It was darker than I had ever thought possible, and it was cold. Those were my first impressions of the land of the Puppetmaster. Dark, cold, and, I realized as I slowly gained my bearings, terribly, terribly lonely.
Bringing a thin thread of my magic up from my center, I infused my eyes with it and tried to see through the blackness surrounding me. It was no use; this darkness could not be penetrated by my weak magic. It was absolute. This knowledge brought another sense to me:
Fear.
"Tomoyo?" I called out weakly, my voice no stronger than a weaning kitten's, "Kero? Mei-Lin?" I received no answer.
"Li?" My last call was hardly audible, the sound barely managing to squeeze past my numb lips out into the blackness all around me.
"Kinomoto? That is your name, right? Kinomoto?" A deep voice answered my call, and I blindly reached out for it. My fingers brushed against something soft, and then were captured in a firm hand. Instantly I felt the presence of another human being, and even though I could see nothing of his being, the loneliness vanished in a wave of comforting green.
"Li?" I squeaked out, my voice stronger than before.
"Yeah, I'm here." The voice answered; Syaoran's voice.
"Why can't I see anything?"
"I dunno. The magic here's really strong, and really twisted. That might have something to do with it. I'm glad we're not too far apart; finding each other would've been a bother."
I didn't respond to his sentence. Tears were beginning to form at the corners of my eyes. I hated the dark. The dark was where spirits and ghosts hid, ready to eat you up if you so much as stepped funny. The dark was where rapists and killers lurked. The dark was where I had found myself years ago, after listening to Dad tell me that Mom was never coming back again.
"Oh, god," Syaoran's bodiless voice floated out into the darkness, sounding a bit strained, "Don't tell me you're crying." I guess my snuffling had reached his ears; there were no other sounds to distract you out here, wherever we were.
"C'mon," His voice continued, uncomfortable, "Aren't you supposed to be the Cardmistress? Pull yourself together! We won't be able to do anything if you're a sobbing mess." Surprised, I jerked my head up and glared at where I though his voice was coming from, my tears drying with the sudden onset of hot anger. I'm not sure if he had meant it or not, but his voice came out sounding annoyed and sarcastic. It might have been merely the feeling of the realm we were in, but I took offense at his words and therefore took no time to think them through before responding.
"Excuse me?" I asked, my voice shaking as I strained to keep from yelling, "What happened to your kindness earlier? Or was that just an act to get on my good side, to be the 'nice, attractive guy' who I'll be able to trust with my life and the Cards, and then once you have them, bam! You'll be off to who-knows-where leaving me to die at the hands of that stupid Puppetmaster!" My voice had grown increasingly louder as my fear and sadness turned to anger directed at Syaoran. The words that spouted from my mouth were a jumble of phrases I knew weren't true, but I was so wrapped up in my own anger that I didn't notice or care.
"At least I'm not the one overreacting." His voice reached my ears again, and his snarky words cast a red gleam over my vision and common sense.
"Fine!" I retorted, "I'll show you just how good of a Cardmistress I am!" Violently tugging my hand from his grasp, I set out into the darkness. I didn't care where I was going as long as it was away from him.
"Hey, wait! Kinomoto-" His voice grew fainter as I continued in my stubborn march, paying little heed to the shouts that followed me. Once I had entered my "stubbornness setting" as Tomoyo put it, there was nothing that could stop me.
Just who does he think he is? I huffed, slowing down as my anger began to dissipate while I worked to move forward. He was being so unfair! I mean, sure he's Mei-Lin's cousin, and sure he saved me – twice – from that horrible Puppetmaster, but still! What gives him the right to say such cruel words to me?
Ah, but you responded with words equally as cruel. The smart-aleck part of my brain fired back at me, helping to douse the flames of my anger. And think about it; he's probably just as lost and frightened as you are, but he was trying his best to keep those emotions in check, probably for your sake! So what if he slipped a little? I think you're the one who's being unfair. Were those first words of his really so cruel? Or did the atmosphere of this place and your own fears taint them a different color?
…Curse you, logical part of my brain.
You're welcome. But as the logical part of your brain, as you've so dubbed me, I find it in my duties to tell you that you're completely lost in an evil land, and you just marched away from your only other hope of company.
…Actually, I don't want to curse you. I want to damn you to hell.
Also you told him he was attractive. To his face.
I smacked my palm against my forehead, coming to a complete stop and dropping to the ground. Placing my head between my knees, I forced myself to calm down and examine the situation. Bulleting what was going on helped to keep me from hyperventilating, though the points I brought up were far from cheery.
I am in the region of the Puppetmaster, whatever and wherever that is.
The only other person I know is here with me is Syaoran Li.
He's probably mad at me.
I just ran away from him, so I no longer know where he is.
I don't know where I am.
It's too dark to see anything around me.
I can't feel my Cards.
The last bullet brought a wave of panic to me, and I frantically patted my pockets, trying to find my mislaid deck. It was nowhere on my person. I was truly alone now, and it was my own fault.
A new wave of panic and fear had begun to seep in when a light pink glow began to emanate from under my thin hospital gown. The Clow Cards I had grabbed before entering this place! Had I somehow stored them within me when I had travelled between worlds? This ability had been previously unknown to me, but I didn't care. All my attention was focused on the cards floating out from through the gown to hover in front of my face. I wasn't alone anymore.
"Mistress…" A faint voice echoed inside my head.
"Voice! Where are you?" I called out into the black, snapping my head from right to left and back again.
"I'm sorry Mistress, but the rest of us cannot join you. We are held back in your own world. Even now I'm being forced back, my voice cannot hold out for much longer."
"But Voice, why- "
"Please, I cannot! Just listen: We are with you in spirit, and to obtain the light you must first know the dark. Please come back safely…" Voice's gentle words ebbed away to nothing, and I was left to ponder her statement. Glancing at my cards, I read their names off to myself. I knew it was redundant to speak aloud, but a voice, even my own, brought me a small comfort in this comfortless place.
"Um, The Maze… The Dark… and The Light. Oh! The Dark and The Light! But what did Voice mean by knowing the dark to obtain the light? It makes no sense… And why would I need The Maze?" I pondered aloud to myself, desperately wishing Kero or Tomoyo or Mei-Lin were here to help me figure out the riddles left to me. I even wished Syaoran was here, just for the warmth of another human.
"Well, first things first, I'd appreciate some light in this place! Light!" My spirits were restored by the possibility of illuminating the world around me, and I hurriedly wrenched my star key out from under my gown and watched it grow to a staff. Tapping The Light with my wand, I waited for something to happen. Nothing did; the dark remained just as dark.
"W-Why isn't it turning pink?" I whispered to myself, desperately tapping the card again and hoping that it would transform and some semblance of light would work its way out to comfort me. My efforts remained fruitless.
My staff shrunk to a key again, mirroring the shrinking of my short-lived joy. Was I unable to use my magic in this cold, dark maze?
I shivered against the damp air as an itch began to form in the back of my mind. My mental fingers scratched it absently, but it persisted. There was something about what I had just thought that could help me, and my subconscious was trying to lead me to it.
Breathing deeply, I closed my eyes and began to meditate as Kero had taught me. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out… I felt myself relax as I allowed the unpleasant sensations currently clouding my mind to be washed away. No longer did fear, loneliness, coldness, or any other unpleasant emotion dissuade my thoughts. The itch at the back of my mind blossomed.
Maze! I was stuck in a maze; a giant, dark maze of negative emotions that the Puppetmaster had thought fun to plummet me and those I had brought with me into. If I could use The Maze to create a maze, couldn't I also use the card to help me break one down? Maybe Maze could lead me back to wherever Syaoran was. Even with the three Cards by my side, I was still lonely. It was worth a try, at any rate.
However, hesitation tainted my resolve. I hadn't been able to use The Light, why would Maze be any different? It'd probably flunk like the previous card, and I would be stuck by myself in this miserable place, and it would be entirely my fault.
No, Sakura! Don't think like that. That's what the Puppetmaster wants you to think. He wants you to be scared and lonely. Maybe the reason why Light wouldn't work is because of what Voice said. Maybe it's tied up with Dark somehow? Anyway, right now Maze is the priority. Everything will surely be alright! With my motto running through my head, I took a deep breath to steady myself. I wouldn't quit. Somehow, I'd find my way out of this place, and I'd take my Cards and Syaoran with me.
Drawing The Maze out from the other cards, I took a moment to familiarize myself with its surface. Instead of a humanoid figure, Maze was simply a three-dimensional, black and white image. Like Sword and Shield, it was an object-based card.
For a brief moment, I wondered why I hadn't heard the Puppetmaster speak yet. Wasn't I in his realm? The thought lasted no more than a second, and then I was drawing my staff from my key and tapping The Maze with it as it changed to a rosier hue, I cried out. "Maze! Please help me find my way through the maze I'm currently stuck in and get back to Li!"
As soon as the order had left my mouth, a golden line appeared on the ground before me. My magic had worked! Though Maze had no way of speaking to me, I knew that I was supposed to follow this line. It was the path through the maze, highlighted for me.
"Thank you." I whispered, pressing The Maze to my lips. The Card glowed a steady pink, a sign that it was working to help me. I was not helpless in this place.
My staff in one hand and my three remaining cards in the other, I set off running down the golden pathway set before me. My breaths came hard and fast, and I kept all other emotions and worries at bay through my sheer determination. I would find Syaoran at the end of this line. I needed to find Syaoran at the end of this line. I could take being lost, but I couldn't take being lost alone.
It seemed to me that I ran for miles. Every so often I'd shout out Syaoran's name, hoping he'd hear me and answer back, proving that he hadn't abandoned me to this world. It was a fear of mine that was slowly strengthening as I played back our last conversation in my head. My path didn't seem to take any turns, but how could I know? There were no corners I could make out in the absolute of the darkness surrounding me. My calves burned and my feet started to throb, but I kept going. Traces of energy seemed to flow up from the golden lines whenever I grew weary, giving me the strength to continue on.
Thank you, Maze.
Eventually I noticed that the golden line was dimming. Was I nearing my target?
"Li?" I called into the blackness, "Syaoran?"
A faint "Kinomoto?" could be heard in reply. The words, and with them the presence of another human life, brought me a second wind and I hurtled down the last lengths of the golden path and crashed into Syaoran Li.
We tumbled to the ground. A soft grunt escaped his lips as I unintentionally used his chest to break my fall. I didn't notice nor care about the position we were in (honestly, who was there to see?); I was too busy focusing on the fact that he hadn't abandoned me. The loneliness was gone.
"Li, I'm so sorry! I was really rude earlier, it's just that I was scared, you see, 'cause I've had a fear of the dark ever since my stupid brother told me about ghosts and stuff 'cause he could apparently see them and-" Eventually Syaoran's hand found its way to my mouth, and it effectively cut off my nervous babble.
After a short pause, the hand was removed from my lips and I heard a male voice ask "Do you always ramble on when you're scared?" I was glad he didn't ask why I had run away, or mentioned my earlier tears. He could be a bit gruff, but I had a feeling he was a really sweet guy inside.
"Mm, usually. I guess I just want to hear the sound of my voice, to make sure I'm alive, you know? If I can still talk, I can still breathe. That must mean I'm still alive, still safe." I'm glad he couldn't see my face; I was sure I was blushing.
"It makes sense. I tend to clam up. Or turn my fear into fuel for anger. I'm sorry for earlier too, by the way."
Another pause. This one was a bit lengthier, but like the pause that had preceded it, the silence was comfortable, not awkward. After I had gathered up my courage, I dared to breach it.
"Can I- Can I call you Syaoran? That's your name, right? Mei-Lin told us – Tomoyo and I. Your name, that is." My awkwardly worded question was met with another lengthy pause, and I was about to give up and start a new line of inquiry when Syaoran's soft voice replied.
"Only if you give me the same permission, Miss…?" Syaoran trailed off, and I quickly filled in my name.
"Sakura. Just Sakura's fine."
"Alright then, just-Sakura." I couldn't see his face, but I could tell he was smiling at his own dumb joke and that made me smile too.
"I would correct you, but I don't think that attempt at a joke deserves a response."
"Despite the fact that you just gave me one?" I laughed at his soft words, and he joined in quietly. The sound chased away the last of my fear and we lay they for another few moments, enjoying the feeling of the comforting company until simultaneously we realized that we weren't in the most proper of positions. At the same time we quickly drew away from each other. In drawing back so fast, however, I lost contact with him and the darkness flew into the gap between us.
"Syaoran?" I asked, fear raising my voice an octave.
"I'm here, Sakura." Again his hand found mine (the staff that had been clenched in it had returned to a key and was once again around my neck, kept safe close to my heart), and again the warm green presence surrounded me. The sound of his lips and voice forming my name returned to me a feeling I thought I had lost in this dismal place. Shoving that matter aside (it caused an uncomfortable feeling in my chest), I turned to another topic.
"Is yours the green magic that's been helping me out for a while now?"
"Yes. I take it yours is the pink?"
"Uh-huh. Thank you, by the way, for earlier and, well, earlier-earlier, I guess." Why couldn't I speak clearly around him?
Again with the deep, soft laughter. "You're welcome. I'm sorry I can't use that magic to give us any light. I tried to create a small fire earlier, but the atmosphere of this place snuffed it out. Tell me, how did you manage to find your way back to me in this darkness?"
"Ah, that's okay, I'm fine in the dark as long as there's someone here with me. As to how I found you, Maze helped me! I figured that since you could create mazes with the Card, why couldn't you also create paths through those mazes? And it worked!" I triumphantly showed him The Maze, and to my surprise the card glowed proudly pink. The soft light from it lit up his amber eyes and cast shadows over his face. I hoped the pink coloring from the Card disguised the pink coloring staining my cheeks as his gaze met mine. The light eventually faded, casting us both back into the shadows and once again obscuring his face and mine.
"S-Sorry." I stammered, heart pounding, "I don't know how I got the Card to light up, and I don't think I can do it again."
"Don't worry about it." He replied, his voice increasing the tempo of my heartbeat.
Jeez, Sakura! You've known the guy all of what? A day?
But it feels like you've known him longer, doesn't it? Just like with Kero, just like with Mei-Lin. He's someone special. The logical part of my brain chimed in.
…You know logical part? I take back my earlier words about you. You're not such a jerk after all.
I try.
I was interrupted from my inner conversation with myself by Syaoran's hesitant voice. "Can I ask a sort of personal question?"
With no clue as to what sort of question he might have about me, I replied "Go ahead."
"Why was it the sight of my sword brought such fear to you?" I instantly tensed up, as the memory of that bloody day in the woods returned to me.
Sensing my tension through our hand-to-hand contact, Syaoran hastily continued, "You don't have to answer. I mean, if it's uncomfortable for you, or you don't want to talk about it or whatever, you don't have to talk about it. I mean, I'm curious and all, but… Wait! No, I'm not curious! Don't answer! Man, I suck at this!" I could hear his frustration at himself, and the honesty of his worry for me. And I found the fact that he also babbled on when he was nervous endearing. It only furthered my feeling that he was, in general, a sweet guy.
"No, it's okay. It had nothing to do with you. I don't even know why it was your sword. The creep probably knew about you beforehand. Now that I think about it, doesn't 'Syaoran' mean little wolf? Both the creep and the white one mentioned a 'Little Wolf.' I'm guessing that was you. But how would they know about your coming ahead of time?" I was pondering aloud to myself again, talking to ease the fear that still lingered from that bloody day-gone-by.
"Sorry, I'm rambling again. No, I'll tell you. It's not your fault; it's the Puppetmaster's. I realize that now; He was using his strings to control your sword. I don't know how he got his hands on the sword, but the sword showed up in the woods and attacked me while I was taking a shortcut about a month ago."
Splotches of color danced behind my eyes. A flash of silver. A red-stained tissue. A protective pink bubble.
"I managed to use Shield before it could strike the finishing blow, but it kept attacking, using more and more strength. Shield and I were being worn down. Eventually I thought to use Sword to defend myself."
A blue jewel. Dark green branches. More red, the drops bright against the white snow-dusted ground.
"The other sword was relentless. It wore me down by forcing me to be on the defensive. When I tried to take offense, it struck me across the arm. I – I lost a lot of blood.
Black orb. Red tassel. Purple strings.
"I was backed up against a tree with the world hazy around me, and Kero left with no strength to save me yet again from the deadly strokes of the other sword. So I took a final swing at the other sword, my aim messed up by my fatigue and the recklessness of the slice. I cut above the other sword, hitting only what seemed like air. Fortunately, the air held the invisible threads that had been controlling the other sword. My stroke sliced through them, and the other sword fell to the ground, lifeless. The controlling threads appeared as purple strings with frayed edges. Then the other sword disappeared.
"After that, Kero managed to get a hold of Tomoyo for me, and she took me back to her house. I didn't want to try explaining anything to a hospital, and I didn't think my family would exactly understand the situation I was in, and they'd certainly not understand my bleeding arm."
I had tried to tell the story with no emotion evident in my voice, but towards the end my hands had started shaking, a dead giveaway to my true feelings. Syaoran squeezed my hand and I squeezed back, grateful for his company and support.
"I'm sorry." His voice was so soft I almost didn't hear his words.
"What are you sorry for? It wasn't your fault; I already told you! The Puppetmaster was controlling your sword."
"But maybe if I had, I dunno, protected it better, or cast some sort of spell on it or something, you wouldn't have been hurt! It's my damn sword, so it's my damn fault." He spit out the last words with a bitter self-hatred, and his hand shook inside mine. This time I was the one to squeeze his hand.
"It's not your fault, so stop trying to put the blame on yourself. It's not healthy." I said firmly, leaving no room for argument.
"Stubborn, aren't you?" Syaoran commented after a while.
"I'll take that as a compliment." I had a feeling his smile was as wide as my own, and that his earlier self-loathing had completely disappeared.
"Aw, aren't you two little love-birds so sweet?" Of course. Just when everything had begun to look brighter despite the darkness around us, the Puppetmaster had to show up. Syaoran removed his hand from mine and instead used both of his arms to pull me closer to him, protecting me from the disembodied voice and the threat it bore. In any other situation I would've gently reprimanded him – I could take care of myself – but I was still a bit woozy from my earlier episode and tired from the running I had done earlier.
"Well look at you, being all valiant! So Little Wolf, how do you like my Cherry Blossom? Cute, isn't she? Oh, that's right. You can't see her! And guess what? You never will." The seriousness of the Puppetmaster's last sentence scared me. Did he mean I'd never leave this place? But I wanted to go back! I missed the moon and the stars and the sun. I missed the fluorescent school-lights and the annoying flicker of our family's emergency flashlight. I missed the wild joy of the fire and the soft smile of the candle.
"Aw, little Cherry Blossom, you miss the light? Well I'm very sorry, but I'm afraid I despise light. And if you're going to be living in my world, then you're not allowed to have light. Any light. I'm afraid that includes the soft light your souls give out. Here, let me help you extinguish them!"
I had thought that the darkness before was the blackest thing I'd ever seen, but I had been wrong. The darkness the Puppetmaster plunged Syaoran and I into now was so much worse. And something told me that he was still only playing with us, toying with us like a cat toys with its prey before devouring it. This was just the beginning.