Chapter 14

We spent the entire day watching events unfold in Spectre City. The citizens swarmed through the administrative buildings, tossing computers and paper records out of the windows and setting a bonfire to burn them. More food was brought up from inside the government area, and based on the labels on the boxes, I guessed that they had broken into some military stores. Tavis began interviewing people again, listening to their stories of hunger, mistreatment and deprivation. Soon he was listening to those who had been inside the administrative buildings, who told tales of plush offices for the upper echelons, secret stores of food and weapons, and scores of rooms empty of people. Other than the low-level workers who had attempted to leave the buildings to begin with, no administrative personnel were found. It was presumed that they had somehow escaped through a back passageway, but as the area was still being searched, no one was quite certain where they had gone.

Despite the drama occurring in front of us, after a couple of hours our stomachs were all rumbling. We retreated to the cafeteria, only to discover that the Federation News Network was picking up the broadcast, and all viewstations were tuned to the events unfolding on Spectra. The Federation was picking up other broadcasts as well, of smaller revolts taking place in other cities. It seemed that the entire planet was on fire, as government buildings burned and Spectran civilians cheered. There was little sign of the Spectran army, other than a few men who wore ragged green uniforms, their fanged masks gone: clearly soldiers who had long since given up on their military positions.

Eventually we retired to the Ready Room, but found ourselves unable to do anything but stare at the broadcasts, unable to get our fill, watching the birth of an infant revolution taking place over and over again. I felt my eyes grow heavy, yet I stared blearily at the viewscreen until Mark put his arm around me. Gratefully I dropped my head onto his shoulder, the movement so natural I barely noticed what I was doing. It wasn't long before I had snuggled into the crook of his arm and fallen asleep.

I awoke some time later, startled to realize that I was still sitting on the Ready Room couch with Mark and the others. Everyone appeared to be sleeping, even Mark, although he still held me tightly in his arms. The lights had been set to quarter illumination and the viewscreen had been turned to a low volume, but it was still tuned to the Federation News Network broadcast, showing scenes of various Spectran cities. Some of them were still blanketed in darkness, only a few late-night revelers to be found, while urban centers on the other side of the planet were just waking up to the reality of their new world, taking their own steps to free themselves from the old government regime. From what I could see, every major city on the planet, and most of the smaller ones, had participated in this unprecedented event.

Spectre City was dark, although it was easy to see evidence of what had occurred less than a day before. Numerous recycling bins lined the streets, holding the discarded wrappings from the food that had been eaten the day before. Black circles of ash showed where bonfires of varying sizes had been lit earlier that night. The Administrative Centre courtyard had only trampled plants and flowers to show for its former beauty, and in one corner stood a covered mound. I didn't have to look closely to know that these were the bodies of the Spectran soldiers who had protested the entrance of civilians the previous day. Although I bore no love for the Spectran military in general (and had, in fact, killed hundreds, perhaps thousands, of soldiers through my own direct actions in the past) I found the sight disturbing. Perhaps it was knowing how they had died, literally torn apart at the hands of an angry mob, that bothered me so much.

Despite the violent manner in which the angry crowd had dealt with the blockading soldiers in Spectre City, I saw very few other signs of violence. For the most part, the Spectrans seemed to be family people, simply wishing for a better life and grateful that generally speaking, order had been maintained throughout this process. I wished I knew where Fanel, Norei, Tavis and the others had gone. What were they thinking after the momentous events of the past day? Were they sleeping peacefully or still awake with their excitement, attempting to absorb everything that had occurred?

A yellow flag flew from the top of the largest administrative building in Spectre City, and when the broadcasts turned to other Spectran cities, I saw similar demonstrations: yellow paint on the side of government facilities, yellow flags hanging from homes and courthouses, people sporting yellow armbands in the street.

By all appearances, it seemed that Fanel had won.

It had come at a terrible cost, but Fanel's dream of toppling the Spectran government seemed to have been realized. I suspected that she would be thinking of her lost husband right now. The memory of Genalla's lifeless face brought tears to my eyes. And what of Norei? Would her family still disown her, after this? Or would they have fled, fearful of being branded as loyal to the now-defunct government?

Lost in thought, I shifted slightly, feeling Mark stir against me. His eyes opened slowly and he stared at me, smiling gradually, as if he couldn't quite believe what he saw.

"This is the second day in a row I've woken up to your face." he whispered in my ear. "I think I could get used to that." I blushed, feeling the heat rise from my body as I squirmed in both embarrassment and longing.

"Sorry I woke you." I did my best to change the subject. "I didn't mean to. I guess you could use the rest."

"We all could." Mark glanced around, taking in the sleeping forms of the others sprawled around the Ready Room. He put a finger to his lips, indicating we should remain silent, then gestured from me to follow him. He pulled away from me and I felt an instant sense of deprivation, but he held out his hand. I placed my fingers in his and allowed him to lead me out of the Ready Room and into the corridor. He paused for a moment, as if uncertain where to go, then suddenly strode forward, moving with purpose, yet still holding my hand. We moved through Center Neptune, passing through corridors and hallways in a seemingly random fashion, but Mark moved with a certainty that belied this notion. Eventually we entered an area that appeared slightly antiquated when compared with the rest of the base. My eyes darted around curiously, taking it all in.

"When they rebuilt Center Neptune, they changed a lot of things." Mark said quietly, looking down the small corridor, barely seeming to notice that he was still holding my hand. "Galaxy Security wanted to install all of the latest technology, and everyone had ideas on how their sections could be reimagined. Our quarters, the Ready Room, Dr. Nambu's office, the labs, the engine room… they've all been completely redesigned."

"Yes, they redid almost everything from scratch." I replied, yet Mark didn't appear to hear me, so lost was he in thought.

"And yet… a few parts… just a few… are almost exactly like the Center Neptune we knew. The place where we grew up, running around its corridors and playing in its empty rooms, before it came into service." He turned and looked around, his eyes finally alighting on a nearby door.

"Back in there is a storage area." he said, jerking his head slightly to indicate the door. "But it used to be a file room. Do you remember, Princess?"

"I…" I looked around at the area. Certainly the design was familiar, and I recalled playing in passageways such as these as a child, when Chief Anderson would visit during the base's construction. Yet this particular corridor… I tilted my head, my brow furrowing as I tried to think. And as my head changed its angle slightly, I remembered…

"Yes." I whispered, my eyes growing wide. "I remember this place. The day that Center Neptune was destroyed, this is where…" I moved to the wall, passing my hand over the door, lost in the memory.

"Of course, it's not exactly the same." Mark admitted. "It's certainly not the same door, or even the same metal. But somehow… it feels the same…" He turned to me, and for the first time since we had arrived, I felt as if he was truly seeing me there, with him.

"When you were gone, I found this place." he told me. "Stumbled across it, really. I used to wander the base, searching for… something. Anything. Anything to take my mind off of how much I missed you, how worried I was about you."

"Mark…" I reached out with my free hand, touching his cheek, mesmerized by the glimmer in his eye. His face bore evidence of emotions I hadn't seen from him since his father had died.

"I sat here for hours." he revealed, his free hand reaching up and capturing mine, pressing it further against his cheek as he stared at me intently. "Many times, I came back here just to sit… and remember. I thought about that day, when the corridor was tilted on its side. We sat here, on this door: together, but barely so, back to back, not even looking at each other. That day when we were convinced that we were going to die…"

"But we didn't die." I reminded him. "We're still here. We survived. I've thought about that day too, Mark, many times. It was knowing that we had survived that experience which gave me the strength I needed while I was on Spectra. I knew I could survive anything, if I had to."

"But don't you see?" Mark asked, his face suddenly filled with frustration. He pulled my hand from his cheek, crushing it in his fist with anger. Instantly I was filled with chagrin. What had I done wrong?

"Back then, I thought everything was ending. I thought the war was ending, that our lives were ending… and even then, I didn't have the courage to tell you how I felt."

"Mark, I don't…"

Since then, I've regretted many times that I never said anything, especially when you were on Spectra and I feared that I might never see you again."

"But you did tell me." I reminded him. "Right after I came back."

"I didn't tell you then." he repeated. "But you did."

"I did?" I flushed, recalling my fumbling attempts to approach the subject on that fateful day.

"You said that you had always liked me best." Mark recalled. "I understood what you meant. And I knew that you were waiting for me to respond in kind. But I didn't have the courage to act on my feelings, even when I knew that we might not live to see the end of the day."

"It doesn't make any difference now."

"It does to me. It's eaten away at me ever since. That wasn't our last day together, but it could have been. Every day we have is special, because it could be the last one."

"Every day we have is special, because we're together."

"Princess… after what happened yesterday, things might be changing. If Spectra is under a new government, a government that sees reason and isn't interested in aggression, the war may be over sooner than we think."

"I hope so." I sighed heavily. "Too many people have suffered as it is, both here and on Spectra."

"And our lives will be our own. We can decide what we want to do, and not be beholden to Galaxy Security. At least, not if we don't want to be."

"I'm not sure what I'd want. I haven't thought about it before. All I've ever thought about after the war… is you, Mark." My face flushed pink.

"I'm going to make things right." Mark decided. "Right here, right now, in the place where I should have spoken up all those months ago." He let go of my hands to pull me close, kissing me with a sense of urgency I had never felt from him before. I sighed happily, threading my arms around his neck.

"Princess," he whispered in my ear, "I want us to be together. Always. No matter what happens, we stay together, for the rest of our lives."

"Sounds perfect." I agreed.

"I've made mistakes, but I'm going to make up for them. I should never have doubted you when you returned from Spectra. I should have told you how I felt long ago. But now you know how I feel, and I'll never doubt your feelings again."

"You'll never have to." I promised him. "I love you, Mark."

"I love you, Princess."

Mark kissed me then and I felt the strength of his promise in the caress of his lips. He pulled me closer to him, so that our bodies were pressed tightly together, as if he wanted to merge our physical selves into one being. A pleasant heat warmed its way through my body, spreading out from my core and sending me floating away, locked in Mark's embrace. If we were to be together forever, I wanted it to be like this: kissing and holding each other, never letting go.

"Princess…" he moaned, shifting slightly so that our legs intertwined. He pressed against me and I sensed the evidence of his desire jutting against my abdomen.

It was as if a cold bucket of water had been poured over me. A chill ran down my spine and I shivered, pulling away from him, wrapping my arms around my body. The pleasant feelings of a moment before had vanished into the air.

"Princess… what's wrong?" Mark's expression was one of concern but I stared at him, my eyes wide with shock.

"Please, Mark… I can't…"

"You can't...? You don't want to…?"

"I want to be with you, Mark, but I…" I struggled to find the words. How could I explain the terror that had overcome me when I had noticed his physical reaction to our closeness? He hadn't done anything wrong. I was the one who was wrong. Dark, horrible memories surged in my mind, evil things I wanted to push away, yet I was powerless to do so. Though I would eagerly have cast them away forever, they had become a part of me.

"I felt… happy…" I attempted to explain. "But then, when we were so close, I couldn't help remembering…" I buried my face in my hands, ashamed for ruining this perfect moment with my own imperfections. Perhaps I didn't deserve a good man like Mark. Perhaps we shouldn't be together.

"Remembering…" Mark's face bore an expression of confusion, then suddenly darkened, as he realized what I meant. "You remembered what Zoltar did to you."

"I didn't want to…" I pleaded with him to understand. "I did everything I could to push it away…" I wasn't certain anymore if I was talking about the memories or the experience itself, but now the words were pouring from my mouth and I was unable to stop them.

"I feel helpless. I feel weak. I can't fight back! I hate it! It's not what I want! I can't let him win! But I'm not in control. I'm not good enough…"

"You're more than good enough." Mark assured me, his arms around me as I sagged against him. "And he won't win; not if you don't let him."

"I have let him…" I admitted tearfully, hiding my face in Mark's shirt so that I wouldn't have to look him in the eye.

"One moment of weakness doesn't mean that you've lost the war." Mark reminded me. "How many times has G-Force been beaten down, only to come back? We never let Zoltar win, no matter what. We stay strong."

"But this is different…" I whispered, still unable to face him.

"Of course it's different." Mark agreed. "This time, Zoltar's playing psychological warfare. He's cut you off from us. We're always strongest together. You know that. He knows that. But I'm here with you. I'll fight with you, but I can't do it alone. You need to face your memories and see them for what they are: painful recollections. But that's all. We've faced plenty of difficulties before, horrible times I don't care to think about. But I don't let that stop me from going on, from living my life the way I want to."

"I want that…" I admitted. "But I'm not certain I can do it."

"You can." he promised. "You're already halfway there. You're letting me hold you, right now. I've touched you, kissed you, and you were able to enjoy that the way you should."

"I like kissing you." I said quietly, a wry smile twisting my lips, despite myself. "And touching you. I like being in your arms. But Zoltar never did that. All he wanted…"

"All he wanted was to demean you, to defeat you." Mark said. "But he didn't do it. You didn't give up. You told us, in your debriefing, how you taunted him, forcing him to give up. That's what you need to remember."

"I do remember that…" I said, recalling the way I had used words, and eventually only laughter and mocking expressions, to steal away Zoltar's power to hurt me in that fashion. He had been the one who had decided to stop 'visiting' me.

"When I touch you, is it the same as when he touched you?" Mark pressed.

"No." I shook my head. "He didn't touch me in this way at all. Only… only as little as he had to, to do what he wanted."

"Princess, I won't lie to you." Mark said slowly. "I want to be with you in every way. But it doesn't have to be right now. We'll wait as long as you need to. And when it does happen, it won't be anything like what you experienced before. I won't do anything you don't want, or anything you're uncomfortable with. You will be in control. And every touch will be just like this…" He placed his fingers underneath my chin, tilting my head up and kissing my tears away from my cheeks, until he softly pressed his lips against my mouth. Despite my tangled emotions, I felt myself warming underneath his touch, and suddenly I knew that everything Mark said was true. I wouldn't let Zoltar take this away from me. We would be intimate with each other one day, and it would be nothing like what I had experienced before.

But that day wasn't today. For today, I would simply enjoy the intimacy of Mark's embrace, and the tenderness of his kisses.

Together, we could overcome anything.