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Chapter 12 – The Real Edward

I rolled around in my bed and looked at the alarm clock; it was only six in the morning. I hadn't had the best nights sleep either; I really couldn't stop thinking about my father and this stupid guy from the assignment.

I was honestly really going to miss my father being there for me. I have to say I kind of believe that the only man a girl can ever truly rely on is her father; so who did I have to rely on now? I didn't even have a mother or friends to be there for me. Obviously I had the support of the Cullen family, much to my surprise when I got here I even had Edward's support. Well that's what he led me to believe; it's probably just an act.

I wasn't sure what was going to happen to me after today; I knew that the Cullen's wouldn't be looking after me forever. I did have godparents; but dad lost contact with them and so I don't even know them. I can't really just appear on their doorstep and say 'surprise, you've got a new child'. Well I wasn't exactly a child but you get my drift.

Then of course there was this stupid boy! I couldn't get him out of my head and I don't even know what he looks like. He said I know him; but I can't be very goods friends with him now because if I was then we wouldn't have been allowed to be partners in this stupid assignment. I couldn't help getting the feeling that I really was falling for this guy; and I really didn't need a boyfriend with my life the way it is now.

After deciding that there was no way that I could get back to sleep I made my way down to the kitchen with my copy of Wuthering Heights tucked under my arm. When I had reached the bottom of the stairs I could see a light streaming into the hall coming from the kitchen; I wonder who could be up this early. I walked into the kitchen to see Edward sitting on one of the stools at the breakfast bar; his back was turned towards me. Really the only reason I could tell it was Edward was because of his hair colour, he was the only person I have ever known to have bronze coloured hair.

He didn't seem to notice that I had come in, so I tried to make me presence noticed by coughing slightly. His head quickly shot round to look at me. I studied his face for a second; he looked more upset than I think I have ever seen him. I wasn't really sure why; he was never that close to my dad.

"Whats up?" was I actually concerned about Edward?? I think I was. Though after what he has put me through he really doesn't deserve my concern.

"It doesn't matter" he turned back around to his mug of coffee that was sat on the table. I don't know why but I couldn't leave it at that; I wanted to know why he was so upset.

"Edward I know it matters; I don't think I have ever seen you so upset" Okay seriously, why the hell did I even care?? I didn't have an answer for that. I just feel a lot closer to Edward; even after that whole argument (well it wasn't really an argument; I gave out to him as he tried to apologise. Like that could make up for everything he has done).

"I thought you were mad at me?" He didn't turn back around to look at me so I walked around to the breakfast bar so I was sitting on the opposite side to him.

"That doesn't matter at this very minute. I just want to know why you're so upset" he looked up at me; I don't think he slept much last night.

"It's just everything" he sighed. Oh yea, because his life was so hard.

"Meaning?" I questioned him further after it was obvious he wasn't going to give me any more details.

"Look at my life Bells" I didn't even want to correct him when he said that like I would normally want to "Sure I'm the most popular guy in the school; but I'm a dickhead. I push people around because I think it makes me look better in front of my mates. I use girls until I get sick of having them around then go and find another one. I act stupid because my friends wouldn't think I was so cool if I was smart. Bells, I'm a fraud and there's nothing I can do now; its been going on for five years and I can't take back what I have done to people" he looked straight into my eyes and for the first time in five years I seen him; I seen MY Edward.

Not the Edward that everyone else in the school knew, the Edward that I had known since I was little. The hate that I felt towards Edward didn't disappear; but in that moment I just couldn't feel it at all. He was so vulnerable.

"Edward, if you don't like how you live your life you can always change it" He let out a small chuckle.

"And how do I do that Bells? How can I suddenly change everything after five years? And even if I could people wouldn't believe that it was genuine"

"All you have to do is be yourself; if your friends can't fully except you for who you are then they really aren't worth being around are they?"

"I suppose you're kind of right about that. But then what do I do when my friends desert me? Because I know for a fact they will"

"You find new friends, our school has like 1200 students in it. I'm sure you can find new friends just as easily as you found the one's you have now. You just won't be in the 'popular' group anymore".

What Edward did next totally surprised me; he got up off his stool and came over to mine. Then he wrapped his arms around me; he hadn't done that since we were 11. And as much as I really hate Edward Cullen I have to admit; I kind of liked it.

No Bella!! Remember you hate him, HATE HIM I told myself, but it still didn't stop me from liking the hug.

He must have been able to tell I was shocked because he started laughing a little. After he pulled away something nagged me; why, I wanted to know why Edward had suddenly decided his life was all a big act.

"Why?" I had obviously confused him.

"Why did you suddenly decide that your life was a big act? It never seemed to bother you before; especially not in school" he looked deep in thought for a few seconds before he answered.

"You" he said simply.

"Me?? What did I do?"

"Bells, everything you said about me the other day was completely true. I am a selfish pig who only cares about himself. I really never understood the full impact I have had on your life in the last five years. I still love you, I know that you will find that extremely hard to believe after how I have treated you but honestly it's true. You were the best friend that I have ever had and I gave up your friendship for popularity. I gave it up for something that will disappear as soon as we sit our Leaving Cert; whereas I am certain that if I hadn't of been so selfish our friendship would have lasted years after we had gone to college; maybe even forever. That was the biggest mistake of my whole life. I would do anything to have you back in my life Bells, anything" nobody could miss the sincerity in his voice.

I truly believed that he meant every word that he said; but that didn't make up for the years that he made my life hell. A big part of me wanted to hug him and tell him that everything was going to be fine; but logic took over and told me that they were only words. As much as he meant them he would have to prove that he was willing to follow through on his words.

"Edward as much as I believe what you have said to me; before I can even think about being letting you back in my life I want you to follow through on what you have just said. You have to stop acting like you own the school, you have start showing how smart you are, you have to stop using girls to make you feel better about yourself. Maybe, just maybe after that I will consider letting you be in my life again. But I am not making any promises Edward; you have hurt me before and I know you could do it again"

"I promise Bells, I will do everything that you asked me to" I couldn't help but give him a little smile and he smiled back at me. He quickly hugged me again before scooting back over to his seat. I don't know why but when Edward hugged me it felt right, like I was supposed to be there in his arms.

"Oh, and I think you should break up with your slutty girlfriend. I know you don't really like her" I laughed and Edward looked at me; he acted like he was offended but I knew he wasn't.

"Yeah you're right" he started laughing with me. Now this was how it used to be; how it should be now. I know that he has hurt me so much but if he can prove to me that he is willing to change I have to give him another chance. I don't know why but I just have a feeling that if he changes back to who he was everything will be perfect; just like how it was before. Now I wasn't just going to forget what he did; he would definitely have to earn my trust and forgiveness but it could definitely work.

One thing that bugged me though is why I suddenly felt like this. Before I wouldn't have ever thought about forgiving Edward for what he has done. But now it was all different, I felt totally different towards him for some reason.

After a few minutes of being sat in silence Edward decided to talk.

"Bells" he looked at me to make sure I was listening before continuing "do you want me to be there today? Because if you really don't then I am willing to just go to school like it's any other day"

I thought about that; and trust me I didn't have to think about it long before an answer popped out.

"I'd like you to be there" I smiled; I hadn't even made a decision before it came out. Maybe my mind was trying to tell me something.

"Really? You're not just saying that are you?"

"Nope. I'd really like it"

The next ten or fifteen minuted was spent in silence as me and Edward were both lost in thought.

"Heylo" Alice chirped from beside me; I hadn't even heard her come in.

"Hey" I replied as she handed me a mug and a pot of tea.

"Bella have you had breakfast?" She questioned as she hopped down from the stool (and I do mean hopped, her feet weren't near touching the ground so she literally had to hop off the stools) and made her way over to the cupboard that I now knew contained the cereal and bread.

"No I actually haven't" I kind of laughed. I had been down here nearly and hour and I hadn't even made myself tea or coffee never mind get cereal.

"Want some coco-pops?" she said while her little head was stuck in the cupboard.

"I'd prefer frosties if you have any"

"Frosties it is" she said as she took her head out of the cupboard with a box of frosties in her tiny hands.

"Edward?" she questioned as she took out two bowls.

"Please" he smiled at her and she took out another bowl and poured cereal and milk into the three of them. She then brought the bowls over to the breakfast bar and we ate in silence. Soon after Esme, Carlisle and Emmett appeared down the stairs and into the kitchen; it was getting a bit crowded around the breakfast bar.

"I'm going to go and get changed" I announced as I slipped down off my stool and made my way out of the kitchen. A chorus of 'okay's rang through the room.

All I could think about now was Edward and why I felt so differently towards him. What can happen in the space of less than a week that could make me feel like this?? I honestly didn't know.

The next chapter will be the funeral.

Bet none of you were expecting that to happen? But I just thought that it would be nice for Edward to tell Bella exactly how he felt.

Anyway it doesn't matter what I think. Did you like it or not?

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xxxxx