Chapter 13: Jess & Ellie

BPOV

I was rummaging through my closet trying to find something decent to wear. Why was I this nervous? And since when did I care what I was wearing at all? After all, it was not like it was the first time he saw me and I was definitely not trying to impress him. So I decided on jeans and a T-shirt of one of my favorite bands, Radiohead. It helped knowing that it was one of his favorites as well.

It took a lot of planning and sneakiness, but two weeks after the decision was made we were finally meeting up. We had chosen neutral ground, a Starbucks in Port Angeles, a place where we were least likely to run into someone we know. But it wasn't that low key that people would turn suspicious if we were to be caught. Accidental encounters happen.

I cast one final look in the mirror and took a couple of deep breaths. I'm doing this for you Alice, I thought to her. I miss you so much. Ironically, if she were here, she would never have let me leave the house dressed like this. It would send her into a fit. On the other hand, if she was still around I had no reason to go see him…

I slowly made my way down the stairs and went into the kitchen to say goodbye to Charlie.

"Have fun shopping with Jessica," he said and flashed a grin at me. He knew how much I hated shopping.

"I'm sure I will," I said wryly, "you know Jess…"

I felt a little guilty about telling this lie to Charlie, but I had no choice. I could hardly tell him the truth. And it was only half a lie. I was actually meeting Jess. But Jess wasn't a girl. It's Jasper. It started off innocent enough with me answering my phone thinking it was Jessica from school and it turned out to be Jasper. He said that if I could call him something else, he wanted to call me Ellie. So we're Jess and Ellie now. It has a nice ring to it.

The drive to Port Angeles in my truck was slow and dull. My stereo broke down about halfway there and I had no choice but to finish the rest of the drive singing to myself. Sounds silly, but I wasn't used to the silence anymore. Music had filled a part of the hole Alice's death had made.

I arrived a little late and Jasper - no Jess - was already sitting, holding one of the comfortable armchairs occupied for me. I flashed him the biggest grin I could master and queued for a much needed coffee. The first thing I noticed about him was the redness of his eyes. I had expected it, but the intensity in them seemed to burn holes in me. Of course he noticed my nerves and sent me a little dose of calm.

Once I realized he was in touch with my feelings, I tried to get them under control, for his sake. I took a deep breath and pushed away every bit of nervousness and anxiety and I focused on how happy I was to see him. By the time I had my cappuccino and was walking up to the table, I was in total control of my feelings.

As a the true gentleman, he stood up from his own chair as I approached and took my coffee, so I could get my jacket off.

"How do you do that?" was the first thing he asked.

"Do what?" I asked in return, confused. "And hi, by the way." Awkward.

He chuckled. "I'm sorry. Hi as well." He grinned apologetically and somehow I sensed he was every bit as nervous as I had been when I walked in.

"How did you get your emotions in check like that?" he continued. "You were all over the place just minutes ago, and now the only thing I can sense coming from you is happiness."

I smiled, so my plan was working. "I'm happy to see you, so I'm only letting myself feel happiness. I don't know how I did it, but I simply pushed my other emotions away, focusing on the one I want you to feel from me."

"Wow, I didn't know you could do that."

I shrugged. I felt kind of embarrassed seeing how impressed he was. "I wasn't sure I could do it, that's why I wanted to meet you in person. Do you feel better now that I'm around?"

"Well, actually I do," he said after a moment's hesitation. "Human 1, vampire 0 on this one."

"So that makes it what, like 10 all?" I asked. The counting of the pro's and cons of being a human or a vampire was still one of our favorite pass times.

"It was 10-9 in favor of the humans, but it's 10 all if you count your flawed memory as a favor for us."

"Let's do that."

I sipped my coffee and took my time to assess his state. He looked like hell. Not because he was starved or anything, no he definitely looked well fed. But the red eyes were pretty disturbing and there was something indescribable in them. It was like he lost part of his humanity, and I realized in a very real sense it was lost. But that didn't frighten me, no sense of self preservation, like I had heard a hundred times before. It only made me more determined to help this man. I could have known he would pick up on that, because his brow furrowed and he looked at me intently.

"I sense some ulterior motive for meeting me, Ellie," he said and winked, which made his whole face light up. I liked my new name. But I guess he was right in his assumption.

"There's no hiding things from you, is there?" A piercing gaze answered my question and I sighed. "I was wondering if you might consider moving back to the house, now you know I can help."

He didn't answer and for the longest time we sat there in silence, me still sipping from my coffee, him staring at me. If he wanted to make me insecure, it wasn't going to work. I focused everything that I had on feeling happy feelings, so he'd know I wasn't kidding. It took a lot of my energy and after a while I felt drained, but I can be quite persistent, when I want to, so I kept it up. But somehow, he felt that I was crumbling and he changed the subject.

"What about Edward?" he asked out of the blue.

"What about him?" Did he mean, how are things going between me and him or what would Edward think if he returned home?

"Both," he answered my unspoken question. "I'm no mind reader," he added smilingly, "but I can sense your confusion."

"I don't think Edward would want to be in your mind, seeing as how you feed," I said rather crudely, annoyed that his stupid question broke through my barrier of happy feelings. And now of course was my annoyance surfacing as well, which made my happiness drift even further away. This was going to be extremely exhausting. I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to find my happy center again. It sounds really new age, but it helped and once again I felt the happiness well up inside of me.

"I know you're trying to distract me from proving my point, Jess," I spoke, "but it's not going to work. Now, as for the other question, that depends on your little experiment."

His eyes widened a bit in surprise. He probably didn't think shy little Bella was bringing this up in person. Well, he obviously didn't know how desperate I was.

"I'm working on it," he said quietly and I was sure that he would blush if he could, which in turn made me blush.

"So no breakthrough," I whispered. He shook his head confirming my suspicion. Actually that was quite a blow and I had to try hard to keep my eyes from watering up, so I looked down into my lap. I really expected him to figure something out. That meant it was up to me, to come up with another approach. Or maybe I was grasping at straws. I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice I let go of the happy feelings, replacing them with my own desperation.

Suddenly, he was in front of me on his knees, lifting my chin with his finger. I looked into his ruby eyes that were filled with so much compassion I could only just hold back a sob.

"Don't despair like that, darling, we'll work it out. I'll try harder. Hell, I'll do anything to make you stop feeling like this."

"Thanks," I whispered. Without thinking I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. He only hesitated a second and hugged me back strongly. I needed him just as much as he needed me and I felt comforted by that thought. When we broke the hug, I looked into his eyes, inches away from me, and saw he felt exactly the same as I did.

"You'll have to shower, when you get home," he said softly, taking a strand of my hair and tucking it behind my ear. "Edward will smell me on you now." He stood up and sat back down in his chair as if nothing happened. But I knew I had gotten through to him and chances were he was going to move back in soon.

We spent the rest of the day talking about music, movies and pretty much everything we thought about. I was still surprised at how easy it was to talk to him. I had known him and his family for over a year and I had no idea we could have been friends all this time.

AN: Finally, they meet again... Happy?