A/N; Hey hi hello! So, between school and stuff going on in life right now, and the fact that this story has just been coming to me like a hundred times easier, I've established that it seems like this is the only one really being updated for the time being. I apologize to anyone reading any of the other couple of stories here! I'll try to pick them back up later on, but for now I think this is it, just because of timing and inspiration. Lengthy notice, but thought I'd make note of that! This chapter time jumps a little bit because I needed things to move along some, but hopefully it's not super confusing or anything!

As always, massive thanks to everyone who reads and follows and reviews and all that good stuff, you're awesome! :)

-Kay.

Chapter 14-

Carlos and Kendall had been pretty right, James was realizing. It was a lot of work, putting together a business, working through finances, getting the shop itself cleaned up and in a workable condition once again. That was what he needed, though, to be doing something. It wasn't the easiest thing in the world, some days he still fought with himself to even get out of bed and be productive. Some days even when he did manage to miserably drag himself from bed, he spent half the day practically biting through his tongue to keep himself from snapping at Kendall or telling Carlos he didn't actually want to be there. The bad days were just that, bad, but thankfully they were fewer in number than the good days.

The good days were full of distraction, of things to keep him busy. He and Carlos had spent one day sweeping the dusty floor of the stockroom, and somewhere between being mature adults and cleaning like they were supposed to, a crumpled up piece of newspaper had turned into a puck, the brooms they were using becoming hockey sticks. When Kendall had come back from grabbing lunch for them all to find his two best friends running around and laughing at their makeshift hockey game, he had chuckled and shook his head at them, saying something about how they were obviously getting a lot of work done.

There was another day when, instead of any of them running out to grab food, Mrs. Knight and Katie had swung by with lunch for them. It was the first time James had seen Katie in a long time, and for a moment, as she talked about how she was more than excited to be going on to college now that she was officially done with high school, James actually felt old, or at least that time was going by a lot faster than he had realized. The guys offered the younger brunette a job in the store so that she could have a job with flexible hours while going to school in the fall, and she thanked them with a round of hugs and a wide smile, one Mrs. Knight gave them all, too. She was really proud of them, she had told them all at least a dozen times.

It was nice, though. Carlos's mom had passed on her pride and congratulations to them, too. James liked hearing it, that he was a part of something noteworthy. His own mother, as well, was good at reminding him frequently how glad she was he was doing something, working so hard. Since a year and a half before, when he had first gotten engaged, he hadn't really done a whole lot to earn much recognition. It felt almost like the start of some kind of redemption, at least in one aspect of his life. He knew he still had a long way to go in others.

The last couple weeks of July rolled passed, making way for August, for that feeling of teetering in between summer and fall. It was kind of James's favorite time of the year, the way life kind of picked back up again when school started, the way the weather changed, the way change could just be seen everywhere. It felt like the perfect time to be making the personal changes he was in his own life.

He got back into a routine, getting up in the morning and going for a run, then having coffee with his mom after he was showered and before she took off for work. He alternated every few days, staying at her house and then giving her a break by crashing at Kendall's apartment. Shockingly, the time he spent staying with the blond didn't end disastrously. They certainly had their moments of disagreeing or bickering, but James figured that wasn't ever going away, it had been there all their lives.

Things were going a hell of a lot smoother than James imagined they would. Work on the shop was getting done fast, the three boys so invested and focused on getting things together. Apartment hunting he was doing, too, in between heavy lifting, cleaning, and paperwork. He still had some things to get back from New York, even though a relatively steady stream of boxes had already been shipped back for him. A lot of pieces were shifting, falling into better places that almost had him starting to feel optimistic.

Of course, there was a fundamental piece of everything going on with him that he wasn't focusing intently on just yet. He felt like he couldn't. Everyone around him kind of danced around the subject, tried to be subtle. It felt a little like things first had when he had moved to New York and spent time actively trying to cut out that piece of his life. He didn't want to think about it, though, because things were going so smoothly. When he was working on stuff for the store or looking for an apartment or going for a run, he felt fine, he had an easier time. Thinking about Logan made things hard.

It was next to impossible to avoid entirely. Despite efforts to walk on eggshells around him, James had caught the tail end of a few hushed conversations between his other two best friends about the fact that Logan was getting ready to make the move out to California for school as the end of summer was fast approaching. Logan was supposedly doing really well, from what the tall brunet had managed to pick up on. James felt an odd combination of ill and glad that Logan was fine, better than fine even. He wished he could feel that okay, too.

By the time the middle of August rolled around, a lot of the general setting up for the store was complete. They had worked to get it all cleaned up, worked out a floor plan that was slowly in the process of getting set up as inventory came in. It was a lengthy process, they probably still had a good few week's worth, maybe even a couple month's worth of work to do, but James was happy with what progress had been made, with the shop and otherwise.

"We don't have a name yet, you know." Kendall pointed out as he leaned an elbow on the counter.

James barely glanced up from the paperwork he was looking over before he shrugged. "What's wrong with Rocky's? It's got a logo and everything already, makes for easy advertising."

"I could always draw us a new logo!"

Kendall grinned and pointed in the direction of the stockroom where Carlos's voice had called from. James smiled faintly and breathed out a sigh.

"What would we even call it?" he asked.

"Kendall, Carlos, and James's Sports Emporium." The blond snickered.

The other two boys laughed, James shaking his head as he rolled his eyes. Carlos made his way out of the stockroom, standing on the opposite side of the counter from his friends. He had a thoughtful expression on his face and after a moment he began snapping his fingers as if that would somehow help whatever he was trying to think of come to him.

"What was that team name we came up with in like fifth grade? We all thought it was the coolest thing ever?"

Kendall smacked his hand down on the counter top. "Dude, yes! Big Time Rush."

"That's it!" Carlos pointed at him excitedly.

James chuckled under his breath and exchanged a smile with his two friends as they looked at him hopefully, waiting for his weigh in on the matter.

"Big Time Rush." He murmured, trying to get a feel for it. "Big. Time. Rush."

"Well don't ruin it before it's a thing." Kendall chuckled.

The brunet sneered slightly at him before his expression softened and he nodded slowly.

"I like it." He declared, scribbling the name down on a sticky note and slapping it onto one of the papers in front of him. "We can work on logo and advertising stuff tomorrow."

"Nuh uh," The blond shook his head. "You're off tomorrow. You've been going like the Energizer bunny for weeks, you need a day off to chill out."

"Kendall's right, James. I mean, we appreciate all you're doing a lot, but you need some you time, too." Carlos nodded.

James blinked. "Are you- Are you telling me we need a break?" he asked, purposely acting melodramatic as he brought a hand up to his chest. "This hurts, you guys. I just-"

Carlos laughed and tossed a paperclip off the desk at him just as Kendall rolled his eyes and elbowed him with a muttered 'shut up.' James half grinned to himself and turned more of his attention to the papers in front of him once again.

"Well, then I'll be staying late til I make sure these are all done since I won't be able to finish tomorrow." He said.

"You're a pain in the ass, Diamond." Kendall replied.

"And you love me."James responded, flashing a toothy grin.

"Debatable." The blond countered.

Carlos chuckled and reached across the counter to smack Kendall's shoulder. "Yes, we do."

With a half grin, Kendall gave the tall brunet another nudge before stating he was heading out and nodding Carlos along with him as he started toward the glass door to go out to his car. The bell on the door jangled as Kendall stepped out and Carlos moved around the counter to rest a hand on James's shoulder as he smiled warmly at him.

"Don't stay too late, alright? And please don't forget to lock up." He requested.

"I won't." James smiled back.

The bell jingled one again as Carlos left, leaving James alone in the quiet. He chewed his lip as his hazel eyes continued skimming page after page of orders, his hand punching numbers on a calculator as he worked. They had a fair amount of budget, given each of them had some savings they could use and the fact that they all had really supportive and helpful moms, to boot, but James was trying to be extra careful with the numbers. Kendall had once mumbled about how he was being obsessive about it, and it was at that moment that a direct mention of Logan had almost, almost slipped through the cracks. They all knew who would have been the extra thorough one, if he were involved.

Once he got halfway through the decent sized pile of papers, James hit the total button on the calculator to see what they were at already. Sighing, he wrote down the number on a sticky note so he didn't forget it. Halfway through, they were already nearly four hundred dollars over what should have been half the costs, based on the numbers he had figured while doing the finance and budget work.

Now, suddenly, he was doubting himself. Math had never been his strongest suit, and sure, he had a little more practice with his major in business, but that didn't make everything perfect. What if he was doing everything completely wrong and was only going to end up screwing them all over in the long haul? He frowned and stopped looking over more papers to lean his elbow on the counter and pinch the bridge of his nose tiredly, exasperated.

When the bell on the door jingled again, he sighed, but didn't bother moving his hand or opening his eyes right away, assuming it had to be Carlos or Kendall having come back.

"Forget something?" he mumbled.

When he didn't get an immediate answer like he expected, his hand fell to the counter top and his eyes opened to look toward the door, widening as they did so. His shoulders tensed and he actively worked to keep a look of indifference on his face as he swallowed.

"Hi." Logan said haltingly.

James breathed in softly, his brow twitching into a furrow. "Hi."

It felt like he had had the wind knocked out of him, seeing Logan. Having him standing there in front of him made him recall just how agonizingly long the past month seemed, not seeing him, not even hearing from him. A month was a lot less time than two years, but James was still a little reminded of how he had felt the first night he had come back to Minnesota and seen his best friend at his mom's unexpectedly.

A subtly tense silence hung between them for a few moments before Logan cleared his throat and pointed back over his grey sweater covered shoulder.

"I, um, I saw your car in the parking lot still." He said, as if the nervous words were enough explanation.

James still looked slightly confused, but he nodded once anyway, not knowing what to say right off the bat. Logan took in an audible deep breath and brought a hand up to anxiously rub at the back of his neck as his brown eyes glanced quickly around the shop.

"So, you guys are really doing this, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess so…" James said softly, eyeing the shorter boy carefully.

He didn't know what Logan was doing there. Based on the excessive amount of awkward tension that was going on between them, he was pretty sure not even Logan knew what he was doing there. It was different from when the other boy had turned up at his mom's. Sure, there was some underlying awkward tension then, too, but Logan's bitterness, his anger and his hurt, they had been really clear that night. Now there wasn't really a clear emotion, a clear indication of what he was doing there or what he intended to get across.

"Remember that time Carlos wanted to have his birthday party here?" Logan started, a fondness in his voice.

Despite any anxiety, James breathed out a light laugh, nodding. "His mom kept telling him the park across the street would work better."

"And you volunteered your mom to get a bounce castle for him like she had done for your party." The shorter boy chuckled, hesitantly moving toward the counter.

"Six years old and still barely understood the concept of asking." James murmured, smiling faintly.

"But he ended up with just a Ninja Turtle piñata anyway."

"And we were all over here, sitting in the middle of one of those big circle racks, going through our candy before our moms could take any of it away."

"How many jawbreakers did Kendall stuff in his mouth to 'save' them?"

"Like three, or maybe four, I think, they were the littler ones."

Both boys let out a laugh, recalling the happy memory from their childhood. Logan made the rest of the way to the counter, resting an arm up on it as he breathed in deeply. James's eyes lingered on the foot of space between where they stood before slowly moving up to meet Logan's seemingly unreadable brown eyes. The brunet's fond smile slowly fell from his face as he started to chew at his lip, a silence once again hanging in the air between them before he finally plucked up a little bit of courage.

"I miss you, Logan…" he said, voice barely above a whisper.

Logan's lips barely twitched upward in a hint of a sad smile before he was pressing them together and glancing at the papers James had been working on before he had come in.

He subtly nodded toward them, a curious expression crossing his face. "What are you working on?"

James attempted to ignore the painful tightening his chest did as Logan completely deviated from his quiet confession. The brunet swallowed thickly and looked down at the papers.

"Some inventory and budget stuff. Math." He mumbled with a one-shouldered shrug.

Logan inched closer to him, focus remaining on the papers as he glanced over the calculations that James had come up with so far. Watching Logan's profile intently, he recognized the intense look of concentration that came across his best friend's face. The slightly narrowed eyes and thoughtfully pursed lips were familiar. James recalled several occasions where Logan's concentration got that deep and he himself had served as a very teasing, very persistent distraction. Hazel eyes trailed down the line of barely tensed jaw that his lips had moved down countless times in the past. Almost instinctively, as he continued to watch Logan read over things, the taller boy slowly began to incline forward, nearer to the other, his teeth digging into his lip.

"I think your numbers might be a little off." Logan noted matter of factly, seemingly oblivious as he pointed at one of the numbers on the page. "This is the total gross cost with tax, here. I'm not sure where you got the additional sixty dollars from."

Hesitantly, almost testing out the waters and most definitely pressing his luck, James wound an arm around Logan's back to slide the paper out of the way and reveal the page beneath it. The shorter boy tensed, sucking in a short breath as he felt the light touch of the arm around him. James held his lip between his teeth still for a moment before tapping his finger over a number on the page.

"Shipping and handling charges." He said lowly.

"Right…" Logan breathed.

James couldn't be sure if it was consciously or unconsciously, intentional or unintentional, but Logan hesitantly turned his body toward the brunet's, brown eyes moving up to lock with hazel ones.

"I guess you've got it right then, nice work." He muttered.

The taller boy made a quiet 'hmm' sound under his breath as he barely leaned forward further, leaving not more than only a couple of inches between them. Logan seemed to take notice, his tongue darting out over his lips as if his mouth were dry.

While he was still unsure of his best friend's original intention in showing up there at the shop, James was feeling suddenly overcome with a vibrating, electric kind of warmth coursing through his body. It was the same thing that always seemed to happen when he and Logan were pressed in exceedingly close proximity as they were now. Now, in the current moment, after not seeing him or hearing his voice in as long as it had been, the feeling was overwhelming. Logan was only –albeit not completely aware of such- making that feeling that much worse.

Because he wasn't yanking away abruptly or shoving James away from him. He wasn't on the verge of pained, tired tears or throwing out his harsh, bitter anger. For a few seconds, it almost felt like old times, like all those nights in that dimly lit dorm room where James worked to pull Logan away from his studying and Logan let him. As they continued to gaze at each other with barely hooded eyes, both of their mouths parted open just slightly, a thought quickly ran through James's mind. Maybe there was a reason Logan wasn't pulling away and getting angry with him. Maybe, just maybe Logan really missed him, too.

"I thought I would come by and see how things were going before I leave on Saturday." Logan noted quietly.

At the mention of his leaving, and the fact that it was happening so soon, there was an almost immediate change in mood for James. He could practically feel his stomach drop lower into his body. Swallowing thickly, he moved his hand off of the counter, his arm falling from around the other boy and back down to his side.

"Day after tomorrow, huh?" he asked, doing his best to mask the hurt he felt from his tone of voice.

He had been the one to really push Logan to go in the first place, it didn't seem like an entirely fair notion to make his best friend feel guilty for it after that. Logan eyed him, seemingly with extra carefulness before nodding his head slowly.

"Classes start in a few weeks, I wanna be well unpacked and situated before then." He explained.

"Yeah… Right, yeah, that makes sense." He paused to force as believable a smile as he could manage. "You're gonna do great out there, Logan."

"You're gonna do great here, too, Jamie, I know it." The darker haired boy returned the smile, and James was willing to bet that his own didn't look half as real as Logan's did.

"I hope so…" James murmured under his breath.

His jaw tightened and he forced himself to blink a few times in quick succession as his eyes started to sting. It had hurt before, telling Logan to go, really letting him, letting an unspoken but still seemingly known goodbye take place. Saying an actual, literal goodbye, especially in a moment like now when they could almost pass for okay, even if it really might have just been on the surface, it still hurt even worse. It occurred to James then that maybe on some subconscious level, he had always just run without a real goodbye because goodbye made it final, absolute. Goodbye meant an ending.

After a few moments of lingering silence, Logan surprised him by gently nudging a fist against his shoulder with a small smile. It was a friendly gesture, one James was no stranger to after growing up with the other boy, but it wasn't the gesture he found himself craving.

"Take care of yourself." Logan said.

James barely gave a nod, a meek expression on his face as he breathed in slowly. Much like he had when Logan had been in his car a month before, he thought he should stop him as he walked to the door. His stinging eyes instead, however, turned down to the counter top, the jingling bell on the door causing him to wince as Logan left.

It only really took him a few seconds. A few seconds that felt an awful lot like hours. James glanced quickly toward the door before growling softly under his breath and shoving away from the counter to jog the short distance out of the store and out into the small parking lot.

He couldn't do it. He knew he probably should have given this one thing to his best friend, this opportunity, this freedom, but he just couldn't do it. He had had enough of letting himself be an idiot and screwing up any shot of happiness for himself. Just letting Logan leave for good wasn't something he could do. He made a mistake –a plethora of them, really- but he was going to make sure Logan knew that he didn't want him to go, that he'd do whatever he had to to make it up to him. Because he loved him. God, he loved him, and he needed him to stay.

"Wait, wait, wait!" He shouted in a rush, chasing after the shorter boy. "Logan, wait."

Logan turned, hand on the door handle of his car, a confused expression on his face. James was breathing quickly as he reached him. Before the smaller boy could get a word passed his barely parted lips, the tall brunet had leaned in and crashed their lips together. His hands were frantic as they clung to the soft fabric of Logan's sweater, tugging him toward him, against him, them pressing his own body forward into the other's to press Logan's back into the metal of the side of the car. Almost immediately, Logan's hands shot up from his sides, grasping tightly onto the soft brown of James's hair and deepening the kiss as their lips worked fervently against each others. Unable to hold it back, James let out a soft whimper against Logan's lips, clinging to him, clutching onto him like he couldn't physically let go of him just as much as he couldn't let him leave.

The intensity, the heat of the moment, it seared through him from head to toe, consuming him in that passionate way that kissing Logan always did. It was what he had been missing, what he had been craving for the last month. This closeness, this touch, this energy. He'd craved Logan, and even standing there with their tongues and teeth and lips battling, their hands gripping and tugging and clinging, he still craved more. He always wanted more with Logan, even beyond the make out sessions and the sex. This was his best friend in the whole world, the love of his life. He realized that there wasn't ever going to come a moment where he didn't want what was right in front of him.

Panting, James pulled his lips from Logan's, trailing kisses along the shorter boy's jaw until he was breathing out heavily at his ear. Logan slid one hand from James's hair to the back of his neck, massaging there gently as he attempted to better control his breathing.

"Stay." James breathed.

Logan shuddered against him as he felt the brunet's hot breath against the shell of his ear, his fingers squeezing slightly at the back of James's neck.

"W-What?"

The taller boy squeezed his eyes shut and took in a stuttering breath, his hands gripping onto his best friend's waist tightly. "Don't leave. Stay." He repeated.

"You said-"

"I know what I said." James cut him off, inching back slightly, causing his lips to brush against Logan's jaw. "I made a mistake. I- Well, I've made a lot of mistakes, but-" he bit his lip and shook his head. "I don't want you to leave."

Logan looked up at him, deep brown eyes full of both confusion and a barely there sadness. "I thought you wanted me to get out and make something of myself, follow my dream."

"I did. Do. God, I- I do, Logan. I want you to have everything you want. School, work, happiness, I want you to have it all. I want you to follow your dream, but I- I want to be a part of it, too. I need to be a part of it, too."

A slight frown crossed Logan's features and his eyes fell closed. James didn't like the look, because it wasn't the relief or the happiness he was hoping for. The darker haired boy opened his mouth to speak, but before he had the chance to get a word out, James was nervously talking once again.

"I love you, okay? I- I love you so much, and I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you that. I'm sorry for every time I've hurt you since that night in your dorm room. I should have told you then how much you mean to me, how much I want you. I've made too many mistakes to count since then and maybe I'll be apologizing and trying to make up for all that for the rest of my life, but I'm willing to do that, because I love you."

"James-"

"You're my best friend, Logan. You always have been, and I can't- I need you with me."

"James." Logan's hands slid down to cup his jaw, halting his pleading and pulling their lips to each others. After a moment of the soft, lingering kiss, the shorter boy touched their foreheads together, his lips still ghosting the brunet's as he softly murmured, "Stop."

"Please…" James whispered, keeping his eyes closed.

"I-" Logan paused to suck in a breath, causing hazel eyes to once again open and fall on his face. "I don't know, Jamie… How do we go back after everything? Things aren't just magically fixed all of a sudden."

James swallowed thickly and barely gave a nod. He knew it wasn't quite that simple. Plucking up the courage to finally say all that he felt, letting Logan finally know what he deserved to know for a long time already, while that was a good thing, it didn't work as a solid fix. So much time had gone by, so much had changed. Sure, more or less, they were still the same people, but two and a half years could make or break what happened between two people. He had learned that.

"A fresh start." He said finally, his voice soft.

He thought of what Carlos had said about starting fresh, new beginnings. The store was a part of that for himself and for his other two best friends, but surely there could be some kind of fresh start for him and Logan, too?

"We start over, but- but different this time. A new beginning."

"Different this time?" Logan looked up at him questioningly.

Haltingly, James nodded his head again, moving one of his hands up to hold onto Logan's, squeezing around his fingers as he kept their eye contact locked.

"Yeah, different. I'll do things right this time." He murmured.

Logan chewed at his lip for a moment before his lips parted and he took in a slow breath. "What does that- James, I need you to be really clear with me here, okay? I can't do anymore maybe's and what if's. I can't-"

"Shhh, shh." The taller boy let go of the other's hand to move both of his to the sides of Logan's face. "I know, Logie, I know."

A tiny hint of a fond smile began tugging the corners of Logan's mouth. It wasn't a full smile, it hadn't hit his eyes the way James always loved to see, but it was a start.

"I- I want us to be together, Logan. Really be together." James nodded.

"No more secrets?" Logan asked hesitantly.

James smiled faintly and shook his head. "No more secrets. I just- I just want you. I don't care who knows that. I'm just sorry it took me so long to be sure."

"Are you?" The shorter boy tilted his head slightly, pressing his cheek into James's palm as he looked at him hopefully. "Sure, I mean."

"Completely." James brushed his thumb along his best friend's cheek, smiling softly when Logan's eyes fell closed.

He kept them closed, humming softly under his breath for a moment. "There's a lot to talk about and figure out still…"

"We'll figure it out together."

The darker haired boy's hands moved to the front of the brunet's black Henley, fingers running over the fabric over his chest as brown eyes slowly opened once again.

"I missed you, too…" Logan whispered.

It took James a moment to recall he had mentioned missing him, their conversation in the store already feeling like another day entirely. He smiled a little and leaned in to brush his lips against Logan's, momentarily taken by surprise when the other boy tugged gently at the front of his shirt to pull him impossibly closer. He could feel Logan's small smile against his own as their lips worked slowly, sweetly together. Logan hummed softly into his mouth and James really soaked it in, hands moving down to his neck to deepen the kiss, needing to hear the sound again. A slight, breathy chuckle escaped passed Logan's lips as he seemed to catch onto what James was going for. He pulled back slowly to once again touch their foreheads together, earning a short sigh from the brunet.

"Come home with me?" Logan suggested quietly.

Almost instantly, James was giving a nod, nose brushing against Logan's. He hurried back inside, Logan laughing lightly behind him as he quickly cleaned up the desk area and tucked the papers he had been working on under his arm. Kendall didn't have to know he'd taken them to work on at home. If they were actually touched again at this rate was a totally different story. He made sure the lights were off and the door was locked before going back out to the parking lot with Logan. He was smiling at him, really smiling, and it hit James how long it had been since he'd seen a real smile on Logan's face.

Using his free hand, James tugged on Logan's to pull him in, leaning down to kiss him once quickly, earning an even wider smile. The brunet bit down on his lip to conceal a smile of his own as his best friend pulled back and said he would see him back at the apartment.