It's like I've been living underneath a comforter for the past months. It's like I have been stuck in a fort that I created as a kid, but I've grown and can't fit in it any longer. When I woke that morning next to Helga it was as though I could breathe the air again. Something happened to me that I hadn't had in a while or that I had but refused to notice.

I had hope.

Hope is the most terrifying thing that a person can have. It opens so many options. Living without hope was worse. I was more thankful for this woman than I could ever describe. She has been taking care of me, and never asked for a thing in return. That day that she said she just wanted to make it up to me. She has gone far beyond any expectation of making up what happened in high school. I have been a pitiful excuse of a human being. I haven't been any kind of person that anyone would want to be. I know that if I had a child I would never want them to be the person that I became.

Honestly I am a little ashamed of myself. However I don't regret what I have done.

This time she is the one who pretends to be asleep. She rolls over after she realized that I am awake, and looks into my face. Not a soul on this earth should still be this attractive early in the morning. Bright eyes looking into mine, and an automatic smile crosses her lips.

"Good morning", I tell her softly while moving a stray strand of hair off of her face.

She blushed and responded, "Good morning, and Merry Christmas."

I had to think about it for a minute. It had dawned on me that it was in fact Christmas today. I was staring far too hard into her face that I lost my place in the universe. It seemed to be what she was mean to do, was to bring me back into reality.

She rolled out the bed lightly onto her feet, and like clockwork made coffee.

…

Coffee. It was going to be a long day. Today would be the day that I give him the gift that I have spent some time making, and knowing that after he receives it our relationship will never be the same again. I walk back to the bed with cups in hand, and a ridiculous smile on my face. One that I keep trying to wipe away, but it won't seem to leave. I excuse myself to my water closet after setting my coffee down.

I splashed water on my face, brushed my teeth, and put a brush through my hair. I toyed with the idea of adding make up to my face when his voice comes through the door. "Don't try to alter your appearance, the way you look right now is just perfect."

Now I was smiling like an idiot. I swear I have to get my facial features under control, I rolled my eyes to myself in the mirror.

I go back out braiding my hair down and throwing it over my shoulder. He is watching me even though my eyes are to the floor. I go over to my desk and grab my coffee and hold it close to my face while I flip on the fire. I breathe and sit next to him with one leg up on the bed, and the other hanging off carelessly. I sit angled towards him. "So how did you end up here?" I asked him.

"Well I went to the house last night, as you know. I came by to see you, but I didn't realize how late it was when I got back. I'm sorry if it inconveniences you in anyway." He said calmly.

"No. no it's fine, I just didn't know if something was wrong." I said.

I got up and grabbed his gift from beside/under the little tree that I have. It was wrapped with a bow on top. A box, but it wasn't overly large. I walked over to him sitting back down.

"This box is your Christmas gift. I could not for the life of me really figure out what to give you. I didn't know what to do. So I hope you like it. However I ask that you not open it with me. As odd as that request is I would really appreciate it." I said trying not to be emotional or embarrassed.

"Okay", he said. "I can do that."

"I do have something for you Helga. I left it in my room in my haste over here. You aren't horribly upset with me for not having it with me at this moment are you?" He said quietly.

What he didn't know was that it was really a gift enough having him here with me at this moment. A lifetime of loving this ridiculous person has left me with the best Christmas gift I have ever received and he has no idea how much it means to me. Talk about the irony.

We spend the rest of the morning and afternoon watching Christmas movies, not just classics, but I am one of those people that combines Christmas and Halloween. The Nightmare Before Christmas, The Addams Family, and Beetlejuice are what I like to watch on the Christmas day.

He returned to his room fairly late. We went out to eat for dinner to a Chinese place. It's one of my favorite traditions procured from A Christmas Story. He was a gentleman. He was kind. He was a person I haven't seen in a very long time.

I know that sad man is still there, but maybe he can make it through this. I have faith in him. Faith in him like others never had in me when I was that way.

…

When I returned to my room I put the box containing my gift on my much cluttered dresser. I had contemplated what it could contain all day, but came up with nothing. I pulled off the box and carefully took off the paper. The box has a white lid that I took off. Inside was a USB drive. She had a note left inside of it.

Don't worry it's not just a USB drive, it's something special. You'll want to play it, and think well of me afterwards. Merry Christmas

XX Helga

I put it in my computer, and it automatically started playing.

"Hello dear and Merry Christmas. I'm sure I have told you that far too many times today. I apologize. I decided that for Christmas I would tell you a story. A very important story. My story."

"I want you to know something about me that you don't know. I want you to know the story about how I died."