Beginnings
Chapter Fourteen
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-October 14, 2000*-*-*-*-*-*-
Matt sat on the edge of the meadow just south of his father's cabin. Cody was home and he was meeting him here to go fishing with Cutler and Benji. He'd come up early last night to clear his head. No one had heard from Jess in over three months. He hadn't told Cody because he would only worry.
"Hey." Cody came up and sat on the log over looking the lake.
"You're early. I didn't expect your till tonight."
"I caught an earlier flight. Cutler and Benji are coming in the morning."
"How are things going down there?"
"Good. Cutler may make it as a great leader some day." Matt smiled. "I know you haven't heard from her either."
"I haven't heard from her because she doesn't talk to me."
"She isn't talking to me either. JT said she's doing fine. She's the perfect soldier."
"She's going to come home Cody. Sooner or later she will come home." Cody looked at his brother.
"She hasn't been home in nearly two years Matt. Mom is a wreck and dad's ready to hall her ass back himself."
"What did she say the last time you talked to her?"
"She wasn't feeling well. She thought it was something in the air."
"Maybe someone should go out there."
"She needs to work this out her self."
"That's the last thing I thought I would hear coming out of your mouth Cody."
"I don't know what to say anymore. She's not the same person I grew up with Matt. She's cold. I talk to her and there's no warmth. No caring. She sounds relieved that I'm doing okay but other then that she doesn't share anything. Has she talked to Cutler?"
"She won't even answer his e-mails anymore." Matt looked out at the water. "I feel like this is my entire fault Cody." Cody looked at his brother.
"No one knew she was going to cut herself off from us."
"I should have realized that maybe things weren't so good for her before she came to us."
"Do you think Lee and Hale hurt her?"
"I don't know but something set her off and I wish I knew what it was."
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Jess rolled over. The man next to her pulled her back against him. Her head was pounding and she needed a shower. The smell of coffee hit her hard as she opened one eye to see JT standing next to her bed.
"Time to go to work." She rolled her on her back.
"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?"
"I tried waking you up with a phone call, a knock on the door, making coffee, and yelling at you to get your ass out of bed. This was my last hope. Who's the blond?" Jess looked at the man next to her sound asleep.
"Chaz, Chase, Chance, something like that." She started to get up. "Do you mind?" JT shook his head.
"Go right ahead, don't let me stop you." She shook her head and got up and waked naked to the bathroom. "Your brother called me again." JT went to the bathroom door. "You need to talk to him Jess." The shower turned on. "Jess damn it." Opening the door he set the coffee down on the counter. "You need to talk to them Jess."
"You need to mind you own business Jasper Thomas."
"Jesse Lynn you are my business. You're my partner and my friend. You loosing touch with your family isn't what Matt had in mind when he told you to spread you wings." Jess looked around the side of the shower curtain.
"Drop dead JT."
"I almost did and that's why you're being a cold heartless bitch."
"I've was always prided my self on being heartless and bitchy. It helps with the work." JT leaned against the counter.
"To the criminals Jess, not your family." She got back under the spray. The nausea hit her hard. Grabbing on to the edge of the shower she started puking. "Jess!" He pulled back the curtain and Jess was on her knees. "Damn it I told you to lay of the tequila."
"I have been." She puked again. "I must have eaten something bad."
"Jess you've been sick on and off for weeks. You need to go to the doctor." Jess shook her head.
"Get out of my bathroom Jasper and warm up my coffee." She got up and finished her shower.
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Jess came into the kitchen in jeans and a t-shirt. JT was making eggs and the blond man was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee.
"Good morning gentlemen." She smiled. After puking she felt a whole lot better.
"Call Cody, please." Jess glared at JT and headed to the phone. "Charlie how do you want your eggs?" Jess smiled a thank you for getting her new friends name. The phone rang three times.
"Hawkes."
"JT said you wanted me to call."
"I wanted you to want to call."
"I've been busy Cody. I know your only home for a few days but really I couldn't get away."
"Matt and Jim are worried about you."
"Tell them I'm fine. Really Cody, I've been taking care of myself for more years then you know."
"Don't be reckless Jess." Jess looked at the man sitting at her kitchen table. She smiled to herself.
"Don't worry about me Cody. It's all good. Tell Matt and Jimmy I can take care of myself."
"Come home."
"I am home. Good-bye Cody." She hung up. Sitting down at the table JT put a plate of eggs and toast in front of her.
"At least he knows you're still alive."
"Whatever."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*October 29, 2000*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Jess had the man in her sights.
"I have the shot."
"Wait for it Jess." JT whispered in her ear.
"I have the solution JT."
"And I have my orders Jess now hold your fire." Sweat was pouring down her forehead.
"This is it JT. Last job."
"Now's not the time."
"Just letting you know."
"What are you going to do?"
"Go home."
"Take the shot." Jess pulled the trigger and the man across the park fell to the ground. "Well it's about damn time."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*November 4, 2000*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Jess couldn't get out of bed. JT and some friends were coming any minute to help her put the last of the things into her truck and she could barely lift her head. She had been weak the last few days and this morning was the worst.
"JESS!" Swallowing hard she tried to call to JT but she couldn't. He found her in bed.
"I think its time to go to the hospital now."
"You think?" JT helped her out of bed. "How long have you been sick this time?"
"A couple of days. Just the nausea."
"How many times have you thrown up?"
"I lost count." He helped her slip on a jacket. JT could tell just by helping her out of bed it had been awhile since she was able to keep anything down. Her athletic body was at least twenty pounds lighter then a few weeks before.
"I'll call your parents when we get to the hospital."
"No. I haven't even told them I'm coming home yet."
"Jess if something serious is wrong."
"Please just get me…" She pushed away from him and just made it to the bathroom before throwing up again.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
JT paced back and forth trying to convince himself that it was okay that he wasn't calling Jesse and Jackie and telling them that Jess was in the hospital. Maybe he should call Matt or Cody. The doctor came up to him. The older woman looked concerned.
"Are you with the Ms Hawkes?"
"I'm her partner."
"Does she have any family?"
"No, I'm all she's got here. There's release papers on file with the Secret Service that gives me permission to authorize treatment."
"Ms. Hawkes is suffering from arsenic poisoning."
"Arsenic. I though…well people die right away from that."
"Smaller animals yes. A human if given in small amounts it may take weeks maybe even months if someone wanted it to go undetected."
"How long has she been…getting the poison?"
"By the hair follicle test we took about six months. A few more days and it would have killed her." JT rubbed his hands over his face.
"This stays between you, me and her doc. If it gets out someone was trying to kill a Secret Service Agent it wouldn't go over to well."
"I understand."
"How do you think the poison was being given to her?"
"I would think that it would be something that was given to her in small amounts daily that only she would be digesting." JT closed his eyes and thought for a moment.
"Coffee?"
"That would make scene. It's used in small amounts daily if she was the only one drinking from the pot."
"Mostly just her. Others now and then."
"If it wasn't daily then I would think there is no harm done to those who had a cup or two."
"Okay. Can I bring you in the coffee to be tested?"
"Please do." The doctor nodded good-bye when JT's phone rang. Taking it off his belt he walked down the hall and answered it. "Mc Cullen."
"Where are you man, we're all at Jess's." Max Olson was part of his team.
"We got trouble. Get inside and grab the coffee can from the freezer and meet me at the hospital."
"What's wrong?"
"Somebody's trying to kill Jess." JT hung up and leaned against the stark white wall. Closing his eyes he though about calling the Hawkes, but thought better of it because there was nothing they could do two thousand miles away and he didn't three angry armed men gunning for bear in his city right now.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*November 14, 2000*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Matt sat at his desk and looked at the papers in front of him. Shaking his head he tried to be excited about the fourteen applicants applying for two positions on his team. Six of them didn't have the rescue background and four didn't have the education he was looking for so that left four and an envelope he go in today's mail. Taking his letter opener he slid it across the top of the envelope. It was thicker then the others. Somebody was over compensating. Matt unfolded the letter and went to the signature on the bottom. He swallowed hard. Jesse Lynn Hawkes. He tried not to smile. She was coming home. Closing his eyes he thanked whoever made her see that she was still welcome here.
"Cutler!" Matt stood up when his friend entered the room.
"Yeah boss."
"Have you heard from my sister?"
"No. I e-mailed her about a week ago but I haven't heard anything back." Matt handed Cutler the application. "She's coming home?"
"Looks like it." Cutler smiled. "Neither one of us can do her evaluation."
"None of us can be neutral enough Matt." Robin walked by the window. "Except Miss Sweden. She won't show any favorites. In fact she'll push Jess harder then anyone."
"Think she'll do it?"
"She'll eat Jess for breakfast." The phone rang.
"I'll get this. You go talk to her." Cutler left the room and Matt picked up the phone. "Ranger Station, Hawkes."
"Hi."
"Hey Jess." Matt sat down.
"I'm coming home." Her voice was unsteady.
"I just got your application."
"Good. I don't want you to think I expect any special treatment."
"I didn't think you wanted it any other way." She was quiet. "What's wrong?"
"I've been sick. I'm better but I still get a little tired."
"Do you want somebody to drive home with you? I could get Cutler to fly out. Or I could take a few days."
"I need time to clear my head."
"Jess, there's something you're not telling me."
"I'm just tired Matt. Don't tell mom and dad I'm coming home. I want to surprise them."
"It'll be the best Christmas present you've ever given them. Mom has been a mess since Miami."
"I'm not the person that left Matt. They should know that much."
"You'll get her back after spending some time back here."
"I wish I could believe that but I think she's dead. I have to go. Tell mom and dad I love them." She hung up before Matt could ask if she had talked to Cody. He hung up as Cutler came back into the office.
"She's game."
"Good, because I have a feeling she's coming home with some mighty heavy baggage."
"Kitrick?"
"I don't know. What makes a person pick up and leave a job without having another one?"
"Someone running from something."
"Exactly." Matt looked at the application in front of him. Sliding the last paper out he saw it was a picture. Matt smiled. Jess had drawn him a get well card when she had broken his jaw. It was that picture with the big letters of an eight year old saying 'I'm Sorry'. Matt smiled. Maybe some day they would be friends again.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-November 23, 2000*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
6:30 am
It was quiet when Jess pulled her truck behind the stables. She wanted to enjoy some peace before walking in on the family. She heard talking in the barn but it was all one sided. Stopping at the door she listened.
"She'll be home soon girl, I promise. I know Matt hasn't been taking you out like he said he would but things have been getting busy around here." Jess watched Cutler rub Stella's head. "I bet she misses you more then she misses anyone else." He reached in his pocket and pulled out slices of apple. "I better get the rest of these stalls clean before the boss man comes in and catches me flirting with the girls." Jess couldn't help but laugh out loud. Cutler turned and smiled.
"Jess!" He came to her and hugged her. She had never felt so safe and warm in all her life. She clung to him, tears falling down her cheeks. "God baby what the hell happened to you out there." Holding her he could feel that she had lost weight. More weight then she could afford to loose.
"Maybe I'll share it with you some time." She said clinging to him. He ran his hand down her back.
"I missed you so much." She had missed him more. The men she'd taken up with over the past year were just there to make her forget what she had messed up with him.
"Not as much as I missed you." She raised her head and kissed him. Her lips were cold against his warm ones and she felt her insides warm like they did before the Miami incident. She pushed him against the stall door and pulled the zipper of his jacket down; pulling his shirt out of his pants she ran her cold hands up his warm chest. He caught her hands.
"Jess you need to slow down. Matt is in the office and you need to go see your parents." He took her face in his hands. "We have a lot of things we need to talk about." She looked at him with her sad brown eyes. She knew he was right. "We'll have plenty of time." He kissed the top of her head. "Do want me to help you unload your truck."
"I don't know where I'm staying." He wanted to offer to let her stay at his place but now wasn't the time. "I'll see you at dinner." She turned and walked out. Cutler knew if he followed her he would do more harm then good. He fed Stella the last of the apple from his pocket and headed into the Station. Matt was at the fount desk.
"Stella feeling any better?"
"I think she'll be okay now. Jess pulled up when I was in the barn."
"Jess is here?"
"Yeah. Matt something's wrong. She's lost a lot of weight."
"She said she was sick."
"Sick is loosing a few pounds, Matt this isn't a few pounds." Matt saw the worried look on his friends face.
"Did she say anything?"
"Not much." Cutler looked out the window toward Jesse and Jackie's house. "She wasn't ready to talk about it. Matt she looks rough. If we held trials now she would never cut it."
"You think its that bad?"
"I've know your sister a long time Matt and she's never been sick like this. Hell the girl never even gets a cold."
"Maybe when Cody comes home next week she'll talk to him."
"Can't you call JT and ask him what the hell is going on?"
"I already did. He's not talking." Matt stood up and went to his friend. "Give her some time. She just needs some of moms home cooking and she'll be back to her old self." Matt tuned to go to the kitchen and hopped he was right.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Jess opened the back door of her parents cabin and smelled the turkey already in the oven. She smiled. IT had been two years since she felt the warmth of her mother's kitchen. Her father wasn't at his place at the table. She looked at the clock. It was almost seven. They must have gone for a walk to watch the sun rise. Jess went to her room. It hadn't changed much in the time she'd been gone. Smiling she took off her coat, threw it on the chair and crawled into her bed. She was asleep before her head hit the pillow.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
"Jess." The voice was echoing in her ear. "Jess, wake up." Her eyes fluttered open.
"Cody?" Her voice was dry from sleep.
"You didn't think I'd miss the prodigal daughters return did you?" He brushed the hair out of her face.
"I'm sorry I haven't written. I was packing and lost track of things."
"I know things have been rough. Mom said dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes." Jess sat up. Cody couldn't help but notice she didn't look much like herself. "Are you okay?"
"Just a little tired. I didn't mean to sleep so long. I just was going to lie down for a minute."
"Hey, it's okay Jess. Just relax." Cody rubbed her shoulders. "Take your time coming down. There is no way dinner will start without you."
"Everyone is here?"
"Pretty much. Benji brought a date,"
"That should make for a few blond moments." Cody stood up.
"I'll meet you downstairs."
"Tell mom I'm sorry I slept so long and that I'll jump in the shower and be down as soon as I can."
"Like I said no rush, dinner won't start without you." Cody left her room and went to his and sat on his bed. Running his hands though his hair he looked at the picture on his bedside table. They had taken it the day Jess hit the deer. Stopping for lunch Cutler had gotten his camera out and set it on a log. Cody picked up the picture. It was the last time he'd seen Jess smile. The last time any of them had. Tomorrow he would talk her into going to the doctors. He had to. The Jess smiling back at him was five seven and a hundred and forty pounds of muscle. Stronger then most men he knew and faster then him no matter what the terrain. That's not who was in her room just now. A knock at his door brought him out of his thoughts. "Come in." Matt was there. He came into the room and shut the door.
"Is it as bad as Cutler said?" Cody put down the picture and looked at his brother.
"I'm sure makeup can hide the black shadows under her eyes but she'll never be able to hide how thin she's gotten. Not from dad and mom at least." Matt sat on the bed next to his brother.
"I screwed up Cody. I sent her away and it's destroyed her and I don't know how to fix it."
"You did what you did to protect her." Cody stood up and looked at the sun setting over the mountains. "We all need a dose of reality. If we lived our whole lives thinking this mountain is all there is we'd be a pretty boring bunch." Cody turned back to his brother. "Jess will forgive you. Just give it time."
"What about you?"
"You did what you did because you didn't want her to end up like me. I get that. I also know that you wouldn't do what you do if you didn't care. I've always had one foot planted on this mountain. You saw what was on the other side and wanted to share it with Jess. But now she's back and she'll be more determined then ever to earn her spot. Just know that she's not going down easy."
"What makes you think I want her to fail?"
"You don't. I know that. If you could you'd put her on the roster right now, the hell with protocol." The look in Matt's eyes told Cody he was right. "But she's not strong enough to pull it off. She couldn't afford to loose four pounds let alone the forty I'm pretty sure she did. I have two months left of my tour. Can you hold off till I get back to start training?"
"I start January fifteenth. The board wants my two new hires but March first."
"You have a problem with Cutler training with her?" Matt looked at his brother.
"You really think those two can spend more then a day together and not end up back where they were two years ago."
"Honestly no. I really don't have a problem with the two of them dating or whatever it is they do but I know it pisses the hell out of you and maybe, just maybe if you get mad enough she'll fight to get back whatever she lost these last few years and you can feel less guilty then you do right now." Matt hated when his little brother was right. Lately Cody was always right.
"We better get downstairs before mom pitches a fit. I'll think about what you said." They both headed downstairs to brace themselves for the shock their parents were going to get when Jess came downstairs.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Jess knew her parent wouldn't say much about her weight loss but her brothers and Cutler would make a big deal of it. She had gained a few pounds back after leaving the hospital but she still had a lot to go before she was back to where she felt comfortable. She came down the back stairs knowing that the kitchen would be less busy then the front room.
"There's my baby girl." Jackie was at the counter mashing potatoes. She came around the island and hugged her close. Jess knew by the way her mother clung to her that she was worried about the change in her body.
"I'm fine now mom. Really." She clung to her mother. "I'm home now."
"Yes you are. And you my dear are never going to leave again." Jess smiled. She pushed away from her mother.
"Can I help with anything? I'm sorry I fell asleep."
"You had a long drive. The boys helped. Your father is in the den. He wants to see you." Jess looked at her mother.
"Is he mad?"
"Jessie Lynn, has your father ever gotten mad at you?"
"You forget who you're talking to." Jackie smiled.
"I think he just wants you alone so when he gets all teary eyed he won't loose his macho dad thing in front of the boys." Jess smiled and headed to her father's den. Knocking she heard a faint 'come in' and opened the door. "Mom said you wanted to see me?"
"It took you long enough to come home." Jesse came around the desk and looked at her.
"I know. I just wanted to put in my time. It was easier if I didn't come home."
"You're staying? For good?" She looked at him.
"If things work out." He looked at her with his stern blue eyes.
"The next time you decide to pull a stunt like the one you did two years ago I will hall your ass back to this mountain. You're not too old for me to put you over my knee young lady." Jess smiled a small smile. Her father hugged her close. She was home and feeling better then she had in a very long time.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*November 24, 2000*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Jess sat at the bar and watched Cody and Benji play pool. Cutler sat next to her. He was watching like a Hawke. She laughed at her own joke. Cody dragged her to the medical center today and the doctor said everything was fine. The poison was out of her system but she still might be tired and restless for a few more weeks. She didn't tell Cody about the poison part of it of course. That could really wait for another time. She felt Cutlers hand on her back. She turned and looked at him.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, why?"
"You looked like you were off in your own little world." Smiling Jess leaned over and kissed him.
"I wouldn't go there without you." Cutler swallowed and looked at Cody shooting pool. "Your not afraid of him are you?"
"I've learned to fear all the men in your family Jess." She smiled but it didn't quite make it to her eyes. "Are you sure everything's okay?"
"Yeah." The door opened and Jess did a double take. "Jasper Thomas is that you?" He smiled and walked toward her pulling her off the bar stool and into his arms.
"You are a sight for sore eyes Jesse Lynn!" He held her close and spun her around. "You look like hell but better then the last time I saw you." She took a deep breath when he put her down. "The whole team quit Jess." He looked into her eyes. "I got a job at a private security firm in LA."
"Good. I'm glad to know you're all out of there." Cody came up to them.
"Hey man long time no see." The two men shook hands and JT turned to Cutler and shook his hand.
"Sorry Cutler I didn't see you there." Cutler had a smart ass remark ready to throw at the younger man but Jess's hand on his thigh stopped him. "So your feeling better I see." JT looked back at Jess.
"Yeah." She looked down at her boots."
"You didn't tell them, did you?" Cody looked at JT and then at Jess. She shook her head. "You were supposed to tell them." She looked at JT's intense blue stare.
"I was going to. I just…Matt can't know. It's killing him already that I came back looking like crap I'm not going to tell him why." Cody looked at his sister.
"Enlighten me then Jess." She looked at him.
"I wasn't just sick. I was poisoned." She looked at the four men standing around her. Benji wasn't one to be left out of anything. He was still mad about missing out on her crashing into the deer. "Someone was poisoning my coffee at home." Cody looked like the wind was knocked out of him.
"Someone was trying to kill you?" Cutler asked, just as stunned as Cody.
"Yeah. If I hadn't gone a few weeks on some all night stake outs and bought coffee elsewhere I would have been dead. I was lucky I pulled a few all niters here and there or I would have been a goner." Jess looked at JT. She knew he was itching to tell him the rest. "JT and the others think its Cole." The anger flew hot around her. She could feel the testosterone reaching record levels. If Jake, the bars owner was standing closer I'm sure it would have radiated off him too. "Everyone take a deep breath because no one can prove it. It's just a thought." She looked at three sets of ice blue eyes and one set of emerald green. "Please, it's over. I don't need the bunch of you going off half cocked. Matt can't find out. Please. This doesn't leave this room." She glared at the four of them.
"Fine." They all said at once.
"And until we find out if and why Kitrick did this, he's off limits." Jess knew that she had the power over them to make them see things her way. She had been using it against them most of her life. They all nodded in agreement. "Good. Next rounds on me." She threw a fifty on the bar and bought a round for the house.
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Jess leaned against Cutler's chest. He was sitting on the bar stool and she was between his legs watching JT try to beat Cody at darts. Cutler pulled back her hair and kissed her neck.
"We should get out of here. I have an early shift in the morning." He whispered in her ear. "Are you coming home with me?" Jess smiled.
"Do you think my brother will cover for me?" Cutler looked at Cody.
"Your brother is trashed. I think he would tell your parent you were abducted by aliens if you wanted him to."
"Nothing that drastic. Jesse would not believe that little green men took me to have their way with me. You on the other hand…" She tilted her head and kissed him.
"Let's get out of here. JT can bring Cody and Benji home." Jess looked at Benji in the corner with a brunette.
"Benji has his own ride. JT's been slamming all kinds of stuff. He can't drive." Cutler laughed.
"The only thing Jasper has been slamming is root beer. Baby you're so cut off. Now let's go." He pushed her off his lap and stood up. "I will go tell the man not carrying a gun that I'm taking his baby sister home with me." He pulled her with him as he walked.
"Maybe I should have JT bring me home." He pulled her into his arms.
"Not even funny Jess." They were at the pool table. "Cody I'm walking your sister home. Have Jasper drive your sorry ass home." Cody looked at his sister then Cutler.
"Don't come crying to me when Matt shoots you both." He turned back to the dart board. Cutler led Jess out into the cold November night. He tucked her under his arm and headed down the street.
"You cold?" Jess shook her head. They walked the snowy streets that were quiet for a Friday night. "Were you going to tell me about Kitrick?"
"One day soon. I wanted to sit down and tell you everything about the last few years. Things we just never got around to talking about." She looked at the sidewalk ahead of them. "Things I should have said before I left for Miami."
"I have next week end off. Maybe we should get out of here and spend some time away from prying eyes and brother's with guns." Jess smiled.
"Really. You want to go away with me for the week end?" Cutler stopped. He took her chin in his hand.
"Baby it's all I want. Then come Monday morning you and I are getting your ass back in shape." She laughed and turned.
"You have to catch me first." She skidded out of his arms and up the street with Cutler close behind her.