Chapter 14:

O, morning without warning like a hole,

and I watch you go.

There are some mornings when the sky looks like a road.

"Clam, Crab, Cockle, Cowrie" Joanna Newsom.

"What's this bit?" Elizabeth asked as she held up something frilly.

"I think that goes under the skirt to make it bigger."

"It gets bigger?" Elizabeth asked, horrified, as she looked down at the already massive skirt.

"Yup…we can probably leave it out though…at least the dress fits."

"Yeah…" Elizabeth had actually been rather surprised about this.

"Course when you think about it it's probably the sort of dress that aint supposed to fit. I can't get the corset any tighter and there's still a bit of room."

"I don't even see why I need the corset."

"Gotta have the corset…"

"I don't see the point though…it isn't as if I have anything to suck in." She said, a little darkly.

"It's the look of the thing dear." Nanny pulled slightly on the strings once more before giving up.

"These sleeves are giving me a bit of trouble." Elizabeth said as she glanced down at one. It had both lace and ruffles on it.

"I'm sure you'll get used to them." Mrs. Ogg said as she pulled the skirt out a little. The whole dress was stormy ocean blue and was packed with all sorts of decoration. There were ruffles and glitter on the bust and skirt, which poofed out magnificently and was adorned with lace and what looked like pearls. The sleeves came out a little in the shoulder until they arrived at the elbow and ended in ruffles and bell sleeves made of lace with the traditional flower like patterns at the edge.

It was beautiful, but Elizabeth felt silly wearing it. She felt silly for many reasons, but among them was the fact that she looked even duller then usual by comparison. And thus the dress did not seem to fit her in any way aside from in the most traditional sense…and even then, on suitable women it would have been too tight, this was what the corset was for, after all…so technically the fact that it did fit meant it really didn't at all.

"I don't think this is working." She said as she looked in the mirror and frowned. "It doesn't suit me…or perhaps I don't suit it…whatever it is, I feel ridiculous."

"Oh, don't fret, dear. A lot of women'd kill for a dress like this. Besides we 'aven't even done your hair and makeup yet."

"Hair and makeup? Oh no…I'd rather you didn't." She said while withdrawing from Mrs. Ogg slightly.

"Oh come on…what's the point of wearing a dress like this if you aint going to go all the way with it."

"What's the point of wearing a dress like this at all?" Elizabeth replied as she stared at the mirror again. "Perhaps I'd just better wear something else."

"Well I suppose it's your choice…" Nanny Ogg said. She smiled a little. "They'd be a bit ill fitting in the bust area, but I'll bet I 'ave some of my old clothes what I wore for occasions such as this. Course, I always wore stuff that'd…you know…encourage things…"

"All right, all right…but only a little makeup…" Elizabeth said, with a hint of frustration. "I look silly with too much on…"

"Good, sit down then…Ooh this gonna be fun." Elizabeth sighed and sat down on a chair that was up against the wall.

"I wonder if we can get your hair to curl any more." Elizabeth shook her head.

"It goes straight from limp to frizz if you try to do anything with it, believe me."

"We'll, I know a few tricks."

"That reminds me, I had a question for you." Elizabeth said. There was an edge to her voice that suggested she was a bit embarrassed.

"Oh?" Nanny Ogg said as she examined her face and hair.

"Yes…er…what are the oysters for?" Nanny Ogg smiled.

"You don't know either, eh? Legendary aphrodisiac, doesn't always work o' course…they're supposed to get your sex drive going." Elizabeth stared ahead for a moment and there was suggestion in her façade of preoccupied thought as her eyes glazed over.

"I think I shall be allergic to sea food for tonight." She said grimly.

"Suit yourself, dear."

XXX

After a few hours in which she was poked and prodded at by all manner of things on the face and head, Nanny Ogg stood back and nodded happily.

"It's been a while, but I don't think I've lost my touch. Also I did your toenails. Used to keep mine painted to be appealing to men." Elizabeth looked down at her red varnished nails with a frown.

"It's fortunate that I shall be wearing my boots tonight then." She said after a moment.

There was a knock at the door. Once. Twice. Elizabeth sighed.

"That'd be him then." She said as she smoothed her skirt down distractedly and stood up from the kitchen chair. "He always knocks the same way. Gods, this dress is a pain." She pulled her boots over her feet and stood, allowing the skirt to cover them.

"You look lovely." Nanny said.

"Ha." In fact, Elizabeth had been looking in the mirror while the woman worked on her. She didn't look gorgeous, at least by traditional standards but it would take a while for someone to figure this out. The witch had done a good job.

She grabbed the walking stick on her way to the door, trying to ignore the clunking sound her boots made. Fortunately they were entirely covered up by the massive skirt and she had at least tried to clean the mud off of them.

Elizabeth opened the door and smiled with some embarrassment.

GOOD EVENING, ELIZABETH. Death said.

"Good evening." She said, a little nervously.

I HAVE BROUGHT YOU FLOWERS. Death said as he handed them to her. AND CHOCOLATE, OF COURSE…AS THIS IS CUSTOMARY.

"Oh…thanks…Um, they look a bit dead…" She said as she examined the flowers. They had been roses.

I'M AFRAID IT CANNOT BE HELPED. He said wretchedly.

"Don't worry about it." Nanny Ogg appeared by her side as she said it.

"I'll take those." She said as she took the flowers and chocolates from Elizabeth's unresisting hands. "I'll put these in water…er..." She looked at the flowers. A few petals fell off of one. "Well…in a vase anyways. Ooh, almost forgot." Nanny Ogg disappeared for a moment. When she returned she was holding something small with rapping pulled over it.

"This is for you, sir." She said as she handed the small parcel over to Death. There was a glint in her eye that Elizabeth didn't like.

Death took it and looked at it in a puzzled manner. Elizabeth eye'd the package suspiciously before giving Mrs. Ogg a distrustful look.

"Mrs. Ogg…" She started.

"Well I don't want to keep you two." Nanny Ogg said quickly. "No doubt you want to be off." She pushed Elizabeth gently out the door and took a step back.

"Have fun, Liz." She said, with a smile as she shut the door.

Elizabeth looked up at Death as he extended his hand and took it uncertainly. Binky was standing a few feet away. Moonlight seemed to be attracted to the horse as it bounced off Binky's coat, making him glow.

Death held Elizabeth's arm as she mounted, a bit awkwardly because of the dress and then he swung into the saddle in front of her and took the reins.

"Where are we going?" Elizabeth asked as she wrapped her arms around his midsection.

WE WILL GO TO DINNER FIRST. He paused for a moment. YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL BY THE WAY.

Behind his back, Elizabeth blushed.

"Thank you…" She mumbled as he pulled on the reigns and Binky trotted into the sky.

"Er…what did Mrs. Ogg give you?" Elizabeth asked as she watched the landscape moving several feet underneath them. Death took one skeletal hand from the reigns and reached into his robe briefly. Then there was a faint unwrapping sound.

IT LOOKS LIKE A CAKE. He said after a moment.

"…A cake."

YES. THERE IS A NOTE AS WELL.

"What does it say?"

UM…IT SAYS 'THIS MAY HELP.' Elizabeth pursed her lips.

"Could I see it for a moment?" She asked heavily. Death handed her the package over his shoulder. One of her arms left his waist and there was a brief scrabbling at the wrapper. Then there were a few minutes of silence, before Death cleared his throat, in a metaphorical sense.

IT APPEARS TO HAVE FALLEN FROM YOUR HAND, ELIZABETH.

"Sorry, it slipped." She said as she held onto him again.

XXX

It was the sort of Restaurant where a person had to get reservations months in advance. They hadn't had reservations…but it didn't seem to make a difference. Within minutes they were at a table. It was even by a window, although, in Ankh Morpork this may or may not have been a good thing.

They'd been given a couple of menus by a confused looking waiter. Elizabeth was thumbing through one of them.

"What language is this?" She asked as she reached the last page and turned back to the front.

QUIRMIAN.

"I can't understand a word of it."

I THINK THAT IS THE IDEA.

"Can you read it?" He nodded.

"What's this one?" She asked as she leaned towards him and pointed at something on the first page.

TWO WEEK OLD FISH.

"Really?" Elizabeth looked at it again. "What about this…er…Une sorte de pour cuire à l'étouffée fait du truc supplémentaire trouvé dans la cave?" She asked, pronouncing the words as best as she could.

I BELIEVE THAT ONE TRANSLATES TO 'SOME SORT OF STEW MADE FROM EXTRA STUFF FOUND IN THE CELLAR.'

"I thought this was a posh restaurant…" She said as she pulled the menu back towards her.

A VERY STANDARD ONE, ACTUALLY.

"And people buy this stuff?"

OH YES. ALL OF THE TIME.

"Amazing."

NOT REALLY. MOST PEOPLE CANNOT READ QUIRMIAN. IN FACT…I BELIEVE EVEN QUIRMIANS HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS VERSION OF THE LANGUAGE NOW.

"So people order it because they don't know what they're getting?"

NO…I BELIEVE THEY ORDER IT BECAUSE THEY WISH TO BE FOOLED.

"Bonsoir. Has the lady and the…er…gentleman made a decision yet?" The waiter asked as he walked up to their table and eyed them briefly.

WHAT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND?

"Well, our Les crevettes roses et la sauce qui goûte comme les pieds is particularly flavorful tonight as well as our roast duck." Death seemed to think for a moment.

THAT WILL BE SUFFICIENT. When the waiter walked away Elizabeth turned towards him.

"What was the first one?"

PRAWNS AND SAUCE THAT TASTES LIKE FEET.

XXX

It wasn't until they got their food that Elizabeth realized that she was actually rather hungry. She had never had roast duck or prawns and therefore ate it at first with caution. Both turned out to be very good.

Death had moved food onto his own plate, and seemed to be eating it, although every time Elizabeth looked up at him, he was watching her. It was beginning to make her uncomfortable.

ARE YOU ENJOYING THE MEAL? She swallowed.

"Yes, thank you." Elizabeth replied. "Although the sauce really does taste like feet."

REALLY? I HAVE NOT TRIED IT.

"You're not missing much."

"I do hope the meal is to your liking." The waiter said as he sidled, once more, up to their table. "Would you like to order something from our wine list?"

YES. YOUR MOST EXPENSIVE WINE, PLEASE. He said. He turned to Elizabeth and one of the blue lights in his eye sockets winked off briefly. Elizabeth had to bite her lip to keep from laughing. The waiter nodded and walked off again.

"So where are we going after this?" She asked as she pushed her plate aside.

TO THE DYSK.

"The Dysk?"

A THEATRE.

"Ah." Elizabeth said as she watched as the waiter opened the wine and poured a little in each of their glasses.

XXX

"Wow…this place is huge." Elizabeth said as she slid off of Death's horse and took in Ankh Morporks massive theatre.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A PLAY?

"Well…we used to have them in town during the festivals…but they were mainly performed by townspeople…they weren't very good." She added as she pulled the walking stick from Binky's saddle and leaned against it.

I UNDERSTAND THIS PLACE DOES MOSTLY TRAGEDIES. I MYSELF HAVE NEVER REALLY UNDERSTOOD THE THEATRE.

"Ah…tragedies…I've never liked them much. They're too depressing."

THIS IS GENERALLY THE NATURE OF TRAGEDY…IT IS RARELY FUN, I SHOULD THINK.

"Oh, I just mean…it's always about some king who gets killed because somebody else wants to be king, or two lovers who can't be together and in the end everyone kills themselves or gets murdered or goes mad."

AH.

"They're always so…" She seemed to pause, as if looking for the right word.

UNFORTUNATE? Death asked as he offered her his arm and they headed towards the entrance.

"No…well yes…I mean of course they're unfortunate. There's far too much drama…it almost makes them ridiculous. Although I admit…some things are harder to take seriously when performed by half drunk men in wigs."

I IMAGINE SO. WELL I HOPE IT IS A BIT BETTER WHEN DONE BY PROFESSIONALS.

They reached the ticket booth, where a man whose hair was pulled back against his head so tightly that it looked as if any minute in might all snap back, was sitting. He gave them a smile. He was not the sort of man that a mustache suited and yet, there it was, a tiny black smudge over his upper lip.

"Good evening." He said. "If you would like to buy tickets to tonight's performance, the fee is one dollar."

Death reached down to his belt where a bag of coins was hanging. He took a few coins out and handed them to the man, whose smile became slightly glassy while staring at Death.

"Excellent. I'm afraid the only seats that are open are in the twelfth row and above. So, if you would like to see the performance more clearly, we have binoculars."

NO…I'M AFRAID THE TWELFTH ROW WILL NOT BE SUFFICIENT. Both the man at the ticket booth and Elizabeth looked up at him bewilderedly.

"Er…I'm afraid it's all we've got, sir…everything else is filled…aside from the boxes but the only ones unoccupied are not technically ares to give away."

I WISH TO BUY ONE FROM YOU, IN ANY CASE.

"They belong to people…er…

"The twelfth row will be fine." She said quickly as she set her hand on Death's arm. He looked at her, slightly puzzled. "Sorry." She added.

"Er…um…that's quite all right, miss. Does this mean you would like the binoculars?"

"Yes…fine." She cast Death a brief look as the man fumbled under the desk and brought two sets of binoculars out.

"How much?" She asked.

"They're free, miss." The man said, while smiling nervously and very clearly avoiding Death's gaze.

"It says right there that they're a penny each." She said while pointing to a sign.

"On the house." The man said, his smile becoming more manic.

"Look, if they're just a penny…"

"Oh please just take them." The man pleaded, while pushing the binoculars at her. Elizabeth picked them up carefully, giving the man a strange look as she did and then adjusted her grip on Death's arm so that her fingers closed over his wrist. She pulled him in the direction of the giant oak doors.

XXX

THESE BINOCULARS HARDLY WORK. Death said after they sat and she handed him a pair. THEY ARE MADE OF A RATHER CHEAP PLASTIC…I SHOULD HARDLY THINK THEY'RE EVEN WORTH A PENNY.

"Well that's just fine because we didn't pay for them." Elizabeth said impatiently as she stared at the drawn curtain.

I DON'T SEE WHY YOU COULDN'T HAVE LET ME TRY AND GET BETTER SEATS.

"Look, it doesn't really matter. These seats are fine." After she said so, a rather large woman beside her shifted her weight and jabbed Elizabeth in the arm. She removed it from the armrest and gave the woman an annoyed look. It didn't do her any good because she wasn't paying her any attention. "Plus, that man looked wretched." She added after a moment. The curtain started to go up.

"What is this play called anyways?" She asked as she took out her binoculars and gazed through them. He was right, they weren't very good.

ER…FOUR TRAGEDIES…

"Oh good, so they should be able to fit every unfortunate scenario into the performance." She said with some sarcasm. Death eyed her briefly before returning his gaze to the stage.

She leaned her walking stick against the back of the seat in front of her and sat back in the chair with a sigh, placing her arm on the armrest opposite of the one next to the large woman.

On the stage, the play was beginning and after a few moments it became apparent that it was about some guy who was planning to kill his uncle because he wanted to be king. Elizabeth laid back against the chair and watched the stage lethargically.

XXX

Over the next couple of hours Death made an attempt to watch the plays, but he was having a hard time following them because he kept wondering about certain things that seemed illogical to him. There was one point in the third play when one of the actors seemed to stab another and then got rather upset about it and made a long and tiresome speech before stabbing himself. He didn't see the point really.

Elizabeth had fumbled with her binoculars for a while before setting them on her lap, apparently after deciding that they wouldn't work no matter how much she messed with them.

At the end of the third play a woman came out on stage and started talking about something at great lengths.

WHO IS THAT? Death asked. Elizabeth seemed to come out of a slight doze and eyed the woman.

"She's the kings daughter." She said with a yawn.

WHICH KING?

"The one that just got killed."

AH.

Death looked sideways at Elizabeth who was watching the play wearily.

"Oh, good. End of play three." She said as the curtain was drawn. "One more tragedy to go. What's the last one about?"

APPARENTLY IT IS A TALE OF TRAGIC LOVE.

"Of course it is."

Death watched as the actors filed onto stage and wondered briefly why people came to plays. Beside him, Elizabeth shifted her position in her seat to make herself more comfortable and set her hand on the armrest next to him. What was one supposed to do in this circumstance again? Ah, yes. He lowered his skeletal hand hesitantly over hers.

XXX

Elizabeth's hand tensed briefly and she glanced at him briefly before turning back to the stage. She tried to focus on the play once more, despite the fact that a large part of her mind was focused on the chill of his fingers over hers.

About halfway through the fourth play Death leaned over and spoke, making her heart jolt briefly in her chest.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS ONE AT ALL. DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON SO FAR?

"Er…um…I think so far the story is, that that young man with the brown hair is in love with the young blonde...I think shes some servant girl or something, who's in love with that rather old fellow…who I think is married. And that rather suspicious looking man with the mustache has just poisoned her."

WHY HAS HE DONE THAT?

"Um…I'm not sure…actually." Elizabeth sighed. "But no doubt she'll die in the arms of her beloved after uttering some beautiful last words...whoever her beloved turns out to be...apparently the old guy is something of a bastard..."

IN MY EXPERIENCE LAST WORDS ARE RARELY MEANINGFUL.

"Yes…but this is the theatre."

OF COURSE. AH. IT APPEARS THAT YOU WERE CORRECT. Death said as the woman on stage fell into the arms of the young man with the brown hair.

"They did a play like this in my town once." Elizabeth said while watching the actress's rather unconvincing death. "Everyone laughed when the heroin died because the actor playing her was the tailor and his wig fell off halfway through his speech."

WHAT IS THAT MAN DOING NOW?

"Making a speech about how angry and heartbroken he is."

HOW STRANGE. Death said thoughtfully.

"Poison." Elizabeth said while shaking her head. "Rather cliché, I should think."

XXX

Iocus: Hopefully the chapter didn't let you down too much. I'm glad you like the way I write Death . I don't know how hot a night can get when your date is Death.

Okami Lupus: I'm glad : ) Yes, yes they do.

Semi Automatic Bunny: Nope, he didn't remember. Well...I guess the dates not over yet...so maybe. Yeah, I can't see Death being a theatre person.

venG: Glad you enjoyed it. Honestly, I didn't know what the oysters were for either. I just found out.