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Angels on the Moon

Chapter Fourteen

Previously in Angles on the Moon:

I nodded and reached over to give her hand a squeeze, "Then they won't know. Let's get this date started!"

Spencer flashed me the most beautiful smile and I started the car. Time to go!

Ashley POV

Flashback continued

I parked my Dad's car in front of the location for our date and Spencer turned to me with a look of confusion, "Um what's going on Ash?"

I gestured out the windscreen at the lit up carousel with the sleepy looking operator standing beside it and said with a grin, "That's our date!"

Spencer's face scrunched up into this adorable look of confusion as she said, "Um ok…really?"

I laughed and climbed out of the car. I skipped around to the passenger side and swung open the door for Spencer. She beamed at me and took my offered hand as she climbed out of the SUV. I gave her hand a squeeze and led her closer to the carousel. The attendant now looked a little livelier, he was probably bored waiting for us.

I dragged Spencer over to him and said, "Hi Jim, this is Spencer. Thanks for opening up for us tonight."

Jim nodded with a smile and said, "Not a worry Ash, your Dad told me you wanted to do something nice for your best friend here."

I grinned, "Yeah I do. Spence, Jim used to be a roadie for my Dad until he had kids and then he settled in LA and opened this awesome little fun park."

Spencer smiled politely and Jim quickly showed me how to use the carousel controls.

"Ok ladies, I'm going to go do some paper work in the office so you have this place to yourself for the next hour and then I've got to head home before the missus gets cranky with me," Jim said with a grin.

We thanked him and he handed me a remote to control the ride before he headed off, leaving us alone with the carousel horses. Spencer turned to me with a look of confusion and asked, "Um how do you go from being a roadie to owning a carousel park?"

I burst out laughing and shrugged as I grabbed her hand and dragged her over to the nearest carousel horse. It was a glittering purple one with a pink mane and a blue saddle. I smirked at the gorgeous blonde and said, "your stead my lady."

Spencer giggled and climbed onto the horse. I scrambled onto the orange horse beside Spencer's and pushed the start button on the remote. The carousel came to life with lights flashing and cheerful music playing. Our horses started moving and I reached over to take Spencer's hand in mine.

Spencer smiled shyly and bit her lip, "So why a carousel?"

I grinned and gave her hand a squeeze, "Because I wanted to do something that would remind us of our friendship, but also something kind of unique to show you how important this, um this connection between us is."

Spencer smiled softly and asked, "This is certainly unique. I don't think anyone else has ever had a first date at a carousel before."

We rode the carousel for almost an hour, changing horses whenever we felt like it until we collapsed into a chariot and giggled madly. I turned to look at her and our eyes met. Suddenly I didn't feel like laughing anymore. I licked my dry lips and reached up to tuck some lose strands of blonde hair behind her ear. I trailed my fingers down her cheek until I reached her neck. I slid my hand into her hair and slowly brought our face together until our lips were just touching. We kissed softly and lazily, just enjoying the feel of each other's lips.

I pulled back and beamed at her, loving the way her blue eyes sparkled with happiness. I stood up and held out my hand for her to take. Spencer grasped it and climbed to her feet, following me off the carousel which I had turned off with the remote. I led her down to the picnic table next to the brightly lit carnival ride and opened up the picnic basket Jim had snuck out here a few minutes before.

I'm sure he wondered why I was doing all this for my 'best friend', I'd bet he had already sussed out that this was more than a friend thing. Luckily Jim was a good guy and wouldn't say a word about it until I told him myself.

I opened the basket and pulled out a Styrofoam container, inside were four hot dogs with the lot. It was Spencer's favourite food of all. Spencer's eyes lit up and she leaned in to kiss me chastely on the cheek.

I grinned and pulled out my next surprise, grape soda which was Spencer's favourite drink. She clapped her hands excitedly and looked eagerly at me as I pulled out the last surprise, fresh baked brownies with ice cream!

"Oh my God Ash! This is awesome! How did you organise all this?" Spencer gushed as she lifted a hot dog from the Styrofoam container.

"It was easy! Jim has all the food stalls here in the park so he put it all together for me and then snuck the basket out while we weren't looking. I just had to tell him what we wanted." I admitted with a shy smile.

Spencer gave my hand a squeeze and mumbled with her mouth full, "I luff it! Fanks Ash!"

I laughed at her adorableness and started on my own hot dog.

We laughed and joked while we ate, it was just like we had always been but with an added layer of feelings. It was like I couldn't look at her the same way anymore. Now that I knew she was wholly and completely mine, now that I knew what her lips tasted like and how her body felt pressed up against me, it was like I saw her in a totally new light.

It's a surreal thing when you start to see someone in that way. God she made me feel so alive!

After we had eaten and rode the carousel a little while longer we said out goodbyes to Jim and headed off to our final destination of the night. The drive was filled with the music of the radio and a comfortable silence. Spencer rested her hand on my thigh the whole way, her mouth turned up in a contented smile.

I parked the car at our park and smiled over at her. Spencer grinned and we climbed out of the car to walk over to our spot under the willow tree. We snuggled up under the flowing branches and looked out over the moonlit park.

"Do you remember that time we were here and those two women walked in? That was such a big moment for me Ash. It was like seeing proof that what I was feeling was ok and could be something really beautiful," Spencer murmured as she snuggled closer to me.

I kissed the top of her head and said softly, "I know, it was like the universe was telling us it was ok to feel what we were feeling, that it wasn't wrong or disgusting. It was like a piece of the puzzle fell into place for me and I knew that no matter what we were going to be ok."

Spencer turned her head to look into my eyes before she kissed me tenderly. I smiled into the kiss and ran my hands through her silky blonde hair. We stayed like that for long time, just kissing softly and talking about random things. It was always so amazing to me how I could sit with Spencer for hours and really talk about nothing at all and still have it be the best time.

After a while we were both starting to shiver a bit so we decided it was time we headed back to the farm. The last thing I wanted was to miss curfew and to make Paula and Arthur not trust us.

On the drive home Spencer took my hand in hers and intertwined our fingers. She didn't let go until we were parked in front of the house.

Spencer looked over at me and smiled tenderly, "I had the most amazing time tonight Ash. I can actually feel my face hurting because of how much I have laughed and smiled tonight. Thank you."

I grinned my nose-crinkling smile and replied, "No thank you. Thank you for being brave enough to tell me how you feel and thank you for letting me be the one you experience all this with. I can't even tell you how much that means to me Spence."

She flashed me a shy smile and glanced up at the house before leaning in and kissing me sweetly on the lips. I smiled into the kiss and tangled my fingers into her soft blonde hair.

We reluctantly broke apart and smiled sweetly at each other before we climbed out of the car and headed into the house. We said good night to Glen and Clay who were playing video games in the living room and headed upstairs where we called good night to Paula and Arthur who were getting ready for bed themselves.

Spencer led the way into her room and disappeared with her pyjamas into the bathroom. I got changed quickly in her room and waited until she walked back in. Spencer smiled shyly and stood nervously next to her bed. I bit my lip and glanced at the bed I had been sleeping in that bed every weekend and all school breaks for years now and I had never felt nervous about getting into it before.

"Um so I guess we go to bed?" Spencer asked timidly.

I nodded and said, "Yeah, but we don't need to be nervous, nothing needs to happen between us Spence. We are just figuring this all out so let's just go to sleep like we always do and not put pressure on ourselves for it to be more than that, ok?"

Spencer nodded with a relieved smile and climbed into her side of the bed. I smiled at her and slid into my side of the bed after turning out the light.

We lay on our backs for a while, both staring up at the ceiling and trying carefully not to touch each other. After a few tense minutes I heard Spencer mutter, "This is ridiculous," before she took my hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.

I turned my head and grinned at her in the darkness, clutching her hand in mine. She leaned over and kissed my cheek before lying back on her side of the bed. Within minutes we were fast asleep, still holding hands and with huge grins on our faces.

End Flashback

It was a happy memory, the start of something that would come to mean so much to both of us, but even this happy memory almost tore me in two. How the hell am I going to get better when I can't even bare to think about the good times? How will I ever face my demons and come to terms with my past when it is all killing me?

It's too much. I don't know how I am ever going to beat this.

Glen POV

I headed into the office at Carlin House after my basketball session with some of the kids and smiled at my brother Clay, who was on the phone trying to get one of our more frequent flyers into an internship with a local graphic design company. This kid had first come to Carlin House as a runaway when he was 15 and had been back every few months since. With the help of the staff here (and mostly Clay) the guy was now 18 and on his way to college to study graphic design. It was just an example of some of the great outcomes Carlin House could achieve.

Our parents had set up this place years ago. Mom had just finished her surgical residency and was working as an ER doc and Dad was working as a social worker for LA Children Services. Both of them quickly got fed up with seeing these young people who just got caught up in the system and never made it out. I think it really got them down so they started looking into ways they could help.

They put feelers out to colleagues, shelters, youth services and schools and soon had a lot of interest and an idea that would grow to become Carlin House as it is today. Both of them had come from wealthy families in Ohio (our grandparents always gave the best gifts!) so they got their parent's to invest and bought the farm we all grew up on. It took them a while to find the right property. They wanted one with a lot of space, multiple entrances, lots of natural forest and one that wasn't too far out of town.

The house, barn and some paddocks were already there, but Carlin House itself took a year to plan and construct. It was built a good couple of minute drive from the main house on a beautiful piece of land that was surrounded by trees, a small lake and close to its own entrance gate so it wouldn't need to use the one that led to the house. They wanted the family home to be totally separate from their work.

The place is called Carlin House, but man is it a lot bigger than a normal house! Its big two-storey place with counselling rooms, a doctors area, various treatment rooms, a room for a dentist to use (the dentist comes in pro-bono once a week and all we need to pay for is the supplies and equipment), rec areas, dorms, a kitchen, dining areas and a fair bit more.

The place is split into areas, one is for low to medium needs and is mostly just a place people can crash and get a bit of help, then we have a specialised drug, alcohol and other addiction rehab area (over the last decade or so there has been an increase in the number of young people coming to us with eating disorders and such so the rehab program was extended so we could help them too), and then an area for other programs like homework help (Clay's baby, we have a bus that picks kids up from local schools and brings them to the farm 3 afternoons a week, the bus also drops them home), art classes, counselling, material assistance (clothing, toiletries, school supplies, etc), meals (we put on meals twice a day and give out take away lunches for the kids to take to school) and a whole heap of other stuff including equine therapy which was proving very useful.

Originally the place had only 3 staff, Mom, Dad and an admin lady named Rita who also tidied the place and babysat me and then Spencer and Clay while Mom and Dad worked. These days there were 12 full time staff, 8 part timers and about 7 others who donated their services on a regular basis like the dentist, a lawyer, 2 nurses and several others. Most of them, including a lot of the kids who used the Carlin House services, were practically family.

Carlin House was opened to young people aged 12 to 21 years old (although we weren't always so strict on that requirement) with a variety of needs. It was a place people were always welcome, no matter who they were or what their circumstances. It was a safe place free from judgement and so many of the kids who came through the House ended up going on to bigger and better things.

I think all us Carlin kids had felt the pull to contribute to the family endeavour. It was something Mom and Dad were so passionate about that it was easy to get infected by that passion. Clay had followed Mom into Med school and worked in the Rehab area most of the time. He also ran the homework program and had developed program that helped the kids with college (including scholarship and grant applications) and job applications.

Clay's wife Chelsea was an amazing artist who owned a gallery in West Hollywood where she exhibited her work. In addition to doing her own work, she also ran art therapy at Carlin House (which she studied in college) and 4 times a year she opened up her own gallery and displayed the kids' work. These shows not only raised the profile of Carlin House, but also were a great fundraiser for the House and the kids (who got to keep the money from the sale of their own art work).

Spencer had been involved with the music therapy area, working closely with the therapist and bringing in musicians and industry people to give the kids opportunities and hope. Once Allie was born and things with Ashley had gone down shit creek she had spent less and less time at the house, understandably. These days she mostly just helped in getting guest speakers and musicians to come in and was great at getting donations of instruments and recording equipment.

Ashley had also done a lot of performances and fundraising for the House, she used to come out regularly and meet the kids and do mentoring and stuff. Well that was until Kyla died.

My wife Madison had studied journalism at college and now worked as a reporter for Rolling Stone (Ashley's Dad Raife had hooked her up). She did writing workshops with the kids and helped with the homework program when she could. She was doing less these days as she was due to pop with our first baby in just over three weeks!

As for me, well I went on to college and got a social work degree like my dad. I know it was the last thing most people expected of me, I was kind of an immature ass in high school, but I really wanted to help people. When I was 17 I blew out my ACL playing basketball, thus ruining what I thought would be a professional basketball career. It was a dark time for me and I ended up addicted to pain killers. It was only through the support of my family and my counsellor (who was a social worker) that I got through it. Since then I realised what I really wanted to do with my life.

So my role at Carlin House was working with the homeless or at risk of homelessness kids. I loved what I did and got a lot of satisfaction out of it. I also ran sports programs for the kids, which I think I loved even more than they did.

Carlin House was a family and we all cared a lot about the place and the kids.

I grinned over at Clay as he hung up the phone with a triumphant smile, "Looks like the Gruenberg agency is willing to give Darryl an internship!"

I high fived my brother and said, "Congrats man, that's great. He's a good kid and will really get a lot from this opportunity."

Clay nodded and leaned back in his seat, "Oh and I spoke to Spencer earlier, she wants to have us all over for dinner this week, is that ok with you and Mad?"

"Yeah should be fine, I'll have to check with the boss, but I think she'll be fine with it. So how's Spencer doing?" I asked softly. Things had been a little nuts at the House so I hadn't seen as much of Spencer since Ashley arrived as I would have liked.

Clay frowned and said sadly, "I think she is struggling with everything more than she lets on. She is actually feeling hope and that scares her."

I slumped in my chair and sighed, "You really think she is hopeful? After everything they've gone through? I think she is preparing for the worst."

Clay shrugged, "You might be right, but I think against her better judgement she has hope that Ash will get better and they can rebuild their lives."

I sighed and swung my chair from side to side as I thought about my sister in law. Ashley and Kyla had been a fixture of our lives since that first day Raife and Dad had introduced Spencer and Ash. From then on the girls spent more time at the farm than they did at home. Ashley and Kyla were family long before Ash and Spence got together.

I missed them.

"I want to go back Clay, back to when Kyla was alive and we were all one big, sickeningly happy family. I want Spence and Ash to be a couple and Allie to have both her Moms. I want Sam to have his Mom and Aiden to not be so broken. I want the gang to be all together again, just like it used to be..." I trailed off as my mind began to wander back to simpler times.

Flashback

"Glen!" Spencer shrieked as I splashed her with water from the pond.

We were all sitting underneath the giant shade trees next to the pond about a 2 minute walk from the main house. It was a regular hang out for the group of us. The group consisted of me, Glen Carlin the oldest and best looking at 18, Clay who was almost 17, Chelsea, Madison, Spence and Ash who had all turned 16 in the last five or so months, Kyla who was 14 and Aiden, who was 14, almost 15. He was Kyla's shadow and best friend. I reckoned that Ky and Aide were gonna end up together! It was s freaking obvious.

I grinned at my baby sister who huffed and snuggled in closer to Ashley. Those two were always kinda touchy, but that day they were constantly touching and looking at each other. They were acting stranger than they usually did.

Kyla shoved Aiden and he toppled over in a heap. That boy was a bit of a bean stalk. He was wicked tall, but stick thin and all awkward. It was kind of funny watching him try and do things without being all clumsy about it. He was a good kid though and would do anything for Ky.

Ky and Ash were my little sisters too. I would protect them the same way I protect Spence...and tease them the same way I tease her too! Hey if they want to be Glen Carlin's surrogate little sisters then they had to put up with the good and bad.

Ashley rested her head on Spencer's shoulder and rolled her eyes at a giggling Kyla, "Ky, why did you shove Bambi?"

Aiden scowled and said grumpily, "Would you not call me that Ash?"

Ashley pretended to think about it and shrugged, "Sorry Bambi, you learn to walk without tripping over your own feet then I'll call you something else."

Spencer chuckled and slapped Ashley gently in the arm, earning her a swift grin from the other girl. I watched them as they shared a look and frowned a little. What was going on with them?

Aiden, blushing hotly, got to his feet and stumbled his way over to where a giggling Kyla was sitting up against a large rock near the edge of the pond. He loved her, that much was obvious. Eventually she would see it too and then those kids would totally hook up! I'd kill him if he ever hurt her. Well I'd kill him if Ashley didn't get in first.

Spence raised her eyebrow at me and asked with a grin, "Um why are you glaring at Aiden?"

Ashley cleared her throat and interjected, "Um I believe we just cleared this up, his name is Bambi!"

Everyone, aside from Aiden, laughed. Spencer shook her head at Ashley and gazed into her eyes. I studied them carefully and watched the little subtleties about how they interacted with each other. It wasn't massively different, but there was something that had changed.

I kept watching them as the conversation continued around me.

"So what do you guys want to do later? We could order some pizzas and just hang out in the den? Mom and Dad won't mind." Clay suggested, looking quickly at Chelsea before looking away. Clay so had the hots for Chels! She was good friends with Spencer and Ash and he had been into her from the moment Spence first introduced them. I honestly think Chelsea wasn't interested, I think she thought he was a big geek.

Madison flicked her hair over her shoulder and shrugged, "Sure why not? My Mom isn't expecting me home til late anyway."

Madison was the hottest girl I had ever seen. I mean, wow! She had these awesome green eyes and the sexiest curves. I loved it when she stayed the night at the farm, it just gave me more time to talk to her and hang out. I know she was only 16, but man she was just awesome. She had this wicked sense of humour that just got to me and she was smarter than most people thought. I'm pretty sure she just saw me as Spencer's older brother though.

The rest of the gang all agreed and we slowly gathered up all our stuff and started ambling back towards the house. Spencer grabbed Ashley's hand in hers, which wasn't out of the ordinary, it was the look she gave her that was. It was the kind of look I shot at Madison when I thought no one was looking. The difference here was that Ashley was looking back at Spencer in the same way.

Could they be…I mean is it possible that they…are they…a couple?!

I looked over at them as they walked hand in hand to the house with the gang. Even though they were surrounded by all our friends it was still like it was just them alone together. That was the vibe I felt from them, that they were lost in their own world that the rest of us weren't able to enter.

What would it mean if they were a couple? I mean how would my parent's react? How would I react? How would it feel if my little sister was...gay?

Once we got to the house everyone headed for the den and I told them all I would order the pizzas, anything to give me a moment alone with my thoughts. I was about to dial when Ashley stepped into the room and said with a grin, "Doofus, don't forget your sister is mad on pineapple pizza at the moment so make sure you get one of those ok?"

I nodded and smiled at her, surprising her with my lack of a comeback, and said, "You care a lot about Spencer don't you?"

She gave me a weird smile and shrugged, "You know I do."

I nodded again and murmured, "Well that's all I need to know. Go tell the others to pick some movies and maybe call their folks so they can stay tonight and we'll all have a proper movie night."

Ashley grinned and headed off to the den. She loved Spencer, and not in the best friends kind of way. She was in love with Spencer and if I wasn't mistaken Spencer returned those feelings 100%.

So if Spencer being gay meant that she was with someone who loved her as much as Ashley does then how could that be wrong? It was, it was that simple. Love like that could never be wrong!

I smiled to myself and ordered the pizzas, making sure to charge them to the credit card I'd swiped from Ashley's purse. What? Her Dad was loaded and she would have offered to pay anyway!

After that was done I joined my friends in the den and beamed over at the recliner where Spencer and Ashley were snuggled together while Madison and Aiden argued over the choice of movies.

"Not going to happen Bambi, we are not watching that lame ass movie!" Madison said, putting her hands on her hips and glaring at the kid.

Aiden threw his hands up in the air and grumbled, "Die Hard is not lame Madison!"

Madison shrugged and sat down on the sofa with her arms folded over her chest, "Maybe not, but we're still not watching it!"

"Ok, so let's just watch something else then!" Kyla shrieked, she had little patience for stupid fights.

After a few more minutes of arguing and sullen silence from Aiden we all settled down to watch a movie. I watched as Spencer snuggled down in Ashley's arms with an expression so happy it made me wonder how I had never noticed how they felt about it each other before.

I stood up and flicked off the TV, earning me groans and complaints from everyone. I walked over to stand in front of a very confused looking Spence and Ash and said softly, "I know ok."

Spencer's face scrunched up in confusion, while Ashley's immediately conveyed realisation.

"What are you talking about Glen?" Chelsea asked while Spencer and Ashley exchanged looks.

I laughed, "Come on guys, it's so clear. I don't know how we didn't all see it before."

Spencer stood up and held up a warning hand, "Glen stop."

I smiled and shook my head, "No, not one person in this room will care Spencer. Tell them all the truth and no one here will think differently of you. I love you, Clay and Mom and Dad love you and none of that is going to change by you saying it out loud."

Ashley stood up beside Spencer and gave her hand a squeeze, "He's right Spence, it's not going to change the world if you say it."

Spencer shook her head, "It might."

Ashley smiled tenderly and murmured, "It won't."

I watched the confusion and fear cover my baby sister's face and I felt guilty that I acted without really thinking and had pushed her to out herself like this. I knew though that if she wasn't pushed then Spencer would be content to just hide forever. Neither her or Ash deserved that. I also wanted her to know that it was going to be ok.

Everyone else in the room had their eyes glued to us, eagerly awaiting Spencer's next move. She searched Ashley's eyes and must have found what she was looking for because she smiled a tiny little grin and faced the group. Spencer took a deep breath and said softly, "Ash and I are…well we're…we're a couple."

There was dead silence for a second before everyone erupted in loud cheers and laughter.

Kyla smirked at everyone and bragged, "I totally knew before anyone else! I know all!"

Aiden had a dreamy expression as he mumbled, "That is so hot…ouch!" That ouch was because Kyla had punched him in the gut.

Ashley glared and snapped, "Shut it Bambi!"

Chelsea smiled at the couple and said with a chuckle, "You guys know we could totally tell right? I mean you two have been even more sickly sweet than usual. It's nice to see you guys finally working it out."

Spencer blushed and looked down at the ground before she murmured, "So are you guys seriously ok with this?"

Madison sighed, "Did you really think we wouldn't be Spence? I mean we are your friends and we love you guys, why would we care that you two are gay?"

Spencer bit her lip and held Ashley's hand in a death grip, "I was just so scared that you would all think I was disgusting or something. I mean people say the most horrible things at school about gay people."

Clay walked over and grabbed her free hand, "Spence, those people are idiots. They are stupid and scared and just covering up how insecure they are by tearing down other people. No one here would ever judge you for who you are and if anyone at school ever says anything then they will have all of us to deal with, ok?"

Everyone else nodded and agreed loudly. Spencer grinned and then said, "Um can you guys please keep this to yourselves for a little while? We aren't quite ready to tell our parents yet."

"No drama chica, none of us will say a damn thing," Madison promised with a grin.

"Mom, Dad, Anne and Raife are going to be pretty excited I reckon," Clay said with a shrug, adding, "but they won't hear it from anyone but you two."

I moved over and stood in front of my little sister and said softly, "Mom and Dad will only know once you are ready for them to. I'm sorry if I forced you to face up to this, I'm sorry if you weren't ready. I just didn't want you to hide something that makes you so happy you sing in the shower and dance in the kitchen."

Spencer blushed and hissed, "Glen, shut up!"

I laughed and pulled her into a hug. Spencer dropped Ashley and Clay's hands to wrap her arms around me. I whispered softly into her ear, "I will always love you and have your back Spence. You and Ashley will never need to worry about a damn thing as long as I'm around."

End Flashback

Sadly I hadn't been able to protect Spencer and Ashley from what life threw at them. No one saw it coming, no one predicated that everything would end up the way it had.

Clay stood up and clapped me on the back, "I know man, I wish things were different too. Let's just do what we can to look out for our family, I include Ashley in that too."

I nodded and flashed my brother a sad smile. I would do what I could to protect my family.