"Come on, Grissom, I know you," Josie pleaded. "You know this is the right thing to do. I need your help. Please…"
"Let's go get him," I said, determined. Royce disagreed.
"You're all crazy. Freaking crazy. I'm ending this coup right now," he said, walking over to the radio.
"The hell you are," I rebutted, stepping in the way.
"What? Are you gonna fight me?" He asked. "I'm part of this team, too, you know."
"We should probably tie him up and lock him in the closet," Brann said. "Or maybe drug him."
"It this what you want, Josie?" Royce asked, with a disillusioned chuckle. "Mutiny?"
"Look, Royce," I said, trying a calmer approach, "you don't have to agree with us. Just step aside. Let us try."
"Taylor will still blame me," he said. "You wanna get exiled, that's fine, but I'm not going down with you."
"You don't have to," I countered. "Taylor didn't hear you on the radio - just me and Josie. Tell him you were showering, and when you came in we were gone."
He pressed his lips together tightly, shaking his head in defeat. "Fine. I'm doing this for you, Josie. The rest of you can go to hell. Or Kadara. Whichever's worse."
Josie scoffed with an eye roll, and left the room to get the shuttle ready for takeoff.
Brann stepped to within inches of Royce. "If you betray us, I'll gut you like a fish. I suggest you take that shower. Now."
Royce left in a hurry, leaving us to grab our gear and head to the shuttle.
"What about Paladra?" I asked, as Brann and I stepped onboard. "We could really use her medical skills."
"Yeah, but she's in the middle of an autopsy on the other side of the valley," Josie replied. "There's no time. Besides, I'm not sure she'd go along with this. We're kinda committing career suicide here."
"We can trust her," I argued. "I know it."
Josie sighed heavily. "There's no time. Ozz is dying, Grissom. We've gotta go."
I didn't like it, but she was right. Every moment we wasted was a step closer to losing another team member.
"Okay, we'll leave her out of it," I conceded. "Who's gonna fly this thing?"
"I am," Josie said, walking to the cockpit and flipping a few switches.
"You know how to fly these?"
"I know enough. Been a copilot plenty of times in a pinch. Besides, they practically fly themselves. Just tell the computer where you wanna go."
I was more than a little uncomfortable with that solution, but we had no other options. I'd never attempted to fly anything, and neither had Brann. I settled into the seat next to Josie, and we took off, rapidly ascending through the atmosphere. Prodromos air traffic control asked us for a bearing, and we turned the radio off. The point of no return had been passed. We were officially AWOL { AWOL - military shorthand for "away without leave." Leaving one's post without the intent to desert. } . As soon as we were clear of the planet's gravity, we pulsed into FTL, pushing the shuttle as hard as we could, to get to Elaaden.
There wasn't much talking on the way. Josie vented about Royce's refusal to help, we talked through our options if the worst happened and we were forced into exile, and Brann charted out a search radius and approach angle for our rescue attempt. I tried to chase the images out of my mind, but I couldn't stop envisioning Ozz, lying dead on the sand in a pool of foamy mucus, just like the salarian scientists. That was a realistic possibility the three of us didn't want to acknowledge. We could very well be throwing away our futures for a guy who was already dead. I wouldn't let myself dwell on it, though. It was just too disheartening.
We went over the plan again, as we approached Elaaden and settled into orbit. It would have to be a quick in and out maneuver - we couldn't allow the krogan to know why we were there - or even that we were there at all. We programmed the auto-pilot to bring us down about 40 miles from Apex HQ. From there, we could skim the ground to search for Ozz, while staying under their radar. At least, that was the hope.
The descent was smooth and uneventful, thanks to the autopilot, but once Josie took manual controls, things got… bumpy. To put it nicely. Her piloting skills weren't quite up to the task, and we ended up literally skimming the top of of dozens of sand dunes, then overcorrecting with too much altitude, then skimming dozens more. Fortunately for us, the search was much easier than we expected. Less than ten minutes into our bumpy manual-pilot ride, we picked up an Apex distress beacon, emanating about 4 miles southeast of Apex HQ. We followed the signal, and landed the shuttle nearby, pressurizing our hardsuits and stepping out to finish the search on foot.
It was an odd dusky nighttime when we disembarked, with a howling wind that threw sand against my helmet visor so incessantly that it was hard to see. Brann came across him first, calling us over. The scene was chilling - there was Ozz, facedown in the sand, wearing only his rubberized suit liner.
"Oh my god, is he dead?" Josie gasped, stooping down to turn him over. "Ozz! Can you hear me? Guys, I don't feel a pulse…"
My heart sank for a moment, but then his chest lurched, drawing in a gurgling breath. He was alive. Sort-of.
"C'mon, let's get him to the shuttle," I said, picking him up gingerly. I had never carried a salarian - it was amazing how little he weighed, given his height. He took a few more intermittent, gasping breaths as I carried him, muttering incoherently. Finally, his eyes blinked, wincing in pain as the wind scraped them with abrasive, gritty gusts. Once we got Ozz into the shuttle, Josie, Brann and I huddled around him, trying to assess his health needs. His head was raw from sand burn, hands scraped and scabbed, but there was no evidence of any gunshot wounds. We pressurized the cabin, and placed an emergency oxygen mask over his mouth and nostrils, taking quick breaks to coax some water down his throat. After nearly 15 minutes of intensive care, he came to - abruptly conscious and coherent.
"Walsh! Wade, Brann…I'm… alive."
"I told you we'd come for you," Josie said, beaming with joy.
"The evidence," he said, patting his chest. He reached a hand inside his suit, wincing in pain, and pulled out a small pouch of brown paste.
I took it and carefully placed it on a bench nearby. "We've got it, buddy. You're good. Just rest and drink some more water." While Brann got him started with another water pouch, I pulled Josie aside. "We should radio back to Eos - tell them we've got Ozz. Maybe it'll soften the blow when we get back."
"Can we even do that?" She asked.
"Yeah, we've done it on a few Apex missions. The shuttle's short-range comm is set up with access codes for the QEC's at the local H.Q.'s. We use the code, relay through the QEC at the H.Q. here, and back to the H.Q. on Eos"
She folded her arms, exhaling sharply. "I don't like it…"
"We're gonna have to face the music sooner or later. Better to give the Commander time to cool down before we get back."
"Ugh! You're right."
"I know," I said, with a wink. "I'll make the call."
I went up to the cockpit, and hunted for buttons until I found the right combination. The radio connected to the local QEC, and after a short wait, I had Echo HQ on the line.
"This is Echo H.Q., state your name and position," the voice on the other end commanded. It was Royce.
"Royce - it's Grissom Wade. We're here on Elaaden and we've got Ozz. He's not good, but he's alive."
"Wade. Stay on the line, while I get Commander Taylor. He's… got some words for you."
I held in silence, bracing myself for a chew-out. Keelan didn't disappoint.
"Wade? What the hell were you thinking? Was I not clear?! DAMNIT, Wade! You know how much trouble you've caused me? I just got a flash-memo from the Mayor's office about a salarian fugitive who was caught poisoning the krogan food supply. You wanna take a wild guess who that is? And he's in MY DAMN SHUTTLE, with freakin' Initiative logos plastered all over it, and KEELAN FREAKIN' TAYLOR on the registry."
"Sir, I completely understand, and I will face the consequences when I return, but we've got Medrilo - alive, and we've got evidence of this genophage virus."
"I don't care if you have the freakin' holy grail," he said coldly. "I just want the damn shuttle back. Now! You listen to me - you will bring it back immediately, in mint condition, or I will kick my boot so far up your ass, you won't take a crap for a month. Am I clear?"
"Crystal clear, sir. It'll be done a.s.a.p."
"We'll send you a return trajectory that should help you get off-planet without setting off the alarm and starting a damn war with the krogan. Taylor out."
"Stay connected to the QEC relay," Royce instructed. "Trajectory data will be sent to your onboard computer. We'll disconnect from our end. … see you soon."
I walked back to the crew cabin, where Josie waited with scrunched, raised eyebrows. "How bad is it?"
"Eh. I've seen him worse," I said. "Still… we should get going as soon as Ozz can handle it."
Josie nodded, heading back to the cockpit, while Brann and I continued getting water to Ozz. In 5 minutes, she had the return trip auto-pilot trajectory, and we were ready for takeoff. Ozz was still weak, but he seemed to rebound really quickly once he had enough water in his system. Must've been a salarian thing. We strapped him into a bench seat, and the shuttle took off, lumbering across the dunes again on our way to a safe enough point to ascend into orbit. Once we were a safe distance from the krogan colony, Josie pulled us up and engaged the auto-pilot, mercifully ending the dune-hopping. It should've been an easy, hassle-free return trip, but when did anything in my life ever go the easy way?
Halfway through the upper atmosphere, we noticed a blip on our radar, closing the gap behind us.
"Grissom!" Josie shouted, starting to panic as the blip got closer. "Somebody's chasing us."
"Well, lose 'em!" I shouted back.
"Do I look like a fighter pilot to you?" She barked.
"You're all we've got, Jo. Gotta try."
"Maybe I can beat them to the jump," she said, pushing the shuttle to max speed. It still wasn't enough.
"If you go FTL before we reach orbit, you'll rip us to shreds. It won't work. Gotta try and shake him."
"Crap, crap, crap!" She said nervously, taking the flight controls from the shuttle's autopilot. The shuttle lurched, and we took a sharp downward turn, bringing the horizon back into view. The radar blip followed.
"It's not working!" She shouted. "It's almost on us."
"Try hailing them," I suggested, running out of ideas. "Maybe we can talk our way out."
"I'm a little busy here," she replied. "You come up here and try."
Before I could get to the cockpit, I was thrown off my feet, as the shuttle rocked violently to the side. I heard the metal pinging sound of automatic gun fire penetrating our outer hull.
"Get down!" I shouted to Brann and Ozz, as another spray of bullets hit us, this time cutting all the way into the passenger cabin. The pressurized air in the shuttle hissed as it rushed out the bullet holes. I did a quick check, as Josie rocked and swayed. No one had been hit. Yet.
"Josie!" I shouted.
"I can't shake him!"
I grabbed hold of the bench to pull myself up toward her, and suddenly, there was no back hatch. An explosion on the tail end of the ship ripped the rear quarter completely off, leaving a gaping hole, and sending us into a spin. We all shouted and held on for dear life, unable to get our bearings as we tumbled helplessly back down toward the planet's surface.
Josie worked with all her might to regain control of the shuttle with the one engine that remained, and eventually, she was able to stabilize our constant spinning. The trouble was, we were still losing altitude. The shuttle had an emergency landing protocol, and after fumbling around with the control panel for a nerve-racking minute, Josie got it to engage, leaving the cockpit and strapping into the seat next to mine. She put her hand in mine, looking at me through the visor in her hardsuit helmet.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"Just hang on," I replied. "We're gonna make it."
Tall, wavy dunes stretched out for hundreds of miles in every direction below us, like a blanket stretched out to break our fall. Sand or not, the landing was anything but soft. The single engine that slowed our descent crumpled on impact, and what remained of our shuttle went tumbling down a surprisingly tall dune, which must have been over 1,000 feet from crest to valley. After rolling nearly all the way down the slope, we came to a stop, dizzy and bruised, but alive.
The first thing I noticed after the shock wore off wasn't the sand, or the gap in the hull of the ship, or even the remarkable fact that we survived. It was the heat. Whichever part of the planet it was that we came to rest on, it was already late morning, and the sun was bearing down with fury. I felt my suit's environmental controls kick in, and thanked God for the instant relief - but then I remembered that Ozz didn't have the luxury of a hardsuit.
"We've gotta seal off the hull," I said to Josie. "Ozz is gonna burn up."
"Do you know how?" She asked, shaking her head like she was trying to break out of post-crash disorientation.
"There should be an emergency bulkhead control somewhere in the middle here. Help me look."
We searched until we found the controls, pulling the crew and any useful supplies toward the front of the ship, and activating the energy field. The sand outside went blurry, as the beam wall sealed us in. A few minutes later, the fore of the shuttle pressurized, and the ship's environmental controls brought the temperature down from the upper 150's to a more manageable 95 degrees. We removed our helmets, and took a few minutes to assess our situation.
The shuttle was barely operational, running at about 15% power using the emergency generator near the cockpit. Both engines were out, and the comm array was damaged enough to make long-distance radio contact difficult or impossible. We had 11 one-quart water pouches, a dozen nutrient bars, and a collection of weapons and flares. And we had each other. Beyond that, there wasn't much to speak of.
Whoever attacked us must have believed we were dead - 4 hours later, and no one had come by to finish the job. Of course, it could be that they knew anyone stranded this far out into the desert would be dead eventually. The morning heat swelled into an afternoon inferno, and with external heat rising over 170 degrees, the shuttle was only able to keep us around 105. The dry heat was more tolerable than the humidity on Kadara, but it also necessitated more water. We rationed it carefully between the four of us, but still went through 2 of our 11 pouches by mid-afternoon. We couldn't hold out for long - we needed a rescue.
In our desperation, we risked putting out an SOS, using every Apex and Initiative frequency, wile we hunkered down and waited for Keelan or Apex Bravo to find us. By sunset, there was no sign of help, we were another water pouch down, and mild concern was evolving into acute worry. The temperature let up for a while - a welcome relief - but then we had the other side of the coin. The absence of light on the desert sand brought a quick and extreme temperature swing, and by the time we were 2 hours into night, it was just a few degrees above freezing. We agreed to try and catch some sleep in shifts, and made it through until morning, with 7 water pouches on hand and the ship's power reserves at 8%.
Another day and night went by, and near dawn on the third day, the shuttle ran out of power. We raided our hardsuit supplies to buy us a few more hours, but before we hit the peak of the afternoon heat, those gave out, too. No power meant no air conditioning… and no distress signal. With just 2 water pouches left, and no sign of help, despair was setting in. Ozz tried to lighten the mood by getting our minds off of our misery and impending death.
"Alright everyone, I have a game. We'll go around the room, and each of us disclose something about ourselves that few people know - or, perhaps, something about us that is surprising. I'll start. I've never had even a sip of alcohol."
"Are you serious?" Brann asked. "Not even at, ya' know, a birthday party? Or before an exam?"
"Why in the world would I imbibe before taking an exam?" Ozz asked with genuine curiosity.
"What, salarians don't do that?" Brann countered, surprised. "I thought everybody drank before tests. Helps ya limber up, not get too nervous."
Ozz stared at him blankly, blinking often. "… I will never understand krogan culture."
"Eh. Your loss," Brann said, sloughing it off.
"Okay, who's next?" Ozz asked.
"I'll go next," I offered. "But first, I'm gonna lose a layer of clothing. Sorry, y'all." Even in the dry air, my shirt was sticking to me like I had glue for sweat. I peeled it off, and rolled my pants legs up to my knees. "Okay, something y'all don't know… I'm a gene-mod baby. After they passed the laws."
Josie perked up. "Wait - you're modded? What did they change?"
"These eyes were supposed to be blue," I answered, holding my eyelids open extra wide. "Six generations of Wade's had blue eyes. My dad broke the trend, married my mom, who's part Latina, part Native American, part… well, a whole lotta parts, actually. Anyway, she had dark, dark eyes. So, my oldest brother, Jonathan, they paid the big bucks to mod him - same eyes as grandad, same nose, same cleft chin. Got everything right but the eyes - they came out grey. Tried again with my middle brother. Perfect blue eyes, but he was born mentally disabled. So, mom gets pregnant with me, dad says forget the eyes, just give me a healthy baby. Mom goes rogue, gets gene therapy at another specialist without my dad even knowing. I come out of the womb… also not blue. So yeah, I'm not a supporter of gene-modding. At least, not until they get a lot better at it."
"A valid point," Ozz replied. "Salarians have been successfully modifying our DNA for generations. Humanity will get there. So… Josie? What secrets do you have to share?"
Josie sighed. "I don't know… um… let me think for a minute."
"In the meantime, the pants are coming off," I said, removing the thick, sandy fabric from my thighs, which left me in a pair of dark grey compression shorts.
Josie raised one eyebrow. "Just how many layers are you planning on losing?"
"Don't get your hopes up," I replied with a wink. "I've still got a sense of decency. But man, I gotta tell ya - this is way better. You gotta try it."
She laughed. "Uh - no. Keep dreaming."
"Why not? I mean, all joking aside, it's stupid hot in here. You'll be a lot less miserable with some airflow."
"Why not?" She replied, scoffing. "For starters, I haven't shaved my legs in a week. It's not happening."
Brann was confused. "Wait - you shave your body hair?"
"Oh yeah," she said, with raised eyebrows.
"But, don't you want your females with hair?" Brann asked me. "I thought that was… ya' know, one of those human turn-ons."
"Hair on the head, absolutely," I answered. "Hair on the legs… eh, I guess it's just a cultural thing. I guarantee a little stubble bothers Josie more than it bothers me."
"Seriously, can we be done talking about this?" She said, sighing and covering her face. "I've got my answer to your question, Ozz."
"For the record, I think body hair is repulsive," Ozz replied. "No offense."
"None taken, Ozzie," I said. "So, Josie…"
"Okay, so, when I was in high school, I gave myself a tattoo."
"No way!" I said, leaning in. "You did it to yourself? Why?"
"Dad was… really conservative. I wanted one, he said 'no way,' so my friend and I looked it up on the web, got the stuff, and yeah. Permanent reminder of being young and reckless."
"Oh, I've gotta see this," I said, with a chuckle. "C'mon…"
She groaned. "I knew you were gonna say that. Okay, don't judge. I was seventeen." She lifted her shirt slightly and lowered her waist band to reveal an ornate character from a foreign language on her upper hip, surrounded with an assortment of swirling lines. "It's the Thessian symbol for resilience," she explained.
"You did that?" I asked, astonished. It was beautifully done.
"I messed up the bottom part of it," she said, almost apologetically, "and it's a little off-center."
"I think you missed your calling," I said, as she covered it back up.
"Well, I always did fingernail art, figured it would be the same idea. Didn't count on it hurting so much, though."
"I think I'd pass out before I got the needle in" Ozz said. "Humans are a surprisingly hearty breed."
"Ha! That's nothing," Brann grunted. "Krogan do our own amputations."
"And you've actually seen this?" Ozz said skeptically.
"Saw it on a documentary once."
"'Krogg the Conqueror' doesn't qualify as a documentary."
"Hey know… don't go insulting a classic," Brann said defensively. "Krogg, and Krogg Two… actually, all five of 'em - those are some of the finest pieces of cinema ever made."
"So, 'I'm a krogan who likes Krogg movies' is not in the least bit surprising," Ozz said condescendingly. "Surely you've got something better than that, Brann…"
"Meh. I don't really have one," he replied.
"Sure you do," Josie encouraged. "C'mon, there's gotta be something…"
"You must have me confused with an asari. I'm not really the 'share your secrets' type of guy," he answered dismissively.
"Brann, we may all be dead by this time tomorrow," Ozz said, as all levity left the room. "What have you got to lose?"
Brann huffed, thinking it over in silence for a while. "Okay," he relented, "but any of you breathe a word of this to anyone… I'll cook you and eat your entrails."
"Wow, thanks for the visual," I joked.
He looked at the ground. "So… I'm not actually clan Raik. I, uh… don't… actually have a clan."
"You what? Were you… adopted?" I asked.
"No, I know who my parents are, dumbass," he retorted. "I failed my rite of passage."
"Sorry - just asking," I said.
"It's a sore subject," he explained. "Buddies took me out drinking the night before the rite. We, uh, got a little carried away with the ryncol { Ryncol - a distilled krogan liquor, known for causing stomach trauma or even death to softer species }. When I woke up, it was halfway through the next day."
"You couldn't just… reschedule?" Josie asked.
"You miss the rite, you fail," he said bitterly. "Fail the rite, and you have no clan. Have no clan, and you're a loser. An outcast. It was either piss my life away as a mercenary, or join up with the Initiative. Raik is my father's clan. It would've been mine if I hadn't screwed it up. Nobody here except for Kesh and her grandfather know any different… and it's gonna stay that way." He glared at each of us in turn to get his threatening point across. "I'm the only Raik in the galaxy. This is kinda my chance to redeem the clan name."
"You got it, buddy," I said, reaching over to slap his back. "You've more than proven yourself with Apex. This galaxy is all about fresh starts. You left the old Brann behind, six hundred years ago. I say you can claim whatever clan you want."
"I'm… impressed, Brann," Ozz remarked, breathing quick, shallow breaths. I could tell he wasn't handling the heat well. "You have my respect. So… anyone else have something to share? While we still have clear minds…"
"I was engaged once," I said with a sigh. "And she, um… she left me. For my cousin."
"Ouch," Josie said, eyebrows pulled together in empathy. "How old were you?"
"Twenty-one. I was a senior in college."
"Interesting. Is that… normal for humans?" Ozz asked.
"No, it's not," I answered with a shrug. "She was a great girl. Arylinn Conley. My first love, you know? We met freshman year. Dated all the way through college."
"And she just dumped you?" Josie asked in disbelief.
"Aww, it was my fault, really. I took it hard when Jonathan died. Got real depressed, drank too much, kinda sabotaged all my relationships with grief. I actually, um… Ha! I guess this is another one for me… I never even finished college. Couldn't keep it together that last semester. So, um… yeah, she left. Gave me the 'I just don't love you anymore. Not sure I ever really loved you like that.' speech."
"That's cold," Brann said. "Human women are meaner than I thought."
"Not gonna lie. I kinda hated her for a little while," I continued, "but she and William, they ended up getting married a year and a half later. So, she was family, and I had to get over it. 'Course, they're both long dead now, so what's it really matter, anyway?"
"It helps to get things like that out into the open," Ozz said. "It may not matter to them, but releasing the angst matters to you."
"Well, this just might be my last day," I said "It'd be a shame to carry stuff to the grave. I guess, I dunno, better to air out the old hurts, get some closure."
Josie was quiet, but I could tell there was something big on her mind. She looked conflicted - almost pained. Ozz and Brann seemed to notice, too, and we were all still for a while, before she broke the silence.
"I had a son, back in the Milky Way. Jonas. He was beautiful. He was perfect. … and he's dead. And it's my fault."
The rest of us sat, stunned. Nobody really knew what to say. Josie was so young, and athletic… and generally not motherly-acting. It was hard to believe.
"Whoah. Yeah, that beats mine," Brann said, scratching his head. "I don't suppose you wanna talk-"
"No," Josie cut him off sharply. "I do not want to talk about it."
I studied her face. On the surface, she was collected. Balanced. Matter-of-fact. I could see the emotion peeking through the mask, though. Pain in her eyes, the slightest quiver in her jaw. I leaned over and placed my hand on her calf, showing support rather than saying it. She looked at me for a moment with those grief-rimmed eyes, but broke away, biting her lip to keep the emotions at bay. I wanted so badly to hug her, to let her cry it out, and get all the gory details, but I knew she wouldn't go for that. At least, not right away. Josie was tough, and she wanted to be seen that way. She was still human, though, and there was a lot of hurt under that armor she wore.
Josie's revelation sort-of broke the game, and as the afternoon sun continued to sap our energy, we became more and more lethargic. By the time the sun was starting to set, Ozz had drifted off to somewhere in between sleep and whatever the salarian equivalent of a coma was. We were at the end of the line, and we all knew it. With the temperature starting to fall, Brann got up, and put his boots on.
"We're all dead if we stay here," he said. "You three are gonna die of thirst, or heat, or both. I've got enough in my hump for a week."
"So, what - you're leaving?" I asked, surprised at how weak even my voice had become.
"I'm going for help," he said, removing the liner from his helmet and sticking the shell over his head.
"Brann, there's nothing for a hundred miles," I said. "We saw it flying in. We're in an endless desert."
"Well, I'd rather die trying than die waiting," he said. "I'm not gonna sit here and watch you three shrivel up if I can do something about it."
I stood to my feet, extending my hand to shake his. He gave me a nod, and walked out into the swirling sand.
"I'm worried, Jos," I said, as we watched him pass out of sight. "It's gonna be a long night."
"Me too," she said softly. "Don't leave me."
"Never," I replied, stroking her shoulder.
The sun dropped out of view, and the temperature dropped with it. I put my pants and shirt back on, and covered Ozz up with the thermal blanket in the emergency kit. Josie and I huddled next to each other to fight off the cold, eventually settling in with me lying on my back, arms around her as she rested her weight on me, with her face nestled into my neck. It was odd - I never thought I'd be laying next to her again, and certainly not like this. As miserably hungry and hopeless as I felt, though, her body next to mine was comforting.
We laid on the verge of shivering for hours, both trying to sleep, but unable to stay out of consciousness. Sometime after the cold seemed to have leveled off, she spoke up, voice raspy and dry.
"You awake, Grissom?"
"Yeah. You can't sleep either, huh?"
"Not really. You think Ozz is gonna make it through the night?"
"He's stronger than he looks," I assured her. "He'll pull through."
"Yeah, I hope you're right… So… this girl, Arylinn. Tell me about her."
"Oh man, um, where to start? She was great. Pretty, smart, she even loved the Cowboys."
"Well, I love the Cowboys. A little," she chuckled.
"That so? Well, you just took another step up the cool ladder. 'Course, it's hard to be from Dallas and not at least like the Cowboys a little. Arylinn, though… she was great. Anyone would tell you that. A good girl. I think my mom loved her even more than I did, but… I dunno, it was like she was always trying to make me something different. Something more. Truth be told, after I got over the heartache of getting dumped, it was a little bit of a relief to have the expectations gone."
Josie sighed, and was quiet for a while. "Grissom, you're a freaking boy scout. And you make friends as easily as breathing. … and, I mean… you're not terrible to look at in a pair of boxers. What could she possibly want that you didn't have?"
"Oh, lots," I answered. "I was full of ideas back then, but not much good at follow-through. She wanted something exotic, you know - larger than life. I was in line to work in the family business, eventually take over. Live on the same land that the Wade's had owned since the nineteen-hundreds. Arylinn had her eyes in the stars, and… truth is, life with me would've been… well, normal."
"Ha! You call this normal?"
"This? Haha, no. Hell, no. This is my response to being too 'normal.' I dunno, I think something broke inside me when she left. My whole life I'd been trying to live up to everyone's expectations, and kept falling short. I loved the crap out of my brother, but he cast such a big shadow… I was never quite the football player he was, or the popular kid, or the valedictorian. The Wade's are - or were, I guess - a well-known, respected family in my town. There was a picture of my great-grandad on the wall at City Hall. It was… a lot to live up to. I actually joined the Marines to prove to myself that I could do something right. Well, not just do it right - do it to the max. Exceed expectations. Be something more. And then I took my aptitude placement test, and you know where they pegged me? Cooking. My brother gets eaten alive protecting our colonies, Batarian pirates are pillaging and carrying people off as slaves, and they think I'm best suited to scramble eggs. Only reason I got into combat duty was because Grady's uncle was a lieutenant colonel, and he grandfathered me in. That's been my whole life's story, you know? Coming up just short of the mark. Hell, even my eyes didn't live up to expectations. And I guess…" I sighed, as I trailed off.
"What?" She asked.
"Look, Josie… I never got the chance to explain why I took the Apex assignment. Or, I didn't take the chance. But, honestly, the reason I did it was because for the first time in my life, I really felt like… I dunno… like I was more than average. Like I was above and beyond. Like someone really believed in me, more than just mom. Mom's don't really count - they have to say that stuff. Anyway, it was a totally self-centered thing, and… and I realize that doing that left things between us up in the air, and… we really drifted… and that's on me."
"No, that one's not on you. I was the one who drifted. I just couldn't. You left. I know you had your reasons, and honestly, I don't… don't blame you for it. You've gotta do what you've gotta do. That's my life story. People leave. Mom quit on the family. She just didn't want to be a wife or a mother anymore. I acted like it didn't bother me, but it crushed me, Grissom. Crushed me. It's not your fault, and it's not fair, but I'm just sensitive to the whole, 'leaving me' thing, I guess. And… I don't um, blame you - for moving on. I know, I have issues…"
"What do you mean, moving on?" I asked, leaning up to look at her.
"Therios," she said, craning her neck to look my way. Her tone sounded like the answer should've been obvious. "Devin told me about it. To each his own, right? I mean, I didn't take you for an asari guy, but she seems nice enough…"
"Whoah, whoah, whoah - Josie, I'm not romantically involved with Paladra. We're just… friends." At least, I thought we were. Intimate, really close friends.
"… you're dating her."
"No, it's… we're not dating…"
"So, you're sneaking off together all the time to go and be 'just friends?'" Her tone was accusatory, not inquisitive. It was obviously a sore subject.
I sighed. "It's not like that." I meant it, but as the words came out of my mouth, I wondered just how true they were. The last time we were together, things were heavy… pretty intense for 'just friends.'
"It's fine," she said, almost too casually. "I'm not jealous. Like I said, I'm the one who messed things up."
"Well, in fairness, you never exactly mentioned you were with Royce."
"What? Who told you that?"
"Uh, Royce. He tracked me down, first day I was back on Eos. Made sure I knew you two were a 'thing.'"
She rolled her eyes, laying her head back down. "We went on one date. He kissed me, it was… super-awkward. I like him and all, he's a good guy, but… not like that. Not… yeah, especially now. Ha! Especially now. Of course, I guess he was right about the whole, 'wait for Taylor' thing after all, wasn't he? Doesn't make him less of an asshole in my book, though. You just don't turn your back on people. I appreciate that about you, Grissom. You're loyal to your friends - I'll give you that."
The thought of her kissing that blond, bearded goober turned my stomach upside down. I breathed slowly, feeling her head rise and fall on my chest and wondered what it would've been, could've been if I hadn't left. Would this be normal for us? Would I have found a way to screw it up anyway? I felt like a total jerk, knowing my Apex job had stirred up all those abandonment issues for her. I never thought it would affect other people.
"Josie… I'm sorry for hurting you. Honestly. If I'd known…"
"Yeah, well, I'm sorry, too," she said. "Sorry for dragging you out here to die. I thought we could make it, but… karma is finally paying me back, and… you're caught in the wake… and… … sorry." Her voice was betraying the emotions under the surface, barely more than a whisper at the end.
"Karma's got nothing to do with this," I replied. "You made a call, it seemed right. Stuff goes wrong sometimes-"
"No, it's me. The universe is paying me back… and I deserve it."
"What could you have done that was so bad to deserve all this?" She didn't answer. "…is this about your son?"
She sniffled, reaching up to wipe tears. "… yeah."
"Tell me what happened."
"I don't want to."
"Look - I'm not gonna judge you. Hell, we might both be dead tomorrow. Might as well get it off your chest."
"I know, I know. Get it out, get closure. I know all that crap, heard it before."
"That doesn't mean it's not true," I replied softly. "Grief doesn't heal as long as it's buried. Trust me, I know."
"It's a long… messy story. Embarrassing…"
"You can trust me, Josie. Whatever it is… besides, we're not going anywhere anytime soon. Start from the beginning. Please…"
She heaved a long, weary sigh, and started. "I had him when I was twenty. Wasn't trying to get pregnant - I actually cried when I found out. My boyfriend, Cal… ugh. He was piece of work, but when it came to Jonas, he was really excited. Probably the only reason he stuck around as long as he did."
"Let me guess - he left you, too?"
"Cal and I never had a good relationship to start with. Well, that's a story, too. I went to Burton Military Academy in Houston when I finished high school. Wanted to get some space from my dad. He was a good dad, he was just really protective. I was a 'good girl' too - in high school. Honor roll, never got in trouble, never messed around with the boys. So, when I got to Houston, I just wanted to live a little, you know?"
"Yeah, I get it."
"Well, I was in the infiltration program, and I was good. I mean, top of my class good, but my friends got me started on Hallex { Hallex - an illicit drug, used for its sensory-enhancement and mild hallucinogenic effects }, and, um… well… I got into it pretty deep. Came into school one day, half an hour late, and high as a kite, and Commander Woodson dropped me from the program. Just like that."
"Ouch."
"Yeah, I tried to appeal it, but the truth is, I was doing a crappy job. Once I got into Hallex, my grades started slipping, projects got turned in late… it was probably the right call. So, I dropped out, lived on couches in friends' houses, stole and ran cons to get money to buy the next fix. I did that for about six months, just wasting my life… and then I was recruited by the Shadow Broker { Shadow Broker - a nameless, faceless information broker, known for being ruthless , wealthy and well-connected }. He, or she, or whoever - nobody really knowns - anyway, he wanted me to work for him back on Beckenstein, collecting information, breaking into offices, faking documents… a lot of mildly illegal things. I didn't like some of the work, but the money was good. That's where I met Cal. He was a dealer, and I could finally afford to buy the good stuff. We dated for about a year before I got pregnant. Scared the crap out of me, realizing there was a human being growing inside me. I wasn't ready for it at all. I tried to get clean - you know, for the baby. Even did rehab. But… I was dating a Hallex dealer. So, after Jonas was born, I got right back into it. It was a stressful job, working for the Shadow Broker. Definitely not conducive to having a newborn at home. Hallex was my way of coping with it all."
"I understand the weight of pressure on your shoulders," I said. "People turn to different things to cope. So you got stuck in it - happens to a lot of people…"
"Oh, it's more than that," she continued. "When Jonas was a newborn, Cal and I started fighting more. Yelling, throwing stuff… full-blown, ugly stuff. Eventually we were just fighting all the time - I was a crappy girlfriend. And a really crappy mom. I'd get high and just be absent. And then I'd feel so guilty, I'd cry all night, and change, and be the hugs and cuddles mom… and then I'd get called out on another job, or get sucked back into a Hallex bender again. I was a mess. I mean, a mess. So yeah, Cal left me. I came home one day, and he was gone. And he…" she started to tear up, pausing for a moment before continuing. "He took Jonas with him. Left me a note, and that was it. No address, no number - they just both disappeared from my life."
"Wow. But, you worked for the Shadow Broker. Couldn't you, I don't know… get some intel or something?"
"Well, yeah, of course. But it's the Shadow Broker. Everything has a price. He agreed to track down Cal and Jonas for me, but I had to do some more… sketchy jobs. Pretty soon, I wasn't just gathering info, I was planting false evidence, framing innocent people. The last straw came when I did a job on this turian politician, made it look like he was having an affair. The wife found out, and went crazy. Killed her husband and his fake lover, then killed herself. Left three kids as orphans. I was…" More tears came. She didn't try to hold them back. "I was responsible for that, Grissom. That's who I was. I left three kids orphans, and couldn't even be a mom for my own son. Mom chose work over me. I… I chose Hallex over Jonas."
I wanted to comfort her, but I didn't know what to say. "We've all done some stupid crap when we were young. You had some bad years, but that's not who you are."
"Yeah, well it was. I hated myself. But, a deal's a deal. I got the location for Jonas, like the Broker promised. Tracked him down on the other side of the planet… and… he, um…" she broke up through sobs. "He didn't even recognize me… … I missed a year of his life - he was almost two. I had it out with Cal, demanded to at least get to see Jonas. Seeing him there… and not knowing me… it was what I needed to change. I got help, got off of Hallex, and started looking for a way out of my job. The thing is, the Broker doesn't let people quit. I knew too much."
"So, what did you do?"
"I reached out to a contact I had inside Cerberus-"
"Okay - Shadow Broker, and now Cerberus? Holy cow, Josie…"
"I know, I know. I told you it was ugly…"
"I'm sorry," I said, kicking myself for being insensitive. "I said no judgement. Just… you realize Cerberus was responsible for the massacre on Akuze, right?"
"What?" She said, "seriously?"
"Yeah."
"Crap. And your brother… I get why you hate them so much. Guess that extends to me, too, huh?"
"Josie…"
"No, it's okay. I get it. See, that's why I don't like talking about my past. I was a terrible person. I know. Just… for what it's worth… I had no idea about Akuze. I swear. I was just desperate - I was trying to get my son back…"
"Hey - I told you no judgement. I mean it. Cerberus sucked a lot of good people in. If they got John Shepard to turn… I don't blame you, and I sure don't hate you. Please… tell me the rest."
"Okay. So about Cerberus… Well, they were willing to get me and Jonas out, get us a new name, protection from the Broker, in exchange for all the intel I could dish on him and his operations. I didn't like it, but I had no other options - I had to try, but…"
I could hear the emotions picking up in her voice, as she trailed off, sniffing through another round of tears.
"Jos…"
"Sorry, it's just…"
"It's okay… if it's too much…"
"No, I, um… need to face it. You're right." She was quiet for a moment, taking deep, quivering breaths. "So, they were supposed to pick us up on a Tuesday night, get us off the planet on a shuttle, but… um… there was a mole inside Cerberus… and… and the shuttle never made it to me. It… blew up on the way... with my little boy inside…" She lost it, heaving deep, mournful cries for a good long while. I just held her in silence. There were no words to bring comfort. Eventually, she got her composure, and picked her story back up.
"I'm sorry, I've… never told that to anyone. I guess I never really even gave myself the chance to cry over it."
"Totally understandable. I'm so, so sorry, Josie…"
"Thanks… It's not that I didn't want to… I just didn't have time to grieve. The Broker put out a bounty on my head - I was on the run for my life. I stowed on board a ship, got off-planet… You can't hide from the Shadow Broker for long, though. If he wants you dead, you're dead. So, I made my way to Illium, made a deal with this big-time asari information broker in Nos Astra who was trying to take the him down. I gave her everything I had on him, all my contacts, my assignments… in exchange, she pulled some strings, and got me onto the Hyperion at the last minute. Six days later, I was going into cryo… and then I woke up next to you."
"Wow. Just… I don't know what to say…"
She chuckled dryly. "Temperance Walsh must've been pissed to miss the ship. Or maybe she was relieved. Who knows?"
"So, that's not even your real name, then…"
"Oh - no. Josie Romero. But, I'm kinda used to 'Walsh' now, so…"
"Right. Secret's safe with me," I said. "But, since I'm on the inside now… Josie what Romero?"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"Your middle name…"
"Um… okay," she said. "Josie June. I think it was an homage to a grandmother somewhere down the line. Need anything else? My social security number? Blood type?"
I laughed. "No, just… I want to know you, Josie. The real you."
"I don't like the real me," she said, serious again. "You won't either."
"Give me the chance. I might surprise you."
"Yeah? Well, that would surprise me. I appreciate the effort, but… you just can't outrun your past sometimes. This whole thing… it's karma. I thought I left it all behind, but it followed me all the way out here…"
"Josie, you've gotta forgive yourself. So you made some bad choices. That doesn't have to define you."
"You make it sound so trivial. People died because of me. My own son…"
"I know, and I would never make light of that. But… you're still alive. We keep living, so we have to let the past go, or it'll wreck us. When I look at you, I don't see an addict, or a thief, or a dropout, or whatever. I see a beautiful, resilient woman who's trying to be a better person. I've screwed my share of stuff up, too. Nobody does it all right, but look - if God can forgive you, don't you think you should forgive you?"
"Ha. I don't think God's forgiven me. I think that much is obvious."
"He will if you ask. Seriously."
She exhaled long and slow. "Yeah, maybe I'll do that. For now, though, it would be nice if He'd get us out of here."
"We're not dead yet, Jo. Maybe He will."
"… do you really not think I'm a despicable person?"
"Not at all."
She nuzzled a little closer into my neck, shivering in the cold. "Thanks."
It was a lot to take in - the drugs, the motherhood, the ties to shady organizations… I didn't blame her, though. I pitied her. To have been in such a dark place in life, to go through that kind of misery and heartache, and to come out on the other side said a lot about her character. And, it helped me make sense of her behavior. Well, at least some of it. Join that with the revelation that she wasn't interested in Royce, and all of a sudden, I was feeling better about my chances of rebuilding our relationship. I just needed to survive long enough to give it a try.
I lay there with all these thoughts swimming around in my head, and eventually dozed off sometime in the night, sleeping hard. I didn't wake until I heard the sound of shouting in the distance. I sat up in a hurry, waking Josie in the process, and looked across the swirling heat waves above the sand to see a handful of figures approaching us on foot. I was so shocked, I wasn't sure if we were being rescued or I was hallucinating. I rubbed my eyes, and squinted, as the figures got larger.
"Ryder! Looks like some of them are still alive," one of them shouted, accelerating to a run to reach us. It was a woman, followed closely by a turian. I recognized the insignia on their suits. They were part of the Pathfinder team. Scott Ryder himself was there in a moment, helping me to my feet, while the woman and turian gave attention to Ozz - who was still unconscious. They carried us, along with our gear, out to a relatively flat spot on the dunes, and brought their ship down right onto the sand to load up. The Tempest was the finest ship in the Initiative - complete with a well-stocked med bay and a pleasant asari doctor on board.
It was a miracle that we were found. The Pathfinder team was in orbit when they caught our faint distress signal, but an atmospheric dust storm was causing interference, and they couldn't pinpoint our location. They landed about 30 miles from the crash site, and ran across Brann in their first 5 minutes on the ground. When Ryder heard about our ordeal, he set out to rescue us, searching dune by dune, and insisted on taking us back to Eos on the Tempest so his doctor could attend to our needs. I had heard a mixed bag of things about the human pathfinder, but I came away really impressed with how down-to-earth and caring he was.
I spent the whole flight to Eos with my teammates in the med bay, getting rehydrated with IV's. Ozz was in some kind of salarian version of a coma, but he was alive, and Dr. T'Perro, the onboard medic, was optimistic about his chances of waking up. I was just thrilled to bring the whole team back alive. I knew we'd all be facing discipline when we got back to Prodromos… but the fact that we were getting back at all felt like such a win, I wasn't too concerned about what came next.
In just a few short hours, I went from being at death's door at the bottom of a sand dune, to touching down in Prodromos in the Tempest. I was overjoyed to see that familiar, rocky landscape unfurl as the cargo ramp lowered. I thanked God with every step down to the landing pad, safe at last, with the rest of my rogue-operation crew. There was a small crowd of curious and expectant faces waiting for us as we disembarked - and one blue streak came surging through the middle of them. Paladra hit me at full speed before I had even reached the tarmac, wrapping her arms around me so tightly it was hard to breathe. I drew in the sweet aroma of her skin, as she tucked her head next to mine… felt her heart pounding, and the wetness of her tears on my neck.
"Goddess, Grissom, I thought you were dead!" She said with breathy passion, still gripping me tightly. "People saw a shuttle explode in the atmosphere… Bravo searched a day and a half for survivors… am I dreaming?"
"I'm here, Paladra," I assured her, soaking in the moment. "Didn't think I was gonna make it, but we all survived."
She pulled back and took my face in her trembling hands. Tear streaks covered her cheeks, as new drops flowed from her watery eyes. "I thought I lost you. I can't… can't lose you, Grissom. Oh, thank the goddess! Thank your god!"
I pulled her back into my arms, more relieved to see her than I expected. And then, I had the sudden thought: I wonder how this looks to Josie… Paladra and I were friends - good friends - to be sure, but our reunion sure didn't feel like a 'just friends' kinda thing. It probably didn't look like one, either. Just when I had finally broken through and was ready to reconnect with Josie, I found myself way beyond the friend zone with Paladra… and I liked it. I had some major relational issues to sort out, and as Keelan stepped out of the crowd, tight-lipped and stern-faced, I realized I was going to have a lot of time on my hands to do so.