Dan didn't need to be told twice. In an instant PJ had rushed out toward the front door, tea still in hand and sloshing, while Dan raced into the kitchen. Dan stopped in his tracks when he realized that the kitchen had no outlet.
The kitchen wasn't quite what Dan would've called spacious, with really only some cupboards, a stove, and a fridge on one wall, and some more cupboards and counter space against the wall that separated this room from the living room. He'd expected the third wall connecting them to perhaps frame a door that led off to a dining room, only now remembering that the dining room was the other way, on the other side of the living room... Which meant there was nowhere to go, and with limited seconds to spare, he didn't have a choice. It was only here or back the way he came. He figured quickly that he couldn't turn around to go out the sliding glass door to the balcony, as he'd be visible from the balcony, and he certainly wasn't jumping.
The doorbell rang, and PJ yelled, "Coming!" just for good measure. Dan's eyes locked onto the largest pantry cupboard next to the refrigerator.
It wasn't very tall, nor wide, nor did it seem very deep like a walk-in, but it would have to do.
Dan nearly ripped open the wooden door, grimacing as he took in the shelves of condiments and bulk foods that would impede his ability to fit inside. Was it too late to try and race past PJ and up the stairs or something? But he could hear the front door opening, and he could hear Phil's muffled voice, and nope. It's either this or be caught. Without a second thought, he turned around and backed himself in, shoving his shoulder up into a bag of flour as he did so. He craned his neck sideways, feeling it press up against the ceiling of the cupboard. "Why do I have to be so tall," he muttered before closing the door and sealing himself in darkness.
Too soon, he could hear shuffling in the living room that meant PJ had already ushered Phil inside and sat him down. Their voices were far away, but fairly clear.
"Thanks for being here on such short notice... it looks really nice in here," Phil commented graciously. Dan wracked his brains. Had it looked nice in there? He hadn't thought to look.
"Thanks, I've been cleaning up all morning." Shuffling. A clink. "Oh that... that tea is for you!"
"Twat," Dan muttered under his breath as he remembered he'd left his teacup on the coffee table. It had probably gone a little cold, but if Phil noticed, he was too polite to say anything.
"Thank you! That was really quick..."
"Yeah, yeah, I was already making some tea so I... made you some too." PJ sounded nervous. Dan would have smacked his hand to his forehead if it wasn't squashed between PJ's cereal boxes and the cupboard door.
"Well... thanks!" There was a bit of silence, and Dan imagined Phil sipping on his tea while PJ fidgeted.
"So..." PJ started. "How are y-"
"Could I get some sugar?" Phil interrupted him. Another pause. Too long of a pause.
"...Yeah, sure! Sure." Dan heard the chair cushion sighing as PJ got up and made his way to the kitchen. Dan was pretty sure he knew where PJ kept the sugar- if he wasn't mistaken it was in a tin under his other hand- but he was as still and quiet as possible. Maybe PJ would be expecting him to be here. It wasn't long before PJ reached Dan's cupboard and opened the door, flooding the enclosed space with light.
"Would you like cubes or-" PJ cut himself off with a strangled gasp as he was met with the unexpected image of Dan's all black form in the cupboard. Dan watched the teacup loosen from PJ's grip in surprise, unable to do anything as it plummeted toward the floor. With a loud crash, the cup exploded into shards.
PJ stared at Dan like a statue. "PJ, are you alright?" Phil called from the living room. It was inevitable that he'd be here at any second to see what had broken and to try and help. Dan widened his eyes meaningfully at PJ to tell him to close the cupboard door.
"Yeah, just broke the cup, sorry!" PJ yelled back. "Why are you in here?" he whispered accusatorially, addressing Dan.
"Where else was I supposed to go, you twat, you didn't give me enough time!" Dan hissed back. They both stiffened as they heard Phil stand from the couch. A wild panic flickered inside, and Dan knew it wasn't just because he might get caught, but because he would rather be anywhere else, and nowhere else, than Phil. "Close it," Dan barely mouthed, and PJ did, bumping Dan's nose in the process. He barely bit back a noise of complaint as Phil entered the kitchen.
"Oh, no, your cup! Do you want me to help clean it up?" Phil offered kindly. Fuck Phil and his being so nice all the time. Fuck him and his innocent pretty eyes and his smooth face and how he didn't seem upset at all-
"No! I mean um, no, that's alright. I'll just grab a broom and... um... thanks..." Dan assumed Phil had found the broom first and handed it to PJ. He heard the glass tinkling as it was swept.
"You can wait out on the sofa for me if you-"
"Actually, I wanted to ask you about something, Peej." The glass sweeping didn't stop. PJ was probably trying to keep his cool, and Dan hoped he didn't lose it. "I know we don't talk much anymore, but you've always been a good friend... So..."
Now it was Phil who seemed nervous. Dan held his breath.
"Remember when I came over a few years ago and asked you for advice after..." PJ must have nodded, for Phil continued. "Well... it's happened again. But with someone else."
"With Dan?" PJ asked, and Dan could have smacked him. But he was listening too hard, trying to piece together what Phil was talking about, too absorbed to be angry for more than a fleeting second. Someone else?
Phil chuckled, low and not very Phil-like. "Is it obvious?"
PJ didn't answer. Don't you dare tell him, Dan directed at PJ in his head, suddenly afraid that PJ would do something stupid like open the cupboard door and blow the whole charade right now.
Phil stepped a little closer, and Dan actually heard Phil scratching at the back of his neck. It set Dan's skin to gooseflesh. "I guess... I dunno... we've always had a thing for each other, it hasn't been exactly subtle." Phil sounded too collected about this. Phil had been the one upset, hadn't he? His voice wasn't even shaking. "But the thing is, Dan didn't remember anything. It's backwards of what happened last time and... it sucks. I feel awful."
Backwards of what happened last time. What the hell did that mean? Dan had never seen Phil properly in a relationship; he'd seen Phil flirt with people, and he'd known for ages that Phil was bi. But he'd always assumed when Phil mentioned past experiences that they were before Dan.
I've done stuff like this before.
You- You have?
Well, yeah. You know... sex? With a guy?
Maybe that hadn't been as long ago as Dan had thought. Dan himself had spent the night with people, after all, just... not for a really long time. But Phil had said it was years ago, and Dan didn't really know what had happened... It didn't stop him feeling like PJ had just shoved all the teacup's broken pieces into his throat and told him to swallow.
"I can't help you much, mate," PJ said in a raw voice. "It's... different. You live together. And he cares about you." Did the other person not care about Phil? Dan felt his feelings shifting through halfway-felt emotions, numbed only by shock that there was something his best friend hadn't revealed to him. "You told Dan about that, right...?"
"No, I didn't." Phil shuffled a little.
"You really should talk to Dan. Explain to him about how you feel. I don't know the details, but it seems like he cares so much for you already..."
"No... it wouldn't end well, I don't think," Phil murmured, and Dan's stomach dropped. " Even if we did end up..." he halted. So, he had considered it. "I'm not really..."
Dan knew exactly what Phil was going to say the instant the words were out. I'm not good enough. Phil had said it a hundred times in passing, in different forms. In conversation, in live shows, in PJ's bathroom last night. Lousy. I'm so lousy...
Dan steeled himself, knowing what he had to do. He was going to tell Phil what he felt, and he was going to make Phil feel like he was worth it. Because Phil was worth it, and he would never stop being worth it, and Dan couldn't let the person he loved the most go on feeling like this.
He reached out to open the cupboard door.