A/N: This is a bit of a filler chapter I suppose but I wanted you guys to have a bit more of them being together because spoiler alert, shit's about to hit the fan. So enjoy this while you can!
The apartment is great. Over the time I've been living here, it has definitely grown on me to a point where I could never picture myself living anywhere else and any doubts I initially had have long since passed. Not to mention the added bonus of my gorgeous roommate. I didn't really think there was anything we could do to this place to make it better.
Then Brittany bought me a piano and now I'm convinced this apartment is the best place in the entire fucking world.
A couple of her guy friends brought the old piano up yesterday and watching them carry it up five sets of stairs was completely terrifying but definitely worth it. I've barely left it since it touched the living room floor. Without any of my old music books, I've only played pieces I remember from class but just going through the motions, hearing the sound fill our apartment, it brings a welcome calmness over the place.
"You can totally tell me if you hate this idea completely, or if it makes you too uncomfortable, or-"
Until a distress Brittany creeps up on me, scaring the crap out of me.
"Whoa, Britt," I say, slowing my fingers and turning around to see her standing there nervously. "Slow down."
"You remember Mike and Tina, from glee club?" she asks and I have to laugh at her uneasiness.
Of course I remember them, especially Mike. The entire time we attended McKinley we ran in the same social circles, not that we were overly close but I still knew him. Tina, not so much, but I do remember seeing her at the scatter party and hearing her say a few things in glee.
"Yeah," I nod. "Why?"
"Well," she starts, dragging the l sound out, "Mike goes to school with me and we've been working pretty close this last semester. He was back in Lima last week and I met up with him and Tina and they were telling me how Tina was spending the last of her break in New York. I mentioned that we were coming back here too and somewhere along the line I agreed to go to their New Year's Eve party."
She's biting her lip nervously which isn't typically a good sign but I can't figure out why. Sure, I would have liked to spend the time alone with Brittany but I know we can't spend our entire lives locked up together. There is also the fact that we were planning on going out so it's not like we would be overly touchy or anything.
"That's cool, Britt," I tell her, cocking my eyebrow to see if she'll explain herself further. "Why were you nervous to ask me? We can hang out with your friends whenever you want."
"Well, the thing is, they kind of know about us."
For a second, it kind of feels like the world around me has stopped.
"What?" I say out of disbelief. I know I've been making her wait a long enough time but why would she run off and tell Mike and Tina? I didn't even know they were friends until like 2 minutes ago and she's already told them my biggest secret?
"It sort of slipped," she says apologetically, "I'm so sorry, San."
Closing my eyes, I take a few deep breaths to try and control myself. This is Brittany, a girl I trust with my life. I love her more than anything else in this god damn world. But she betrayed me. She knows how hard this is for me, she knew I didn't want anyone else to know. So what does she do? She goes and tells the first person she sees.
Deep breath.
But she didn't do it on purpose. She said it slipped out and I know she would never say something to purposely upset me. She also apologized. Ugh, I hate myself for freaking out about this. It's two people for Christ's sake, and Mike and Tina at that. Asian Fusion won't spill the beans to anyone if Brittany told them not to.
It's not like I haven't told any of my friends.
What would be the harm in hanging out with them for a while anyway? New Years is supposed to be about starting fresh, what better way to do that than to surround myself with people I can actually be myself around. Maybe this could work out.
I open my eyes to see Brittany studying me dutifully. She looks worried, almost as though she would break at a single touch.
"Sounds like fun," I tell her, breaking the silence.
"W-wait," her eyes bulge, "what did you just say?"
Letting out a breathy laugh at the look on he face, I repeat what I said even though I know she heard me the first time. "I can't hide away forever and I'm starting to realize I don't want to. You make me happy, so happy that it would be a shame not to share it with the world."
"So you're not mad?"
Shaking my head back and fourth, I tell her no. "I kind of wish you had spoken to me about it first because they know me but I could never be mad at you over something like that, especially since it was an accident. I figure it's about time we let everyone know anyways. My family knows so I don't really give a fuck what anyone else thinks."
"Okay then," she smiles, letting out a small breath she had held in her puffed cheeks.
"Okay then," I return the gesture. "You want to play something? I could show you some of the basics." I motion to the piano.
Shaking her head, a smirk forms on her face as she moves closer to me. Placing one leg on either side of mine, she lowers herself to sit on my knees.
"Why don't you play me something?" she suggests, whispering the words into my ear. "You look really sexy when you have that concentrated look on your face."
The shiver that runs through my body momentarily clouds my thoughts but when I regain my bearings, I run my hands up her legs. The further up they inch, the quicker I can see her melt on my lap.
"W-what do you want to hear?" I ask, placing butterfly kisses to her face.
"Anything," she breathes, "anything I can dance to."
We both start laughing at the point and I push her up onto her feet.
"Okay Ms. Pierce, this one's for you."
…
The next day when I walk into the coffee shop down the block, my eyes instantly dart in the direction of the counter even though I know Brittany isn't working. Usually I'm glad if she has the day off, it means I get to see her more, but right now I'm wishing she was. Just so I could have a two minute conversation, enough to get my Brittany fix.
But she isn't so I suppose coffee is going to have to do.
"Fancy meeting you here," a bubbly voice greets me and I know it could only be one person. Who else would be caught saying that.
"Hello, Rachel," I say, turning around to see the small girl standing behind me in line.
"How was the rest of your vacation?" she asks, rocking back and fourth on her feet as though this place doesn't allow her adequate room to move about.
Mike and Brittany decided to use the free time today to get some practice in so they're in top shape when the new semester starts and, while I insisted on making sure I'd help her workout everyday, she protested that a different type of workout was in order. Hence the reason why I feed into Berry's small talk and end out sticking around to chat for a while. Why would I want to go back to the apartment when all I do there is mope around like a lost kitten?
"Brittany told me what happened with you mom, how you told her about you two," Rachel says after we've been sitting for a while. Long enough for her to get comfortable at least because I don't think she's ever really spoken to me about something so personal. Oddly, I don't get defensive. "How do you feel?"
"It felt good, you know. Getting it off my chest and stuff," I tell her, taking a sip of the warm coffee.
"I know it meant a lot to Brittany," Rachel smiles and at the mention of my girlfriend's name, I do too. "All she ever talks about is you, about how proud she is, of how much she loves you. I'm quite glad you have taken this seriously because, to her, it's everything. As surprising as it is for me to admit, you are exactly what she needed."
Nodding my head, I can't stop myself from telling Rachel that Brittany is exactly what I need as well.
"My dad knows now too," I decide to tell her. "He called yesterday after my mom told him. He seemed pretty cool with it. Shocked, but nothing too drastic."
She gives me a proud smile but doesn't say anything.
Silence falls over us after my confession but it isn't an uncomfortable one. It's comfortable to be able to talk to Rachel, to have another friend to confide in, but it's also nice to have someone else to just be with, if you know what I mean. When I'm around her, much like when I'm around Quinn or Brittany, I don't feel as though I have to pretend to be anything I'm not. It's nice.
"Has Brittany mentioned anything about her mother to you recently?" I switch to a more serious tone to ask the question so Rachel knows I'm not playing. She wants to be friends and friends help friends out. Right now, I could really use some insight into Brittany's mind. "Every since Lima the topic's kind of been a little more touchy than before and I'm worried. Do you know if she saw her mother there or not?"
Rachel shifts nervously in her chair, shaking her head back and fourth, but I'm positive she knows more than she's letting on. Even though I'm her girlfriend, Brittany still tends to trust Rachel a little more with her secrets, which I can understand. For someone who wants to be on Broadway, Rachel really is a horrible actor.
"Spill," I tell her sternly, looking at her until she makes eye contact.
"Wha-"
"Don't play dumb with me, Berry. What do you know that you're not telling me? I know Brittany probably told you not to say anything to me, she thought it might make me upset or set me off, but she's my girlfriend and I care about her. I need to know if something happened, if something is wrong so I can try to help her."
"Well, um," she starts in a very un-Rachel Berry like fashion. "When she spoke to me about it, all she would say was that she was surprised not to see her mother around town and that she even made a point to pass her home a couple times to see if she could catch a glimpse."
To know Rachel is to know she loves to speak and I'm not even sure if it's for the sake of actually telling people things. Half the time, I'm positive she does it just for her own pleasure, so she gets to hear herself and annoy other people at the same time. So when she willingly stops speaking, with the added suspicion of focusing her full attention on drinking the rest of her tea in one giant swallow, it's a give away that something's up.
"And…"
"That's all she knows."
"But what do you know?" I eye her curiously.
"My father's have told me some things," she starts but avoids looking at me, "they've told me things in confidence that under no circumstances am I to tell anyone. I know you care about her Santana, I do too, but trust me when I tell you that it's best if she's left in the dark about this. For now especially. In due time, everything will come to face and I don't want her being mad at you if she learns you knew but kept it from her. She'll need you more than ever when that happens."
What the actual hell is Berry talking about?
Here I am, groveling for the smallest bit of information on this whole situation and she just throws crap like that out there. By nature, I'm a very curious person and I don't like to wait for things so I make a point to find out everything I can. But something is slightly different right now. I'm not sure what, exactly. Maybe it's because, for once, she actually seems to be lacking confidence in her words, or maybe it's the worry that's evident in her voice.
Whatever factors combined that make this different are enough to make me drop the subject, offering a small nod which earns me a relieved sigh from the girl.
Just because it's dropped from conversation doesn't mean my worrying stop though. Over the next few days, I'm constantly plagued by the conversation, my brain eagerly searching for the smallest hint I might have missed.
But I come up short.
…
Putting the final touches on my eyes liner, I look at myself in the mirror one last time before standing up from the chair. It's the last day of 2012 and I am more than ready for the new year to start. Not that this year has been bad, not by any means. I graduated third in my class, got into the university of my choosing, moved away from home, got to know the most amazing girl who also agreed to be my girlfriend. All in all, 2012 was a good year but I have a feeling that 2013 will be so much better.
"You almost ready in here?" I call to Brittany, making my way down the hallway to her room. "You told Mike we would be at his place by 9 and it's almost 8:30 now."
Surprisingly, my nerves aren't half as bad as I was expecting them to be. Brittany has assured me a thousand times that this was only going to be a small gathering but this is still the first party we'll be attending as a couple. I thought there would be at least a few nerves involved. Instead, I'm almost giddy with anticipation to be able to be ourselves around others. It's exhilarating.
See, the new year is looking awesome already.
"Yup," Brittany beams as I poke my head in the room.
Pulling her brush through her long hair a few more times, she turns to face me with a giant grin on her face. How could I have been so stupid as to make her hide us for so long? Especially when it makes her the happiest I've ever seen.
Laying the brush down on the small dresser, she stands to walk towards me but my mind instantly goes blank. She's wearing these tight black pants that I've never seen her in before, which show off her legs perfectly, and a tight fitted red blouse that hugs every curve. It takes every ounce of willpower I posses not to crash our lips together. We both did just do our make-up and we're already running late. I also know that if we start something, we'll have to finish and that would take time we do not have. It's best for everyone if we keep our hands to ourselves, not that it's an easy feat.
"Jesus," I practically whimper, scanning my eyes up and down her body again. It's like ever since we slept together my attraction has grown even bigger, if that's even possible. "You look absolutely stunning."
"Do I?" she asks flirtatiously, spinning around.
At the sight of her perfect ass, I have to suppress a groan. How is it humanly possible for someone to be so beautiful?
"San," she says with a giggle, waving her hand in front of my face.
"What?" I ask, forcing my eyes away from her body.
"I said it's your turn," she tells me. "You would have heard if you weren't so busy checking me out."
"I'm not checking you out," I defend, "I'm admiring. It's impossible not to stare."
"Yeah, yeah," she laughs. "Now spin for me. I know that dress is doing wonders for you boobs but I really want to see your butt."
Shaking my head, I do as she asks. "Can we go now? We're gonna be late."
"Can I just admire you for one more minute?" she asks, smirking, and I just take her hand to guide us to the front door.
"Admire me tonight," I tell her, "all night long. And then when we get home, I might even let you admire me naked."
I whisper that last part because we're in the hallway and god only know what kind of perverts are leering around, but by the look on her face I know she heard it.
"Santana, Brittany," I hear a voice call and turn to see Mr. and Mrs. Simon standing just behind us. My initial instinct is to pull my hand from Brittany's but I resist. I have nothing to hide anymore.
"Happy New Year," Brittany greets cheerfully, causing them both to smile. "Are you guys heading to a party?"
"Not quite," Mr. Simon chuckles. "Some of our friends are meeting up to play poker and watch the ball drop on T.V. at their seniors building. What about you two?"
"Our friend Mike is having a party," Brittany tells them, practically bouncing down the stairs.
Without letting go of my hand, she quickly jumps down a few stairs at a time and then waits until Mr. and Mrs. Simon have caught up and then does it again. Too adorable.
"Sounds like fun, dears," Mrs. Simon says. "Make sure you girls are safe. People get a little crazy this time of year."
"Yeah, and don't drink to much," Mr. Simon adds.
"Like you can say anything," his wife teases, causing them both to laugh.
"We'll be safe," I assure them and look to see we've reached the main floor. "I hope you two have a nice time."
"You too," Mr. Simon says, sending me a knowing look.
I feel my face blush despite the cool temperature of the lobby but I can't help but smile. Long after we've gone our separate ways, my face is still warm.
…
Thankfully, it's unseasonably warm for this time of year so by the time we find Mike's apartment building I haven't froze to death. Though I really hope he has a functioning heater because I'm only about 50 percent sure my toes are still attached.
As soon as we enter the building, music can be heard coming from every which direction and I can practically feel the excitement beaming off of Brittany. Confetti and streamers litters the floor and she makes a point to lean down and take a handful, then proceeds to dump it over my head, to which, I can only laugh and return the favour.
Number 219 comes into sigh, door wide open, and I tighten my grip on Brittany's hand. She looks down at me with questioning eyes. "I love you," I tell her, "so much."
Smiling widely, she tells me she loves me too. All day, she's seemed a little guarded. I know she was excited for the party and everything but I think there was a part of her that didn't believe I would actually go through with this.
An idea pops into my head, causing a smile to tug at the edges of my lips. She looks at me curiously as I reach for the locket secured tightly around her neck but her smile grows impossibly wider when she realizes what's happening. With the tips of my fingers, I open the locket, separating the two hearts to reveal our names inside.
Without a word, our hands find each other's again and we walk into the apartment.
The majority of the noise from outside is definitely not coming from this place, thankfully, because there is only a small group of about 10 or so people gathered in the living room and music isn't even playing yet. Immediately I spot Mike, bent over in front of the stereo system presumably trying to get it to work.
I'm still busy surveying the crowd when Brittany squeals at my side and I turn to see her face lit up. I let go of her hand so she can run to whoever it is she has spotted and see her jump into the arms of some dark haired, Hispanic man. His arms wrap tightly around her body and he lifts her off the ground.
"I missed you so much," I hear the man say, letting Brittany down onto her feet. "How have you been, tell me everything."
There is something about him that reminds me so much of Kurt, besides the fact that he's as queer as a three dollar bill. Maybe it's the feather in his hat.
"I've been awesome," Brittany answers. Turning back, she reaches her hand out to take mine. "This is my girlfriend, Santana," she introduces. I feel my stomach flutter at her words. "We went back to her parent's house in Ohio for the break. San, this is Josiah. He's a junior in the dance program."
"Hola Santana," he greets, taking my hand into his and placing a light kiss on the back of it. "Such a pretty name for a pretty girl."
"Thanks," I say shyly. "It's nice to meet you."
"Likewise," he smiles. "Well I'm going to go see if I can help Mike out so we can get some music up in here. You two ladies have fun."
"Wait, have you seen Mike's girlfriend around? Tina?" Brittany asks before he leaves.
"Nah, not yet," he tells her, "but I heard Mike say something about food or something. Maybe check the kitchen."
"Gracias," Brittany says in a faux Spanish accent before guiding us towards what I assume is the kitchen.
"He seems nice," I tell her. "Are you guys close?"
"Kind of," she says. "He's been helping me out a lot, with after school practice and stuff. Jo is like the best dancer in the school even though he's years younger, this is only his second year there. I'm just waiting for Justin Timberlake or Beyoncé to call him. He's going to be so famous."
When we turn the corner, I can tell that the kitchen is entirely empty except Tina who seems to be busying herself with something in the oven. It's then I feel my nerves begin to surface. It's much easier to be myself around those I don't know than those I do. It also feels a little awkward that she knows about Brittany and I already.
"Tina," Brittany yells, causing the other girl to jump before throwing her oven mitt in out direction.
"I hate you sometimes," she says before walking over to greet us. Wrapping her arms around Brittany, she tells her how much she missed her.
"Hey Tina," I greet, trying to sound the least awkward as possible.
"H-hi," she stammers before clearing her throat. "I'm glad you guys could come, it's nice to have some familiar faces around here."
And that's it. No questions, no weird looks or comments. That is until Mike finds us and asks about how this happened, a story both Brittany and I are eager to tell. But even then no one mentions high school. Somehow, I feel like these two are a few of the good people around here.
…
When we walk out to the living room again, I see Brittany eying the small group of people dancing and I can tell how much she wants to run out and join them. Trying my best to be the smooth, confident girlfriend I'm not, I reach my hand out and lean forward a little. "Would you dance with me?" I ask with a laugh.
Her face lights up and she nods, taking my hand into hers and guiding me into the open area where the furniture has been pushed to the walls so the room acts as a makeshift dance floor.
Mike and Tina follow suite and soon pretty much everyone in the apartment are dancing along. Though I'm one of the only people here who doesn't know everyone, I still feel like I'm dancing with some of my best friends. I don't know if it's the time of year or what but these people all seem extremely welcoming. I should have expected Brittany not to be friends with any assholes.
The song changes and butterflies immediately make their presence known in my stomach. Dancing together and dancing together are two entirely different concepts and I think Brittany realizes that as a slow song fills the speakers and people begin pairing off. Not hesitating, I take her left hand into mine, not trusting myself to lead, and snake my left one gently across her waist to rest on the small of her back.
The look of shock that passes over her face is fleeting, soon being replaced by a wide smile, but I still catch a glimpse of it. The smile on my face soon matches her as I realize how refreshing this feels, to be able to act like a couple and not worry. After tonight, there will be no part of be that will want to go back to hiding.
"I'm glad we did this," I smile, looking up at her.
"Me too," Brittany hums.
She already has a nice few inches on me but with the added height of her heals, she's tall enough to rest her chin on the top of my head as we sway back and fourth. Though she is a far more skilled dancer than I am, it's hard to tell because what we're doing now can barely even be classified as dancing. Other couples dance circles around us while our feet simply lift off the floor, then land back on the same spot, allowing our bodies to sway along with the music.
It's calming, to be able to hold her like this, to feel her body pressed against mine. Nothing could ruin this night.
…
"What the hell is she doing here?" I ask Brittany, laying my cup down on the table slightly harder than necessary.
The decision to forgo alcohol seems more idiotic than every. I wanted to keep my head clear for tonight, to sure I didn't screw up or make a fool of myself around these people, but I would give about anything to be plastered right now.
Turning around to see who I'm talking about, I watch Brittany's expression fall. "Seriously, Santana?" she asks in a annoyed tone. "Why are you doing this tonight?"
She sounds pissed. Okay, she is pissed but it's not my fault. All I wanted to do was spend tonight with my girlfriend at a party and have a nice time. It's not my fault that the slut from Rachel's after party, the one who was all over Brittany, showed up.
I suppose it's not Brittany's fault either but that is completely beyond the point.
"Did you know she was going to be here?" I ask, trying to calm myself but my rage is never an easy thing to manage.
"Well," she starts, lowering her voice a little. Instead of answering, she pulls me out of the kitchen and down the short hallway leading to the bathroom. "She's Mike's best friend's girlfriend," she explains.
At her words, my body instantly relaxes and my eyes shoot up to meet Brittany's. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me that, Britt?"
"Because it didn't matter, it doesn't matter," she explains. Her forehead wrinkles slightly as she says the words and that's a give away that she's not pleased with me. "If she was single or even gay it didn't matter because you made a complete fool of her in front of her friends, her classmates. You made a fool of me too, not to mention yourself."
"Britt, I'm sorry."
"I know you are," she tells me, reaching her arms out to put them on my shoulders. "I haven't been mad about that since the night it happened because I knew the circumstances and understood why you did it. Chelsea on the other hand, she probably thinks your some crazy psycho."
She sends me a smirk and I let out a small laugh. "True," I agree. "I should probably apologize to her, shouldn't I?"
"Santana Lopez actually offering to apologize? What has this world come to?" Brittany laughs and I try to look offended but it just causes her to laugh harder. "But yes, you really should. She's kind of my friend and you're my girlfriend so it would be kind of nice. Even if it's just for me."
It's the right thing to do, I tell myself. But no matter how many times I repeat it on my way to the girl, I can't stop my teeth from gritting together.
Looking over my shoulder, I see Brittany watching intently so I raise my hand to tap on the other girls shoulder.
"Chelsea?" I ask nervously, causing her to turn away from her friends to look at me.
It takes her a moment to fully realize who I am but as soon as she does her eyes narrow in on my face. More than anything, I want to return the glare, I've never been one to back down from a challenge, but I need to be the bigger person here. Hell, there is no bigger person because I'm the jealous ass that went off on her for merely dancing with the girl I liked. She was never at fault.
"I saw you come in and I kind of figured you deserved and apology," I start weakly. "I mean, crap I suck at this."
Shaking her head back and fourth, I can almost see the bitch-mode slip from her face. "You don't do this often, do you?"
"What do you think?" I ask with a nervous laugh. "I was really fucked that night so I barely remembered anything the next morning but after Brittany so kindly reminded me, I realized how much of a bitch I was being. I was acting like a jealous girlfriend, which wasn't even a title I had the rights to at the time, and I honestly feel horrible for embarrassing you like that. It's was a shitty move and I'm sorry."
Looking at her, awaiting any indication that that was good enough, I feel an odd stirring in my stomach. If this is what happens when you apologize to someone, I have to say I'm not a fan.
"It's perfectly fine, Santana. That is your name, right?" I nod in response to her question and let her continue. "Brittany filled me in a little on your whole situation so I'm not mad at you. If my boyfriend didn't know who Brittany was, he probably would have reacted in a similar manner."
Nodding again, I look down the my hands. "Well, okay then."
With nothing else to say, I head back to Brittany who is watching intently. The stirring in my stomach has turned to another feeling entirely but I try to push it away as I get closer to my girlfriend.
"I did it," I tell her.
"I see that," she laughs. "How did it feel?"
"Fine," I say quickly, but she isn't fooled. Instead, she places her hand under my chin to raise my head so I'm looking at her. Without the willpower to wipe the smile from my face, she sees it and knows.
"It made you feel good, didn't it?" she asks, but she isn't teasing this time. I think she might actually be proud that I have shown the presence of a heart around someone who isn't her.
Shrugging my shoulders does little to change the look on her face. "Fine, okay. It felt good. Can we please drop it now?"
"Of course we can," she smiles, "I just really wanted to hear you say it out loud."
True to her promise, the topic is dropped but we end up spending some time with Chelsea who actually seems like a pretty decent person. Her boyfriend is also quite nice and doesn't seem to hold my attack on his girlfriend against me, which I am thankful for because he looks as though he could easily throw me off a building. Meeting her friends, seeing her enjoy herself like this, it makes me feel special that Brittany would allow me to see this other part of her life that, up until recently, I was completely in the dark about. She wants to introduce me to the people in her life and I don't think there is any better way to prove to me that she is in this as much as I am, not that there were ever any doubts before.
…
"I can't believe it's almost 2013," Brittany squeals loudly, jumping up and down at my side as we watch the countdown on the T.V. which everyone has crowded around.
10 seconds.
"I know."
9 seconds.
I smile at her.
8 seconds.
She smiles back.
7 seconds.
I want to kiss her.
6 seconds.
I think she wants to kiss me too.
5 seconds.
My eyes drift down towards her lips.
4 seconds.
I snake a hand behind her neck.
3 seconds.
"San," she whimpers at my touch.
2 seconds.
I pull her down to my level.
1 second.
This is really happening.
0 seconds.
"Hap-" Brittany starts but I instantly cut her off my covering her lips with my own, something she doesn't seem to mind in the slightest.
Despite the people around us, the sound of Auld Lang Syne playing loudly, crackling fireworks, and the teenagers running up and down the hallway, the world around me goes quiet as our lips press together.
People bang into us, blow noise makers in our ears, but all I can focus on are those perfectly soft lips and a stirring in my lower stomach.
All day, I've been trying to remember where I've been previous years at this exact moment. The setting has always been the same, at my mother's New Years Eve party, but the situation different. When I was younger, all of the kids would run out into the backyard to watch my uncle set off fireworks. We'd get sparklers and noisemakers, and just be kids, running around in the snow until the fireworks ran out and our parents begged us to go inside.
Then, when the teenage years hit, my friends would join in on the festivities. For the first few years it was only Quinn and Puck, but then as time passed Puck started bringing girls with him and Quinn and I decided we needed to bring some guys in to even things out.
By the time we were 16, alcohol was being snuck in and I barely registered that my parents were in the same house, let alone that the clock hit 12.
Last year, Puck wanted to see how many girls he could kiss within the first minute of the new year and that would have made him my first new years kiss. Too bad for him that I kicked him in the balls before he had the chance, subsequently ruining his chance at breaking a world record or whatever it was he was trying to accomplish.
So yeah, it took 18 new years for me to finally get a kiss at midnight. I'm not embarrassed by that, however, proud actually. When Brittany and I got together, I wasn't innocent by any means but to be able to give her a first of mine, it feels special and then the added bonus of kissing in public like this.
For me, and hopefully her, this isn't just a kiss. Even if it is, I still wouldn't want to forget it anytime soon.
…
"Last night was amazing, Britt-Britt," I tell her, moving from my side of the bed to hers.
"Wasn't it?" Brittany agrees. "Mike really knows how to throw an awesome party."
"Not exactly what I was referring to," I laugh, trying to pull the blanket off her naked body, "but that was fun too."
Giggling, she wraps the thick material around her again.
"I like it when you call me Britt-Britt," she smiles, causing me to smile in return. "I've never really liked it when people call me baby or things like that. They totally could have used the same pet name on every single girlfriend before me and think it's perfectly fine to call me the same. It's gross."
"Well," I laugh, "I've never called anyone baby, boy or girl, but I like the way you think. It's so impersonal unlike Britt-Britt, which I will only ever use on you."
"I love you," she says, kissing the top of my head. "How do you feel about pookie for you? Maureen really seemed to like using it in RENT and-"
"God no," I laugh, hoping she isn't serious. "You do realize she used that for both Mark and Joanne, and they both hated it."
"I guess," she muses, "I'll have to get back to you with a better name."
"Okay," I hum, allowing my eyes to close.
With school starting again next week, mornings like this aren't going to be as easy to come by and I want to make sure I spend every moment possible in her arms.
…
"Good morning again," Brittany smiles, her head resting on top of mine.
I must have dozed off because the next time I open my eyes the clock on my bedside table reads 1:30PM and my initial reaction is to jump out of bed. Then I remember where I am and how little I actually have to do today and I relax.
"Morning," I mumble.
As we lay there in silence, taking in every detail of each other, a thought crosses my mind. It's not something I want to bring up right now, the mood is too perfect to ruin, but it's also something that's been on my mind for a while and I'm not sure I can hold it in anymore.
"Can I ask you something?" I look up at Brittany, trying to let her know I'm being serious for once.
"Of course you can, San. You can ask me anything."
When she smiles at me, I just about tell her never mind, that it's nothing. But then I remember last night and how perfect everything was. It was the first time I really every experienced being out and it was much easier than I expected, but it still left me with some questions that only Brittany will be able to answer.
"How did you do it?" I blurt before realizing she has no idea what I'm talking about. Taking a few breaths, I try to figure out the best way to phrase my question. "Back when you first got outed to the school, how did you deal with that? You told me about when you told your mother and the Berry's, but you never talk about what happened at school." Not just that. She rarely talks about McKinley at all and I lack the backbone required to bring it up. Old wounds would be broken opened for both the bullied and the bullier and I'm too pathetic to deal with that. "Not that I'm pressuring you to now, I'm probably overstepping but I just wanted to know because I've been thinking about it a lot lately, with coming out to my parents and all. I had the advantage of being able to come to terms with it on my own, tell people as I saw fit. If someone had just blurted it out to the world one day, I don't think I would have been able to handle it."
"That's an awfully big question for so early in the morning."
"Britt, it's almost 2 in the afternoon."
"I know," she smiles, "it's still morning for you though. You just woke up."
The smile on Brittany's face dims as she takes a few minutes, starring off into space, and I watch her intently. To be inside her mind for only a single minute would be the most magical experience, I feel. Being granted full access to her thoughts, to catch a glimpse of how things work. It would be incredible.
"Well for me, I guess, it really wasn't all that bad. Not that it was fun but it could have been worse. Like I told you, I'd known since I was pretty young that I was into girls," she explains, not letting her eyes leave mine. "I had already come to terms with it and the people I loved knew, it was only the kids at school who hated me already that thought it was new information."
Nodding along with every word, I make sure to keep my mouth shut. Apparently I have a bad habit of asking a question and then inserting my commentary before the person has finished answering. Quinn tells me it's annoying so it should be avoided. Also, listening to Brittany speak is quite enjoyable.
"My girlfriend, or well the girl I was with-kind of, I don't know what to call her exactly," Brittany's words fumble out and I can see that she feels like she's treading on thin ice by speaking of this topic.
"You can talk about her, you know," I assure her, "I won't mind." She looks surprised, as though she isn't buying it. Honestly, I'm barely believing myself so she doesn't exactly have reason to either. "And even if it did bother me, I really need to start working on this whole jealous girlfriend act. It's not doing much for me."
"It's really not," she agrees with a smile. "But yeah, the girl. Her name is Lana and she was a year ahead of us, and she was a Cheerio," she says and I nod in response.
I remember when Sue found out one of her cheerleaders had just switched schools without warning. She never cared much about why it happened but she was ready to press charges for the sudden departure before Lana's father calmed her down. How he did that, I will never know.
"We both knew how dangerous it was, Lana being one of the most popular kids while I did my best to make sure no one noticed me, but she just approached me one day after Cheerio's practice let out. I was waiting for Rachel to finish up in the choir room so she could give me a ride when she just walked up behind me and basically asked me to have sex with her."
My body tenses at her words, the thought of someone else's hands on Brittany makes me kind of nauseous, but I force myself not to make it obvious to Brittany.
"You know me San, and you know that's not the type of person I am," she says, defending herself. I want to tell her that it isn't necessary, because it isn't, but I know she needs to do it for her own sake. "I would never agreed to it had it been anyone else but there was always something about her that made me want to know her. Maybe it was a crush or maybe I just wanted to be her friend but I always wanted to be around her so I let her explain what she meant and we made a deal. That first day, she didn't really say much but I could tell that this wasn't just a random hookup for her, I knew she wouldn't risk everything for that."
Not knowing what else to do, I nod my head. It's not because I understand though, no matter how much I wish I could I don't think I'd ever understand how someone could agree after being propositioned like that. Especially by someone who bullied them and made them keep their relationship a secret.
Wait…
"So we started hooking up," Brittany states. "She had two rules for me. One was that I was to tell no one, not even Rachel, and I was really good at that because you know how good I am with secrets," she smiles proudly. "The other one was that feelings could never be involved, which again seemed like something I could handle."
Damn it, that doesn't sound good.
"I was really good at that one too. Whenever we were kissing or doing things, I could separate it from my feelings. Almost like an egg. But then one day, she caught me by surprise when she told me she loved me and I let the yoke slip from the shell and I said it back. It was impossible to take the feelings away after that. Believe me, I tried everything."
Brittany stops talking all of a sudden and I look at her questioningly, wondering what happened. When her hand reaches out to wipe at my face, I realize that I've been crying.
"Oh, shit," I say, hastily trying to whip my face with the sheet.
This is not how I wanted this to happen, I didn't want to seem like the pussy who can't handle hearing about their girlfriend's ex. Fucking shit, when did I become so fucking pathetic?
"I should stop," Brittany says softly. "I didn't mean to upset you."
Maybe that's not why I'm crying though. Maybe this has something to do with the fact that this story seems familiar, almost too familiar.
"Britt, this is not your fault," I tell her, shaking my head back and fourth. "I asked and you only answered. But you can't stop now. I promise I can handle it and I know if you don't tell me the rest my frustratingly vivid imagination will make up what I presume will be a much more revolting ending."
"If you're sure," she says and I quickly give my approval. "It's almost over anyway. So, um, after that, things got a lot more serious. We weren't just getting together to hook up, we would actually talk and I got to know her a lot better. I felt like Christine and she was the phantom, like I was the only one who really got to see what she was hiding."
Even in my pitiful state I have to laugh at that. It's official, she has spent far too much time with Rachel.
"The entire summer, we spent the days she didn't have training getting to know each other deep in the darkness of her parents basement. She would even build forts with me which is something not even Rachel would do, so I thought she was pretty amazing. When school rolled back around though, something changed. Before, when she would usher me out before her parents got home, now she introduced me to them as one of her friends and let me stay for dinner. She also didn't jump as much when we were together and she even told me she was thinking about telling her parents about us someday. It was her who decided to go to the movies together. It was a weekday, late in November, and she took me to see Tangled."
This is where the story started when others told it.
"She didn't make any rules for that night, which was surprising, but I didn't complain. That's also why I didn't pull away when she kissed me."
She says that last part abruptly and I feel her body stiffen.
"That's it," she states, pushing herself up into a seating position. Either she forgot she was naked or just doesn't care because I now have the perfect view of her bare upper half. "She called me the next morning before school, crying through the phone because she'd seen the article on Jacob's website. When I offered to come over, she just started yelling at me and I have a hard time focusing when people are yelling so I tried to block it out. After a few minutes, the dial tone was ringing in my ear and that was that. School sucked over the next few weeks, only slightly more than it usually would, but I got through it. I just remember being really glad Lana wasn't around because she would have had it so much worse. Every night, I would practice my speech for when she called to check in, I didn't want her to know people were being mean, she needed to know I could handle everything, so I practiced. But she never called and eventually Rachel convinced me that it was over."
Fresh tears spring to my eyes but I hold them back because this isn't my time to cry. Picturing Brittany sitting by the phone, waiting for it to ring is just an image I will never be able to erase from my mind. When Brittany loves, it's with her entire being. Nothing is half-assed with her so if she tells someone she loves them, she means it, and they're in it for the long haul.
"It hurt because I loved her," Brittany mumbles, holding back her tears surprisingly well. "I loved her and I never got a chance to say goodbye, but that wasn't everything. She was also my friend, you know. I've never had many friends to start with and then she came along. At that point, she was the only person aside from Rachel that I felt comfortable around, who I thought wouldn't judge me or make fun of me. She never called me names and she made me feel special."
"I'm sorry Britt," I try, knowing it doesn't matter what I say at this point, as long as she knows I'm here for her. "
"It doesn't matter anyways," she says defeated, "Lana turned out to be like everyone else. She left me in the end and broke my heart. In a way, she was almost worse because she told me she never would, she promised me that I meant something to her."
Not knowing what to say, I sit up against the headboard and take her into my arms. The tension falls from her body at my touch and she presses further into me, flushing her naked skin against mine, and a thought suddenly has my stomach churning. If I can comfort her so easily, if by doing nothing more than holding her I can make her feel better, how little would it take for me to completely break her?
How little would it take for her to completely break me?
"I would never do that to you," I tell her, hoping realizes just how much I mean it.
"I know you wouldn't," she tells me, "because you're different. I don't know how but something feels different with you than it ever has with anyone else. You make me feel safe, loved, and completely at ease whenever we're together and there isn't possibly anyone else around who could do that. You're magical."
A/N 2: As you may have noticed, it took a few extra days for this chapter and I hate to inform you that this is probably the end of this quick updates. Classes started yesterday and I already feel like I'm in over my head so this story won't be getting as much attention as I wish to give it. That being said, I'm still going to try and aim for weekly updates because I don't have the self control to keep myself away for long!
Anyways, tell me your thoughts/concerns/wishes for this story. I love reading what you have to say.