Manfredi and Johnson.

Chapter 13 – Memories

…

Johnson's log.

Even though Zoey lied to us a lot, I finally feel like I can trust her. She isn't acting anymore: this is the real her.

I have to say that Zoey is a smart, reasonable and interesting woman. And she has proven to be a great actress and mistress of disguise, since she fooled both me and Manfredi. I wouldn't have expected it, but I like her. She is the kind of person I can reason with.

Also I admire her fast thinking, when she put a tracking device in Valerio's pocket. The wild goose chase is over, now the real work starts. All thanks to Zoey.

On the dark side, my nightmares aren't getting any batter. I've been having more and more trouble sleeping. And right now, I should be getting all the sleep I can get. I need my energy for if we find O'Hara.

I feel like I'm seeing ghosts. I sometimes get the feeling someone's watching me, when there's no one there. I often think I hear someone whispering my name, but it's not real. And sometimes I even think I see Rebecca.

But it's all in my head. I just don't know how to get rid of it.

Zoey apparently tried to talk to me about all this. But I don't want to talk. Manfredi tried the same many times. But I don't think anyone can help me. I have to do this myself. I have to stay strong, at least until O'Hara is dead. Dead by my hands, moreover. Because I have to be the one to finish him. Me, and no one else.

We're now following Valerio and Otto southwards. I know where we're going: Antartica. The natural home of penguins like us.

I wonder what O'Hara has in store for us.

…

While Johnson was working on his log, Manfredi and Zoey were sitting near the fire. They had build their camp in a forest. It was close to the town they had ended up in after taking a taxi from the airport. They used different ways of traveling, because then they weren't easy to track. Not that they expected anyone to follow them. It was mainly so that humans won't fin out about them.

It was very clearly in the penguin code: never let humans discover that you are more than dumb animals. Never.

"He's taking long today," Manfredi said. "to record his log, I mean."

"I think making the log is his way of processing his emotions," Zoey said. "he doesn't want to talk about it with anyone, that's why he talks to that recorder of him."

"Why doesn't he want to talk to us, Zoey?" Manfredi asked.

"I think he's just stubborn," Zoey said. "and he doesn't want us to see his weaknesses."

"But I do see his weaknesses, Zoey," Manfredi said. "and I still look up to him. I think he's the bravest penguin I've ever met. I even wish I was more like him."

"Maybe Johnson doesn't see that clearly with that single eye of his," Zoey said with a smile. She sighed. "Did he really turn this way after Rebecca died?" she said.

Manfredi nodded. "I remember it very well," he said. "He first started drinking, but later he said it only made him feel worse, so he stopped. He has never been the same after that. And when Skipper, Kowalski, Rico and Private died, he swore he would have his revenge. Then he started hunting down O'Hara."

"But that was years ago," Zoey said.

"Yes, Zoey," Manfredi said. "the first few years he was only planning he revenge. Only a few months ago he really started doing research for O'Hara. That when this whole adventure started. But I know that if Rebecca were still here, things wouldn't have turned out this way."

"Do you miss her, too?" Zoey asked.

Manfredi nodded. "Yes I do, Zoey," he sadly replied. "She was a wonderful person. I've never met anyone like her. However…" he looked up at her. "you do have something in common with Rebecca, Zoey."

"I do?" Zoey said, surprised. She had said so herself when she was disguised as Tilly. But she hadn't even meant it.

"Yes," Manfredi said. "I don't know, but in some ways you act the same as her. Only sometimes, but still."

"Oh," Zoey said. She looked at the fire.

"May I ask you something personal, Zoey?" Manfredi asked.

"Why, of course," Zoey replied.

"Well, I've heard that skunks smell very bad," Manfredi said. "but I think you smell very good. How's that?"

"Oh," Zoey said, smiling. "the story that skunks smell bad all the time is just made up for cartoons for children. Actually, skunks only spray that smelly stuff when they're scared. I myself had to learn to control the instinct to do that, because it's not really useful when you're an agent."

"Oh," Manfredi said. "who do you actually work for, when you're an agent?"

"I'm sorry, Manfredi," Zoey said. "but that's classified. I took an oath that I would never tell who my boss is. But I can tell you, he's on your side."

"Oh, we're in luck, then." Manfredi said.

Zoey smiled. "Indeed, you are," she said.

There was a silence. Manfredi and Zoey both stared into the flames of the fire, not knowing what to say. They heard Johnson talking softly back in his tent. He was still working on his log entry.

"So, were Johnson and Rebecca really, you know… engaged?" Zoey eventually asked.

"Yes, they were," Manfredi said. "But they were it for a very long time. Skipper was already starting to think they would never marry. They had finally started to plan a wedding when… well, you know. When Rebecca died."

"It must have been terrible," Zoey said. "did you ever see her when she was dead?"

Manfredi slowly nodded. He had seen her very clearly. "They came back," he said. "they were wounded, and they looked sad. I wanted to ask what had happened…"

…

Manfredi looked up. There they were, finally.

But when the door opened, and Manfredi saw the commander Skipper, he knew something was wrong.

Skipper had blood on his face and his right flipper. He sadly looked down to the ground when he slowly entered the room. After him came Kowalski, also with bleeding wounds and a sad expression. Even Rico, who's feathers were messier than usual and covered with blood, looked down to the ground and dragged his chainsaw over the ground behind him, without even trying to lift it completely.

Manfredi opened his beak to ask what had happened. But he didn't come any further than 'What'.

Johnson entered the room. And the first thing Manfredi saw, was Rebecca's limp, blood-covered body in Johnson's flippers.

He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Was that really her? Was that the friendly, cheerful Rebecca that he knew? The Rebecca that played games with him, who was never angry at him when she caught him stealing cookies, who was always able to make Johnson happy?

Only when Manfredi had finally realized that it was really Rebecca, and that she was indeed gone forever, he looked up at Johnson and saw the horrible wound in his face where once an eye had been.

Manfredi wasn't sure what looked more horrible: Johnson's fresh wound, or Rebecca's blood-covered body.

Johnson walked to the table and carefully put Rebecca on it, as if she wasn't dead, just asleep and he didn't want to wake her. Then the now one-eyed penguin kneeled next to her and took her cold flipper in his.

Rico started crying so loudly, it almost seemed fake. But it wasn't.

"Stay strong, soldiers," Skipper said, clearly fighting his own tears. "we lost a very remarkable penguin and a dear friend and teammate today. And I'm sure that…" he stopped to blow his nose.

"Are you alright, Johnson?" Manfredi asked.

"Leave me," Johnson said softly. "all of you."

Manfredi felt Kowalski's flipper on his shoulder. "We'd better go," he said. "I think Johnson wants to be alone for a while."

Manfredi nodded, and they all left the room.

Johnson didn't move.

…

"Oh, Manfredi," Zoey said. "I'm so sorry. I never knew it was that worse."

She put a hand on Manfredi's shaking shoulders.

Manfredi tried to saw something through his sobbing, but he just couldn't say one word that made sense. Thinking back of Rebecca's death suddenly hurt so much. Was this how Johnson was feeling all the time?

But Johnson didn't seem to cry about it. Manfredi did. He couldn't help it.

Zoey hugged him. "There, there," she said. "it's okay, Manfredi. It's okay to cry. You'll feel better afterwards."

Zoey had learned to never let her personal feelings get in the way of her mission. But she couldn't help it. She just felt so incredibly sorry for both of these penguins. They had gone through a lot of terrible things. They had lost many of their closest friends.

Zoey just wanted to help them. And not only by finding O'Hara. She wanted to be there for them if they needed her. She wanted to comfort them if they were feeling down.

She just wanted to be their friend. Now more than ever.