.
"Gee, 11:30. The shows are just getting out. People are going to nightclubs and restaurants. Of course, we're different because we live in a palace."
- Susan
July 28, 2010
Edward
"She thought you'd think it was silly."
"What?" I ask, completely dumbfounded. "Why? I've never suggested that her photos are silly."
Rosalie shrugs as she stabs at her salad.
"Maybe the project isn't as impressive when it's only partially done? I don't know, but they were all of you. Most of them, anyway. She might have been embarrassed about that."
"She was always holding that camera," I explain, needing to defend myself even though I've already lost the fight. My eyes scan the booth for something to do, coming up empty. I fleetingly wish that I had ordered food, just so I could pick at it.
"I'm glad she used it so much, since it was her present. But I thought she was just taking random pictures. I didn't know that there was a particular goal."
"I'm not blaming you for not knowing, Edward. Forgetting the date was your fault, of course. But for the project...Bella wanted to keep it to herself, so she did. If it means anything, she was going to show it to you when it was finished."
Rosalie's matter-of-fact words lower my hackles slightly, just enough that I can form my next words.
"Anything else?" I ask quietly, voicing my masochistic thought despite my instincts telling me not to.
"She was lonely," Rosalie answers simply, her tone holding a lot more accusation than before. "I don't think you thought about how it would be for her, alone in that big house, far away from her friends."
Rosalie gives me a pointed glance, and I find myself unable to ignore her latest criticism. I live and work in Seattle. Just what were we supposed to do?
"I know I work a lot," I allow, my voice dropping in pitch. "But I didn't keep Isabella in the house, Rosalie. She had a car. She had lots of free time during the summer that she could spend any way she liked. It wasn't up to me to make those decisions for her."
"But Bella didn't want to go gallivanting around the city. She wanted to spend time with you. You're a smart guy. Shouldn't you have known that? It's a basic need in every relationship."
I rub my forehead, trying to fend off an incoming headache. Being angry at Rosalie won't help anything, even if she makes it so easy.
"Isabella was my first girlfriend ever, unless you count little Susan Parker from first grade," I share more diplomatically, imploring her to forgive my incompetence. "I'm still learning. Or I was."
The last three words scorch my throat on their way out, making the past tense downright painful. I take a generous sip of my water, realizing too late that it completely fails to soothe the burn.
"Ignorance is not an excuse," Rosalie huffs, like we're discussing traffic laws instead of my soul. I'm not particularly surprised at her insensitivity, but I secretly wonder if her ice-cold heart has an effect on her body temperature.
"Couldn't you have just punched me and told me to stop being an ass?" I ask, frustrated that no one spoke up. "If my failures were so obvious, why didn't anyone help us?"
"It wouldn't have been the same," she murmurs decisively, yet her fingertips don't seem so sure. They meticulously shred the edge of Rosalie's napkin as she avoids my sight.
I don't respond, choosing to study my melting ice cubes while my dinner date is occupied with her destruction. We must look like quite the pair to any outsider, with neither one of us focusing on the other.
Rosalie finally looks up at me after several awkward minutes, wiping the clingy, white specks of paper onto our booth. Since her judgmental glare is turned off at the moment, I wonder if this is her way of waving a white flag.
"I understand what you're saying," she concedes, sounding almost as exhausted as I feel. She picks up her empty lemonade glass with one hand, signaling to our waiter with the other. "And yeah, maybe she should have joined a book club or something. But all she wanted was you. Is that such a crime?"
May 29, 2010
Edward
I cover our snack bar with neat rows of takeout menus, trying to decide what I want to order for dinner. I'm almost ready to commit to Italian when Isabella walks into the kitchen, displaying a very short, purple-black dress with an uneven hem. Her hair is down, showing off its usual waves, but she has a little more makeup on than usual.
I shamelessly take in her exposed legs, my lust-sparked body already mourning the fact that she'll be going out soon. Oblivious to my ogling, Isabella quickly glances at the menus before making her way over to the fridge.
"You're not eating with Rosalie?" I ask, voicing my confusion when Isabella takes out a container of fruit salad. She grabs a piece of pineapple, easily skipping over the cantaloupe.
"We're going to a club," she corrects casually.
"Which one?" I wonder aloud, still trying to wrap my head around the foreign idea. I briefly wonder if she's joking, but she seems perfectly serious.
"I don't know," she answers once she's done chewing.
"Is Emmett at least going with you?" I hedge, feeling more than a little concerned about her safety. Especially when she's dressed like this.
Isabella's forehead becomes slightly furrowed; my confusion must be catchy. The grape between her thumb and pointer finger sits tight, still waiting to be eaten.
"No, Rosalie said it's a girls' night out." She gives me that look - the one that says this concept should be easily understood. "She doesn't really get along with Jessica or Angela, or else I would have had her bring them along as well."
Isabella playfully pops the grape into her mouth after her explanation, looking especially youthful.
The innocent reminder of her age washes over me like a bucket of cold water.
"Wait, how are you getting in when you're still underage?" I blurt out, surprising myself with my abruptness. I expect the words to lie between us uncomfortably, but Isabella is unconcerned.
"Oh, Rose said she knows the bouncer. He'll probably just let us in. Or he'll only glance at my ID real quick."
She shuns more cantaloupe, fishing for something better.
"A fake ID?" I clarify, my voice sounding oddly strained. This plan is getting harder and harder to listen to by the moment.
A surprised laugh escapes Isabella's lips, immediately ruling out something so devious. "No, my real one."
"And you don't think he'll notice that your license is vertical instead of horizontal?" I try really hard to not sound condescending, but when Isabella looks up, I get the feeling that I've failed.
The fruit is set down on the island as we both realize that this has gone past small talk.
"I said she knows him," Isabella mumbles, clearly flustered by my too-logical questioning. She does an awkward half-shrug, nervously glancing down at her indigo ballet flats.
I walk closer, tired of the distance between us.
"Isabella..." I trail hesitantly, not wanting to make her feel bad.
"I know it sounds like an awful idea, but I promise I won't drink," she bargains, imploring me with her kind voice and face.
"The papers and tabloids will have a field day with this if they find out," I point out softly, voicing my most selfish reasoning. "Someone might recognize you and take pictures. Half the city knows how young you are."
Our conversation is interrupted by Isabella's ringing iPhone, no doubt announcing her friend's arrival. I speak over the jaunty tune of the latest pop song as Isabella pulls it out of her small purse.
"It's your choice, of course, but I'm asking you to please go to dinner or do anything legal instead. For me."
I try to convince her with my eyes, hoping that Rosalie won't give her a hard time if she takes my advice. There are just so many ways that this fun night could turn into a disaster.
Isabella looks down at her illuminated cell with a conflicted expression, keeping it in her grasp as the cheerful music dies.
After about a minute of silence, she stands up tall on the tips of her toes, mimicking my height without meeting my gaze. Her nose brushes my cheek before she places a petal-light kiss there.
I feel the whispered acquiescence more than I can hear it.
"Okay."
June 12, 2010
Edward
I gently sit down on the mattress, freshly showered and ready for bed. Isabella is lying down with her eyes closed, so I don't want to jostle her if she's asleep.
I whisper her name, guessing that she drifted off while I was in bathroom. Unsurprised at receiving no reply, I turn off the overhead light that's glaring down on her eyelids.
Since her body is spread out on top of the comforter, I cover Isabella's legs with a spare, woven blanket. Our ridiculously high ceilings definitely have their downside, even during summer. And while I'll be fine in my boxers and T-shirt, Isabella gets chilled whenever she wears pretty things to bed.
I opt to stay on top of the covers as I lie down, keeping the side of my body flush against the gold material.
I reach my hand out to encompass Isabella's waist, intent on bringing myself closer. But my fingers are only able to brush her nightgown before she rolls onto her side, facing away from me.
I could easily pass it off as an unconscious, unthinking decision. Except...her movement was too neat. Too direct.
And her breaths are uneven, just like the beats of my suddenly leaden heart.
Realization collides with me brutally, forcing me back onto the cold side of the bed.
I immediately want to take back my observations, demanding a prompt exchange: reality for ignorance.
Anything to keep the thousand knives from digging deeper into my chest. Anything to stop the guilt that's eating up my sore, inexperienced heart.
My middle finger's nail digs into the skin of my thumb, trying to steal attention from the pain coursing through my torso.
In a tragic way, this is actually an appropriate end to the day.
From Isabella's pecked goodbye kiss this morning to her raved-about pasta at dinner, everything was on schedule. But with every second of nearness, a dark undercurrent flowed between us. I've felt it brewing before, but always in much smaller quantities.
The warning was hidden beneath the cover of newlywed love, but it was there. I foolishly hoped it was only my pessimism breaking through, bitterly trying to hold me back.
I look over at the flower I've managed to dim in such a short time.
Even though our problems started early on, I still desperately need to go back to yesterday, before sunset and broken and "sign here, please."
But no wants or wishes will change the aching truth of the moment:
Isabella's back is still turned, displaying the silky blue fabric I bought her. And she is very much awake.
A/N:
Thanks to What The Fun for prereading this.
I made a timeline of past chapters. I hope it helps if you're feeling lost:
...
Meet at diner - November 22, 2009 (Chapter 2)
First date - December 6, 2009 (Chapter 3)
Edward sleeps at Bella's for the first time - December 18, 2009 (Chapter 13)
Cockblocked by Benny - January 16, 2010 (Chapter 6)
Bella tells Edward that she loves him...when he's asleep - January 30, 2010 (Chapter 8)
Bella cries after burning surprise breakfast - February 14, 2010 (Chapter 10)
Humorous handjob and "Marry me first" thought - March 7, 2010 (Chapter 11)
Pick out house - April 15, 2010 (Chapter 9)
Prenup discussed after a night out - April 17, 2010 (Chapter 4)
Honeymoon moment in Sospel - May 4, 2010 (Chapter 7)
Edward takes a photo of Bella - May 23, 2010 (Chapter 11)
Dandelion wishes - May 23, 2010 (Chapter 12)
Bella tells Sue about 365 project - May 28, 2010 (Chapter 8)
Bella's lonely phone call to Jessica - May 28, 2010 (Chapter 12)
Bella stays home instead of going to club - May 29, 2010 (Chapter 14)
Edward misses gallery date - June 11, 2010 (Chapter 10)
Bella pretends to be asleep - June 12, 2010 (Chapter 14)
Edward's birthday party - June 20, 2010 (Chapter 13)
Meet with lawyers - July 17, 2010 (Chapter 1)
Last time Edward saw Bella - July 17, 2010 (Chapter 4)
Edward sees newscast - July 20, 2010 (Chapter 1)
Edward is interviewed by Mike - July 21, 2010 (Chapter 3)
Edward hires Marcus to investigate - July 21, 2010 (Chapter 4)
Edward messes with Mike - July 24, 2010 (Chapter 5)
Edward finds Benny in bedroom and breaks down - July 24, 2010 (Chapter 6 and 7)
Sue tells off Edward - July 26, 2010 (Chapter 9)
Edward finds 365 project - July 27, 2010 (Chapter 11)
Edward meets with Rosalie - July 28, 2010 (Chapter 12 and 14)