Chapter 13

Ashes of Dreams You Let Die

Katherine Hotchner

December (Christmas Holidays)

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Kate sat curled up on her bed, her back resting against the pillows. She'd finally told her siblings about what had happened at Julliard. Once she had, there was no way she was going to stay downstairs at the dinner table, didn't want to see the pity and sympathy that was likely to be in their eyes. And even though her parents were well aware of the assault, they didn't know the latter half of the announcement she had intended, and did make.

She wasn't sure she wanted to return to Julliard in the new year.

She didn't want to go back there, didn't want to go back to a place where she had no friends, and teachers who did nothing but criticize every single thing she'd done. He had been the only one to compliment her, and look how that had turned out. She didn't know what she'd do, probably go back to a different institution and give up her Broadway dreams, but maybe Julliard and Broadway just weren't the places for Kate.

A soft knock sounded on her bedroom door before AJ poked her head in with a gentle smile. "Can I?"

Kate nodded.

AJ stepped fully into the room, closing the door behind her before making her way to perch on the edge of Kate's bed. The latter shuffled over, making room for her older sister in the same way they used to do when they were having problems and didn't want to talk to their parents. The elder wrapped her arms around Kate's slim body.

"So you're the family representative?" Kate asked after a moment.

AJ chuckled, tipping her head against Kate's. "Nah, They're still arguing about your decision not to return to Julliard. I'm not even sure they're aware I left."

Kate slid her arms tightly around her sister. "Arguing?"

"You know Mom and Dad," AJ replied, affection and reassurance loud in her voice. "Dad's being overprotective, saying that it's obviously not a safe place and it wasn't a safe place to begin with and you shouldn't go back. Mom's trying to make him see reason. You know, it's your decision to make, we need to stand beside every decision you make no matter what..."

Kate swallowed. "So do you agree with Mom or Daddy?"

AJ shrugged. "I can see why you wouldn't want to go back. There's no doubt that... that what you went through... It was traumatic Katie, there's no doubt about that. No one's questioning that. And there isn't a single member of this family that doesn't want to rip him limb from limb. Or worse."

Kate swallowed thickly, tightening her arms around AJ's body. She still didn't like talking about it, thinking about it, or hearing about it.

"And at the end of the day," AJ continued softly, "the decision is yours. No matter what I say, or Jack says, or Mom or Dad... This is your decision to make. You need to do what you feel the most comfortable with."

"But you have an opinion," Kate said.

AJ snorted in amusement. "I'm in law and polisci classes at Yale, of course I have an opinion."

That got a chuckle out of the younger Hotchner sister. "You going to share with the class?"

AJ took a deep breath. "You know how when we were kids, we used to ask Mom and Dad why they had to leave? Why they did what they did?" AJ asked, one hand starting to stroke her hair.

The latter nodded. "They used to tell us they were making the world safer for us and for kids just like us. They were making sure the bad guys didn't win."

"Exactly," AJ nodded. "Broadway's always been your dream, Katie. Like... There isn't a time when you didn't love performing. You've been singing and dancing since I can remember." She shrugged. "If you don't go back, it feels like you're letting the bad guy win."

They were both silent for a few moments before Kate spoke. "What if he's right Annie? I'm not going to..." She shivered at the thought of allowing someone to use her body for the sake of a part. "That's not right."

What if he's wrong? You got into Julliard to begin with, so you've got to be there for a reason. They wouldn't have accepted you if you didn't have talent," AJ pointed out, logically. "What if he's wrong and you're giving up on the one dream you've had since you were... since before you knew you were going to have a job. Is that a risk you're willing to take?"

Kate had to admit, that was a pretty good argument. There wasn't a place in the world Kate was happier than on a stage, belting out her favourite show tunes. The stage was a second home to her.

"You've never been one to give up that easily and we both know that not everyone in the world is the same as the bastard that did that to you."

Kate shivered.

"If Broadway's your dream, Katie, then dropping out of Julliard could potentially be dropping that dream. It's letting the bad guys win."

Kate curled tighter into her sister. AJ made some excellent points, there was no doubt about that. But as much as Kate adored her sister, AJ and Kate's lives at their respective post-secondary institutions were very different. At Yale, AJ had no worries about what her professors thought about her, no worries as to whether she was going to come out of a class with a pass or a fail. She'd never questioned whether she belonged in Yale or not and she had friends on that campus. Not to mention that AJ had always thrived in a competitive environment.

Kate, on the other hand, wasn't a confrontational person. She didn't thrive in competitive environment because she felt too much for others, wanted others to do well ahead of herself. The only place she showed everything, showed her confidence in herself, and her true personality, the only place she came out of her quiet shell was when she was on stage. The only real friend she had at Julliard, the only person she really felt she could trust was Landon.

Kate had no idea if that was enough for her.

So we're dealing with the aftermath of Kate's sexual assault, trying to deal with the Hotchner's responses to all of this and we get to see the sibling relationship between AJ and Kate! Shorter than I wish it was, but sometimes the muses don't always want to cooperate like we wish they would.

Gabs and Jack get the next chapter... Obviously there's a few things that need to be ironed out there! Will they still be together when that chapter's done? Will Jack even get the chance to talk to Gabi before Derek rips him limb from limb?