And now is a time for celebration-we have high-speed internet now! Which means I no longer have to wait until I go to work to update during my break-and no more dial-up! Ok, now that I've gotten that out of my system, here is the 2nd-to-last chapter of the Declassifieds, another take on how Laura might deal with her memories of the war and other things. Flames will be used to toast the idiots in drive-thru who don't know how to read menus.
Disclaimer: I don't own Halo.
Chapter 14: Graveyard
There were very few people at Holy Cross at this hour, most were home for the night or getting ready to leave for work. Only one lone figure could be seen, a woman with dark hair bronzed by the setting sun. A few stray wisps curled around her face as she regarded the gravestones in front of her. Gedeon, Albert A. and Helen F. stared back at her from the granite, and nearby a larger marble monument proclaimed Morisson, Peter J. and Phillip J. A few tears trickled down a pale face, a face lined with grief, age, and secrets.
Laura sat in the grass in front of her grandmother's grave—she'd been closest to her grandmother, even if her older brother was the favorite (but she didn't mind). During the war it had been here that she'd come when things at the base were too much for her to handle; there was a sense of peace here among the dearly departed that she took comfort in. Taking a deep breath, she started talking, believing that her family was listening.
"A lot's changed since you left, some better, some worse. Daddy, Phil, the war's over—we won, but it was a near thing. They found Earth, but I don't think they were expecting to find us here. They were looking for something else, some ancient technology, and just happened to run into it in New Mombasa, over in Africa." Laura chuckled quietly. "As if you didn't know—you were always better at geography than I was. At any rate, John and the Marines did their best to send 'em packing, and I tried…I tried to protect the base, Mom, the little ones…" Her voice cracked; even now those memories were too much for her.
"I failed, Daddy. I couldn't save everyone, no matter how hard I tried. And the Marines failed in Mombasa, and John…John nearly died. And the monsters…there was more than the Covenant attacking.
"I know you don't know about the Flood, and there are no words out there to even describe them. The darkest, sickest, most twisted nightmare imaginable from the most evil person's mind couldn't even come close. They don't kill you, not outright—they eat you and mutate you, like some perverted parasite. These things attacked right after the Covenant opened up some kind of portal, and John and the others followed them through…" Laura stopped and shook her head, one hand raking through her dark hair. "I'm not making much sense, am I? It still doesn't make much sense to me, no matter how much time I spend hacking and trying to piece everything together.
"Oh, yeah, I'm a mom now—twins, just like the Stick. And let me tell you, those two make Alex and Katrina look well-behaved. Mom keeps joking that they get it from me. John's the father, of course; not like anyone else would be interested anyway. But that's not the only reason I'm here right now, there's more that happened after Earth was attacked.
"We found the other Spartans, and the last surviving Forerunners, thanks to my latent memories from my past life. Then things got hairy: the memories, they…they started taking over. I started forgetting I was me, and started thinking that I was Alaya. It got pretty bad, I felt like I was living her life inside my head, and the effects bordered on insanity. Finally we figured out that the only way to get her out of my head was to go to this planet and figure out what happened there—and I nearly died.
"I realize this all sounds really simple, but I'm only giving you the cut-and-dried version of what happened. The reality was…a lot more difficult." Laura took a deep breath, trying to keep herself from crying. "It's damn near impossible to describe the monsters I faced, and the feelings that weren't mine. And you know what? I'm not sure I even want to try. Mom says I should, that I need to get it off my chest, but how can I explain it to someone who can't understand? Even John can't understand it, and he was there! He saw what was going on, saw how it affected me, but he still doesn't understand what it felt like!" The tears came pouring out now, in spite of her best efforts.
"I don't know what to do anymore," she sobbed, her head resting on the cool granite headstone. "I feel so much guilt, so much pain, and I'm more lost than I've ever been! What am I supposed to do, put it all behind me and move on? It's not like I can erase an entire decade of experiences and memories, I have to live with it for the rest of my life! What should I do?"
Her head stayed on the granite, tears falling freely to darken the red stone as the sun went down. She continued to cry, expecting no answer from anyone, simply getting everything out in a way she couldn't normally do. On base she had to keep the mask on, not show any of the grief inside, not show anyone her confusion; the minute she did she put herself at risk. Here, though, she was expected to grieve, and here she could cry all she wanted. And cry she did, everything pouring out all at once. Before she realized it her tears were stopping, and she felt as though a huge weight was off her chest. A light breeze stirred up, brushing the stray hairs back from her face. Cry as much as you need to, Princess, we're here for you, it seemed to say. It felt like her dad was actually listening—and she imagined Nana and Phil were too.
Lifting her head, Laura wiped her eyes and looked around. It was getting dark, and she knew her family would be getting worried. I needed this though, I feel so much better now. A faint smile appeared as she looked at the three headstones: her grandparents, her father, and her brother.
"Thank you, thank you for…for listening, for being there. For everything. I miss you all so much." Sniffling and wiping away one last tear, Laura turned and walked away, a much happier person than she was when she arrived.