I am now sincerely apologizing. It has been...what. 6 months? That's it, 6 months since my last update? Oh. My. God. I cannot apologize enough for the huge delay. So in return for that, I will update...IMMEDIATELY. With a nice, BIG chapter. I even have to go back and read some of the last chapter to REMEMBER what the story was about...O_O LOL. But without further delay, I will begin this long-awaited chapter.
And thanks soooooo much for the amazing reviews while I was gone. I really appreciate it!(:
Hermione started weeping. She fell to her knees and clutched at her mother.
"Mom!" she cried in anxiety. "Mom! MOM! Come back to me, oh, my love, COME BACK TO MEEEE!"
"I thought I was yours!" Ron sniffled. "Out of all the sexy men in the world, you choose your MOM? That's not fair. Truly, that's not fair at all. I've never been this badly hurt."
"Come on," Harry laughed, patting Ron on the back. "I mean, what the flippit. Let's go meet this jolly old Lucius. I think I'll really like this man. Or...woman?"
"Man," Dumbledore confirmed, crushing a chocolate chip cookie in his hand and stuffing it into his mouth. He poured a glass of milk into his piehole to accompany the crushed cookie.
"All right. Dobby, take Harry Potter and his friends to meet this...Lucius Malfoy," Harry crooned in a baby voice.
"Damn you," Dobby suddenly shouted in anger. "Just because Dobby is fun-sized doesn't mean you treat him like a toddler!" He humphed and stomped his foot on the ground. "It's not FAIR. Dobby's a big boy."
Harry shrugged and calmed Dobby by rubbing his back lovingly. Finally, Dobby snapped his fingers and called out to the group. "Come with Dobby, Harry and his friends. Dobby will take you to his girlfriend."
Harry, Ron, and Hermione, accompanied by Albus Dumbledore/Santa Claus and Hermione's now-freed mother and Hagrid, started walking behind the beaming Dobby.
Hagrid was grumbling in misery - he hadn't convinced a single person to even lay a hand on the great Dumbledore - the much-loved childhood fantasy. He also hadn't managed to alleviate Hermione's pain at seeing her mother blown up like a balloon.
Dobby led them down several lengthy corridors. Elves were working, chopping wood, drilling metal, stuffing blast-ended skanks, and creating the most brilliant toys.
"Bloody hell," Ron gasped. "This is bloody brilliant!"
"Dobby knows, right!" Dobby exclaimed. "Here, just follow Dobby...his dear one is contained right below Fluffy..."
A gigantic, three-headed dog, covered in patched oily-black fur, was whinnying and clawing at the ground. It was jumping up and down, and the Earth shook with its weight. Harry was thrown up into the air by the moving ground, and then back down.
"Aahh..." Dobby seemed to be at a loss of words. "Dobby and his friends must come back sometime when Fluffy is asleep. It would be impossible to convince him to let Dobby and his friends pass..."
"NO FEAR, 'AGRID IS HERE!" Hagrid shouted, jumping a summersault in the air and landing right in front of fluffy with a ukulele in his hand. "I know exactly how to make Fluffy sleep. Jus' play some perfect 'awaiian tunes, and he'll be snoring li' Dumbledore!"
Fluffy barked, whinnied, oinked, and tried to snap Hagrid's head off. Hagrid, however, moved with perfect agility towards the trapdoor and started to play.
"HA-AY! WHOOOOOA! WHOOOOOOOOA! Your LIP. STICK. STAAAAINS!...on the front lobe of my LEFT. SIDE. BRAAAINS!"
"Hagrid has brains?" Dumbledore asked in awe. "I didn't know that! I think I'll have to borrow some from him. HEY, KINGSLEY!"
Kingsley appeared to give Dumbledore a bear-hug just as Fluffy collapsed to the ground in a fit of snores. "Wow!" Kingsley said in wonder. "Did Hagrid do that?"
Dumbledore nodded and smirked. "Pshh, it's soooo nothing! I could've been able to do that, EASILY."
"You might not like him, Dumbledore..." Kingsley said with a half-smile in his face. "But you gotta admit that Hagrid's got style."
"WHAT? But in the Order of the Phoenix, you said that I had style! What a double-back-stabbing little SKREWT you are!" Dumbledore sniffed, and his eyes got large and watery.
"COME ON!" Harry shouted, realizing that they were all wasting too much time in the midst of drama. "Let's go into the trapdoor! I mean, I really wanna meet this Lucius Malfoy!"
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, HARRY?" Dumbledore shouted, trying to make fun, but Harry mistook is for real anger. As usual, his own fury level rocketed up for no reason at all.
"Umm, DUMBLEDORE?" he shouted in rage. "How DARE you talk to me like that? I mean, what the FLIPPIT! You may be the headmaster of Hogwarts and all, but do you know who my FATHER is?"
"Your father is dead," Dumbledore replied with a shrug of his shoulders.
"Well, he REINCARNATED. NOW do you know who he is?"
"...no?"
"RUMBLEROAR. The headmaster of PIGFARTS. And Pigfarts is WAAY better than Hogwarts, last time I checked!"
"...so your father reincarnated as a lion?"
"Yes."
"Lowely."
Ronald Weasley finally came to the rescue. "Come ON, guys," he whined, breaking up the fight. "Let's go! We have to meet Lucius! Maybe he can tell us how to go back home, too!"
"OMG! Yeah!" Harry agreed, and commenced to sliding the trapdoor open and jumping in. Everyone followed. Once he was done flying through the air, he found himself landing on top of a large, snarey plant that used its long, disturbing arms to grasp his neck.
He felt Ron drop in beside him, and start screaming.
"Calm down," Hermione shouted from above. "That's called Devil Hair. Just calm down, relax, and let yourself go through!"
"Hermione? ...how often do devils shampoo?"
"About once every sixty years," she replied, and Harry crinkled his nose in distaste. "No wonder he smells like Dumbledore shit!" Suddenly, he felt himself being squeezed harder and harder. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and felt himself falling...falling...falling...
...until he touched something so sharp, it made blood gush into his mouth. He felt something stick and wet slide over him and he felt something sniff him until he felt all the oxygen near him being taken away.
He had landed in a basilisk's mouth.
Reviews, and I'll update soon! Thankies! -Gale