CHAPTER 18
"4am, it's 4 in the morning, what the hell are you doing Lane? Can I do this? Do I really want to know the answers? What is Clark going to say?" Lois's mind was racing as she stood outside Clark's apartment door. "Toughen up Lane, treat Clark as an interview and get the answers you need to hear? How the hell does he fly? No thinking of him flying or all the other stuff I saw, that is just going to leave me speechless, bloody Clark Kent," she fumed.
After completing her article and getting it into the editor's for tomorrow's mid-morning paper, Lois had sat in her apartment and debated whether to confront Clark now or in the morning. Deciding valor was the better part of discretion she decided that this conversation would be better in privacy so had driven over to Clark's apartment and now found herself outside his door, debating with herself. Laughing quietly to herself she finally lifted her hand, took a deep breath knocked on the door and prepared for whatever.
Hearing him on the other side of the door she plastered a smile on her face and "Friggin hell", her mind went totally blank as he opened the door. Clark was standing there, glasses on, his hair messy and wearing nothing but long pyjama pants. "Fck, hell, God in heaven, look at those muscles, shit I thought Bruce was built but Clark, oh my god you are one beautiful piece of meat," Lois groaned to herself, "mmmmm I wonder what it would feel like to run my tongue up and down those abs. Mind out of the gutter Lane. Crap he is sexy beautiful. I knew there were muscles under that coat but they are not muscles, he is a demi-god, what would I give to look up and watch that working – WHOAAAA Lane, back off pull the girls home, what are you doing!!!!! mmmmmmm, bloody hell I want him to just kiss me and take me right now in this hallway, "
"Ah, Lois, earth to Lois" Clark said for what was obviously the second time, "Lois," he reiterated as he put his hands on her shoulders. "Lois are you ok?"
'Oh my God,' Lois groaned in her head as she felt Clark's big warm hands rest on her shoulders, "I can't stand it," she thought as she slipped out from under his hands and stepped back. 'God I have to ignore that look on his face right now, I can't tell him the truth that his touch makes my body scream or I am totally lost and this discussion will only have one conclusion and I am not ready for that,' she thought as she saw a shutter come down over his face with her action. "That is how Clark looks to others," she thought not liking the fact that Clark was using his friendly yet closed face on her.
"Lois, what can I do for you at 4am, in the morning? Is everything ok, is something wrong with Bruce?" he asked.
"Why would there be anything wrong with Bruce", Lois replied.
"Well you are still wearing your dress from the ball, you are standing at my door at 4 in the morning, sans Bruce and you look flustered and upset – ergo something has happened with Bruce and you?" he concluded smugly.
"No, Bruce and I are just fine," Lois replied but wincing internally when she saw Clark's eyes recede further from friendly. 'Hell Lane, you are an investigative journalist but around this man you are a complete moron,' she mentally slapped herself "Clark we need to talk and it couldn't wait until the morning, Can I come in?"
"Ok" sounding a bit unsure, Clark stepped to the side and allowed Lois to enter his apartment.
This close to Clark was torment for Lois, she could almost feel his naked torso rubbing against her arm as she slid past him and entered his apartment. It was like stepping out of the darkness into the sunshine and back into darkness. 'Girl you have one overactive imagination and you will go to hell if you keep thinking this about your friend.' She thought.
"Clark we need to talk about something serious, could you at least go and put a shirt on?" Lois asked with a faint blush on her face. 'don't blush, don't you DARE friggin blush Lane, please please please don't embarrass yourself in front of him'.
"Sure, put the coffee machine on and I will be right back," Clark replied as he looked at her oddly, 'what is up with her?' he thought to himself.
Taking her time with making the coffee and deciding how she was going to approach this was driving her nuts. 'Hell, I might as well just ask him outright,' she thought but then remembered that this was Clark and asking him outright was never the best policy. Taking both coffees with her she walked back into Clark's living room and found him, with a shirt on 'Thank God' sitting on a chair. Giving him a coffee and deciding she needed room from him Lois sat on the other side of the coffee table on one of the other chairs.
"So, Lois, what have you got to say at 4 in the morning that is so important it can't wait until the morning?" Clark asked with a slight smirk on his face.
Deciding they needed to start with something easy and not knowing what else to say Lois said the first thing that came into her head, always start an interview with an opening gambit to relax the subject had always worked best for her, "I'm sorry, I didn't defend you when Oliver and Lana were teasing you."
"It's ok, don't worry about it." He replied.
"No, I need to explain. I didn't find it funny then and I don't find it funny now, I never ever laughed with Oliver over the poem and flowers. I was concerned for you after finding those and I especially didn't like the thought that you might have walked in on Oliver and I."
"I wish, I had never walked through that door," he said quietly "it was unexpected, but its ok, it was in the past and was a totally different time for all of us."
"I should have defended you in front of everyone tonight and not left everyone with the impression I agreed with Lana about you frightening me, that is so far from the truth that it isn't funny," Lois said with a slight determination in her voice for him to understand, "Clark you will never ever scare me, no matter what!"
"I know that," he replied
"No Clark, you need to understand what I am saying, no matter what you have to tell me or what you choose to share with me you will never scare me and it will not affect my feelings or relationship with you," Lois firmly told him.
"Ok, why do I get the distinct feeling that there is more to this than that?" he asked. For the first time since he came back he was nervous around Lois and what she was after. It didn't help that she had brought up a very painful memory. Thinking back to that day always made him feel nauseous, it was like the image would mock him and his heart would feel so heavy. He purposely tried to never think of that image but every now and then it would hit him and it had the power to stop him dead.
"Clark, I promised myself that I would never push or ask, but I need to tell you . . ."
"Tell me what Lois?" after a couple of seconds of silence from Lois.
"Clark, I know it was you tonight" she answered staring right into his eyes.
"Of course it was me, I was standing there talking to you all, what do you mean it was me?" he replied but he had gone still.
"Clark, I know you are Superman"
"Superman, you think I am Superman, I was standing there in the crowd watching him, how could I be Superman," he laughed.
"Clark, I would know your blue eyes and your voice anywhere and you can deny it to me but I know you are Superman" she challenged.
Lois didn't think Clark was going to answer. His eyes stared into hers and she refused, for once in her life, to talk and break up a silence. She knew he needed to decide if he was going to tell her the truth or not and she was not going to push him, she had pushed enough and if he told her no, then she was not going to force it anymore. 'Clark, has to tell me or he is going to resent it, I can't ask him again or this could hurt our friendship and I am not losing that for anything.' She thought.
"What gave it away?" he quietly asked as he turned from her and went and looked out the window, his shoulders became rigid and his face because emotionless. Lois panicked a bit when she saw that, she certainly didn't like Clark closing off from her.
Walking over towards him and leaning against the window so her face was facing his profile Lois replied gently "Clark, nothing gave it away, I just knew."
Pushing his hand through his head and exhaling loudly Clark replied, "What do you want to know? You will feel differently about me when you know so think carefully about what you want to know."
Putting her hand on his arm Lois gently tried to face him up to her, "Clark look at me? Please. Don't shut me out, nothing will change the way I feel about you. You are my friend and that won't change, I promise."
"Friend" he whispered so softly she nearly missed it and in a much louder voice he turned to look at her and continued, "Ok Lois, anything you ask I will answer. Before you ask just let me say this, If we finish this conversation and your feelings have changed then I will not hold you to that promise."
"Ok, but know that I don't make promises unless I am going to keep them. Nothing you say will make me feel differently."
"We will see. What do you want to know?"
"How can you fly?"
Clark stood there for a while, looking at her. Lois looked back at him, smiling gently and was surprised that for once around Clark she was feeling no nervousness.
Clark turned back to stare out the window and starting to talk "I think that the best way to do this, is I am going to tell you everything. Please don't ask any questions until I get to the end. This is going to be very difficult for me to tell you so just let me finish and then we can talk. Ok?"
"Ok, but wouldn't it be better if we sat down?" Lois asked 'oh great Lane give him the impression that you think you need to sit down to hear it, great way to reassure the man your promise will hold'.
"You can sit, I prefer to stand, if you don't mind?"
"Ok, I am listening," Lois replied putting her hand on his arm to reassure him and kept her face looking at his profile.
"I am not meteor affected, if that is what you are thinking. I caused the first meteor shower, well I was the cause of both of them but the first one is the one where my story starts. Hush remember to let me finish," Clark said catching her inquisitive expression out of the side of his eye. 'God I love that look on her face, when she was in snooping mode she is so beautiful'.
Steeling his heart and soul against the pain he was sure to follow he continued, "I am not human, I was born on a planet called Krypton and sent to Earth in a spaceship by my birth parents. From what I know now, Krypton was a technologically advanced civilization that eventually destroyed the planet. My father, Jor-el, warned the ruling council of Krypton that they were in danger of extinction through their abuse of the eco-system but no one took his warning seriously. He asked permission to leave but this was denied. In secret my mother and father built a craft capable of interstellar flight and as Krypton imploded on itself, rocketed me into space on a trajectory to earth."
"The first meteor shower was the cover for my arrival in Smallville, we think I was aged about three in Earth years. To this day I am incredibly grateful that my parents found me and decided to bring me up. God knows where I would be right now if someone else had found me," he paused, "Probably have been dissected and displayed for the world to laugh at the alien," he continued sarcastically.
Lois kept stroking his arm and smiling at him, letting him tell his story in his own time. 'This is unfriggin-believable, Clark is an alien, well Lane you never saw that one coming, at least he isn't green' she thought, blanking her mind as he continued.
"In the beginning, my parents thought I was a normal boy, sure abnormal because I had arrived via space but normal in every other way. It wasn't until I was 7 that we started to find out I was different. I remember being so scared the first time I got frightened by a bull. I was crossing the field with Dad and the bull started to come towards us, and I freaked out and started to run. Dad said that one second I was standing next to him and the next I was gone. As you can imagine Mom and Dad were worried about me but they eventually found me naked and shivering in the woods, frightened and crying as I had no idea how I got there. I remember the feeling of relief at seeing them and then scared at what they were going to say. My mom, my awesome mom, got down on her knees and held her arms out for me and called me 'her special boy'. My mom could always make me feel ok, no matter what I did." He smiled to himself.
"After that, my abilities started to kick in. By the time you met me in Smallville I had most of my abilities. Back then I had superhuman speed, strength and power, was invulnerable to just about anything, had X-ray vision, could shoot fire from my eyes and I could hear everything all the time. Most of them were brought on by my emotions. I found out I could burn things with my eyes when my biology teacher was talking about sex, she had a very nice um . . . chest and I set her jersey on fire." he laughed, "that really freaked me out."
Lois could tell that Clark didn't want to look at her but she knew he needed to know that she wasn't freaked out, sure she was freaking but she wasn't freaked out. She slid her hand into his hand and squeezed gently. For a second she thought he was going to ignore her hand but suddenly he squeezed back and started to talk again.
"The first time you and I met in the field, I had just come back from one of Jor-el's attempts to control my life. That day I was Kal-el, a pure-born Kryptonian. Kal-el and Clark were two sides of my personality and during high-school the two sides of myself were often in conflict. When the pain of loneliness became too much I could hide into the Kal-el side of my personality. He doesn't care about people and in lots of ways I wanted to be like him, he is so cool and took whatever he wanted without remorse. When you saw me at Chloe's grave I was Clark again"
"I know you saw me as a moody and sulky little boy but I wanted to be loved and accepted by everyone. Growing up my parents had warned me over and over to never let anyone know about my abilities as they might take me away from them and I would be 'dissected like a frog'. I became so scared to be friends with anyone after Johnny Court told me that I was adopted because my real parents didn't love me and the only people who could love me were dirt-poor farmers. I hit him, I was so angry; I threw him against the wall. I broke his arm and dislocated his shoulder and my dad was so angry with me for being so careless. It was a huge drama and I became scared to be friends with anyone."
"I didn't know what I was or where I came from or anything. When my parents told me just before I started high-school about my spaceship and how they found me it seemed to isolate me even more from my peers. I was an alien with powers I couldn't show or talk about. Looking back I think what a purely Freudian thing for a child to live with.
"I am sure I think I loved Lana because she could make me feel normal. If someone like Lana could love me then I would be normal. As you know I spent the whole time with Lana trying to be what she wanted and it just made me miserable. I think I tried to make everyone happy but I became miserable, moody and lonely. I never loved Lana, I now know that I needed her."
Lois had tears in her eyes as she heard the heartbreak in his voice as he talked. 'God I wish I had known all this back then, how things would have been different. Yeah right Lane, you thought him a mummy's boy and annoying. You were continually abrupt with him. God I was a total bitch to him at times and he continued being my friend and helping me out. How many times did Clark help me and how many times did I say thank you. You were a piece of work back then Lane.'
"Then I met you and you were a ray of sunshine in my existence. Lois, do you have any idea how you can explode into someone's life? You wouldn't let me sulk, you continually told me off and you kept not letting me get all screwed up thinking about my destiny. I had no idea how to relate to you or know what to say to you. Eventually you allowed me to see that my "destiny" was not something I had to follow. I needed to know what that destiny was and then achieve it on my terms."
"The day I left and yes I was really upset about Oliver and you but that isn't why I left, it was time. I went to the fortress and spent a year in suspension learning the knowledge of the 28 known galaxies. After that I could fly, but the most important thing to come out of that time was I came to terms with both sides of my personality, Kal-el and Clark became a new Clark. I then spent the next four years learning to be a man I could be proud of."
"Where did Superman come from? Well after Afghanistan I decided that the world needed a hero and I needed a disguise so I could affect events. My decision to become Superman was to allow me to help people but also allow me to have a normal life."
"Clark Kent is the man, Superman is what I can do," slowly he rested his forehead against the window and closed his eyes.
She barely heard him whisper, "God, don't let her hate me", it sounded like a prayer.