I finally calm down enough to sort through some of our pictures.
I find one of you that I took when we went on vacation last year to Bermuda.
You look so happy there…it was one of our happiest times together.
Edward offers to go get it enlarged and framed and drop it off at the funeral home.
I'm grateful for that because I don't think I can handle doing anything today.
As soon as he leaves, I head into our room.
I stare at your side of the bed.
You should be here with me, hogging the covers like you usually do.
But you're not.
So I crawl into bed alone, trying to ignore the fact that this is how it will be from now on.
I pull your pillow to me and hug it tightly, pretending it's you.
It's only when I inhale and smell your scent on it that I really start to lose it and cry myself to sleep.