the following day...
Chapter Fourteen: Idea Machine
"Have you heard from our contact in the underground, the nurse, yet?" Hogan asked as he dropped down off of the ladder and walked over to Baker, who was taking a shift on the radio.
"Not yet, Colonel," came the reply. "I'll let you know as soon as Songbird gets back to me about when Hochstetter'll be out of the hospital."
"Thanks, Baker."
Hogan meandered down the tunnel to where Jack, Sam, Daniel, Teal'c, Kinch, Newkirk, Carter, and LeBeau were lounging on cots and bouncing ideas off each other. Leaning against the wall, he listened to their latest suggestions.
"You've given a birthday party for Hitler... how about one for Goering, or Himmler?" Sam threw out.
Kinch shot that one down. "No important birthdays to use."
"I know!" Andrew raised his hand in excitement. "Why don't we convince them the war is over again?"
"We've already done that, Carter." Newkirk pushed the other man's cap down. "Don't you think the Krauts might suspect that it was fake if we tried it again?"
"Oh..." Carter's voice trailed off.
"Anniversary of Klink taking command?" Jack suggested.
"You kidding? The old Iron eagle actually caught on the last time we tried that! He ruddy looked up the date and then told us we were four months off!" Newkirk answered.
"Yeah! And he shot up our pistachio ice cream, too!" Carter added.
"Come up with any good excuse ideas we can use to get Hochstetter and Burkhalter to both come be here at the same time yet?" asked Hogan nonchalantly as he entered the conversation.
"Not yet," several people answered at once.
"But we're working on it. We're sure we can think of something. Kinch says one time you got away with having a party to celebrate 'repeal of Prohibition day'. I'm sure we can think of something at least that good." Jack asserted. "But so far the only thing we've been able to come up with that's even remotely possible is to use Carter- excuse me, Sam- as a decoy to somehow lure the General and the Gestapo here. The problem is, she'd have to be leading both of them on, which puts her in a pretty bad position if one or the other of them decides to get possessive. Also, I'd feel better about having her along when we go blow up the bridge... our team works better when we're not down a man. So we're trying to come up with a different idea."
"Without much luck," Daniel added.
"I've got it!" Carter stood up, grinning madly. "You tell Hochstetter you're celebrating the anniversary of the first time he accused you of being Papa Bear, and the wish on your cake is that he have many more years of not being able to prove it!
"Bloody hell, Carter. Is that the best you can do? You might as well confess it outright and pray for leniency as rub Hochstetter's nose in it like that!"
Jack leaned back against the wall. "Maybe Andrew's right: we need to think bigger, further out of the box."
Sam leaned forward. "Sir, have you got an idea?"
"Maybe. I think we need to appeal to a different part of their psyche. Trying to think of party ideas is hard because the Nazi sense of fun doesn't run very deep."
"What are you thinking, Jack?" asked Daniel.
"Greed," smirked Sam. "Most people've got a price, but who'd pass up the chance to make a quick buck?"
"I like it." Newkirk smiled. "Remember the Burkhalter- Klink- Hogan Oil Company?"
"What is the Burkhalter-Klink-Hogan Oil Company?" asked Teal'c in a grave tone.
"A scam we played on the Germans a while back," explained Hogan. "We dug a fake tunnel and filled it with oil from one of the barrels they had stored. Completely convinced them that they were sitting on an oil reservoir, and that after the war, they should buy the camp cheap to drill. And in order to keep the oil from being discovered, they could not let this camp be used as a Luftwaffe rest camp or remodeled to be used as a war materiel factory."
"And it worked?" Daniel asked incredulously.
"Like a bleeding charm," answered Newkirk.
"So, Colonel, how do you propose we appeal to their greedy nature?" queried Hogan.
Jack smiled, closing one eye halfway in a sardonic look, and leaned forward to expound upon his plan.
"Well, to make this work, we'd have to be able to forge transfer papers for a new "guard" to be transferred in. Is that possible, without arousing suspicion?"
"T'ain't nothin' to it, sir," Newkirk answered. "We're old hands at forging papers now."
"We'll also need to get in touch with the Black Market in the area. Either that, or we have to figure out a way to make our own fake pottery ..."
"Does it matter what it looks like?" Kinch asked
"It just needs to be able to convince the Germans that it's the real deal," answered Jack.
"So, no," Hogan asserted. "Klink can't even tell the difference between a valuable antique and a factory knock-off, as we proved in that little escapade with the cuckoo clocks."