A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! Please don't kill me for this chapter ... :/

Elena woke to puffy eyes and a headache from crying the night before. She turned over and found a plate of food and a note from Caroline, saying that she had convinced McGrath to take her shopping, leaving Elena time alone to try talking to Damon again.

Knowing it would be a long day, if Damon would even let her get a word out, Elena forced herself to eat most of the breakfast Caroline had left her and dragged herself into the shower. She went through her morning routine mechanically, and it wasn't until she opened her bag that emotion flowed back through the haze. The earrings Damon had sent her, the very first gift he had sent her after he left, were staring up at her from her jewelry case. She ran her finger over them gently, picked them up, and put them on. She knew Damon would notice, he had a borderline obsessive habit of noticing small details, and she prayed it would soften his mood.

After wandering through the house, searching for the man in question, Elena stepped out onto the back patio that led down to the path through the dunes. Damon was nowhere to be found inside, but Elena remembered Stefan saying that Damon liked the ocean, and she headed towards the beach. Her breath caught as she saw him in the distance, facing the water, hands in his pockets. There was no point in being quiet, she knew he had already picked up on her heartbeat, but she made her way soundlessly to him anyways.

"Elena." Damon said shortly, not turning around, feeling her step close to him.

His mind was flooded with every emotion: anger, pain, hurt, rage, love, regret. He knew she would try to talk him out of his decision, and the only way to fend her off was to go completely cold.

"Damon, please, can we talk?" Elena said softly, watching for some sort of reaction.

"Talk away, Elena, it's a free country." He replied snidely, internally wincing at the pain he knew he'd find in her eyes if he looked at her.

Elena sighed, irritated now with his attitude. She remembered what Caroline had said the night before, that Elena needed to be strong and not back down from Damon, no matter what he said, because he didn't mean it.

"Quit being an ass, Damon. I came all this way to find you and this is how you act? Don't you know how worried I've been about you, how much it hurt every day to wake up, to leave you in my dreams, and push on with reality? Do you know how hard I fight every day just to stay afloat?" Elena yelled, jerking his arm, the sudden movement turning him towards her finally.

"Why even bother caring about me? I left you. You were supposed to move on." Damon said, his eyes searing with rage as Elena fought the instinct to step back.

"Because I love you. And you love me. And I still don't understand why you left!"

Damon raised his hands to his head, pressing his fingers against his temple, trying to contain the pure agony that was threatening to spill over. Elena, sensing a change in the tide, stepped closer, and Damon nearly fell over from the need to touch her again. A deep breath and a moment with his eyes closed, he brought himself back behind his walls again and looked up at her.

"You want to know why I left? I left for you! I left so that you could have all the things you wanted! Christ, Elena, I torture myself EVERY GODDAMN DAY FOR YOU!" Damon roared and his eyes smoldered black.

"I never asked you to leave, I never asked you for all the things you say I wanted! What I wanted was you!" Elena yelled back over the crashing wave to her right.

"Because you didn't have the guts to tell me." Damon shot back, his voice so full of scorn, Elena felt like she had been stabbed.

"What are you talking about?"

"I thought everything was great between us Elena, that we were always honest with each other. We got past the Stefan thing, you moved in, all was right in the world. And then I hear that maybe it's not really what you wanted at all, that maybe I wasn't enough for you, that I would never be enough."

"Damon, I don't understand. That's not even close to the truth. Who told you that?"

Damon's eyes pierced Elena's, and she felt sick. All this time, she couldn't figure out what had been going through his head that morning when he said he was leaving. At first she thought it was because he missed his own humanity, but she'd long ago come to the conclusion that there was someone else involved, whispering in Damon's ear.

"You really don't know, do you?" Damon said, suddenly realizing Elena's shock was completely true.

"No. Who was it, Damon?"

"Bonnie." He whispered, and Elena clenched her fists at her sides, seething.

"I knew it. I knew she was involved in this somehow, pushing me to be with Jason, not wanting to help do locator spells to find you. I can't believe I thought she was my friend."

Damon wanted so badly to pull her into his arms, to run his hands through her hair while he comforted her. He wanted to pick her up and carry her into the house, upstairs to his bedroom, and make up for the past three years. He watched her tuck her hair behind her ear, and he caught sight of her earrings. He had spent hours in different jewelry shops, picking out the perfect pair for her.

"How could you do it? How could you go and not even ask me if she was telling the truth?" Elena asked mournfully, twisting her shirt in her hand.

"I didn't want you to miss out on life, Elena. I didn't want you to miss out on the things that you had dreamed about, and more than anything I didn't want to take that opportunity away from you."

"Damon, please, listen to what I'm saying. I don't want those things. I want you, that's it. I wouldn't be missing out on life, I'd be experiencing it the best way possible, with the person I love the most. How can that be a bad thing?"

"Because I'm bad, Elena. It's not right for you to waste your life on someone like me. I'm not worth it."

Elena's eyes widened and she shook her head, reaching for his hand. He allowed her fingers to intertwine with his, recording the moment in his mind, feeling the pulse of her wrist under his thumb. She stepped closer and Damon wanted to give in more than anything he had ever wanted in his life.

"You're not bad, Damon. You can't be bad because you love more forcefully and truthfully than anyone I know. I need you Damon, please let me in." Elena whispered, feeling his thumb rub her wrist softly.

Her words brought Damon back instantly to the night she had said she loved him, and the regret of what he had done, leaving her behind and in pain, quickly bubbled up into his chest. He wouldn't allow himself to get close to her again, he couldn't. He knew he'd do something to mess it up.

"No." Damon said quietly, pulling his hand away from hers.

Elena looked at him, shocked, and before he realized it, she slapped him with everything she had.

"Maybe I should've chosen Stefan." She spat, the venom in her voice like a stake in Damon's heart.

It was cruel; definitely a shot below the belt, but it was the only weapon Elena had at the moment. Damon took a step back, gritting his teeth, not liking the playing field he'd just found himself in.

"Be my guest, Elena, I'm sure little brother will drop whatever forest animal he's feeding on and come running back, Saint Stefan to the rescue, like always."

Damon's eyes flashed dangerously, and he quickly stalked back towards the house before he did something he really couldn't undo. He knew in the back of his mind she threw the words at him as a way to hurt him, but it was a shot too close to the heart, and the vulnerability he felt was terrifying.

Elena sank into the sand, hand covering her mouth, as she realized what she had just done.