Disclaimer: I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

A/N: I'm posting this, like, right on time. Barely making it in on the 18th. But I am! Because I am awesome like that and I refuse to be late again. ;D So, this week's preview was short but in managed to freak out quite a few of you. You were right to freak out. *giggles* So, enough with author notes, let's get to the chapter.

See ya at the bottom!

Nina POV

It had been almost an hour since Joy had left, and I was still in a state of shock.

Joy had taken back what she said. She'd apologized. She'd told me that I made Fabian a better person. Me. She'd told me I made him happier, I made him stronger.

Joy Mercer had told me, Nina Martin, that I was a good thing for Fabian Rutter.

I kept on looking at the window, waiting to see a pig flying by.

I wasn't sure what to do now. Part of me felt like dancing, another part of me felt like hiding. Because Fabian could talk to me now, and this time, I didn't have an excuse to avoid him.

I wasn't sure whether this was a good thing or a bad thing.

"Nina, dinner is ready!" Amber yelled from downstairs, startling me out of my thoughts.

I was ready to protest to no one, ready to proclaim that it was another hour or two until dinner, but then I looked at the clock and quickly realized it'd been more than just an hour I'd been sitting here, trapped in my own thoughts.

Getting lost in my own head was something I was too good at. I'd had to train myself to do it, so I could retreat as much as I could every time he came into my room at night. It usually didn't work in situations like those, but in peaceful environments like the quiet of my room, I could pass half the day away and not even notice.

Most of the time, this was a bad thing. This meant that I could focus on my mistakes, on my past, on myself for hours at a time, leading to ridiculously dark moods. But all I could think about was what Joy said.

How could I, a pitiful girl who didn't deserve a second thought, help a guy like Fabian?

"Nina?" Amber called again. "Come on, everyone is sitting down!"

I hurried out of the room, not wanting to keep everyone waiting, and found Amber waiting for me on the main floor. She smiled at my appearance.

"Come on, I saved you a seat," she said, and led me into the dining room.

I came to stop when I saw the seating arrangement.

I was right between Amber and Fabian. Fabian, who was already seated and smiling up at me, pulling out my chair for me to sit in.

I was going to be sick.

"Nina, are you okay?" Amber muttered from beside me. "I can switch seats if you aren't comfortable. Don't do anything you don't want to do." I shook my head immediately and tried to smile in thanks, but I was sure it failed.

I kept my head ducked as I seated myself, not looking at Fabian. I was almost regretting that Joy had taken back what she'd said. Now I had to face him, and the cons of that situation outweighed the pros.

Speaking of Joy, she was sitting directly across from me, looking between the two of us with what seemed to be jealousy and a giant wad of confusion. The first I could understand, the second mystified me.

"Hi, Nina." I literally jumped at Fabian's voice, and I ducked my head to hide my blush. His chuckle sent a shiver down my spine, and I wasn't sure why.

"Oh, wait, did I miss that article in the Anubis House News?" Jerome said with a grin. "Fabian and Nina are on speaking terms again? Well, I wouldn't say speaking terms - sorry Nina - so I'll correct my assumption: Fabian and Nina are on 'I want to rip your clothes off but I'm too shy so I'll just blush and bat my eyelashes' terms? That eyelash thing goes for the both of you, by the way, because damn Fabian, you have really girly eyelashes-"

It was Mara of all people who finally smacked him on the back of the head to shut him up. He cut off obediently, and waited for the chaos to begin.

That chaos was really more of a full minute of dead silence as everyone stared at Jerome, and then at Fabian and I. Not that I saw them - I was staring at my plate - but I felt their stares like holes burning through my body.

I took a bite of my mashed potatoes, the first movement since Mara's slap, and I hated how my hand shook. I tried to shove what he'd said out of my mind before I could start decoding it. I knew that when I did, I'd lose my appetite, and I wanted to make it through this dinner.

"Jerome," Fabian said, a clear undercurrent of anger lacing his voice, "You're a joker, and I get that, but you just crossed the line. You need to shut the hell up or so help me I'll force your mouth shut myself."

I stifled a gasped.

That line was way too familiar.

I cried out when he slapped my face in the same exact spot for the seventh time. He froze, his hand still extended in the air. At the time, I hadn't learned to shut my mouth yet. I still spoke. I still called out my mom's name every night. It had only been three months since she'd died.

I was four, approaching five, and I was completely unaware of the unimaginable horrors my future held.

"How many times do I need to tell you?" he hissed, and he shoved me to the ground. "Do. Not. Speak."

"Please," I cried out. "You're hurting me, please stop! I want Mommy-"

For the first time, he kicked me in the side. I gasped in pain, cutting off my words. He knelt beside me and gripped my chin in his fingers.

"Shut the hell up, or I'll force your mouth shut myself."

I didn't respond.

I didn't speak.

I didn't speak ever again.

'Please, you're hurting me, please stop, I want Mommy,' were the last words I ever spoke.

In the future, my silence would always tick him off to no end. He'd try to force me to speak, but the memory of the look in his eyes when he'd said that to me never left my mind. I knew he just wanted another reason to punish me. I wouldn't give him that satisfaction, not even at 4 years old.

He punished me anyway.

"Nina. Nina."

I jolted back to the present, and found myself on the floor, curled into an all too familiar ball that I used whenever he beat me. I was gasping for breath that wouldn't seem to come, my chest moving far too rapidly. All the residents of Anubis were standing over me - Fabian, Amber, and Mara were kneeling - and I felt cornered. Way too cornered.

"What's wrong? What's happening to her?" Fabian asked frantically, his hands reaching toward me before he caught himself and shoved them into his hair.

"She's having a panic attack," Mara answered immediately, and leaned closer to me. I flinched back, still hyperventilating. "Nina, do you have medication for this?" I nodded, and she turned to Amber. "Go find her medication, it's probably in one of her bags." She took off with no delay, and Mara turned back to me.

"Okay Nina, I need you to slow your breathing down, okay? Match the pace of my breathing," she ordered, breathing extra loudly so I could hear over my own rapid pace. I tried to take a deep breath, but I failed miserably and only continued to hyperventilate. Everyone was too close, too close, too close-

"Jerome, find a rag and soak it with cool water. And hurry," Mara said calmly. He headed for the kitchen. "Nina, is the cause of the problem in the present or past?"

I managed to unclench my tense hands and hold them up a little. One finger was raised on one, and two on the other.

"Both?" I nodded again. "What's the problem in the present?" I motioned to the people towering over me, my movements jerky. She understood immediately. "Everyone who isn't Fabian, back off right now. Go sit in the living room."

They obeyed after a pause. Footsteps pounded on the stairs, and Amber came in, even paler than before. She held up the familiar bottle of Xanax, which Mara took from her and opened, dumping out one pill. She passed it to me and I barely managed to keep a hold on it as I put it in my mouth. I swallowed it quickly.

"Okay, I need you to relax your body. Focus on one muscle at a time, starting with your fingers, then your hands, arms, feet, legs, and so on. Keep trying to slow your breathing down." I squeezed my eyes shut, but all I saw was him, so I quickly opened them again and focused on relaxing.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Fabian asked quickly.

"Calm down. She's not dying, Fabian, she's having a panic attack. It'll pass, and all you're doing is stressing her out more. Nina, could you try to hold his hand? Contact can help. Squeeze as hard as you want," she suggested quietly as Jerome came back with the rag, which she quickly took and laid on my neck. I shivered at the cold contact, and I watched with fearful eyes as Fabian extended his hand.

I took it.

His fingers wrapped around mine, my small hand drowning in his. The feeling was unnatural… but not uncomfortable. I squeezed his hand like my life depended on it, and I found that it did help. Focusing on that - even if that focusing was out of fear - helped to get my mind off of everything else.

I finally managed to relax the stiff position my toes had been set in, and I dragged in a deep breath. Mara picked up on it immediately.

"Good. Breathe in for four seconds, breathe out for eight seconds, just like I'm doing. Count each breath with me. You're almost through it." I let out the breath and breathed in once more. "Two… three… four…"

By the time we reached eight, my body was slack, my hand was no longer squeezing Fabian's, my breathing had slowed permanently, and I knew it was over. The room let out a collective sigh.

My eyes drooped, and she smiled.

"Xanax already kicking in? We need to get you up to bed." She caught Fabian's confused look and explained. "Xanax has regular side effects of slight depression, dizziness, and drowsiness. Plus her panic attack wore her out, so she's already tired."

"How did you know what to do?" Fabian asked.

"I had a friend who had anxiety disorder. She had panic attacks at least twice a week, she was in bad condition. By the time they straightened out her medicine and she improved, I was a master at helping her," she answered. Fabian nodded, then turned to me.

"Nina, how often do these happen? Have you had one since you've arrived? Why didn't you shut down like usual?" His rapid fire of questions made my head spin even more. I shook my head, hoping he realized it was for the second question, not turning down his curiosities. His questions made the shame creep into my system.

I was such an idiot.

I hadn't had a panic attack in almost a year. He had bought the Xanax illegally from a friend, not wanting to send me to the doctor for a proper prescription. When I had a panic attack - which wasn't often - he simply left the room and let me deal with it myself. Mara's help was completely new and entirely useful.

I hadn't shut down because the flashback was thrown at me so quickly that I didn't have time to shut myself down before it started. It had come out of nowhere, and I was ashamed.

As if they needed any more proof as to what sort of freak I was.

I had some rotten bad luck.

"Nina, is it alright if I carry you to your room? You don't look like you can make it up there," he said quietly. I nodded without thinking it through.

Then his arms were around me and I was being lifted into the air and my head rolled against his chest. I shuddered in his arms and found that I couldn't stop. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to hide my reaction.

I failed.

"Nina, am I hurting you right now? Does this feel bad?" I slowly shook my head. "Do you think I'm going to hurt you?"

I wasn't sure. Two instincts warred inside me. It took a few long seconds, but I finally shook my head. No, it wasn't likely he'd hurt me. At least not while there were people in the next room.

"Then why are you afraid?" he asked.

That was a good question. One I didn't have an answer too.

My shuddering stopped, and he sighed in relief before setting off up the stairs. He held me close in his arms, and I closed my eyes again, letting out a long breath. No, it didn't hurt. It didn't hurt at all.

I almost allowed myself to think that it felt good.

He nudged open my door with his foot and laid me on my bed, and I wasn't sure whether or not to I should be relieved or disappointed. He pulled my sheets up over me and smiled.

"I'll let you go to sleep now, you look tired," he said. "I'll see you tomorrow, right?" I knew the question he was really asking. Can I be around you tomorrow?

I nodded, and his smile grew.

"Goodnight, Nina."

He slipped out of my room and closed the door behind him. It took me only moments to fall asleep.

A/N: Heeeey, they held hands guys they held hands did you have Fabina feels? ;D I hope I wrote the panic attack correctly. I did a lot of research beforehand, both on panic attacks and how to help someone through them. Keep in mind that people have can have many different reactions to panic attacks, not one attack method is correct for all, so Nina's might be different than some.

Next chapter update is March 28th. Yes, a ten day wait, sorry guys. Life is hectic right now and I can't handle updating any faster right now.

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. And the person who reviews first gets two. Tempting enough?

See ya on the 28th, my little definitions!