Chapter 13

I was pretty calm for the rest of the weekend because I had a game plan. The girls might have been a bit suspicious about how lovely I was, but they feared of ruining the delicate balance, so they didn't say a thing. That is how we actually managed to have fun. And the fact that I asked them a few more questions before we truly dropped the subject, helped with the illusion that it was all fine.

One of these questions was how did Paige reacted after hearing about Cassie. It bothered me so much, that I just knew I couldn't wait any longer for an answer.

Spencer wasn't too pleased. But I couldn't tell if it was because she was worried about me being invested, or about my reaction to the answer.

"Well, to be honest, Em, she wasn't too happy."

I smiled.

"But you also have to know, she's been with other people, Em. She had relationships, just like you did."

I didn't smile any more.

I know it's not fair of me. Of course she had other relationships, yes, just like me. It makes sense. But it doesn't mean I have to like it. Maybe denial was a blessing after all?

No. It's always better to know.

When Spencer saw I was lost in my thoughts, she grabbed my hands and said:

"Em, you two are a life time apart, but you were also together for what seemed like a life time. And what you two have been through, most people don't go through until they are way way older, and sometimes, never at all. Your bond is unbreakable. For better or worse, I get it, I do. But I just don't want either of you to suffer, and so whatever you'd think is best, I'd respect."

It warmed my heart. The sincerity. The love. I really couldn't be mad anymore.

She turned to grab something, then looked back at me.

"I *am* gonna say though, and it's all I'm gonna add on the matter… you've seen that drawing."

We nodded to each other, and that was it.

We had two more days of fun, and we intended to use them. Minimal sightseeing for the 'practically NYC pros' us, and loads of group drinking. I let everything sink in, and since it did, I felt like my mind was clearer than it's been for a very long time, I could truly let go, and enjoy myself. That said, the girls didn't know that even with that, I was just at ease. It's not that I didn't have Paige on my mind.

Aria and Ezra are both proud faculty members at the Harvard English department. Those two. Always so by the book. Except of course for the whole student/teacher relationship beginning. Well, Aria is *almost* an official member of the faculty. She's getting her Phd. He already has it. So basically yeah, a couple of nerds. We know it, they know it, might as well come out and say it.

Spencer, well, I wish I knew. I just know that she's important for national safety, and she might just be listening to my private phones calls.

Hanna is getting really big as a fashion designer. We figured we'd feed off each other's talents, and finally found a fun concept for a project. It's gonna be water related. Maybe a new line of bathing suits with really cool prints on them. I'm gonna let her figure out the artsy details, of course. I just know that at some point, we'll rent a pool and a photographer for a day, and go crazy.

Maybe Paige could send Hanna some cool prints for the line?

Oh, come on Em. You really shouldn't be thinking about all of that. Not yet anyways.

And so, back to sunny LA now, not for long though.

I'm sitting in front of my laptop and looking at Paige's drawing that I sent from Spencer's phone. Now I wanna find the rest of her art that I have. It's not much, but I really need it right now. I've waited all weekend long to get back and explore how I feel about all of this.

I pull the box from under the couch. Yep. The – 'would be marked with a tiny shark' box.

The one where Paige's plaid shirt was.

There is a little metal box with a vintage look, and inside of it, there are many photos. But it's not what I'm looking for and it might just be a little bit too much. The real life version of digging into an ex's Facebook profile.

And here's what I was looking for. A pile of 15 photos, with a purple ribbon around them, and a note on the top.

"My Love,

Let this be called 'Paige's first "achievement" as an artist'.

Since no one will ever cherish them as much as you will, and since it was followed by an amazing night, I want you to have them.

Yours I'm keeping for myself. For research purposes, and my personal growth as an artist.

Love, your gorgeous girlfriend."

Oh, if you could only see the wide smile I have on my face right now. I forgot about this note. But not really.

I untie the ribbon and start going through the pictures. It was Paige's first assignment in photography class. She had to take some portraits in black and white. She did a few of herself before she headed to my dorms and as I opened the door, the first thing I saw was flash in my eyes. Some girlfriend!

But these pictures bring back so many memories.

Here's the one of hers brushing her teeth, the one of her coming out of the shower. She had an amazing sense of humor. No one could make me laugh like she did, just by being silly. And so incredibly original and creative.

Sigh.

What else?

Oh, this one. She's just leaning on the door of her dorm room, wearing long pants, but of course, one of the pant legs is folded up. Just a bit under knee height. Such is the Paige way.

This makes me smile. I love it. I always did. You know how you learn the tiny habits of your love? It makes me feel like home. Isn't it silly? That something like that, specifically, can make you feel like home?

But it absolutely hit me in the stomach in an unexpected way. And now, I miss her, so much, like never before. Just from this little pants things.

And as a grand finale, I just got to my favorite picture of hers. It's so simple. But she placed the self timer perfectly. She always had a good eye. She was sitting on the bed, completely centered within the frame.

She wrapped her arms around her legs, and looked at the camera, smirking.

This photo is the essence of all things Paige. First, she took it herself. Paige is very independent. She likes to achieve things on her own. Second, it is so precise. Her position within the center. She's a perfectionist. Then there's her semi shyness and timidness in the way that she wraps her hands around her legs, but also something challenging about her smirk. She was the biggest of teasers, but her eyes in this picture showed the truth – that once she lets you in, she really lets you in.

She never got why I loved it so much. I teased her about it having some hidden meaning. I loved to see her struggle. I also knew she wanted to hear compliments about herself. Torturing her about it was fun. Especially since we both knew there was no harm done. She was my girlfriend, she gave me a picture of herself which she took and I adored, and that was enough.

I put the entire pile by my bedside. Keeping my favorite one on the top. I could stare at it forever. I just might.