Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer got this whole Twilight thing started, which has resulted in 217,000 plus FanFiction stories. Mind. Blown.
I have to admit, I needed a little coffee, grey skies, and a sad song or two to get this one down. Reality bites.
***** Chapter 13 – The Coming Storm *****
Bella arrived at the small booth in the back of the restaurant first. Winter was in full swing and the skies outside the front windows were grey and cold. Another round of snow was scheduled to begin before nightfall.
She twisted her straw wrapper, rolling it up as tight as it would go, then hinging the paper back and forth like an accordion until she tied the well abused scrap of paper into a knot that tore apart when she pulled. Every motion was an attempt to calm her nerves over facing the inevitable discussion.
She spotted Jasper's entrance as he removed his gloves while walking in her direction, stopping by the booth to remove his jacket and throw it onto the bench seat before taking the spot directly across from her. However, when he reached for Bella's fidgeting hands, she simply pulled them back into her lap, sitting up fully in her seat, increasing the distance between the two.
"Well, okay, then," Jasper sat back as well, taking notice of her worried features, the slight coloring of the skin under her eyes indicating she'd had little sleep the night before.
The waitress came and sat two glasses on the table top, noticing the tension that seemed to vibrate through the air, and choosing to make her exit without an attempt at small talk.
"I went ahead and ordered a small meats. I hope you don't mind."
"Sounds great, though I have to wonder if I'm going to enjoy my meal when you sit there looking like you're getting ready to announce your dying from some fatal illness," Jasper continued, "Bella, I thought you wanted to talk about us. We're great. This isn't an execution."
Bella's resulting laugh sounded like that of a woman on the brink of hysteria. It wasn't warm and inviting, it was cold and mocking.
"We're great? Really? What's great about us, J? The fact that we're sitting in the back of a restaurant praying no one sees us together and starts to question? The fact that we've asked our best friends, and now our family, to turn a blind eye on our infidelity to our spouses? The fact that we aren't free to walk the streets, hand in hand, a kiss shared while sipping coffee at the corner shop? Which part of that is great?" Bella's caustic tones assaulted his ears.
Jasper leaned forward, placing his elbows on the table before replying, "Bella, what's going on? I realize you're upset that Rose knows and I'll deal with Emmett, but I thought you were happy with me."
"That's just it! I'm not with you, J, and it's killing me. It is tearing me apart, piece by piece, to keep falling deeper in love with you and then we just part our separate ways and go back to our respective spouses. Yes, when I'm with you, I'm happy, but then one of our family members finds out, and I feel like your dirty mistress. Like what we've shared is covered in shame and it has to be kept in the dark." Bella's eyes filled with tears and she looked down at her hands that were tightly laced together.
"Bella, look at me." Jasper grabbed her hands, forcing her to meet his eyes, "You are not some dirty mistress. Do not speak of yourself that way. What I have for you is real and true and you know I would let everyone see it if I could."
"See? You agree we have to keep it a secret. How do you do it, Jasper?" Bella cocked her head to one side, "How do you seem so fine even though we have to hide?"
"You know I don't have a choice, darlin'. I thought we covered this already. I love you, so I'll live with whatever time I can share. It isn't ideal, but giving you up isn't something I want either."
He let go of her hands as the waitress set down their lunch between them, feeling once again like she had interrupted a heated argument between husband and wife. She moved away with a quick, "Enjoy."
"Well, I can't keep going on like this. You know I love you, but I can't stay in this box you've put me in, waiting until you have the chance to pull me out and pay attention to me, then shoving me back in. I had hoped that when you said you loved me, you understood love like I do, that maybe it was enough to weather the coming storm of telling our families and dealing with the fallout together."
"Bella, you know I have Claire. I can't lose her. I certainly can't hand her over to that harpy I married. My hands are tied." Jasper pleaded with the woman across from him, "What would you have me do?"
"I don't know. I've lost sleep thinking what the solution to our problem is, and there's no easy answer. But you have to make a choice, Jasper. You can't keep cutting me in two like this. It isn't fair to either of us."
"So, that's it then? All or nothing?" His voice had taken on an irritated tone and his posture conveyed his displeasure of having been issued an ultimatum.
Bella gathered her own coat in her hands along with her purse and slid out of the booth, leaving the lunch she ordered untouched, "I'm not hungry."
Jasper grabbed her hand as she started to walk away, "Bella, don't leave. Come on."
"You win, Jasper. I'm not going to keep fighting you to give me more than you're willing. But, I've got to get some distance from this, from us. I need to be able to breathe again without the weight of us pressing down on me."
"Would you really have risked it all for me, Bella? Would you honestly leave Edward for me?"
Bella's face lifted into a sad smile, "Yes, I would. That's the thing, Jasper, to me you were worth it."
With her final words, she turned and walked away, leaving him to watch her exit and thinking he'd won nothing at all.
Bella finished her work day, phone turned off again. When she picked up the girls from school, she chanced looking at it to see that she had three missed calls and a dozen text messages. She ignored each and every one.
With the falling snow, the girls' activities for the night had been cancelled. The unexpected change of events allowed her family to sit around the table, Edward included. Bella was giving a reprieve from having to converse, allowing the girls to overwhelm their father with their non-stop chatter about everything he had been missing from their lives. Edward paid attention to his daughters, and she smiled as his eyes glazed over from the amount of information they were sharing. They could be a handful when they got going.
The family retired to the den, Edward and Bella settling in on opposite ends of the couch. The girls were on the floor working a puzzle and Edward had turned on some political talk show Bella had no interest in. Instead, she tried to get lost in her latest book choice, having read the same page ten times. She couldn't ignore thoughts of when it was Jasper on that same couch, her body tucked curled alongside his.
"You okay?" Edward asked her.
"Yeah, I'm just tired. I didn't sleep very well last night."
"Well, I think I can handle bedtime, if you want to go on up," her husband offered.
"I think I will take you up on that and go take a bath before tucking in early."
She imparted several kisses to the girls before heading to her room. In the candle-lit bathroom, she sank into the warm water and let her tears flow freely down her cheeks. Making her way to bed, she made sure to turn out the lights and snuggle down into the blankets, just in case Edward was curious enough to notice her tear-stained face.
The rest of the week passed with Bella operating on auto-pilot. Work, school, homework, dinner, bed, rinse and repeat. When Saturday came, she packed the girls up in the van and headed to Charlie's house.
Engaging in a snowball fight with her father and her children lifted her spirits enough that she could enjoy the cold January afternoon. They played board games around his tiny kitchen table, had a delicious dinner prepared by Sue, and roasted marshmallows in the fireplace. Charlie was the hero of the night when he produced graham crackers and chocolate bars for S'mores. The girls were exhausted and fell asleep on the way home, while Bella was relieved to have been able to take her mind off Jasper for an hour or two.
Sunday evening Bella declined joining the rest of the family for dinner, giving Edward the excuse that she wasn't feeling well. He didn't question, but took the girls off to their grandparent's house without her.
She was watching some silly romantic comedy on the television when her phone beeped. Knowing Jasper wouldn't be texting while he was visiting his parents, she checked to see who was messaging her.
Rosalie: Where are you and what the heck is going on?
B: Sorry, wasn't feeling well.
R: Don't give me that bullshit. Alice is complaining about everything Jasper does, and Jasper is looking like his dog died, not even arguing with her. I'm going to clock her if she utters one more sentence.
B: Sorry, I just had to get some space, Rose. He won't leave her, and I can't keep being there for him. It's killing me.
R: He told Emmett
Bella just stared at the sentence. She figured after she had left him sitting in their secluded booth in the restaurant that he wouldn't feel the need to fess up to his brother. What was the point when nothing could become of them anyhow?
R: Emmett's pissed at you both for having put yourselves into this situation in the first place, but he's even more worried at the way Jasper seems to be lost. J didn't mention that you'd pulled away from him.
B: As brave as he was for telling Em, it doesn't change the fact that I'm just an affair to him.
R: Is that really what you think, Bella?
B: I don't know what to think anymore.
R: Well, enjoy your pity party, but I don't think you've solved things. The two of you can't avoid each other forever.
Bella chose not to respond, throwing the phone down on side table and turning up the volume on the television, trying to ignore the urge she had to give Jasper a call. Her heart was a traitor, willing to take him however that looked, while her brain reasoned that she deserved more than that. Even when she took a step back, things didn't get easier.
A/N: Yep, short chapter, I know. But, I don't feel like moving past things falling apart right this second, and that was pretty much all I could handle of writing through the mess that they've gotten into. For those of you that have been conflicted about the whole cheating thing, I realize the weight of what they've done. I'm not going to pretend it's all just one happy love story between our two, because it isn't. Life just doesn't work that way.