"'You do care,' said Dumbledore. ... 'You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.'" - J.K. Rowling

Chapter 14: Deception

The rest of that evening and the whole of the next day passed without incident. Natalia brought the Soldier his meals. He ate, he showered, he acted weak. It was a long day, but he had had longer.

It was on the third day of his confinement that his plan appeared to be taking effect. It was midafternoon, approximately halfway between his lunch and dinner. He was pacing, as he often did, when the door hissed. He froze, stepped back. Waited for the door to open.

Captain Rogers, Sam Wilson, and Natalia walked in. His designated handlers here, he noted. He eyed them all warily, letting them make the first move.

"Hey Buck," the Captain finally said. He sounded... exhausted. Good.

"Hey."

"We're here to ask you some questions, okay?" Natalia added.

He stiffened. That was never good. "Yes ma'am."

"What are you feeling?"

She was watching him closely, probably getting as much from him by his expressions than he could even tell her. But he remembered teaching her.

She had learned many of her tricks from him.

He acted hesitant. He knew they expected him to search for a safe answer. "...Tired?" he stammered.

Glancing between the others in the room, he was quick to realize that, out of all of them, Captain Rogers was the most uncomfortable. Thinking back, the Captain had always been the one whose emotions were the most unstable. Interesting.

"That's not what I meant, Kiryanov." Natalia's eyes were hard.

"I'm... I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I didn't mean to hurt the scientist. I made a mistake, I misunderstood."

The Captain was obviously ready to believe him, but both Wilson and Natalia looked uncertain. Suspicious.

"You had a flashback," Wilson said, more gentle than Natalia had been. "What was that about?"

"Two," the Asset corrected, careful. "One about… about…" He hesitated. (This acting was exhausting.) "About him," he gestured at Captain Rogers "And I was on a table. He, um, he untied me and I said he was taller and he said he joined the army."

Rogers looked like the Asset had just punched him. Again, interesting.

He went on. "And one about Hydra. I think it was after I fell." He reluctantly recalled the memory. "Zola was there. I didn't have my arm." His hand instinctively went to his empty left shoulder, massaging, feeling the texture of his scars. "I was angry with him and screaming at him. He took me somewhere." He shrugged, looked down, but not before noticing the tightening of the Captain's jaw.

It was hard to contain a smug smile.

He'd been too confused to realize it before, but it was evident now: the Captain was weak. Certainly not physically, and perhaps not regarding other matters, but he was clearly too attached to the Soldier (for reasons that he didn't fully understand and didn't need to).

Rogers finally said something. "Okay, so you remembered me saving you from Hydra before you fell off the train."

Context. Context was good.

"Yeah," he answered.

"Natasha-" Rogers started to say, but then stopped.

The Soldier glanced up. Natalia and the Captain appeared to be having a silent conversation, one that he couldn't follow. He shifted in place and shoved his hair out of his face, frustrated, waiting.

After a moment, Natalia took over the discussion again. "Look, Kiryanov. We want to believe you, it's just… You went kind of crazy back there. Bruce nearly Hulked out on us because you punched him, and you almost jumped out a window. We have to make sure everyone's safe."

"I know," he mumbled, staring at his knees.

"Excuse me," said Jarvis' voice, startling him. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but there's been an urgent call from SHIELD. You're wanted in the conference room immediately."

SHIELD? There still was a SHIELD? And he was stuck in this room while vital information might be only a few floors away.

Wilson, Natalia, and Captain Rogers started to leave. The Asset spoke up, quiet, sheepish. "Can I leave yet? I know I was wrong; please don't make me stay here forever."

As he'd expected, Rogers looked torn, but Natalia answered. "You won't stay here forever, Kiryanov." She gave him an apologetic smile. "Just until we're sure it's safe to let you out."

He nodded.

They walked out.

The door slid shut behind them.

He had the resist the urge to try to get out, knowing full well that he couldn't go unnoticed here but also knowing that whatever was happening now was important and could badly affect his plans.

He spent the next few hours doing pushups, sit-ups, pullups, and any other exercise he could while he waited. He also tried to sort through some of his more confusing memories and make sense of them, but he quickly realized that there were too many, and he wasn't even sure which ones were real, where they belonged in his life, what they meant, whether he'd actually experienced something or if it was just a dream. Irritated, he shoved all of them out of the way in his mind and went back to the only reliable mental pastime he had: planning.

Now that he'd realized the extent of the Captain's weakness, he could use that. Although he realized that Rogers probably wasn't stupid and understood what he was risking by housing the Soldier, it was evident that he could be easily manipulated if the Asset was careful.

Steve felt drained. At this point, he didn't know what to think, and his emotions were more mixed up than a bowl of his ma's stew. He could tell that Natasha was watching him (she had been doing so more and more frequently over the past week), but the knowledge wasn't enough to make him straighten his spine or walk more quickly. He was, quite simply, weary. He had no more energy to deal with this situation, no more energy to make good decisions, no more energy even to get angry. He was tired of waking up every day after excruciating nightmares to confront a problem that he couldn't fix.

Nat drifted closer to him as they walked and, almost cautiously, took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. He glanced at her, tried desperately to muster up a brave smile, and found that he couldn't.

She didn't seem surprised by his response at all. They stopped in the middle of the hall; Sam took a look at their faces, gave an understanding sigh, and clapped Steve on the shoulder before continuing on. Evidently he was not surprised either.

"You okay?" Nat asked.

Obviously he was not, but he wasn't going to say that. Instead, he shrugged.

She sighed, almost exasperated except that she also looked worried. "Steve, you can't keep doing this to yourself."

He snorted, trying to act braver than he felt. "Yeah I can," he said, half-joking.

For once, he hoped she would see through his act, and naturally, she did.

"Steve…" She shook her head and glanced in the direction Sam had gone as if she wished he'd come back and help her.

"Nat," he retorted. Keeping up appearances, still.

"This isn't good for anyone. Not you, not Bucky, not the rest of the team." She crossed her arms, and Steve felt, for a moment, as he always had on the rare occasions when his ma lectured him. "You're going to make yourself sick. Literally."

He shook his head, looking down. "I need to be here for Bucky. He needs me."

"No, he needs a psychiatrist and several relaxing years in Hawaii," Natasha said shortly. "And you need to get some sleep and take a break for a few days. You're killing yourself here, Steve."

Oh, he knew full well that she was right. But he couldn't just go hang out and do nothing while Bucky was like this.

Bucky might be like this forever.

He shook his head again and shifted his stance. "I can't," he insisted. He wanted to. He wanted to sleep and try to forget about all this. But doing so would have felt like not caring, felt like giving up.

Nat met his eyes searchingly, head slightly tilted to one side like she was trying to figure him out. Finally she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I guess I understand. But you have to promise me you'll at least take a step back. This isn't healthy."

Steve felt a rush of relief, although exactly why he couldn't have said. "Alright," he said. "I promise." He hesitated, then started to move forward again, but Natasha grabbed his arm and tugged him to a stop.

"Hey," she said, and she looked uncharacteristically unsure of herself. "He'll be fine. We all will. It's okay." Although he knew that she was just saying that to make him feel better, he gave her a smile and a grateful nod. She let go of his arm and they resumed walking.

The conference room was not, in reality, the only conference room the Tower had, or even the only conference room close by. It was simply given the honorable title of "the" conference room because it was massive, secure, and contained the best communications system in the Tower. Even JARVIS didn't give it another name, largely due to Tony's insistence that it was too cool for a name.

The glass door, emblazoned with the Avengers logo, slid open as they came up to it. Beyond it, Sam, Tony, Maria Hill, Clint, and Bruce stood around the long table. Steve took a deep breath as he walked in, meeting both Nat and Sam's eyes to gain a bit of extra strength.

"What's up?"

"I'll explain once Rhodey gets here," Maria said calmly. Apparently she was in charge of proceedings, something that Tony did not look happy about.

Steve walked over to the table and pulled out a chair to sit down with a heavy sigh; the others followed his lead, all but Maria, who said hello to Rhodey as he walked in.

"Hey, guys," he said, nodding. Steve dipped his head in acknowledgment with a small smile.

"So what's going on here?" Tony finally said, leaning back in his seat and swiveling impatiently from side to side.

Maria, rather than answering, said, "JARVIS, pull up the call."

A Skype call was projected onto the wall screen behind her, and it took Steve a moment to register whose face it was staring back at them with a faint, smug smile on his face.

"Coulson?!" Natasha stammered, for once caught off guard.

Steve stared, stunned. Tony swore quietly. Bruce took off his glasses as if he thought maybe they were affecting his vision. Only Clint didn't react, and as a matter of fact looked rather proud.

"Hey guys," Coulson said, his smile widening just slightly. "Captain, you owe me an autograph."

Steve snorted, a grin spreading across his face.

"You knew about this?" Nat protested, aiming her gaze at Clint and Maria, in turn. "You knew and you didn't say anything?"

Clint shrugged sheepishly. "I promised not to. He showed up at therapy one day to see how I was."

"God." Natasha looked angry and confused and excited, all at once. Steve reached out, feeling a bit awkward, and touched her hand. She glanced at him and smiled a little as if to say she was fine.

"What's this about?" Tony asked, focusing, for once, quicker than the rest of them. Steve couldn't stop picturing the blood-covered trading cards that Coulson had been so proud of.

Finally some good news.

"It's come to our attention that you have more than one famous super soldier at your Tower, Tony," Coulson answered. His smug smile faded, although he still looked vaguely proud of himself for surprising the Avengers so much.

"Um, yeah, that'd be Sam," Tony said casually. "Because he's awesome and has wings and-"

Steve blinked. He hadn't expected Tony to ever try to defend Bucky.

"I'm afraid not." The agent smiled and moved away from the camera to project several images on the screen with pictures and other proof that Bucky had ended up with Steve and at the Tower.

So maybe not such good news after all. Steve frowned. SHIELD, new or old, wasn't supposed to know about Bucky.

"Although I can understand your reticence with this information," Coulson said, as if anticipating their defensiveness, "as the new head of SHIELD-"

Head of SHIELD? Granted, Coulson was a good agent, but the awkward, somewhat childish man Steve had met didn't seem qualified to lead SHIELD.

"-I have a responsibility to know what's going on and make sure that people are safe. I'm not asking you to hand him over, but I would like to send an agent over to help supervise and keep me updated one what's going on. Don't worry; she's a personal friend and a good scientist. We've been dealing with Hydra assets for some time now and have been able to help a few of them, so we have some files that might help you as well."

Steve glanced at the others; most of them seemed as reluctant as him to let anyone else in on their project. "Who is this agent?" he asked carefully.

Coulson smiled. "Just a minute." He turned away from the screen and called, "Simmons!"

A moment later, a small, dark blond woman with a somewhat weary expression came running. She was wearing a neat white lab coat and goggles over what was probably a very pretty outfit, a small device of some kind in one hand. She grinned at them and gave a little wave.

"This is Agent Simmons," Coulson said with what could only be described as a fatherly smile. "She's a genius with biochemistry," Here Bruce raised an eyebrow, interested, "and there're very few people I trust more."

"Hello," she said, her eyes sparkling with evident excitement. Despite himself, Steve grinned. She seemed nice, anyway.

"I think she could be helpful to you," Coulson explained. "And… she's looking to get away from the rest of us for a while."

Steve noted that Simmons' expression went from enthusiastic to sad briefly, before she perked up again.

The Avengers looked around at each other. Bruce shrugged. "I don't mind," he said. "And we could use the extra information… we're a bit stuck."

Natasha and Clint both nodded. "Sounds fair," Clint said.

Steve hesitated. He'd been burned by trusting SHIELD before… but this was Coulson. Besides, his gut feeling was that Simmons was trustworthy, and they needed all the help they could get. He rapped his knuckles on the table thoughtfully, then finally he looked up. "Alright. We could make that work."

A/N: Hello! I've written another chapter! I haven't written this quickly since I began the story. *claps hands* I'm so cool.

Civil War news is all over Tumblr and I have a lot of feelings, especially Romanogers ones.

As to the Agents of SHIELD references: don't worry if you haven't seen it, I'm doing my best to explain it as I go along. All the same, that show is brilliant and you should totally check it out.

Thank you for the reviews! I have almost 70! *falls over happily* They're so encouraging for a person with such low self-esteem as I've got.