"Are you all right in there Caroline?" Kate looked at the clock on her nightstand and realized it was only 3:15 a.m. There was no immediate answer.
Kate woke when she heard Caroline get up and go into the en-suite. She figured Caroline just needed to relieve herself but she had been in there longer than usual. Kate grew more concerned when she realized she had the light turned on. Often, when it was just a fast trip to the loo, Caroline would leave the light off since the nightlight gave enough of a glow to maneuver around.
Caroline looked in the mirror and wiped away her tears. "I'll be right out," she eventually replied as she turned on the cold tap and splashed some water on her face. She was having nightmares just about every night. They were always about something going wrong with the wedding, Kate or the baby. She couldn't share them with Kate out of fear of upsetting her or scaring her, or worse, making Kate think she was getting cold feet.
She found Kate waiting by the door. "You okay?"
"I'm fine. But now I'm cold. Let's get back in bed," she said while breezing by Kate.
"I know you well enough to know you're not. This is the third night in a row you're up at this hour. That's not like you," she said, catching her by the arm to stop her mid-step.
"I think I just had a heat flash, that's all," Caroline lied.
"That doesn't make sense. You're still having your regular cycle," reasoned Kate. "Are you sure it's not something else?"
"I'm fine. Let's get under the covers where it's warm," she said.
"I'll be right there. Might as well use the bathroom while I'm up," Kate said as she kissed Caroline tenderly on the cheek.
When Kate climbed back in bed she found Caroline ready for a cuddle. "Your feet are cold," Kate exclaimed as she began to try to warm them with her own. "If you're having heat flashes again maybe you should see the doctor," she gently suggested.
"Won't be much longer until our daughter is the reason we wake up in the night. Are you ready for midnight feeds?" Caroline said in an obvious effort to change the subject.
"I've been ready for them for more years than I can remember. Are you?" Even in the darkness, Caroline could see Kate's excitement.
"I can't wait. When you first mentioned the idea of a baby I was ready to run screaming for the hills but now this is all I want and I'm ashamed I ever felt like that. I only wish I could have been the one…" Caroline's words trailed off into the darkness.
"Shhh," Kate said to soothe her as she put Caroline's hand under her pajama top so she could connect with the baby. Kate left her hand on top of Caroline's and caressed the back of it. "You've given me more love and support through this pregnancy than I ever had a right to expect. I feared you'd never come around to the baby plan. What really changed your mind?"
"Being without you. I can't be without you again. I'm just sorry it took losing you for me to realize how precious you both are to me. If anything had happened to either of you I think I would have just killed that careless kid with my bare hands."
"Accidents happen. I'm fine. The baby's fine. I say let's forget about that scare and not mention him or it again."
"We should try to get some more sleep. We have a meeting with the caterers in the morning."
Caroline realized they only had decaf coffee in the house and used it as an excuse to pop over to Celia's to borrow some regular beans. Kate suggested she make tea for the caterers instead but, for some reason she couldn't understand, Caroline insisted on making coffee.
"So how were the caterers?" Celia said in greeting. She loved that Caroline and Kate were keeping her abreast of their plans. She didn't know that they were doing so in an effort to keep her engaged and make sure she didn't go a bit off kilter again, but she was growing happier for them with each detail they shared.
"They're due in about a half hour. They're a riot on the phone. I can't wait to meet them in person. I was relieved they seem to understand the foods Kate can't have because of the baby and her nut allergy. I don't want to serve anything she can't eat. We're anxious to sample the menu they proposed," she said, shaking her head to refuse a cup of tea.
"Good lord. You look worn out. All this decorating and wedding planning really has you burning the candle at both ends, doesn't it?" Celia said with deep concern. "Bet you'll be glad to get back to school at the end of break."
"I am tired but it's not from all that. I've loved every minute of getting the nursery together. I want us to finish it before the reception so people can see it. Kate's got such a great sense of design."
"Then what's up? I can tell something's wrong." She noticed that little twitch under Caroline's left eye that seemed to only happen when she was particularly stressed. Last time she noticed it was after the failed mucky weekend. The time before that was when she learned of John's cheating.
"Do you think dreams portend things to come?"
"Sometimes it feels that way but I think it's just a coincidence," she responded as she set down her cup and considered her daughter's distress.
"I remember a while back talking with Kate about the meaning of dreams but I've been having some that I can't share with her," Caroline confessed.
"Can you tell me?" Celia put down her tea cup.
"Only if you promise not to tell Kate. I don't want to upset her."
"That's the last thing I would do."
"Well, the last three nights I've dreamt that things went wrong with the wedding. One night you and Lawrence didn't come to our wedding for various reasons. Another night, Kate was hit by a car and killed, and then last night I was left to raise the baby alone while John was trying to reconcile with me. In typical John fashion, it was all about him and he couldn't be bothered to remember the baby's correct name. It's been just awful. I think I could handle one nightmare but that's three in a row. I'm almost afraid to go to sleep."
"Why would you dream I won't be there?" She wasn't going to make the mistake of asking Caroline if she was getting cold feet as she knew better but she did wonder.
"I don't remember the specifics," Caroline said. She spared her mum the details about Alan mucking about on his first wife fearing the conversation would veer off onto the subject of her father.
"Well, nothing will stop me from being at the wedding and I'll make sure Lawrence is too," she said to reassure her daughter. "I think you're just afraid now that you're finally getting everything you want it will all be taken away from you."
"That's what I keep telling myself, but the dreams are so real, so vivid."
"You probably just need a break. Getting married is life changing. Having a baby is life changing. And you're doing both at the same time," Celia said empathetically. "As soon as the wedding is behind you I bet you'll relax since then you'll just have the baby's arrival to focus on."
"I just wish I could get over this feeling of impending doom." Caroline got up to pace.
"I'm sure this will pass. You just have so much going on right now I'm sure it's hard to relax."
"I hope you're right." Caroline looked at her watch. "I'd better get back, Jim and Ted, the caterers extraordinaire, will be here shortly and I need to get some coffee going. Thanks Mum."
"Anytime love," she said with a dismissive wave of her hand as she picked up her copy of the Daily Mail.
As Caroline exited, Celia couldn't help but laugh at the nightmare of John trying to wheedle his way back into Caroline's bed; it sounded like the scariest one of all to her.
She decided to call Glenda and book massages for Kate and Caroline as a special treat for that afternoon. She thought it might help Caroline unwind and thought if she left Kate out it would make Kate wonder what was up. She kept an eye out for the caterers to leave and as they were pulling down the drive, Celia popped in on them, half hoping for some leftover samples.
"I thought you two need a little break so I managed to get you in with Glenda for back to back massage appointments. Consider it an early wedding present. Think you can manage to take a couple of hours off this afternoon?"