Disclaimer: Any products or places mentioned in this story are not owned by me. They get free advertising, so it's all good.
On to serious business! I am sad to say that this is the final chapter of this story. I had always planned on ending with it with a variety of topics, just to wrap up random ideas; as these were the only random ideas I felt like writing about, they are the last.
I thank all of my marvelous readers. Without your great reviews, this guide would have just been nothing. It always made me happy to check my email and see a bunch of reviews waiting for me in my inbox. You guys are fantastic!!
If you wanted more chapters, I apologize...I ran out of stuff to write. However, as my new band season continues, I might be struck by more inspiration. If that is the case, I won't hesitate in writing another chapter.
Thanks again, and enjoy the last chapter of Marching Band for Morons!
Little things: (Lit-tul things) Various blips of information on random topics. They are usually quite humourous.
Weather: The weather very rarely (if ever) cooperates with the wishes of the band (or at least those of the students…it usually likes the directors).
If it is one hundred degrees outside during rehearsal one day, no matter how much you wish a thunderstorm would materialize, the weather won't cooperate. In fact, it will probably go out of its way to strike a deal with the temperature to get even hotter, just to spite you.
If you've had a bad day at school and just don't feel like going outside for band, you're just going to have to suck it up. It doesn't love you enough to rain.
And no, rain dances will not change anything; band kids and the weather just don't get along. It's a scientific fact (…okay, so maybe I'm lying about that one…). And, when you are graced by rain, it has the gall to dissipate before the end of practice, leaving puddles, clear skies, and humidity. Or, it will start to rain/snow/something just after practice ends.
Likewise, when you don't want it to rain, it will. Perhaps your alternative to marching drill outside is working on fundamentals in the hot, stuffy gym; if this is the case, the weather will unleash the storm of the century merely to see you suffer.
Just face the facts; you can't win against the weather.
Sugar and Caffeinated Products: When going to/returning from a band competition, it is inevitable that you will consume something that is either loaded with a lot caffeine or a lot sugar. This is your best (and only) option when you start feeling too sleepy on the bus.
Now, the recommended choice for your caffeine fix is Coca-Cola; at two in the morning, that much caffeine can make you positively loopy. If you're a regular Coke drinker, though, you might want to consider an energy drink (to get the necessary sugar rush). However, keep in mind that those sitting around you are probably not going to be incredibly hyper. To solve that problem, bring an energy drink for them as well!
Together, you can drive everybody on the bus nuts!
As far as sugar goes, anything in the chocolate family works quite well. Actually, seeing how this is band, any sort of sugary product should suffice.
Times when sugar/caffeine are necessary:
-When you have to show up at the band room at eight in the morning to start getting ready for your competition.
-When you're sitting on a bus at one in the morning on the way home from that same competition.
-When you're stuck on a twelve hour bus ride to who-knows-where and you need some entertainment.
-When you are completely exhausted during band camp and still have half the day to go (this is a great solution to exhaustion, as you won't feel any aches or pains until after you get home).
The wonderful words "One more time" as told through a story:
Once upon a time there was a band. Now, this was a special time for these band students: They were very nearly done with a long, daylong mini-camp, and the temperature and weather had been cruel and merciless.
The sun was beating down upon the backs of these poor children, the sweat slick on their arms. Their breath was coming in short, heavy gasps, and their arms shook with the effort of holding their instruments up.
It was nearing the end of the day, and the students had but a little time left of their camp. They were hot, tired, and incredibly thirsty.
Their band director, however, had turned a blind eye to their plight, and was eying a particular move of the show that he wanted to go over. Knowing that his charges would be less than happy, he struck a deal with them.
He agreed that, should they do ten repetitions of this move (while at least attempting to do it correctly), he would give them a water break--a tall order, to be sure. However, the bargain was struck, and the band readied for their first run of the intense passage.
Horns up, count off, GO!
And then, that run was over.
"Alright guys, let's do it one more time! Nine runs to go!"
They reset.
And so it continued in this pattern, and all was well. The band would move, and the director would say "one more time" and offer the remaining number of repetitions.
Finally, it was down to the last one.
"Alright, guys, let's make this one your best run yet!" The exhausted band poured their heart and soul (and probably some sweat) into that last, short little run.
Panting and dripping sweat, they stood triumphant, waiting for the director to give them the okay to go and get rehydrated.
Staring up at the podium, they waited.
And waited.
And then—"Alright, let's do it one more time!"
--This story was based almost entirely on true events--
The moral of the story (if there is one...) is:
a.) Band directors don't always keep their promises.
b.) Band directors tell you to do things "one more time" waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many times.
c.) Temperature and exhaustion mean nothing to the director until someone passes out.
d.) All of the above.
If you chose d, you are correct! For your prize, you get to submit a review at the end of the chapter (or not...it's not like I'm in charge of your free will...).
Band Parents: Ah, band parents; they're always there for you, even when you don't want them to be. They're incredibly amazing, though.
They're also incredibly misplaced by being in this chapter; they're too great to be "little." They keep track of the band budget, buy you nice, cold treats during band camp, and come to football games for the sole purpose of seeing you perform.
Not to mention the fact that your parents are the ones who pay your band fees…
Every band has to have its groupies. Marching band groupies are the band parents; they're tougher, cooler, and more intense than regular groupies. Even if your band stinks, they'll be there for you.
Parents are amazing, though. They supported you when you decided to play an incredibly loud, obnoxious instrument, didn't they? What is that if not dedication (or a sign of chronic deafness…)?
Band parents: making you feel loved even if you stink (not literally, though. If you smell, they'll most likely tell you to take a bath).
Section Parties: A lot of sections plan some sort of party (or more than one, in a lot of cases) where they go to breakfast/lunch/dinner, watch a movie, or convene upon the house of some poor member of the section. They are a time for the section to bond, and to go over crazy ideas and memories.
You can go completely nuts (although it's advisable to try to avoid getting kicked out of your restaurant/fast food joint of choice if you're eating out).
Section parties are a lot of fun. Examples (taken mostly from this year's trip to Taco Bell):
-Getting incredibly strange looks from the lady at the cash register as you and your friend dig through the packets of sauce, hoping to find on that says "Will you marry me?"
-Both of you finding one, and going to give it to the assistant director, who was also there eating.
-Having her reject my male friend's proposal, and accept mine. I thought she would snort her drink out her nose when we proposed.
-Trying to land a penny on the yellow spinny thing at the counter, even though you don't win anything with a penny.
…yeah…section parties are FUN!
So, in short, band is great! If you're in band, you know what I mean. If you're not, but you're thinking about it, join (they give your soul back eventually...I think...). If you're not in band, why are you even reading this?
With band, life is good. You make friends and memories, and you have a legitimate excuse for not doing your homework (not that your teachers care). If you follow all of this wonderful advice, you should be well on your way to thriving in marching band.
But, as your director always says, marching band is a team effort, which means you have to make sure everybody else is thriving too.
Good luck!
Thank you so much for reading!