very well."

"Let me guess. He told you that I'm an evil influence… that I only care about myself, and I'll just corrupt you. Olivia Spencer: Wicked Witch of Springfield."

"Something like that," she replies. "But I told him what a wonderful person you are – how kind and smart and funny." Her breath catches a little. "And beautiful." She leans closer and brushes her lips against mine in an all-too-brief kiss.

"Well, Frank does have a point, you know," I tell her. "I have been called the town whore in the past – by more than one person."

I intend it as a joke, but I can hear the fear underlying my words. The truth is that I know Frank's objections about me aren't without merit. I've done plenty of things to deserve my reputation for destroying nearly every good thing that's ever come into my life.

"Olivia, Frank has no idea what he's talking about. He was just angry and lashing out. But I know that you're a different person than you were when you dated him."

"Well, 'dated' might be a strong word for it," I point out. "Besides, if I'm any different now, it's entirely because of you, Natalia. You've been the most steady, constant person in my life. Even when I was at my lowest, you were always there for me." I smile sadly and press a light kiss against her temple. "To be honest, I have no idea why you've stuck around this long."

"You really have no idea?" She slides her hand to the back of my neck to pull me closer to her again. "I thought it would be obvious by now."

"What would?"

Before she responds, she gives me a look that is so full of sincerity that it steals all the air from my lungs.

"I'm in love with you, Olivia," she says quietly. "I've been in love with you for so long…" She shakes her head and laughs softly, her eyes bright with tears.

As unexpected as they are, her words feel like a warm blanket settling around me. I've never felt so accepted, so utterly safe with anyone in my life. Too many times I've given my heart to someone, only to have it stomped on right in front of me, often repeatedly. Those experiences have taught me never to fall in love without reservations, to always hold something back.

But now, looking at this woman standing in front of me – this fiery and strong, soft and generous, and utterly good woman – I suddenly realise just how completely lost to her I am. And, while that would normally terrify me, causing me to run away or do something stupid to try to destroy it, at this moment it just feels right.

I dip my head to claim her lips in a slow, lingering kiss, and when I pull away we're both breathless. We rest our foreheads together, and a few seconds pass before I realise I haven't said a word to respond to her declaration. I lift my head and smile down at her through my tears.

"I love you, Natalia... so, so much."

My voice is barely a whisper, but I might as well have shouted it. She pulls me against her again, and we hold onto each other like we're clinging to an anchor at sea.

But then, gradually, the combination of the cold winter breeze and the sound of police sirens nearby draws us both back to a realisation of where we are, and we force ourselves to let go of each other.

Natalia grabs my hand and flashes me a bright, dimpled smile.

"Take me home, Olivia."

She doesn't need to ask twice.

tbc