The smell of lilacs had stayed with him long after she'd left Atlantis. After the scent had washed away from the sheets and blankets, somehow impossibly, it had lingered in the air, always catching him unaware. Elizabeth had used the lotion sparingly, making the one bottle she'd managed to bring last far longer than it should have. Every morning, he'd watch her rub a little dot into her hands, before gently swiping the excess against neck. And either she hadn't made room for it in the few items she'd brought to Atlantis or the shampoo was a new discovery, but now her hair smelled like lilacs too.
They were lying on their sides with only the thin sheet covering their skin. He mouthed kisses against her neck and shoulder as he drew in her scent and savored the taste of her skin. Both were things that had stayed with him after she'd left Atlantis, but he still couldn't stop, just as he couldn't stop kissing her or touching her.
It was a high, just as it had been that first night they'd spent together on Atlantis. They'd returned from the barn hours ago, but neither had made any effort to retrieve their clothes in the aftermath. And just like that first night on Atlantis, tonight, they staved off sleep. Talking, laughing, and stretching the time that they had.
"Where are you starting your travel?"
He'd asked just a moment before, but then his teeth had scrapped against a sensitive spot on her neck and her words had been lost as a happy sigh escaped her lips.
"I haven't booked the flight yet." She finally said.
Her voice rasped in the way it always did when they'd been awake for far too long, engaged in illicit activities. He supposed it was no longer so illicit now that she'd resigned from Atlantis, but if she returned that would be another story.
"But, I'm planning on going to Budapest first." She continued in the same sultry voice. That was something else that was his. No one else ever got to hear that sexy, throaty voice and he'd be damned if anyone else ever saw the sensual side of her that haunted his dreams.
"After Budapest, then Prague and Germany."
That hadn't been what he was expecting. He brought his eyes up to hers and she peered at him through her thick lashes. Her eyes were a heady mix of sleepy lust and love, and he paused for a moment, forgetting his question.
"They're supposed to be beautiful in the winter and they have amazing holiday markets." She answered his unasked question.
He knew what she was doing, even if she didn't realize it yet herself. Atlantis was stunning, but life there could be stark and, at times, crushing. There was unique beauty in the Middle East, but the pockets she'd worked within were hellish pits of anguish and loss. She was seeking out reminders of the beauty of life and, with any luck, she'd walk away from her journey remembering what they'd been fighting to protect, even if that fight had to take place a galaxy away from home.
The past days with Elizabeth had been his own well needed reminder. Her light had always balanced his darkness and, without her, something within him had hardened. It was instinctive for him to resort to banter and humor, so the change probably hadn't been that outwardly dramatic, but he felt it and he knew those closest to him had recognized it as well.
They'd never had to tell his team they were together. He'd seen it in their eyes, they'd been observant enough to figure it out early on and smart enough to understand why it couldn't be acknowledged. After she left Atlantis, they seemed to have made a pact among themselves to watch out for him. He knew what they were doing, but he'd been too numb to put forth any effort to stop them.
Ronon kept him busy. Sparing, target practice, and showing more interest than normal in any movie that had turned up in someone's personal effects. McKay always turned up at meal time, chattering until John wordlessly followed him to the mess hall just so he could catch a break of silence as McKay shoveled food in his mouth. Teyla alone had tried to talk to him, but he'd barely been able to say Elizabeth's name, much less talk about her leaving.
He tucked his head back to her neck, not wanting Elizabeth to see the pang of regret that rose fresh within. He knew he had to go back, but without her in Atlantis, it had been more of a struggle to get through each day. He felt tired all the time, when before, just feeling the hum of the city's white noise had been invigorating. Once, he'd hoped to find resolution with the Wraith and Asurans so they could get back to finding cool stuff and exploring the galaxy more freely. Now, he just wanted it done so he could get back to her or make it safer for her return.
"John." She whispered.
Her fingers were threaded in his hair and now she tugged gently on the strands, pulling his face back to hers. On long, timeless nights like this, she always protested when he stayed away from her lips for too long.
Kissing Elizabeth was a decadent thing. His mouth hovered over hers and he focused on the curves of her lip, remembering that that very first kiss. It was something he'd thought about for months, something he'd wanted with a ferocity that took his breath away. He'd recognized the same hunger echoing in her eyes, yet he'd walked away night after night, leaving her alone within the puddle of moonlight on the balcony. He'd felt like ass because he couldn't stay away, but he'd also known what it could cost them to cross that line. One night, despite his best intent, he hadn't been able to leave her. Instead, he had drawn her deep into the shadows of the balcony.
"Come here." She tugged until her lips crashed against his, and just like that first night, she poured an awareness, intent, and mind-numbing heat into each kiss and it was beyond anything he'd ever experienced before.
As Dave liked to remind him, he'd been a goofy looking, gangly kid. That had all changed the summer before he'd started high school. Not only did a growth spurt add inches to his height, his muscles had hardened and his shoulders broadened. At the time, he'd been acutely uncomfortable of the attention it suddenly brought from the girls around him. While he'd soon learned to appreciate the benefits, over the years he started to recognize the underlying drives of their attention. Looks. Popularity. Money. After he'd become a pilot, the perceived sense of danger. They'd kissed him with an absentminded and misdirected desire that really had little to do with the man he was inside and those encounters inevitably left him feeling hollow.
Elizabeth's kisses filled his darkness and warmed him from the inside out. Where others took, she poured her love and desire into every touch, every kiss, and every caressing stroke of her eyes.
Even before it began, he'd innately known she was different. She was important in ways he hadn't been able to understand or find the words to explain. In some sense, that still hadn't changed. Mine was the single most encompassing word he could find to concisely convey it. It was crude and selfish and about anything but romantic. He'd flinched the first time the word slipped, but instead of calling him out on his stupid male sense of possessiveness, he'd seen her eyes soften in surprise and understanding. No one had ever been able to instantly translate the look in his eyes or his monosyllabic babbling before Elizabeth.
And when her lips brushed his, he could lose himself to her kiss, a fact she was well aware of and the reason she kept dragging his face back to hers now. Persuasive as she could be, he wasn't ready to give in to all her wants just yet. It was late and she was exhausted. He knew once they made love again she would be spent and he wasn't ready to lose her to sleep.
He peeled his lips away. "Anywhere after Germany?" His mouth veered back towards her neck and an almost imperceptible moan slipped past her lips.
It took her a moment to respond. "I'm not setting an agenda, I'm just taking it as it goes. I have a friend in Paris, she's asked me to visit. I've always wanted to see Paris at Christmas."
She shivered as his palm ran down the side of her ribs, his mouth trailing right behind.
"That's an interesting itinerary for someone who is always freezing." He murmured against her skin, watching as goosebumps ruptured in the wake of his mouth. The fire was still going, the air in the room was more than warm. It wasn't the cold, just her over sensitized skin responding to his touch.
"Shopping this weekend, remember?" She sounded breathless.
"Don't remind me." His palm trailed around the curve of her hip.
He hoped she'd at least buy a bulky winter jacket. He had a flash of all the men ogling her in her new, snug jeans and the thought alone was enough to make his teeth grind. He knew she could take care of herself, but the thought of her roaming the world alone was a little unsettling, though to be fair, any time she was out of his sight, it was more than a little unsettling.
"I've never been to Prague. Make sure you save some places for us to explore together one day." His hand swept down the outside of her thigh.
His hands and lips had been trailing all around her body as they'd talked. It had been leisurely at first, almost lazy movements in the afterglow, but as the night had stretched on, his hands had begun treading a more tortuous path. After their repeated haste earlier in the night, he'd been intent on nurturing a slow, lingering burn.
"I can be your scout for a change. Find all the best places to take us back to."
She'd tried to hurry things along, but each time her hands had delved below his hips, he'd firmly caught them and returned them to her side. She was too tired to protest as she would have otherwise, and she grudgingly accepted the pace he'd set. Now, she kept her hands in his hair, gently scratching his scalp and saving her strength to drag his face back to hers when he'd detoured for too long.
His hand trailed around her knee and his fingers skimmed against her inner thigh. "I want to find the best places with you, Elizabeth."
A groan of frustration rumbled low in her throat as his hand veered away, staying busy everywhere except where she really wanted them to be. Her fingers twisted deeper into his hair and she tugged him up more forcefully. Her movement seemed infused with a new surge of energy and this time her kiss was possessive and demanding. Somehow, she'd shifted the weight of her upper body onto him and his nerves sizzled from the press of her bare chest against his own. She captured his tongue and gently sucked, unraveling every thread of control he had left.
Her lips tore away from his. "Enough."
Her eyes had molted into simmering emerald pools and it made his gut clench. He suddenly felt a primal need to see the look in her eyes when he coaxed her to abandon.
"Never enough." It was all he managed before she silenced him with her kiss.
~v~v~v~v~v~v~v~v~v~v~v~v~v~v~v~v
"Elizabeth."
Her eyes briefly blinked open. The fire was still going and crimson flames illuminated the room. The air was warm and her eyes were so heavy. The stubble from John's face gently razed against her skin as his mouth moved towards her ear.
"Don't fall asleep." The bed dipped as he readjusted and suddenly she felt the weight of his body above hers. "Stay with me."
Her eyes flicked open. She may have only been asleep for moments, but this was a sight she could get used to waking up to again. His body was stretched above hers and his muscles bulged under the press of his weight. His hair was a riot of jutting spikes and a dark stubble bearded his face. He looked sexy as hell and her body shivered in response.
"Hey." He nudged her chin, drawing her gaze up to his. Instead of finding the seductive glean she'd expected, his eyes were filled with a quiet determination that instantly roused her from her sleep.
"What's wrong?" Her heart jerked.
Beyond the fact that he was leaving all too soon. She could already see the first light of morning cutting through the window.
He lowered to brace his weight on his elbows and his fingers tangled into her hair. "We could get married. If you want."
She relaxed and laughed softly. "We're trying to make a baby and you don't think I'd want to marry you?"
"I mean in that order. Marriage, then baby." His lips brushed hers. "Stop laughing, I'm serious. I had Dave make some calls yesterday. There isn't a waiting period in Virginia. We could get the license and get married this morning before I leave."
Her heart skipped a beat. He'd taken the call with Dave before they'd realized how careless they'd been. "You spoke to Dave before we went to the barn last night. Before…"
"Before we knew a baby could be part of the equation." He finished.
The laughter bubbling in her chest went flat as she studied his face. He was serious. Her heart started hammering within in her chest.
"No. I mean yes, but no." It was nonsensical babbling, but at least she'd managed some kind of response.
John's eyes narrowed. "What kind of answer is that?"
She blew out a slow breath. "Yes, I want to marry you." She cupped his face, pulling his mouth down to her. She kissed him slowly, hoping to in any way impart the depth of her love into that simple act.
"You'd better." John's voice rasped when she broke away. "There's a but, isn't there?"
"I don't want a rushed courthouse wedding without our family, minutes before you leave for another galaxy."
"If we made the calls now, Dave and Suzanne could make it. Your mom and Glen."
"Memories of our wedding would always be tied to your leaving. I don't want that." Her voice choked. "Plus…it would close the door on my returning to Atlantis."
His forehead crinkled at that. "I know. I still felt like I needed to say the words."
"Come here." She grasped the back of his neck and pulled his face down.
She couldn't seem to stop kissing him. Instead of the craving dulling as the night had gone on, it had only intensified and she felt compelled to pour every bit of love she could into him while she could. She needed him to remember what he was keeping himself safe for out there. His hand moved down her side and she reached for his hand, pulling it over her stomach. She needed him to remember everything he was keeping himself safe for.
He broke the kiss and abruptly rolled off her.
"Where are you going?"
He was mistaken if he thought he could quasi propose and then take off, leaving her in the bed alone. She heard the bedside drawer open.
"I have a present for you. I was too busy unwrapping you last night and I forgot to give it you."
She shifted onto her side and watched as he recovered a small wrapped package. His eyes darkened as he pulled it out.
"What the hell are these doing here?" He sat completely up now. He sat the present beside her and reached back into the drawer, pulling out a box of condoms. He held them up and his brow arched towards her.
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. She had a good idea how those had come to rest in her nightstand. "Suzanne. I knew there had to be a reason other than keys for her to burst in here the other morning."
John's lips quirked at that. He tossed the box onto the nightstand and swiveled back.
"Here." He picked up the wrapped box and extended it towards her.
She hesitated. "It doesn't seem fair. I didn't get you anything."
"I already told you, I unwrapped my present last night." His eyes simmered as he held her gaze.
It took her back to the very first time he had brought her a gift. It had been her birthday. So many memories on that balcony.
She accepted the gift as he pressed it into her hand. "You know, when we buy a home of our own, it needs to have a balcony."
John glanced beyond her to the balcony of this room. The morning light had grown stronger. "I think we can make that happen. Now open." He was smiling eagerly as if he was the one getting the present.
She tore away the paper to find a large velvet box. She gingerly pulled it open, finding a beautiful vintage necklace. It was crusted with tiny diamonds and the circular pattern made her think instantly of the Stargate.
"It's a locket." He pulled it away and opened it up.
Her mouth dropped. Inside, there was a small black and white photo of them she'd never seen. It had been taken from behind while they stood on the balcony outside her office, capturing them looking in each other's eyes."
"Where did you get this?" She breathed.
"Chuck. After you left, he slipped it to me one day."
She smiled at that. Chuck may have been the first person who had figured it out. He'd saved their necks the very first night John had drawn her off to the side on the balcony. It had been late. No one should have been looking for them, but of course, someone was always looking for them. When she and John finally emerged from the balcony, Chuck had told them McKay and Zelenka had come by and, he'd hoped they didn't mind, but he may of inadvertently directed them to the southeast pier. If John's hand hadn't been firmly at the small of her back, steering her out of the control room, she probably would have kissed Chuck that night, too.
Her eyes finally moved away from the picture to the other half of the locket. It was a picture of stars with the world Everlong printed over them in tiny print. She blinked in disbelief as recognition set in. Those weren't just any stars, it was a picture of her favorite constellation in the Pegasus galaxy. She'd had a photo of it in their room at one point, a photo she hadn't been able to find when she'd returned.
John drew her hand to his mouth and he kissed her ring finger. "The next diamond I'm buying you is going right here."
Her heart clenched and a tear slipped from her eye. John laid back on his side and pulled her tight within his arms. He pressed a kiss to her head. "I didn't mean to make you sad."
"Bittersweet." She whispered. "How did you do this anyway? The flowers, the ornament, the locket. Business calls with Dave, what else did you do in that hour you were away yesterday? It doesn't seem like you did very much walking."
"I had the locket made the last time I was in town, the time you didn't return my call. It was for your birthday." He edged slightly back, smiling wryly. "I left it at the house in the city when I didn't catch up with you. The attorney had to go there anyway to get Dave's signature on some things, so I had him bring it out."
John had shared enough that she knew his family was wealthy, but it had been eye opening when she'd actually met Patrick and Dave. It was only after they'd invited her to visit other homes she'd started to grasp the scope of that wealth. Now, finding out about the foundation and meeting one of their attorneys who made house calls and delivered jewelry, she was starting to suspect she may have just scratched the surface and, for some reason, it made her uncomfortable.
She still held the locket in her hand. John must have felt the cool metal brushing against his back, because he pulled away and took the locket, before placing it back on the nightstand. He twisted back on his side towards her. He kissed her slowly, his hand sweeping down along her side, pausing every so often to tug her closer. Her arms wound around him and their legs tangled together.
"When do you want to get up?" He pressed a kiss just below her ear.
"Never." She breathed.
The thought of leaving the bed, his leaving, brought fresh tears to her eyes. She tried to blink them away. She knew the separation wouldn't be any easier for John and seeing her upset wouldn't help him.
His hand swept across her stomach and tears started slipping hot and fast from her eyes. Her sense of bravado was suddenly MIA and she could hardly imagine what it would be like if she were pregnant and he wasn't around to experience every moment of it with her. He wouldn't hear the first heartbeat or see the ultrasound. And if he didn't make it back in nine months…
"Elizabeth." John murmured as he wiped away her tears.
Her eyes pressed shut and she took a deep breath. She'd known this moment was coming since he'd first arrived. The possibility of a baby not so much, but still. She took another deep breath and willed away the tears. She could find a way to be strong for him. The past year had proven she could be strong for herself.
Military wives did this every day. Babies were born while soldiers were deployed probably, well, she had no idea how often, but she made a mental note to find out. Maybe there was something the foundation could do for military families too. She'd never been on the other end of deployments before, but she had a suspicion she was about to find out how grueling they could be. She had friends, family. She was financially stable and the foundation job would give her the flexibility to work at home. Hell, she'd be the boss, she could take the baby to the office if she wanted to.
As for Atlantis, the IOA wanted her back so badly, she doubted they'd even blink at this point if a baby was part of the package. The people stationed on Atlantis, and their safety, had never been the priority anyway. It had always been about the job at hand. The SGC however… The ramifications made her heart cringe. They'd cross that bridge when and if it came to that.
John somehow managed to fold her deeper within his arms. Her head rested against his chest and the rhythm of his heartbeat soothed her now, just as it had earlier in the night.
"We don't have to get up yet. We still have some time." He kissed the top of her head.
"Not enough." She whispered. "Never enough."
~TBC
A/N: Thank you for reading and for sticking with me for this. Maybe I should have called it the Neverending Story, but Everlong works almost as well. Thanks for all of you who are taking the time to read and leave reviews- and you guys leave the best reviews (!). I love, love, love seeing your comments. I hope you enjoy this chapter and I look forward to seeing your thoughts, i.e. leave more reviews, lol. No pressure :).
The next chapter should be out within a week, so sign up for alerts if you'd like to know when it posts. If you are in for snow this weekend, enjoy. It's in my forecast, though I'm fairly certain I'm not ready...