••••••••••MERLIN••••••••••

Merlin awoke early the next morning, instantly alert despite the fact that he had slept very poorly indeed, the events of the previous day running through his mind.

But he was going to see his daughter today. He would be speaking to her, maybe even see more of her magic.

He dressed quickly, and had just finished when a servant brought him an extravagant breakfast – then proceeded to stare, wide-eyed, as Merlin wolfed it down in minutes.

Merlin shot the servant a grin as he bolted from the room. Hopefully Ygranna was awake already, he thought, giddy with an excitement he couldn't even attempt to suppress. He would be seeing her room today – what kinds of toys would she have? He would have to get her something, not so precious or expensive that it would arouse suspicion of course, but something unique. Something that she could look at and think about him.

It was with these thoughts that he got to Gwen's rooms. Standing in front of the door, he suddenly had a flashback to standing there all those years ago, when he had just been made Court Sorcerer and believed that he could fix all of Gwen and Arthur's problems with his magic.

Merlin had been so sure, then, of his ability to help Gwen. He had known within himself that all the ingredients of the spell were present, that the potential for this child existed somehow, vaguely, just out of reach without his magic. He had felt this need to complete the ritual – a need which he now realised had come from within himself, his magic recognising the child that he could create with Arthur, using Guinevere's body.

But he had not recognized his own feelings for what they were then, and had trusted in his King and Queen to be the fairytale romance he'd thought that he had known they were.

It had not worked quite as planned. Merlin had often wondered since if the creators of the spell, whomever they'd been and however long ago they'd lived – could ever have imagined that it could have worked this way, with the love being between the sorcerer and the man, the woman acting merely as a... what had Gaius so crudely called it? A cooking pot. Somehow he didn't think so.

But standing here again now, waiting to see his child, Merlin could not even begin to be sorry for the outcome, even if the pain he had brought Gwen would always haunt him.

Even if he did not get to be her father, Ygranna was worth any price.

He knocked once on the door before letting himself in - instinctively scanning the room for Guinevere and breathing a sigh of relief when he found her absent.

Moving into the room he found it virtually unchanged since he had left. The room was still divided in two, and while the child's bed was different, everything he had created for her was still in place. This only added to the happiness Merlin felt in that moment.

"Merlin!" a child's voice called, and Merlin only had a second's warning before small, surprisingly strong arms wrapped around his legs and he stumbled a little, laughing. "You're back!" Ygranna said happily.

"Of course I am, I told you I would be," he said fondly, ruffling Ygranna's hair and trying to ignore the memory that he did in fact leave her once without promising any such thing.

Merlin looked up, to see a young woman with long, dark hair hovering over by the bed, smiling shyly. He grinned in recognition. "Leah! It's good to see you again."

Leah's face lit up, even as she bowed her head respectfully. "Thank you Sire," she breathed. "And you, Sire."

"Please, it's just Merlin," he said, rolling his eyes. "As I recall having told you dozens of times before. Or have you forgotten in my absence?"

Leah's cheeks darkened but she was looking him in the eye again now, thank goodness. "No, of course not. Merlin."

"Father says that titles are a sign of respect, that people need them to remember that we are important," Ygranna piped up, hands on her hips as though she was scolding Merlin.

Merlin laughed, then tried to stop himself immediately when he saw Ygranna's eyes narrow. Laughing at Arthur when he had tried to seem intimidating had never got him anywhere good, either.

"Yes," he said, "well, Arthur's a-"

A cough from Leah stopped him, and when he met her eyes they were amused but held a clear warning. Right. Probably not good to go insulting her father the King on his first day back.

"A what?" Ygranna asked suspiciously.

"A very wise man," Merlin finished smoothly. "But I am not a Sire, princess. I'm just Merlin."

"My teacher?" She asked.

"Your friend."

The sympathetic look Leah gave him then made Merlin wonder just how many people actually knew the truth. But he put that aside for now – it was time to get to know his daughter.

Merlin hadn't had much experience being around children, and was therefore immensely glad that Leah was there to keep Ygranna focused and happy. But even despite his own hesitancy and awkwardness, he found it easy to talk to the child.

Not only did she seem unusually well spoken for her age (which Merlin suspected probably had to do with her being a princess - having observed Arthur and Morgana for all those years had given him an idea of how many expectations had been put on their shoulders from a very young age), but she also seemed very interested in Merlin, and in learning more about magic.

After a few hours though, Ygranna's eyes inevitably began to drift out of focus, and she began to fiddle with various objects, clearly not able to pay attention for much younger.

Glancing at Leah who nodded with a small smile, Merlin cleared his throat.

"Er, well, I think this has been enough for today. You've done very well."

Ygranna's head shot up. "You're leaving?" She asked sadly. "But I thought we could play."

Even if Merlin had been planning on it, there would have been no way he could turn that face down.

"Of course not, Anna," he smiled. "What do you want to play?"

Ygranna's face lit up in the most beautiful smile he had ever seen, and it struck him how easy it could be to just let himself love her, just... claim his right to her, somehow, he could find a way.

Not that he ever would. He could never do that to Arthur or Gwen; not only would it destroy them, but they were what was best for Ygranna.

Merlin didn't notice that Ygranna had paused on her way to pick up the toys, and was staring at him with a strange look on her face. "You called me Anna," she said, tilting her head like she was deep in thought.

"I'm sorry, do you not like that?" Merlin asked, his eyes darting in Leah's direction for confirmation, but she was only looking at him with that same sympathetic look as before.

"I do," Ygranna said quickly, smiling tentatively. "It's just, only my daddy calls me Anna."

Merlin felt his ears redden slightly. "Oh."

"But you can call me Anna if you want," Ygranna said happily. "I like you."

Merlin couldn't help the grin that spread over his face then. "I like you, too," he told her, reaching over and ruffling her hair.

••••••••••••••••••••

Merlin was walking back from his lesson with Ygranna, smiling to himself about how delighted she had been as he'd transformed himself into a bird in front of her, when he heard quick footsteps behind him.

Turning, Merlin saw Gwaine half-jogging to catch up with him, and tried to quell the swell of disappointment that it wasn't Arthur. Of course it wasn't Arthur, why would it be?

"Merlin!" Gwaine called, delighted. "You're a hard man to track down."

"You were looking for me?" Merlin asked, never able to stay disappointed for long in the presence of Gwaine and his infectious good mood.

Gwaine nodded, falling into step beside him. "Aye. The knights are headed to the tavern tonight, I just wanted to see if maybe you wanted to come." He shrugged, his words light, but when Merlin caught his eye the other man looked oddly hopeful.

"Um," Merlin said. Honestly, a distraction probably would be good for him - but the thought of spending another night in the company of the boisterous knights, knowing that the one person he really wanted to be with was at home with his wife, that was a little hard to handle. In time, Merlin was sure it would get easier... but right now, this was about all he could manage.

Something of what he was thinking must have shown on his face, because Gwaine hmm-ed his understanding. "Look, it's fine if you don't want to come, Merlin, I just thought I'd ask."

"No, no," Merlin protested quickly, "it's really not that, you know I enjoy your company, I just... it's been a long day?" he pleaded weakly, already knowing that Gwaine knew him far too well to buy that excuse.

Gwaine sighed, and pulled on Merlin's arm as he stopped, in the middle of the corridor. He looked resigned as he said, quite plainly, "this is about Arthur."

"Gwaine, please, not here," Merlin said weakly, eyeing a passing servant nervously.

"Yes, here, Merlin," Gwaine's voice was laced with an irritation he'd very rarely heard from the usually so carefree man, and it was enough to give Merlin pause. "You know that the King has my full loyalty, but I swear, there are days when I'd give my title away to give him a good kick up his-"

"What on earth are you talking about?" Merlin asked, startled by the sudden vehemence. "Gwaine, what is it with you and Arthur?"

Gwaine just shook his head sadly. "The pair of you, honestly, you're so alike and you don't even realize it. Both too thick to see what's right in front of you." And he raised his eyebrows, looking straight into Merlin's eyes like he was willing him to just get it. But what was there to get?

Merlin frowned. "Gwaine, what are you saying?"

But as he asked the question, his eyes widened, because... "Oh." Suddenly, a lot of things about Gwaine's protectiveness, the way he'd always worked the hardest to include Merlin in their group of friends, it all made sense. Merlin felt a fool for never having noticed it before, having been too wrapped up in his own feelings.

Gwaine's grimace was enough confirmation, and Merlin made an aborted move to grab Gwaine's arm - but thought better of it and let his hand fall uselessly back to his side.

"Look, it's not important," Gwaine said, his smile tight. "You've always been a lost cause, anyone with a lick of sense could have seen that. But then, I never had much sense to begin with," he added with a self-deprecating snort. After a beat, Gwaine shook his head, a genuine - if slightly subdued - smile on his face now. "Just promise me one thing, Merlin."

"Of course," Merlin found himself saying, still too shocked to really say much else.

"If Arthur ever gets his head out of his arse and actually decides to screw propriety in order to follow his heart... don't run from it, yeah? Allow yourself to be happy this time, for both of our sakes. Watching the King mope around for the past few years has been remarkably dull."

And with a final smirk and a wink, Gwaine left Merlin standing, gaping, in the now thankfully deserted corridor.